Please help
Dec 22nd 2003, 2:37 pm
#1
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 15
Please help
I have a girlfriend living in Washington State. We have been getting on very well up to this point but now she has raised doubts over how we can continue our relationship given the distances involved. I would be grateful for any help from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Dec 22nd 2003, 2:59 pm
#2
cute as a button
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Illinois
Posts: 56
Hiya Owen. Im so sorry to hear you are having problems.
You dont say where you are from though. I am assuming its outwith the USA... Also how serious is the relationship? There are so many factors in a long distance relationship that can cause problems...I was from the UK and my now husband is a US citizen. We had some VERY stressful times trying to continue our relationship while apart for long periods of time, however we had decided early on to get engaged etc so that helped knowing we would be together eventually...and from the posts I have read on various immigration sites this is not an uncommon problem....like I said I dont know how serious your relationship is and whether you are contemplating marriage or not....Is this the early stages of your relationship? Have you actually met in person yet?
Poppy
You dont say where you are from though. I am assuming its outwith the USA... Also how serious is the relationship? There are so many factors in a long distance relationship that can cause problems...I was from the UK and my now husband is a US citizen. We had some VERY stressful times trying to continue our relationship while apart for long periods of time, however we had decided early on to get engaged etc so that helped knowing we would be together eventually...and from the posts I have read on various immigration sites this is not an uncommon problem....like I said I dont know how serious your relationship is and whether you are contemplating marriage or not....Is this the early stages of your relationship? Have you actually met in person yet?
Poppy
Dec 22nd 2003, 7:35 pm
#3
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Joined: Dec 2003
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Thank you for writing. We have not met yet, but she is coming over on holiday to London next year and I will be meeting her there.
We met on the 'net and have been e-mailing every day for the past few months. We have sent letters and spoken on the phone. We have even exchanged Christmas gifts.
If things go well in London then we will decide where we go from there. I guess it will all depend on how often we can afford to fly across the Atlantic.
We have not discussed marraige (she is currently in the process of getting a divorce). At the moment we are just taking things one day at a time.
We met on the 'net and have been e-mailing every day for the past few months. We have sent letters and spoken on the phone. We have even exchanged Christmas gifts.
If things go well in London then we will decide where we go from there. I guess it will all depend on how often we can afford to fly across the Atlantic.
We have not discussed marraige (she is currently in the process of getting a divorce). At the moment we are just taking things one day at a time.
Dec 22nd 2003, 8:19 pm
#4
cute as a button
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Illinois
Posts: 56
hiya
ok I wasnt sure if you had met yet....
well like I said me and my now husband had some very stressful times....we met about 10 years ago and stayed in touch over the years...lost touch about 2 years ago and then I received a letter from him out of the blue about a year ago... At first we talked and emailed just like you are...after a couple of months I couldnt stand it any longer and went to the US to visit him....I know Jeff (my husband) found is stressful, as he thought I would find someone else in the UK and dump him. I felt that way too in a way, but it was also a great stress only being able to talk on the phone or email..Instant Messenger was a saviour and seems to be a favourite of many couples living in different countries...I also worried about the future alot too...as in "was I doing the right thing"...we did talk alot about how we felt...which was REALLY important.
However your situation is different in that you havent met each other yet....you call her a girlfriend so I take it you have made some sort of commitment not to see other people? Its very tricky....however I think I would ask her what is really worrying her...could be the distance could be something else completely (i.e. just coming out of a divorce)...perhaps she might just want to stay "friends" until she comes out next year.. This is a pretty good idea if you can cope with it, as it takes alot of the stress and pressure out of the situation...and after you have met you can re-evaluate the relationship (thats what me and Jeff did and it helped ALOT). I would have a heart to heart with her asap, I dont know how indepth you have talked already.... Just let her know that there is no pressure on her - you say you are taking it day by day and thats sounds a pretty good plan to me..dont worry, ALOT of couples who are far apart go through exactly the same thing, its an extremely hard road to go down but its worth it if thats the person you want to be with - but both of you must want it....it would just help if you knew where you stood too. It would be a real shame for this to be over before you have even met.
