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Is this normal?

Is this normal?

Old Jul 4th 2003, 7:45 pm
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Default Is this normal?

I now have my K1 Visa and am due to leave here for the US within the next two months.

I am wondering how other members felt about leaving their home Country?

Right now I am feeling really sad and a little confused I guess I always took everything that I had here for granted, because right now I realise just how much I really love England! I know everything here is not perfect, but the same can be said for any Country!

My fiance feels hurt that I am feeling this way! I guess I should just be really happy that we can finally be together, but that is hard when I have to leave behind all that I have ever known. If nothing else, he should know that our relationship is genuine! After all, if I was that happy to leave my Country then perhaps he might have reason to question my motives?

I am hoping that I am not the only person who feels this way and that others reading this might identify with how I am feeling?

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Old Jul 4th 2003, 8:50 pm
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Default Re: Is this normal?

Originally posted by 207lonsdale
I now have my K1 Visa and am due to leave here for the US within the next two months.

I am wondering how other members felt about leaving their home Country?

Right now I am feeling really sad and a little confused I guess I always took everything that I had here for granted, because right now I realise just how much I really love England! I know everything here is not perfect, but the same can be said for any Country!

My fiance feels hurt that I am feeling this way! I guess I should just be really happy that we can finally be together, but that is hard when I have to leave behind all that I have never known. If nothing else, he should know that our relationship is genuine! After all, if I was that happy to leave my Country then perhaps he might have reason to question my motives?

I am hoping that I am not the only person who feels this way and that others reading this might identify with how I am feeling?
Hi Julie

I know how you feel. I now have my K1, and I feel really excited about going to live with AdiaStar, but a part of me wants to stay here with my family and all I have been brought up with. I agree with you about our country not being great, but it is what you said "Our Country".

I leave here on July 23rd....got my 1 way ticket today......happy?...of course! but sad at the same time. My sister keeps crying about me going, she's been like a mother to us for so many years ( our parents died a long time ago when we were all young, and she took on the role as a mother figure with her being the oldest sister ). So yes, I feel the same way, and we will not be the last to feel this way.

Regards
Lawrence
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Old Jul 4th 2003, 11:48 pm
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I think your fiancé is expecting too much of you! To be prepared to emigrate for him is one thing, but he wants you to happily wave goodbye to your whole life and everything you've known and have no regets!? Maybe you should ask him to emigrate to your country and see how happy he would be to leave his life behind!

My USC husband moved to the UK to be with me. He was dreadfully homesick, almost had a breakdown. It took well over a year for him to learn to cope with being in a foreign country. I have no doubt he loves me, or he would not have come. Basically, since he's the one that moved, I will always feel deep down that I 'owe him one' because frankly, I do.

I'm not saying you will feel as bad as he did, because he was suffering from depression too. But in a 'normal' (ie non-long distance) relationship, when you marry you get to have the person you love AND all your family and friends around you too. He should understand that you are sacrificing one for the other and be a little more sympathetic!
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Old Jul 5th 2003, 7:48 am
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Originally posted by MrsLondon
I think your fiancé is expecting too much of you! To be prepared to emigrate for him is one thing, but he wants you to happily wave goodbye to your whole life and everything you've known and have no regets!? Maybe you should ask him to emigrate to your country and see how happy he would be to leave his life behind!
Hi Mrs London

I have put it to my fiance about how he would feel if the tables were turned, however, he did not think that he would feel any sadness at leaving his home Country. He feels that he would just be really happy that we were finally going to be together.

To be honest, I really do not believe that anyone can honestly know how they would feel unless they were actually faced with the situation! Prior to getting my visa my main concern was that ..... getting the visa! Once I finally had the visa in my hand I realised that all our planning had become reality and it was now time for me to leave England .... that is when I realised how difficult that was going to be.

Apart from leaving everything you have ever known there are so many other issues that need to be faced. I have had my own business for the past 13 years and don't even need to leave home in order to earn a living ..... I already know that may not be possible in the US. Whilst there may be no immediate requirement for me to find work, I have no intention of not working, but worry about what opportunities will be open to me! I think issues, such as work, probably affect men more than women .... in that they still believe that they should be the provider in a marriage. In my case, this is evident, because my partner's answer to this one particular issue is that I don't need to work!

I appreciate your input here, and thank Lawrence for his input too! My fiance was concerned that everyone on the NG just seemed really happy when they got their K1, and that I was the only one who had fears and felt sad about leaving everything behind!!

