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Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Old Jun 7th 2012, 11:16 pm
  #46  
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Rose tea View Post
That makes sense. Maybe because again, he was coming for someone else (presumably one of you on a work visa)? My father had the option to take a job in Wisconsin when I was 15, and I remember being really excited by the idea, but in reality my mum would have never adjusted, my sister might have had even more turbluent teen years than she did in the UK, and as for me, I could have seen it going either way. I would have been furious at possibly not getting to go to uni in the UK, and I was in a pretentious literary phase that might have isolated me from my fellow US students
Yes good point, coming for someone else.

I think the stresses on kids do sometimes get brushed aside with the old "children are adaptable" line - it can be extremely unsettling for them.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 2:05 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
I didn't want to get out of bed...I wanted to pull the duvet over my head and sleep so I didn't have to deal with the day. I couldn't see beyond the day. I didn't know how I would get through the day. If my husband said anything to me I would burst into tears. That sure felt like depression to me.
That's just how I,m feeling at present. Each day is different, some days are better than others. I,m trying my best to settle here, trying to convince myself I,ll be fine. My husband ( American) just doesn't get it, he just leaves me be and can't handle all my mood changes.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 2:16 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
That's just how I,m feeling at present. Each day is different, some days are better than others. I,m trying my best to settle here, trying to convince myself I,ll be fine. My husband ( American) just doesn't get it, he just leaves me be and can't handle all my mood changes.
Fortunately my husband and 11 year old daughter were brilliant. Perhaps you could get your husband to read through this...it may be an eye opener for him and allow him to understand how you are feeling.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 2:22 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
Fortunately my husband and 11 year old daughter were brilliant. Perhaps you could get your husband to read through this...it may be an eye opener for him and allow him to understand how you are feeling.
Yeah that's a difficult one. He has told me that he cant deal with emotional stuff and he sees it like I,m demanding his attention, and , when I,m low it makes him stay away! Nice heh. So my problem is not only lonely in USA but lonely in marriage too at present. As soon as we got married in March this year, he changed, who knows why. I,ve known the man for almost 6 years, we had been travelling back and forth over the pond for 4 of those, when he asked me to marry him, I was elated. I can,t seem to get through to him that I turned my whole life upside down to be with him.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 2:28 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
Yeah that's a difficult one. He has told me that he cant deal with emotional stuff and he sees it like I,m demanding his attention, and , when I,m low it makes him stay away! Nice heh. So my problem is not only lonely in USA but lonely in marriage too at present. As soon as we got married in March this year, he changed, who knows why. I,ve known the man for almost 6 years, we had been travelling back and forth over the pond for 4 of those, when he asked me to marry him, I was elated. I can,t seem to get through to him that I turned my whole life upside down to be with him.
I am sorry to hear that. Some men just can't handle female emotions. When I read on here about people moving to the US to get married I always think that early married life is difficult enough...without having to handle a new country/culture/life too. Have you made any friends there? If you are not working perhaps you could join a club or do voluntary work? That would help to get you out and about and meet new people.

It was easier for me because we are both Brits and we have been married 17 years when we came here. I hardly ever cry or let things get me down...so when we moved here and I became so down he knew there was something really wrong.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 2:36 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
I am sorry to hear that. Some men just can't handle female emotions. When I read on here about people moving to the US to get married I always think that early married life is difficult enough...without having to handle a new country/culture/life too. Have you made any friends there? If you are not working perhaps you could join a club or do voluntary work? That would help to get you out and about and meet new people.

