Regrets?

Old Dec 12th 2003, 4:04 am
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Default Regrets?

I've been browsing around the forums (as you do at work on those lonely nights ). Seems to me that some people that do decide to make the big move from the UK to foreign shores actually have regrets and wish they hadn't bothered. For myself,
I feel that leaving the UK was the best thing I ever did. In California I feel at home, doing the things I could only dream about when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud to be British, and as patriotic as patriotic could be....but....y'know.
Any thoughts?
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 4:17 am
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In my experience, moving anywhere is a big event for most people. The prospect of leaving friends and relatives to even move to the next county is a big life changing event...

The prospect of moving to a place where people have a different culture, political beliefs, hopes, dreams and desires is quite a scary thing!

In my time in the USA so far I have had some problems settling in... I spent hours walking around the local shops trying to spot food products and food manufacturers which recognised from England! I am still having problems driving on the right (despite having driven in France with no problems)!

I miss the normalcy of my former life in England!!! FYI, I only came over here in May 2003 and am still really settling in!!

Don't get me wrong, I love living in America and (at this time) would not give move back for anything... But, I do not feel that I would be human if I did not miss some things and if I did not have some regrets!!

Just my opinion.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 4:58 am
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Default Re: Regrets?

Originally posted by JulianB
I've been browsing around the forums (as you do at work on those lonely nights ). Seems to me that some people that do decide to make the big move from the UK to foreign shores actually have regrets and wish they hadn't bothered. For myself,
I feel that leaving the UK was the best thing I ever did. In California I feel at home, doing the things I could only dream about when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud to be British, and as patriotic as patriotic could be....but....y'know.
Any thoughts?

In our experience over the years, a lot more Brits have gone home than stayed for a variety of reasons. Some simply didn't like the lifestyle and were unhappy here, some went home for family, some gave up on the INS and went home because they couldn't take the stress and hassle anymore. One couple went home because their daughter was diagnosed with a hole in the heart and no insurance company would take them on. Some had businesses that failed so had to leave and so on.

Leaving the UK wasn't the best thing we have ever done- it was just what we chose to do at the time given the opportunity. But then we had a good life in UK, kids were in excellent schools....so I guess it depends on your frame of reference. We weren't exactly fleeing a potato famine LOL.

Yep, we've had a few regrets, wishing we done some things differently- like leave the kids in UK to finish their schooling for one. But we are quite happy here- although, planning to retire in UK and become transatlantic snowbirds, 6 months in each country sounds good.

Last edited by Taffyles; Dec 12th 2003 at 5:14 am.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 12:52 pm
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Haven't seen you around much Julian... so "Hi!"

Brits do tend to moan a bit don't they? -- Having said that, I don't mind the differences in the US. If we were all living in the UK and had never moved we'd have compliants about it.

Life isn't fair and the world isn't perfect.... that's all there is to it!

Glad you like California, it is probably a lot different to where I live in Connecticut... that's what makes America great... There's something for everyone.

I couldn't live in Michigan or a few other states that have longer winters. I wouldn't do well in the south either, come to think of it.

One of the things I love is this.... every year I kinda know who is coming to visit me and when... I look forward to it for months!

Now get back to work....
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 1:57 pm
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Regrets, I've had a few, but then again too few to mention. I've lived a life thats full and done it all without redemption.

We came back to the USA because Ellen didn't want to live in England anymore, she had lived there for 8 years and wanted to go home and was offered a transfer with work so took it. I really didn't have too much to say about it all although I wasn't bothered. If I had known it was going to be this tough to get a job I may have reconsidered it (ah, hindsight is always 20/20 vision), but I don't regret moving here at all.

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Old Dec 12th 2003, 2:48 pm
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Good thread by the way,

It seems to me that the Brits that move to Oz and Nz have a tougher time than a move to the states, and I had the impression that Aussies were more like the Brits than the yanks?

When I came to the states, I had no family to bring over, didn't have to sell a house and ship the furniture and find schools for my kids, just me and a few belongings. I for one cannot imagine the stress involved when emigrating with a family and my hat goes off to those that succeed. We all disliked certain things in England, high taxes, high fuel costs, shite weather etc etc, but moving to another country doesn't make ALL the stress go away the stress just goes in another direction so the grass doesn't always feel greener!

I had opposite emotions to most people when I first moved here, most people are in a 'holiday' frame of mind for a few months and there is nothing wrong with that, but I hated my first year or two, no job, financial burdens, I went very much downhill to despair before slowly crawling back to a level plateau.

Its made me a stronger person though, more confidence and a will to push harder, I think back in Blighty most people level out and put up with hardships, but in the U.S there is more of a drive to keep improving your quality of life, the thing is it doesn't happen over night and being a Brit in another country you have to work TWICE as hard.

Ok coffee time, I feel quite exhausted with all the brain power written to post this reply
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 3:29 pm
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I have no regrets at all, of course I'm still a relative newbie on these shores having just celebrated my 5 month anniversary in the U.S. But still, I'm closing in on half a year away from home and still loving every minute of it. I came here because I fell in love, not because I was fed up with my own country. Coming over here many times before hand, sure cussioned(sp) the blow when I finally did emmigrate. If one thing has slightly taken the shine of the whole experience, it would have to be the wait for my EAD. I never thought I would say this, but after 5 months of unemployment or extended vacation as I like to call it I'm ready to get that card and rejoin the rat race.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 4:20 pm
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Hit it on the head there Pimpbot,

I moved here because of the love for my wife, I loved living in England, but I also enjoy it just as much here in the U.S. doesn't matter where I live as long as I have my family with me.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 5:10 pm
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Default Re: Regrets?