Julie
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Old Jul 5th 2003, 9:18 pm
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Don't worry Julie...what you're feeling is totally normal. I'm not even going yet, although I have started packing, but I've been panicking about it for months! Sometimes I get really irrationally nostaligic for silly things like Waitrose and Boots, and I haven't even left yet! Of course it's tough...your environment defines you as a human being. It's what you use as a parameter to live your life by. One minute you're in charge and independant and the next you're completely dependant and don't even know how to post a letter. I think your fiance should be a little more understanding and supportive and you need to explain to him just that, and how unsettling you find this.

Thankfully my partner is totally understanding and talks me through my fears. I love the US and I am looking forward to living there and to being with my partner, but I know emotionally it will be very hard. I can't tell you the amount of times I have been scared to death at the thought of moving abroad. Just remember, you can always move back, and nothing has to be forever. You can always visit and you should tell your fiance that if you start to panic then there should be a get-out clause that means you need to go on a home visit immediately for a week or two. That way you know that you can always go home for a bit to settle yourself. Look forward and imagine all the adventures you are going to have. It takes a brave person to uproot one's life, but many people don't get this opportunity. You don't want to end up old thinking "what if". It will be great and I am sure you will love it...it just takes getting used to.
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Old Jul 5th 2003, 10:51 pm
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Originally posted by 207lonsdale
Hi Mrs London

I have put it to my fiance about how he would feel if the tables were turned, however, he did not think that he would feel any sadness at leaving his home Country. He feels that he would just be really happy that we were finally going to be together.

To be honest, I really do not believe that anyone can honestly know how they would feel unless they were actually faced with the situation! Prior to getting my visa my main concern was that ..... getting the visa! Once I finally had the visa in my hand I realised that all our planning had become reality and it was now time for me to leave England .... that is when I realised how difficult that was going to be.

Apart from leaving everything you have ever known there are so many other issues that need to be faced. I have had my own business for the past 13 years and don't even need to leave home in order to earn a living ..... I already know that may not be possible in the US. Whilst there may be no immediate requirement for me to find work, I have no intention of not working, but worry about what opportunities will be open to me! I think issues, such as work, probably affect men more than women .... in that they still believe that they should be the provider in a marriage. In my case, this is evident, because my partner's answer to this one particular issue is that I don't need to work!

I appreciate your input here, and thank Lawrence for his input too! My fiance was concerned that everyone on the NG just seemed really happy when they got their K1, and that I was the only one who had fears and felt sad about leaving everything behind!!

Julie
Heh, I have always thought the same thing! Why does noone have any regrets? Is Britain really that bad? LOL.
Seriously, if you've got your own business and your fiancé just works for an employer, it seems like it would make more sense for him to move. And as Rockgurl said, it's easy for him to SAY he would have no regrets moving 'cos he ain't the one doing the moving! Anyway, people react differently. Some people could literally call wherever they lay their hat their home, while others would be upset to even leave the town they were born in!
Seems to me your fiancé needs a lesson in supportiveness! (that's the emotional kind, not the financial kind!)
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Old Jul 5th 2003, 11:24 pm
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Default Re: Is this normal?

Originally posted by 207lonsdale
I now have my K1 Visa and am due to leave here for the US within the next two months.

I am wondering how other members felt about leaving their home Country?

Right now I am feeling really sad and a little confused I guess I always took everything that I had here for granted, because right now I realise just how much I really love England! I know everything here is not perfect, but the same can be said for any Country!

My fiance feels hurt that I am feeling this way! I guess I should just be really happy that we can finally be together, but that is hard when I have to leave behind all that I have ever known. If nothing else, he should know that our relationship is genuine! After all, if I was that happy to leave my Country then perhaps he might have reason to question my motives?

I am hoping that I am not the only person who feels this way and that others reading this might identify with how I am feeling?

Hello

I have my K3 visa and I am flying out to Chicago on thursday 10th July. ( 5 days time ). I think it's completely normal and I am having all the same thoughts and feelings that you do. I am leaving my two grown up children, all my family and friends and a senior position in the NHS behind. I am extremely emotional at the moment. Very happy to be joining my husband but very sad to be leaving everyone else behind. It's the first time since I was 15 yrs old I have not had a job (I'm 47yrs). That is VERY scary!!