I hope everything works out, I really do.
Poppy
ok I wasnt sure if you had met yet....
well like I said me and my now husband had some very stressful times....we met about 10 years ago and stayed in touch over the years...lost touch about 2 years ago and then I received a letter from him out of the blue about a year ago... At first we talked and emailed just like you are...after a couple of months I couldnt stand it any longer and went to the US to visit him....I know Jeff (my husband) found is stressful, as he thought I would find someone else in the UK and dump him. I felt that way too in a way, but it was also a great stress only being able to talk on the phone or email..Instant Messenger was a saviour and seems to be a favourite of many couples living in different countries...I also worried about the future alot too...as in "was I doing the right thing"...we did talk alot about how we felt...which was REALLY important.
However your situation is different in that you havent met each other yet....you call her a girlfriend so I take it you have made some sort of commitment not to see other people? Its very tricky....however I think I would ask her what is really worrying her...could be the distance could be something else completely (i.e. just coming out of a divorce)...perhaps she might just want to stay "friends" until she comes out next year.. This is a pretty good idea if you can cope with it, as it takes alot of the stress and pressure out of the situation...and after you have met you can re-evaluate the relationship (thats what me and Jeff did and it helped ALOT). I would have a heart to heart with her asap, I dont know how indepth you have talked already.... Just let her know that there is no pressure on her - you say you are taking it day by day and thats sounds a pretty good plan to me..dont worry, ALOT of couples who are far apart go through exactly the same thing, its an extremely hard road to go down but its worth it if thats the person you want to be with - but both of you must want it....it would just help if you knew where you stood too. It would be a real shame for this to be over before you have even met.
I hope everything works out, I really do.
Poppy
Dec 24th 2003, 8:48 am
#5
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Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 15
Hey there
Thanks for all your wonderful advice. We've spent the last few days talking it over and have decided that we will keep up our friendship until we meet in London. After that - who knows. I know it will be a long and difficult road but I think the rewards are worth it and I am prepared to give it my best. I feel a lot more positive about the whole situation now. I also got an e-mail from her sister which gave me a lot of advice and encouragement so that really made me feel a lot better.
She explained that she had known her husband almost a year before they got serious and that was when they were living in the same town. She has only known me a few months and I'm 4,500 miles away. I guess when you look at it in that perspective it makes sense. Knowing that it worked for you and your husband also gives me great hope for the future.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Thanks for all your wonderful advice. We've spent the last few days talking it over and have decided that we will keep up our friendship until we meet in London. After that - who knows. I know it will be a long and difficult road but I think the rewards are worth it and I am prepared to give it my best. I feel a lot more positive about the whole situation now. I also got an e-mail from her sister which gave me a lot of advice and encouragement so that really made me feel a lot better.
She explained that she had known her husband almost a year before they got serious and that was when they were living in the same town. She has only known me a few months and I'm 4,500 miles away. I guess when you look at it in that perspective it makes sense. Knowing that it worked for you and your husband also gives me great hope for the future.
MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dec 24th 2003, 4:37 pm
#6
cute as a button
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Illinois
Posts: 56
Thats fantastic
Im so happy that you talked and worked something out....yes it does make sense for her to be wary but at least now she knows that you understand and that will ease alot of worries she might have had...and I am sure you will have a wonderful time when you meet up next year....you know it is amazing how well you can get ot know someone just by talking on the phone and emailing..even if you have never actually met....I do beleive that I wouldnt know Jeff half as well as I do had we lived in the same country....it is a hard road but yes its more than worth it...good luck to you both and keep us posted on how things go...
Merry xmas and an even better New Year
Poppy
Im so happy that you talked and worked something out....yes it does make sense for her to be wary but at least now she knows that you understand and that will ease alot of worries she might have had...and I am sure you will have a wonderful time when you meet up next year....you know it is amazing how well you can get ot know someone just by talking on the phone and emailing..even if you have never actually met....I do beleive that I wouldnt know Jeff half as well as I do had we lived in the same country....it is a hard road but yes its more than worth it...good luck to you both and keep us posted on how things go...
Merry xmas and an even better New Year
Poppy
