Boudicca.uk

Hi Everyone,

I’ve been trawling the forums all morning trying to find the answers to my questions which I’m sure have been asked many times (well some of them) but I seem to throw up more questions than answers. I do hope you’ll bear with me.

My husband has only been with his present company (in a senior position) for 6 months. We still haven’t been able to sell our present house in one area of the UK to enable us to move permanently to the new area and are still travelling back and forth and rapidly using up our relocation package.

The word on the street is that they are so impressed with him (proud grin) that they want to send him on a temporary transfer / secondment to the USA to sort out some problems over there. We are thinking 2 years.

My reaction is “in for a penny, in for a pound” particularly as we haven’t been able to relocate here yet and it may be a good career move and a new adventure. I don’t mind being a “trailing wife” as I stopped my career in its tracks when we married 25 years ago. I have also “relocated” four times before but never as a company request with package and never as far as the US.

HOWEVER whilst we don’t have problems associated with children who are school age we have my mother (79) who lives with us and neither of us would want to leave her behind as we are her only family. Also, our children aged 23 and 20 whilst “grown up” are still not financially independent. The eldest has just finished university and is struggling to find work. At the moment she is living at home as part-time work isn’t sufficient to pay rent. The youngest is presently doing seasonal work which provides accommodation but we don’t know what will happen when this comes to an end in April. Last time he was 3 months without work.

I expect to have difficulties with the following issues:

1) We haven’t yet been able to sell our family house. It’s a lovely house but it is a big top end family home and in the present climate isn’t going anywhere and is very much our main investment for the future so we can’t afford to give it away.

2) Could we take mother with us? Visas, health insurance etc?

3) Our children. I’m under the impression from what I’ve read that they wouldn’t be able to get visas if they wanted to join us? Our daughter would probably want to stay in the UK if she had the means to support herself and just visit for long holidays. I’m more concerned about our son – he would have nowhere to go if he can’t get another job lined up for the end of his seasonal work and he would want to join us if he could.

We don’t have a big mortgage on the house and could reduce that to interest only so I’m thinking that could at least be a roof over their heads for the kids. However they couldn’t afford the bills so we’d have to subsidise that as well as running our own home US side. By the way, they are great kids, hard workers trying desperately to get on and do deserve supporting.

I’d be really interested to hear comments regarding issues we may need to consider and what sort of support, particularly financial, we could/should expect from the company (International, European based) if they really want my husband over there.

Hope you can help.

lisa67

The visa your husband will be coming over on needs to be the main concern at the moment. If it's an intercompany transfer (L visa) he needs to have worked for the UK company for at least 12 months consecutively to qualify.

Once all that's sorted out then you'll need to consider that your Mum, unfortunately will not be able to accompany you based on that visa but could possibly apply for a B2 visa which would allow her to visit you for 6 months at a time (someone else will come along if they can think of a better way) and then medical insurance will be a complete and very very expensive nightmare.

The kids will need to come and visit you on the VWP for 90 days max at a time unless they can get here on their own visa.

Sorry to be all doom and gloom......I hope something can be worked out for you as it seems as if you have the right "have a go" attitude for a stint over here

Boudicca.uk

Thanks Lisa (I'm a Lisa too).

Hummm I guess my initial concerns about relocation costs will pale into significance against visa issues.

I suppose if they really really wanted him they could wait another 6 months for him to have been working there 12 months.

Mum is physically active and doesn't need looking after, however she did have a fall this summer and was in hospital and is now on beta blockers. I don't know how I would feel about her only being able to stay for 6 months even if the company said it would cover insurance which may be a no go anyway. Is that 6 in 12? It wouldn't be too bad if I knew she would be sharing the UK house with the children the rest of the time - but they both have the travel bug and intend to fly when they can.

I think mum's visa will be the deal breaker after the fright we had when she fell and knowing how lost she would have been if she had had to wait for me to fly over from the US.

I suppose he hasn't even been offered the job yet. I should have been a boy scout - be prepared...

robin1234

Maybe I'm a bit out of line saying this.. Leaving aside all the technical issues of visas and health insurance, one of my first questions would be; does 79 year-old mother want to go to America, is she up for the change, or would she rather stay where she is? If she'd rather not go, I'd can the whole project (or let husband go on his own, with frequent holiday visits back and forth.)

Or, can't the two children and their grandmother stay in the family home in the UK? And OP and her husband go to America, again with frequent holiday visits back and forth. That way the kids could keep up their job searches & do part-time work etc. and give their grandmother daily practical support.

penguinsix

79-year-old with a condition requiring medication and no access to public health services due to immigrant ban means you will pay about $1,500-$2,000 a month just for her health cover, if you can even find someone willing to cover her.

But the visa is a no go to start.

