rootless!
May 6th 2006, 2:30 pm
#76
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Baltimore, USA
Posts: 526
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
There is nothing sexier than a soft Scottish accent on a lassie to me! 
I spend a lot of time there when I'm back, since my sis lives in Glasgow.
Thanks ladylisa. You're so right. Nothing has to be forever. Things are suddenly getting tricky though. I had another interview today. Fingers crossed I'm about to take another job here in San Francisco. It's working on fx for a major Hollywood movie which Im absolutely stoked about since I've been trying to leave videogames for some time. Wish me luck If I get it it doesn't have to be forever and it looks better on my CV/resume for looking for UK computer graphics work.
Thanks Erica! My brother is getting married in Cambridge in October, so I should really try and use that trip to figure out where I want to be. Berkeley is a nice town!
I spend a lot of time there when I'm back, since my sis lives in Glasgow.Thanks ladylisa. You're so right. Nothing has to be forever. Things are suddenly getting tricky though. I had another interview today. Fingers crossed I'm about to take another job here in San Francisco. It's working on fx for a major Hollywood movie which Im absolutely stoked about since I've been trying to leave videogames for some time. Wish me luck
If I get it it doesn't have to be forever and it looks better on my CV/resume for looking for UK computer graphics work. Thanks Erica! My brother is getting married in Cambridge in October, so I should really try and use that trip to figure out where I want to be. Berkeley is a nice town!
May 16th 2006, 1:22 pm
#77
Democracy advocate
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,460
Re: rootless!
Darren,
my take on it looking at your initial thread is that it is your lifestyle that is a downer and not necessarily where you are living. If you lived in London, Edinburgh or anywhere else in the UK and did 12 hour days plus commute and had limited holidays which you felt you had (or wanted) to spend in the same place each year then it would probably be pretty crap.
Perhaps if your potential new job in SF will permit a more normal 8 hours/day (and less commute) and you can try and get a deal with more weeks holiday (even for less pay) you will solve some of the problems with life as you know it.
I have lived and worked in London and SF and am quite sure that SF is a far nicer place to live in pretty much every way (I do like London by the way), but I do appreciate the difficulty in making real long-term friends out there. I actually worked far less hours in SF but it was a very deliberate choice to do that and I had to work hard to make myself work less when I also was used to 12+/day (and sometimes weekends) when in London. I currently live in Spain, but may take another contract in SF later this year.
Be aware that many or most of your old UK friends will be hitched and banging out kids by the time you get back which will make them tired, elusive and dull. Their age and child-bearing will have made them more conservative (small c) and they will bleat about Blair/Brown and taxes (etc) which makes them appear very parochial when you have been seeing a bigger picture. Family is often great when you see them occasionally, seeing them every week soon reminds you of all the things you disliked about them.
Don't get me wrong - I have no answer for the where to meet decent mates type issue as I didn't solve that problem either, I just think that over-working whether in SF or the UK can be a big problem in ones life and it takes a degree of focus to stop yourself from doing it when you have spent many years climbing the greasy pole by working (too) hard.
Good luck
my take on it looking at your initial thread is that it is your lifestyle that is a downer and not necessarily where you are living. If you lived in London, Edinburgh or anywhere else in the UK and did 12 hour days plus commute and had limited holidays which you felt you had (or wanted) to spend in the same place each year then it would probably be pretty crap.
Perhaps if your potential new job in SF will permit a more normal 8 hours/day (and less commute) and you can try and get a deal with more weeks holiday (even for less pay) you will solve some of the problems with life as you know it.
I have lived and worked in London and SF and am quite sure that SF is a far nicer place to live in pretty much every way (I do like London by the way), but I do appreciate the difficulty in making real long-term friends out there. I actually worked far less hours in SF but it was a very deliberate choice to do that and I had to work hard to make myself work less when I also was used to 12+/day (and sometimes weekends) when in London. I currently live in Spain, but may take another contract in SF later this year.
Be aware that many or most of your old UK friends will be hitched and banging out kids by the time you get back which will make them tired, elusive and dull. Their age and child-bearing will have made them more conservative (small c) and they will bleat about Blair/Brown and taxes (etc) which makes them appear very parochial when you have been seeing a bigger picture. Family is often great when you see them occasionally, seeing them every week soon reminds you of all the things you disliked about them.
Don't get me wrong - I have no answer for the where to meet decent mates type issue as I didn't solve that problem either, I just think that over-working whether in SF or the UK can be a big problem in ones life and it takes a degree of focus to stop yourself from doing it when you have spent many years climbing the greasy pole by working (too) hard.
Good luck
May 16th 2006, 2:31 pm
#78
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 7,715
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by Cape Blue
Be aware that many or most of your old UK friends will be hitched and banging out kids by the time you get back which will make them tired, elusive and dull. Their age and child-bearing will have made them more conservative (small c) and they will bleat about Blair/Brown and taxes (etc) which makes them appear very parochial when you have been seeing a bigger picture.