It was easier for me because we are both Brits and we have been married 17 years when we came here. I hardly ever cry or let things get me down...so when we moved here and I became so down he knew there was something really wrong.
I am trying believe me!. I have applied for a voluntary job , just waiting to hear from them. Ive also joined a meet up club for women over 50 in my local area. I have a German Shepherd puppy who is now able to go out and about so I,m hoping I,ll make dog walking friends too. I,m normally such a strong confident outgoing person, I,m a wreck at present. Even resorted to taking anti-depressants from the GP to see if that will help.!! Thanks for replying, it helps to know that I,m not the only one!!! My friends back home and my family are all supportive but a Skype hug isnt the same. They have told me if this doesnt get better soon to come back to UK.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 3:09 pm
  #52  
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
He has told me that he cant deal with emotional stuff and he sees it like I,m demanding his attention, and , when I,m low it makes him stay away! Nice heh. So my problem is not only lonely in USA but lonely in marriage too at present. As soon as we got married in March this year, he changed, who knows why. I,ve known the man for almost 6 years, we had been travelling back and forth over the pond for 4 of those, when he asked me to marry him, I was elated. I can,t seem to get through to him that I turned my whole life upside down to be with him.
Have the two of you ever discussed him coming over to live in the UK? Is this on the radar at all? Anyone in an international relationship should understand that it's not easy to leave one's homeland--but a surprising number of US/UK spouses DON'T really get what's so hard about it till they actually have to do it themselves . . . .

I feel for you. I've been a depressed expat in a country that had very little recognition of depression. My husband didn't understand at all because he loved it there. Some people are less capable of stepping outside their own emotions to see what's going on with the partner. Or . . . some partners feel guilty & at fault when the foreign spouse doesn't settle in easily. They feel responsible . . .
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 3:13 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by WEBlue View Post
Have the two of you ever discussed him coming over to live in the UK? Is this on the radar at all? Anyone in an international relationship should understand that it's not easy to leave one's homeland--but a surprising number of US/UK spouses DON'T really get what's so hard about it till they actually have to do it themselves . . . .

I feel for you. I've been a depressed expat in a country that had very little recognition of depression. My husband didn't understand at all because he loved it there. Some people are less capable of stepping outside their own emotions to see what's going on with the partner. Or . . . some partners feel guilty & at fault when the foreign spouse doesn't settle in easily. They feel responsible . . .
Yes, I broached the subject but he just tells me if I cant settle and I,m not happy then he will send me home.
He did go on to say that he may consider retiring in the UK but thats 9 years away!!!!!!!!
Thanks you for your support, I,m beginning to bore myself wth all my negative thoughts x
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 3:44 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
if I cant settle and I,m not happy then he will send me home.
Oh that's nice of him
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 3:57 pm
  #55  
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
I am trying believe me!. I have applied for a voluntary job , just waiting to hear from them. Ive also joined a meet up club for women over 50 in my local area. I have a German Shepherd puppy who is now able to go out and about so I,m hoping I,ll make dog walking friends too. I,m normally such a strong confident outgoing person, I,m a wreck at present. Even resorted to taking anti-depressants from the GP to see if that will help.!! Thanks for replying, it helps to know that I,m not the only one!!! My friends back home and my family are all supportive but a Skype hug isnt the same. They have told me if this doesnt get better soon to come back to UK.
Kudos to you for trying to pull your life around. You will find plenty of people on here who have been through/are going through similar emotions as yourself. You can cry on our shoulders anytime. Have you looked at our Moving Back To The UK Forum? That's full of expats who have moved to different corners of the earth and can't settle. I find it really does help to know you are not alone. I came here 16 years ago...when forums like this didn't exist. I thought there must be something wrong with me because America is the land of dreams right? I'd watched all the US TV programs and films and I'd spent a lot of time here in NJ. Most people would give their right harm to be able to live here. What was wrong with me??

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
Yes, I broached the subject but he just tells me if I cant settle and I,m not happy then he will send me home.
He did go on to say that he may consider retiring in the UK but thats 9 years away!!!!!!!!
Thanks you for your support, I,m beginning to bore myself wth all my negative thoughts x
Sorry but if my husband said that to me...he wouldn't have the choice of sending me home...I would be on the next plane. I've posted on here many times the only reason I stayed was because my husband always reassured me that if I wanted to go home we would pack up and leave immediately. Having that door open helped...knowing my personality if he'd told me to stick it out or go home alone...I'd have been off like a shot.

I'm so sorry that your husband isn't more understanding. Men!!
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 4:43 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
Kudos to you for trying to pull your life around. You will find plenty of people on here who have been through/are going through similar emotions as yourself. You can cry on our shoulders anytime. Have you looked at our Moving Back To The UK Forum? That's full of expats who have moved to different corners of the earth and can't settle. I find it really does help to know you are not alone. I came here 16 years ago...when forums like this didn't exist. I thought there must be something wrong with me because America is the land of dreams right? I'd watched all the US TV programs and films and I'd spent a lot of time here in NJ. Most people would give their right harm to be able to live here. What was wrong with me??