My husband is very supportive by coming out to UK to accompany me back the Chicago and also very understanding of how I feel and will feel once in the US. He also realises that settling in is not something that happens quickly. I already have a flight booked to come back to the UK to see my kids and family and friends in October. It really helps both me and them to have a date fixed for us all to get together knowing when we will see each other next.

Thanks for sharing your feelings, it makes me feel a bit better I'm not on my own thinking this way!! Hope it helps you too.

Maggie
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Old Jul 6th 2003, 9:09 am
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Originally posted by MrsLondon
Heh, I have always thought the same thing! Why does noone have any regrets? Is Britain really that bad? LOL.
Seriously, if you've got your own business and your fiancé just works for an employer, it seems like it would make more sense for him to move.
Hi Mrs London

There has never really been the option for Kem to move to the UK. He has worked for the CHP for 17 years, but more importantly he has four children in the US! He only has rights of access to his children and so could not bring them here, and even if he could, I doubt very much that he would consider it. He has only spent two weeks in the UK, but for some reason has the idea that England has nothing to offer young people and is only suitable for those in retirement!!!lol

It is not that Kem has been unsupportive, rather that I have felt he has not really understood all of my fears. Part of this was caused by the fact that everyone who got their K1 on the NG just seemed really happy and did not seem to have any reservations about leaving everything behind. When I got my K1 Kem was really happy and the fact that I had very mixed emotions made Kem think that I had doubts, which I guess is understandable!

Thank you to those who have replied, it is a relief to know that there are others who also feel as I do!

Julie.
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Old Jul 6th 2003, 9:22 am
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It is strange, but the things I am going to miss the most are the stupid little things. The gentle mist on the brook that flows where I walk the dog in the morning, the sound of the birdsong at 6 30 am on a autumnal day.. Not the stuff I thought I would miss like going to watch football etc.

Anyone else feelthey really miss the little things ?


Good luck in the USA Julie

Cheers
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Old Jul 6th 2003, 9:24 am
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Default Re: Is this normal?

Originally posted by Maggs
I think it's completely normal and I am having all the same thoughts and feelings that you do. I am leaving my two grown up children, all my family and friends and a senior position in the NHS behind. I am extremely emotional at the moment. Very happy to be joining my husband but very sad to be leaving everyone else behind. It's the first time since I was 15 yrs old I have not had a job (I'm 47yrs). That is VERY scary!!
Maggie
Hi Maggie

I am 40 y/o and I think age does make a difference when it comes to starting a new life ...... as you said, it is a VERY scary prospect.

I sometimes think that perhaps others on the NG do not seem to have any reservations because maybe they have not really built themselves a life in their own Country. I know that the fears I have now would not exist if I had been moving to the US 20 years ago!!

For the last 20 years I have been totally independent and I realise that once in the US I will be totally dependent on Kem! If you have spent most of your life taking care of yourself it is very difficult to then rely on someone else for everything. Although Kem has said that I do not need to work, I don't see myself not working in the future. I know there will be less opportunities open to me in the US as I do not have a degree and I really don't like the idea of cleaning the bathrooms at MacDonalds!lol

Best of luck to you, Julie.
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Old Jul 6th 2003, 10:04 am
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Originally posted by doctor scrumpy
It is strange, but the things I am going to miss the most are the stupid little things. The gentle mist on the brook that flows where I walk the dog in the morning, the sound of the birdsong at 6 30 am on a autumnal day.. Not the stuff I thought I would miss like going to watch football etc.
Anyone else feelthey really miss the little things ?
Good luck in the USA Julie
Cheers
Yes, all those little things we take for granted!

When I was in the US I noticed the distinct lack of birds .... where Kem lives you are lucky to see one bird let alone hear anything remotely resembling a dawn chorus!

Knowing that there are plenty of local parks and beaches where your dog can exercise freely off leash!

Being able to walk to the corner shop whenever you run out of something!

Even seeing the milk float at 6am in the morning and hearing that old familiar chink of the milk bottles as the milk-man goes about his rounds!