May 16th 2006, 5:37 pm
#79
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 15,455
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by TruBrit
i agree, nowt wrong with that at all ....i don't think it's sad that the same people are propped up at the same bar yr after yr...if they're happy then so be it.....i envy that and i should have dug my heals in and stayed put.... 
May 16th 2006, 6:12 pm
#80
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 118
Re: rootless!
Thanks for the thoughts Cape Blue. The reason I haven't responded to this thread in a while is that I was waiting on job news before providing an update.
I do definitely appreciate your thoughts, and I honestly don't mean to appear ungrateful, but the thing is I *know* all this stuff is true. I *know* that my friends will have moved on to some extent and I *know* that my family might annoy the crap out of me after a bit. I do get that I can't just slot back into my old life. But my restlessness is about much more than friends and family, and it's not about earl grey tea and cricket and green fields either! It's multi-layered and complicated. I've lived in both cities for long periods of time, so I understand that 'on paper' If you put quality of life in SF versus the same in London, well I don't think there's a comparison at all. SF would win hands down. I *know* that, but it doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life here.
Why the hell not? Here's just a couple of random reasons, but there are many more. Like I said, it's complicated:
1) The cold hard reality (in my line of work) is that here, in northern California people work much much harder than in the UK. The corporate culture is one of personal sacrifice, and I personally can't really change that.
2) All my vacation time here goes toward UK visits, so I haven't had a holiday or a trip anywhere else for years. I forget how bloody awesome it is that the UK is so close to so much to see in Europe.
3) I don't know anyone in the US outside of this state, so my weekends dont tend to be filled with visits to people away. ****, my weekends often tend to be filled with work! In the UK, my sister lives in Scotland, my brother in Cambridge, my Dad in London, my younger sisters in London, my mother in Devon. They would tend to be far enough away that I don't think they'd be pissing me off too much! It's not like we'd be on each others doorsteps living out of each others pockets. I envisage having much more fulfilling weekends than I do now by visiting folks.
4) I'm not getting any younger here, and I want a family and kids. Quite frankly, every Californian I've ever been out with is insane.
5) It's just that intangible sense of 'belonging' and being 'home'. I feel like life is passing me by, and that 'real life', the stuff that matters, connecting with people, family, friends, is happening somewhere else.
Honestly, I could go on. I could write an essay on why I would rather be back there, and it's not about comparing the quality of life in 2 cities. It's far deeper and less tangible than that.
I'll let you guys know what happens on the job front and hence location soon. I'm expecting some news this week. Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts!
I do definitely appreciate your thoughts, and I honestly don't mean to appear ungrateful, but the thing is I *know* all this stuff is true. I *know* that my friends will have moved on to some extent and I *know* that my family might annoy the crap out of me after a bit. I do get that I can't just slot back into my old life. But my restlessness is about much more than friends and family, and it's not about earl grey tea and cricket and green fields either! It's multi-layered and complicated. I've lived in both cities for long periods of time, so I understand that 'on paper' If you put quality of life in SF versus the same in London, well I don't think there's a comparison at all. SF would win hands down. I *know* that, but it doesn't mean I want to spend the rest of my life here.
Why the hell not? Here's just a couple of random reasons, but there are many more. Like I said, it's complicated:
1) The cold hard reality (in my line of work) is that here, in northern California people work much much harder than in the UK. The corporate culture is one of personal sacrifice, and I personally can't really change that.
2) All my vacation time here goes toward UK visits, so I haven't had a holiday or a trip anywhere else for years. I forget how bloody awesome it is that the UK is so close to so much to see in Europe.
3) I don't know anyone in the US outside of this state, so my weekends dont tend to be filled with visits to people away. ****, my weekends often tend to be filled with work! In the UK, my sister lives in Scotland, my brother in Cambridge, my Dad in London, my younger sisters in London, my mother in Devon. They would tend to be far enough away that I don't think they'd be pissing me off too much! It's not like we'd be on each others doorsteps living out of each others pockets. I envisage having much more fulfilling weekends than I do now by visiting folks.
4) I'm not getting any younger here, and I want a family and kids. Quite frankly, every Californian I've ever been out with is insane.
5) It's just that intangible sense of 'belonging' and being 'home'. I feel like life is passing me by, and that 'real life', the stuff that matters, connecting with people, family, friends, is happening somewhere else.
Honestly, I could go on. I could write an essay on why I would rather be back there, and it's not about comparing the quality of life in 2 cities. It's far deeper and less tangible than that.
I'll let you guys know what happens on the job front and hence location soon. I'm expecting some news this week. Thanks for all your kind words and thoughts!