Originally posted by JulianB
.....Any thoughts?
I had absolutely no regrets when I first left the U.K. as a fresh-faced 25-year-old. I loved the permanent partying and playing sport in the Bahamas. Then, when I came to the States to the study, I loved being in higher education, and subsequently enjoyed teaching.

Since then, I went back to the UK for 1 year, and almost immediately regretted it (for job reasons), which is why I came back to the US. Again I love my job here, but I definitely have twinges of regret because I now miss living in the UK.

For me, I think being older and wiser has made a difference to my viewpoint, and re-adapting has been harder as I've got older.

I think a HUGE thing I see in some of the threads is that happiness is so tied up with success and circumstances. So, if like me the move includes a new job, making new good friends, and most things "going right", it's easier to say no regrets. But if you end up unemployed, or your spouse or kids hate the place, or you get robbed, etc., etc., the circumstances can really make it difficult to be pleased with your move. Might sound like an obvious thing to say, but I don't think people always see it.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 5:17 pm
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Both my parents are immigrants from Ireland and Canada to the UK so I've never really felt very strong ties to the place.

I do feel that I've made a mistake in moving to Spain and was moving on to Canada but now I'm diverting to the US. I've spent so much time there over the years that I'm hopeful it'll be a lot easier to settle there than it was here. In fact I've never really settled in Spain.

I've got a lot of friends in the US and a wonderful man. Having moved country once I know the downfalls and I also know how long it will take to settle in properly. I think people tend to feel guilty about being homesick from time to time. You shouldn't. It's a natural feeling and there's nothing wrong with it at all.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 5:40 pm
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Still too early to say yet. Only got here 2 months ago and its been a challenge to settle down. I am a little shell shocked at how big a step back i have taken, from being a professional(lawyer)to be told i cant be paralegal without a paralegal certificate, because of course 5 years training and 6 years on the job in the UK doesnt give me the skills i could get in 6 weeks at the local upstairs college! The obsession with qualifications here is a little frustrating. to do anything you need a certificate, no one seems to value straightfoward experience.

Ask me in a few years if i have regrets. Right now i am not happy here but i just have to rebuild a life and career here. The opportunity here is immense and its all to play for in this land of(select)freedom.

regards,

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Old Dec 12th 2003, 6:13 pm
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Default Re: Regrets?

Originally posted by JulianB
I've been browsing around the forums (as you do at work on those lonely nights ). Seems to me that some people that do decide to make the big move from the UK to foreign shores actually have regrets and wish they hadn't bothered. For myself,
I feel that leaving the UK was the best thing I ever did. In California I feel at home, doing the things I could only dream about when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud to be British, and as patriotic as patriotic could be....but....y'know.
Any thoughts?
I and my family have been over here for 15 years. 10 years in Philadelphia and 5 years in Arizona. The move for us was easy, we came because of my husbands job. He was in the RAF and was sent here on a 4 year posting, so everything was paid for while he was in the service. He was offered a permanent position here and took it. The Co again paid for everything to do with immigration, they sponsored him and paid for the lawyer and the sponsorship etc. We were in the British Military for 25 years, so have moved around a lot, the shortest time we ever spent anywhere was 1 year, the longest about 3 years. I am an expert packer, I used to have to do it myself, my husband was usually on to the next posting while I was at home taking care of the move. We have been all over Europe and UK.

The first few months in the US were tough, what a culture shock. Once I started work though and got to know a few people it was fine. I left home in Scotland when I was 17 and was married and on the move and a mother by the time I was 19 so have been pretty self sufficient since then. I still miss UK but I don't think I would want to live there anymore. There is just too much on offer over here and if you are prepared to work hard, then you will reap the rewards. I don't think if I had stayed in Scotland I would be living on a golf course, in my own home with a pool in the backyard.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 6:30 pm
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Originally posted by Yosser
Good thread by the way,

It seems to me that the Brits that move to Oz and Nz have a tougher time than a move to the states, and I had the impression that Aussies were more like the Brits than the yanks?
I thought the same thing, judging by the posts on this forum. Seems to be many people wanting to return and regretting everything after only a few months living there.
I don't have any regrets, although I do miss England. Everything feels comfortable and familiar in England, whereas it's not always the case here. However I would most surely miss my life here if I were to move back now, so I have to make do with a visit once in a while to soak up the felings of home, then I'm happy.
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Old Dec 12th 2003, 6:35 pm
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The only true regret I have is that I did not complete my degree before moving here... good jobs are few and far between without qualifications.

Sure I miss the UK, family and friends but that is what holidays are for... I am settled here and after living here a year + I can honestly call it home.

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Old Dec 12th 2003, 8:19 pm
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Default Re: Regrets?

Originally posted by JulianB
I've been browsing around the forums (as you do at work on those lonely nights ). Seems to me that some people that do decide to make the big move from the UK to foreign shores actually have regrets and wish they hadn't bothered. For myself,
I feel that leaving the UK was the best thing I ever did. In California I feel at home, doing the things I could only dream about when I was a kid. Don't get me wrong, I'm very proud to be British, and as patriotic as patriotic could be....but....y'know.
Any thoughts?
I came here in August 2003 in order to get a degree that isn't offered in the UK or anywhere in Europe. So, it wasn't for any nostalgic reasons it was simply necessary. I grew up in 5 different countries, my parents were diplomats so I don't really have a country to call home. So I'm pretty much used of changing environements, new friends, different culture and so on...
But yes, the first months here were rough. But, I foud some really great friends and I'm finally settling in.
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