Boudicca.uk

Robin,

Not out of line but yes, mum would definitely have been up for it! She's not your average 79 year old!!!

If I knew that either of the kids would be around for the full 2 years then I would have no problem. They adore her and we all get on - most of the time. The trouble is one is an artist/photographer/traveller already gnawing at the bit and has a partner in a similar line of work who doesn't live/work locally. The other works in outdoor activity / educational type of work (extreme sports) of which there is nothing locally. If either of them (hopefully both) gets an opportunity then they need to take it.

If mum can't come then we're not going. I'd rather regret missing the opportunity than regret not being there when she needs us. My husband would agree and I know won't go anywhere without me - we did enough of that when he was in the army. Been there done that.

Noorah101

Bottom line is that no matter what visa your husband gets, your mom will only be able to come to the USA as a visitor, for 6 months at a time. At her age, she could probably do a typical 6 months in, 6 months out. So, you'd be worried about her for the 6 months she's back in the UK, and you'd be forking over a fortune in health care insurance/costs for the 6 months she's in the USA.

If you can afford her insurance in the USA, perhaps another solution would be for you and your mom to stay together...you'll have a visa that allows you to come and go at leisure, so you could do the 6 months in / 6 months out thing with your mom (of course if you don't mind being away from hubby that long).

Rene

Bob

Unless the company health insurance policy covers parents, don't do it.

The visa issue is a show stopper on the mother anyway, but how would she settle with such a move at that age?

You don't say how old the kids are either. But they could come over to study if they are otherwise over 21 and couldn't get a L2.

Noorah101

Bob,

She said the kids are 23 and 20.

Rene

scrubbedexpat099

My Mother passed away at that age but she had come out beforehand every year for a few weeks. The Insurance was I think as much as the airfare, not sure you could get it for 6 months.

Why not leave your Mum with the Grandchildren, they can look after her.

Jerseygirl

I can't remember the time limit but I remember when I was arranging travel insurance for mybMIL there was a time limit. The stay in the US was much shorter than most other countries...I presume this is because of the high cost of healthcare here.

scrubbedexpat099

Well for someone younger if you are fit and travel the risk of something catching up with you will increase with the trip duration, but not much.

Speaking from my own experience with Parents and Grandparents at this sport of age if you are fit to travel you have a reasonable chance of needing no care for 2 weeks, but by the time you get to 6 months you will be lucky not to have required something.

jemima55

Previous two posts deleted because I`d had two glasses of wine and run away with myself!
We came to the USA when we thought the kids were old enough to leave and ended up bringing our youngest son over. Result- he can study here (no loans, we pay all the fees, bang goes any retirement fund) and he isnt allowed to work apart from ten hours a week on campus-at all!
Thats a hard situation for him, financially and socially, and us.
You`ve got one who`s finished uni. Your youngest may be on your visa until he is 21. After that the only hope for him to stay in the country is that he goes to college here, on his own student visa, Community college (2 year course) or uni (four years).You cant get college loans here, being non US citizens, and will probably have to pay higher fees. As far as leaving him behind goes, he may be ok, but whereas we may have been off our parents hands by that age, these days its a whole different ball game for young people, since its harder for them to support themselves than it ever was in the past
Dont underestimate the health insurance issue for your mum. It`s huge here. I`ve had major treatment (unforeseen) since being here and without insurance through my husbands job we`d have had to return to the UK.
Also consider that your husband may like it so much he may not want to return to the UK. It happens! I speak from experience
Like others have said, the whole business should carry a health warning. It`s a great experience, but needs a lot of weighing up. The US is not like we imagine it will be, like Britain but with slightly different accents! It`s a whole new culture, with some ideas that are very alien to us Brits.
The previous answers have all been sound. The one I will add is that you should discuss the "what ifs".
"What if" ....I dont fit in, miss the kids,Mum cant manage, etc , etc, what will we do?
Sorry to sound so negative. If you can make it work, great, but decide what conditions, even if only in theory, you want to set on the experience. Good luck with your decision!

Duncan Roberts

That fall could easily cost $20,00, $30,00, $50,000+ here without medical insurance and it sounds like the chances of her being able to get medical insurance are slim to none. You have to ask yourself this, if you are able to get a visa of some kind for her to come, do you have a cash reserve of around $100,000 that you can leave untouched for her possible healthcare costs?

Boudicca.uk

Thanks all,

As I said before further up:

"If mum can't come then we're not going. I'd rather regret missing the opportunity than regret not being there when she needs us. My husband would agree and I know won't go anywhere without me - we did enough of that when he was in the army. Been there done that."

So it looks like this chapter is closed before it began. Never mind, life surely has something else in store for us - it certainly has kept us on our toes up until now!

Thanks again for all the advice.

Lisa