Originally Posted by Cape Blue
Darren,
my take on it looking at your initial thread is that it is your lifestyle that is a downer and not necessarily where you are living. If you lived in London, Edinburgh or anywhere else in the UK and did 12 hour days plus commute and had limited holidays which you felt you had (or wanted) to spend in the same place each year then it would probably be pretty crap.
Perhaps if your potential new job in SF will permit a more normal 8 hours/day (and less commute) and you can try and get a deal with more weeks holiday (even for less pay) you will solve some of the problems with life as you know it.
I have lived and worked in London and SF and am quite sure that SF is a far nicer place to live in pretty much every way (I do like London by the way), but I do appreciate the difficulty in making real long-term friends out there. I actually worked far less hours in SF but it was a very deliberate choice to do that and I had to work hard to make myself work less when I also was used to 12+/day (and sometimes weekends) when in London. I currently live in Spain, but may take another contract in SF later this year.
Be aware that many or most of your old UK friends will be hitched and banging out kids by the time you get back which will make them tired, elusive and dull. Their age and child-bearing will have made them more conservative (small c) and they will bleat about Blair/Brown and taxes (etc) which makes them appear very parochial when you have been seeing a bigger picture. Family is often great when you see them occasionally, seeing them every week soon reminds you of all the things you disliked about them.
Don't get me wrong - I have no answer for the where to meet decent mates type issue as I didn't solve that problem either, I just think that over-working whether in SF or the UK can be a big problem in ones life and it takes a degree of focus to stop yourself from doing it when you have spent many years climbing the greasy pole by working (too) hard.
Good luck
my take on it looking at your initial thread is that it is your lifestyle that is a downer and not necessarily where you are living. If you lived in London, Edinburgh or anywhere else in the UK and did 12 hour days plus commute and had limited holidays which you felt you had (or wanted) to spend in the same place each year then it would probably be pretty crap.
Perhaps if your potential new job in SF will permit a more normal 8 hours/day (and less commute) and you can try and get a deal with more weeks holiday (even for less pay) you will solve some of the problems with life as you know it.
I have lived and worked in London and SF and am quite sure that SF is a far nicer place to live in pretty much every way (I do like London by the way), but I do appreciate the difficulty in making real long-term friends out there. I actually worked far less hours in SF but it was a very deliberate choice to do that and I had to work hard to make myself work less when I also was used to 12+/day (and sometimes weekends) when in London. I currently live in Spain, but may take another contract in SF later this year.
Be aware that many or most of your old UK friends will be hitched and banging out kids by the time you get back which will make them tired, elusive and dull. Their age and child-bearing will have made them more conservative (small c) and they will bleat about Blair/Brown and taxes (etc) which makes them appear very parochial when you have been seeing a bigger picture. Family is often great when you see them occasionally, seeing them every week soon reminds you of all the things you disliked about them.
Don't get me wrong - I have no answer for the where to meet decent mates type issue as I didn't solve that problem either, I just think that over-working whether in SF or the UK can be a big problem in ones life and it takes a degree of focus to stop yourself from doing it when you have spent many years climbing the greasy pole by working (too) hard.
Good luck
May 16th 2006, 8:22 pm
#81
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 118
Re: rootless!
Oh, and another thing that sucks about being here is *having* to work at all times! Between you, me and the fencepost (wait, this is the internet) I'm amongst several hundred people that just came into a lot of $ from a work related class action lawsuit settlement. Like more than half my annual income. Now, whilst I am of course stoked about that, what would any normal person do in response to that? Well many might invest it, but many might take the rest of the bloody year off, that's what! But oh no, as long as I'm here on a work visa, I have to be working ALL the time. That's just a bit rubbish.
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
May 16th 2006, 9:12 pm
#82
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Baltimore, USA
Posts: 526
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
Oh, and another thing that sucks about being here is *having* to work at all times! Between you, me and the fencepost (wait, this is the internet) I'm amongst several hundred people that just came into a lot of $ from a work related class action lawsuit settlement. Like more than half my annual income. Now, whilst I am of course stoked about that, what would any normal person do in response to that? Well many might invest it, but many might take the rest of the bloody year off, that's what! But oh no, as long as I'm here on a work visa, I have to be working ALL the time. That's just a bit rubbish.
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
I read your posts a couple of times. I have posted on this thread before. Only you can decide what to do. You say you KNOW what everyone is saying, but you can't get passed the things you listed as having a higher priority for you. Make the decision that makes you happiest. In the end, that is what matters. GOOD LUCK!
May 17th 2006, 4:30 am
#83
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 133
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
Oh, and another thing that sucks about being here is *having* to work at all times! Between you, me and the fencepost (wait, this is the internet) I'm amongst several hundred people that just came into a lot of $ from a work related class action lawsuit settlement. Like more than half my annual income. Now, whilst I am of course stoked about that, what would any normal person do in response to that? Well many might invest it, but many might take the rest of the bloody year off, that's what! But oh no, as long as I'm here on a work visa, I have to be working ALL the time. That's just a bit rubbish.