Sorry but if my husband said that to me...he wouldn't have the choice of sending me home...I would be on the next plane. I've posted on here many times the only reason I stayed was because my husband always reassured me that if I wanted to go home we would pack up and leave immediately. Having that door open helped...knowing my personality if he'd told me to stick it out or go home alone...I'd have been off like a shot.

I'm so sorry that your husband isn't more understanding. Men!!
Thanks.
We had a major bust up 2 weeks ago, and basically he booked my ticket...one way, plus drawing up divorce papers and having them signed before I left! However, after a few hours we decidied to give it another go, he told me he would try and support me but, he has slipped back into his old ways, hugs are on request!!! I,m not happy to discuss any more about that side of life on here, suffice to say I,ve re-checked how to go back re: passport, my passport is still in my old name, and if my ticket was booked in my old name, questions maybe asked if they pickup I was on a fiance k1 visa and it ran out april 24th so, by then I should of been married. I,m still non the wiser!! So I really do feel trapped at present
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 4:44 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by Jerseygirl View Post
Kudos to you for trying to pull your life around. You will find plenty of people on here who have been through/are going through similar emotions as yourself. You can cry on our shoulders anytime. Have you looked at our Moving Back To The UK Forum? That's full of expats who have moved to different corners of the earth and can't settle. I find it really does help to know you are not alone. I came here 16 years ago...when forums like this didn't exist. I thought there must be something wrong with me because America is the land of dreams right? I'd watched all the US TV programs and films and I'd spent a lot of time here in NJ. Most people would give their right harm to be able to live here. What was wrong with me??



Sorry but if my husband said that to me...he wouldn't have the choice of sending me home...I would be on the next plane. I've posted on here many times the only reason I stayed was because my husband always reassured me that if I wanted to go home we would pack up and leave immediately. Having that door open helped...knowing my personality if he'd told me to stick it out or go home alone...I'd have been off like a shot.

I'm so sorry that your husband isn't more understanding. Men!!
Do you know the only sad thing is, the only reason I,m staying at present is my puppy!!!
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 5:02 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
Do you know the only sad thing is, the only reason I,m staying at present is my puppy!!!
If it's only that and the name on your passport keeping you here (sorry I didn't understand that stuff) then maybe best to call it a day.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 5:20 pm
  #59  
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
I,ve re-checked how to go back re: passport, my passport is still in my old name, and if my ticket was booked in my old name, questions maybe asked if they pickup I was on a fiance k1 visa and it ran out april 24th so, by then I should of been married. I,m still non the wiser!! So I really do feel trapped at present
There is no necessity to change your name upon marriage, so this is utterly irrelevant. Some folks do, some folks don't. I certainly wish you the very best in your difficult decision, but seeing as you have been here such a short time, and things have gone south already, if I was in your shoes I'd be right back on the plane home, writing it all off to experience. Good luck.
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Old Jun 14th 2012, 5:26 pm
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Default Re: Should someone with a history of depression be an expat?

Originally Posted by rochester jane View Post
Thanks.
We had a major bust up 2 weeks ago, and basically he booked my ticket...one way, plus drawing up divorce papers and having them signed before I left! However, after a few hours we decidied to give it another go, he told me he would try and support me but, he has slipped back into his old ways, hugs are on request!!! I,m not happy to discuss any more about that side of life on here, suffice to say I,ve re-checked how to go back re: passport, my passport is still in my old name, and if my ticket was booked in my old name, questions maybe asked if they pickup I was on a fiance k1 visa and it ran out april 24th so, by then I should of been married. I,m still non the wiser!! So I really do feel trapped at present
I understand...no problem. We only post on here what we don't mind everybody in cyber space reading. No questions are asked when you leave the US...apart from security questions about what you are carrying etc. It may be as well to ask the good folk in the US Marriage Visa forum what implications there would be if you left and at some time in the future wanted to visit the US.

I prefer dogs to most people any day.

Edit: BTW it may be an idea to clear 'your history' on your pc every time you log out of BE.

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