Red_Wine_Fairy

We lost our Bee last year. Like you, she was a rescue cat, but we only had her for 7 years. She was observant (funny how you remember them) and losing her was heartbreaking. We couldn't even take her to her regular vet because they were full (I never went back with the others) but the vet we went to was amazing. Bee was also suffering liver failure which was a surprise as she'd had a triple mastectomy 18 months earlier and we were told then that her life expectancy wasn't quite that of other cats, possibly another 2 years so we assumed that the tumours would return to take her.

There is no preparation for it though. She was struggling: her heart was working overtime from the effort of breathing and she was exhausted. Between dropping her off at the (new) vet for observation, and getting that call to return, I had to have my passport photo taken so that gaunt image will stay with me and many customs officers for another 9 years - I will have no choice but to remember her for a very long time Still, we had the option to let her go naturally (within hours) or offer her our last gift, the chance to sleep and to pass away not knowing. You did nothing wrong by leaving the room, as I did and even my husband did. The first injection was enough - she was never going to wake from that. Her breathing shallowed and she seemed comfortable for the first time in hours. She knew we were there (or so the vet said) as she drifted off - after that, they know nothing. She let us stay there and cry and whisper our goodbyes. (Damn, I'm crying now). But there is no joy in seeing someone you love take their final breath. 18 years ago, I left my grandmother's bedside in hospital minutes before she passed. I still believe she ordered me to go, but nobody else heard a thing.

Shandy knew you were there for him, as you always had been through the best years of his life, and that he was very loved by his very own obedient human staff Regret nothing x Take all the time you need to grieve. He can't be replaced, but the sad memories can be with happier ones, it just takes time.

moi

Thank you for all your kind words of support and pet stories. We actually decided to go see Shandy for a last viewing before he was cremated at the Hartsdale, New York Pet Cemetery. Apparently, it is the oldest pet cemetery in the US. We all went, including my boys, to say our last goodbyes. My 2-year-old now just says that "Shandy is sleeping at the doctors". It was a good feeling, rather than the guilty feeling that I had leaving the vet's room during the euthanization. We walked the beautiful grounds while Shandy was cremated. It was pretty amazing the lengths that some pet owners go to for their pets. I have come around to the fact that Shandy had a good, long life at approximately 20 years old, while some pets are not always treated kindly or have a rough or abused life. We have some great memories of him and he certainly had an outgoing personality. We will scatter some of his ashes outside the two windows that he used to spend a lot of his time looking out of.

Not sure if anyone on here believes in spirits, but I have had many instances in the past after family/friend's deaths that have led me to believe in spirits. During the time period that he was at the vets waiting to be picked up, butterflies, a cardinal, a duck and a squirrel came and sat outside my deck door just staring straight at us within 2 feet away from us. I felt like Shandy's spirits had come to say goodbye. What spooked me out the most was when we got home from the crematory, I looked at the ashes of my cat that had passed in England and my mum had sent some of her ashes in a box, along with her crematory certification card. I looked at the certificate out of curiosity as to see where she had been created in England. Bear in mind that my mum had sent these ashes and certificate to me 14 years ago and I just put it on the windowsill, along with my photo frames without thinking too much about the certificate. Anyway, as soon as I got home, I googled the name of the crematory in England - Chapel Moor Cremation Services in Driffield and clicked on their advertising video.- On their advertising cremation box, it had the name "SHANDY" on it. Freaked the heck out of me.. I don't think it is a very common cat name, but it sure spooked me out. Most importantly, I feel like he is still with us in spirit even if some people don't believe in spirits.

Dmac_

My condolences. About two weeks after leaving my parents' place and heading to the US (which would later become home), one of our dogs had to be rushed to the vet and on the operating table, the decision was made to put the big creature to sleep. I found out about the whole thing via email as it unfolded. There's never a good time for it, but it was multiple shocks to the system in one for everyone involved.

What's that saying about us outliving our pets?

Glasgow Girl

So sorry for your loss. Having a house full of critters we have to do this every few years. It never gets any easier. I too, have always intended to stay with them until the very end but always have to leave just as you did, and my husband remains. I always feel guilty but with time, I realize that this is okay and you will too. What helps me is to write about all the memories, personality traits and moments that you had with your pet. You write it with tears in your eyes, but it does help, and over time you can look back and smile. I have also learned that helping them make the final journey with dignity is one of the most important roles in having a pet. Its hard, but part of loving them.

Nutmegger

As all the responses show, there is no one-size-fits-all way to say goodbye to a beloved pet. My way was forged by the loss of a dear dog -- 26 years ago this coming Sunday. Only six, she had become ill out of the blue, and after weeks of tests and a steadily worsening condition, the vet asked for her to come in for a bone marrow tap. Everything about that morning is still crystal clear in my memory: what I was wearing; how I was still filling in the paperwork when the tech came to take her away, and I gave her a quick hug and kiss and told her to be a good girl; how the office receptionist had brought her little girl to work that morning, and the child sat and watched as the tears started to flow down my cheeks when the vet telephoned to say that my dog had gone into cardiac arrest and died during the procedure. A friend drove me over to say good bye to her, but since then I have always, thank goodness, been able to be present at the end. It is essential to me to sit on the floor with the dear head in my lap, talking and stroking, so that the last voice the dog hears, the last hand it feels, is the old familiar one -- mine.