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Old Jul 6th 2003, 10:18 pm
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i sympathise completely.. and yet we haven't even started the K1 process yet...

i've lived in Plymouth for 23 years but have never for some reason considered it home.. my Father was in the services and so we moved around a lot when i was a child and so i stopped myself from really put down roots...

it wasn't until my dreams to be with my fiance started to become a reality that i began to consider this city my home... i often become teary eyed as i go about my morning routine of taking my daughter to school.. going to work.. collecting the post for the office.. stopping at a special little coffee shop for my morning caffiene fix... mainly because i quietly think to myself.. soon i'm going to be doing these things for the last time..

i've started to pack things away.. i've stopped buying things for the house.. my friend recently moved into a new home and i kept saying to her.. don't buy that.. you can have mine.. (how often did we break into tears when i said that)...

i'm leaving behind my brother who, apart from my daughter, is my last living blood relative.. and i'm finding that very distressing.. as we have become incredibly close since my parents both died.. and that is affecting me badly... i find it very difficult to discuss my future with him and have started to put a barrier between us as i know that leaving him behind is going to be the hardest thing for me to do...

luckily enough.. through all of this, my fiance has been completely understanding.. he realises that as excited as i am to be with him.. and as badly as i ache to be in his arms... i am going to miss "home".... and he listens to my worries and my tears patiently and compassionately...

sorry.. i rambled...

Bee
UK to USA


*edits* something i'm not going to miss.. bloody seagulls stealing my chips on the Barbican...

Last edited by [email protected]; Jul 6th 2003 at 10:20 pm.
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Old Jul 6th 2003, 10:38 pm
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Default Re: hmmm...

Originally posted by [email protected]
[SIZE=1]it wasn't until my dreams to be with my fiance started to become a reality that i began to consider this city my home

i'm leaving behind my brother who, apart from my daughter, is my last living blood relative.. and i'm finding that very distressing.. as we have become incredibly close since my parents both died.. and that is affecting me badly... i find it very difficult to discuss my future with him and have started to put a barrier between us as i know that leaving him behind is going to be the hardest thing for me to do...
Bee
*edits* something i'm not going to miss.. bloody seagulls stealing my chips on the Barbican...
Hi Bee

I think it is all too easy to take for granted what we have! Like you, I never really thought that much about what I had until I got involved in this process and realised I was going to have to give it all up!

I will also be leaving behind my younger brother, I do have other living relatives, but I am not close to them. I know I will miss my brother terribly .... he often comes to stay with me for long weekends and we spend hours just walking with our dogs. That is something I will miss more than anything else, the freedom to be able to take your dog just about anywhere ...... the US seems to be very anti in that respect.

As for the seagulls! We used to go to Padstow in Cornwall nearly every summer and I loved sitting by the quay and having those seagulls come right up to steal whatever they could! Last time I was there was in 1998 ..... they had signs everywhere banning people from feeding the seagulls which I thought was really sad!

Julie
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Old Jul 7th 2003, 11:41 am
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Count me in as a seagull feeder! I love Brighton pier 'cos you only have to hold your hand out with a chip/piece of bread and they swoop down and take it. I think it's cute! I actually LIKE the screeching sound they make! Guess it always reminds me of seaside holidays as a kid.
And on the subject of birds singing; I love watching the birds in Mark's mom's garden. I was interested to learn about the types of birds they have in New England that we don't have. Like the mourning dove, bluejay, cardinal, oriole, and american robin. The only birds in common with what we have seem to be sparrows and common 'ol garden pigeons. Funny that a lot of baseball teams are names after birds!
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Old Jul 11th 2003, 12:23 am
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Default Re: Is this normal?

Originally posted by 207lonsdale
I now have my K1 Visa and am due to leave here for the US within the next two months.

I am wondering how other members felt about leaving their home Country?

Right now I am feeling really sad and a little confused I guess I always took everything that I had here for granted, because right now I realise just how much I really love England! I know everything here is not perfect, but the same can be said for any Country!

My fiance feels hurt that I am feeling this way! I guess I should just be really happy that we can finally be together, but that is hard when I have to leave behind all that I have ever known. If nothing else, he should know that our relationship is genuine! After all, if I was that happy to leave my Country then perhaps he might have reason to question my motives?

I am hoping that I am not the only person who feels this way and that others reading this might identify with how I am feeling?
Id like to wish you all the best. Personally my reason for being happy is my sweetheart in the USA! She knows that WHEREVER she wants to live is OK with me, if she wants to come to the UK one day then we come back. We both miss each other and she knows that I want to be with her with all my heart, so if it means leaving the UK....so be it. Be happy with the one you love instead of being apart. It annoys me so much that the UK and USA are supposed to be 'the worlds best buddies' yet to go there to live from the UK is the hardest country in the known world to get accepted from..............go figure!

All the best forthe future, right now my own case is looking very bleak and due to my fiancees health its doubtful she can/will travel to the UK.
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