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
I'm not complaining per se, so much as pointing out that there are *clear* and *distinct* drawbacks from living and working in a foreign country on a work visa as opposed to your country of origin.
See, I told you I could go on and on!
Certainly sounds like you worked out that life probably
won't improve that much and you've given it long enough.
I made my decision by booking my flights......then panicked
a little bit but I had to work out what to do once and for all,
so i did. I've actually changed the flights to leave later in the year
for several very good reasons.
When the date came the other week, I would have happily
gone. I'm glad I'll be here for another little while and I'll
make the most of it but I'll be also be ready to leave.
New work opportunties, lots and lots and lots of travel in Europe,
seeing old friends, doing all the things in Scotland and the
rest of the UK I haven't yet done..........life's far too short
and big houses and cars don't make you all that happy.
Once you decide what to do, you'll be much happier
Surely, if you go back and decide to return to the US then you could
get a job and another work permit or is it not that easy.
I have an Oz passport so it's a bit of a no brainer at the end of the day.
May 17th 2006, 5:03 am
#84
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 118
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by SCOTTISH MARK 2
Surely, if you go back and decide to return to the US then you could
get a job and another work permit or is it not that easy.
I have an Oz passport so it's a bit of a no brainer at the end of the day.
get a job and another work permit or is it not that easy.
I have an Oz passport so it's a bit of a no brainer at the end of the day.
Believe me, I've thought about the concept of moving back versus staying over and over, til I can't sleep at night. I've weighed up the pros and cons, even written lists, but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
May 17th 2006, 5:06 am
#85
Account Closed
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 15,455
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
Thanks Mark. (and Simon!) If I go now, I would lose my O-1, which is a good visa, and was hard to get. The thing is, that I'm actually really damn confident that If I did go back to the UK now, I would be content, and confident in my decision, and (touch wood) wouldn't have that 'Shite, I messed up, I want to go back to the States' feeling. Besides, I really do not want to turn into one of those yo yo expats that can't settle. So even If those thoughts did hit me, I don't think I'll be acting on them. That said, If a company out here wanted me badly enough, I don't think there's any immigration law reason that they couldn't get me an H-1, but I could be wrong.
Believe me, I've thought about the concept of moving back versus staying over and over, til I can't sleep at night. I've weighed up the pros and cons, even written lists, but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
Believe me, I've thought about the concept of moving back versus staying over and over, til I can't sleep at night. I've weighed up the pros and cons, even written lists, but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
May 17th 2006, 5:08 am
#86
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2006
Location: UK to Sydney Feb 06
Posts: 738
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
I'd say your mind was pretty made up then
Good luck with it all
May 17th 2006, 5:14 am
#87
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2006
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 118
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by Sallyanne
Can i ask you, would you recommed your job to a Young person? My son is very interested in the field (along with millions of others LOL)
May 17th 2006, 10:29 am
#88
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Baltimore, USA
Posts: 526
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
Thanks Mark. (and Simon!) If I go now, I would lose my O-1, which is a good visa, and was hard to get. The thing is, that I'm actually really damn confident that If I did go back to the UK now, I would be content, and confident in my decision, and (touch wood) wouldn't have that 'Shite, I messed up, I want to go back to the States' feeling. Besides, I really do not want to turn into one of those yo yo expats that can't settle. So even If those thoughts did hit me, I don't think I'll be acting on them. That said, If a company out here wanted me badly enough, I don't think there's any immigration law reason that they couldn't get me an H-1, but I could be wrong.
Believe me, I've thought about the concept of moving back versus staying over and over, til I can't sleep at night. I've weighed up the pros and cons, even written lists, but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
Believe me, I've thought about the concept of moving back versus staying over and over, til I can't sleep at night. I've weighed up the pros and cons, even written lists, but when that list ever tipped toward the side of California, I always found a way to tip it back over in favour of the UK somehow, hah!
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
I will be going next summer (2007). I get nervous and overwhelmed when I think about it, but I know that at 38 I need to make some decisions about where I want to be as I get older. I don't want to be here (USA) even though there are some great opportunities here. I want to be at home (UK) and travel around Europe!
May 17th 2006, 11:40 am
#89
my arm aches
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by DarrenP
We'll see! I should know in a week what my potential new job and thus geographical situation is.
Won't you still be having the same concerns as you have now? I was going to wish you luck, but I'm not so sure if i should. 
May 17th 2006, 6:13 pm
#90
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: rootless!
Originally Posted by Sallyanne
I felt like that to begin with but realised all I was doing was making myself unhappy. I have opened up to the good things the USA has to offer and feel so much better. I am learning so much about life which I believe the people who stay in one place can never do.