going out for a curry on a cold night. Well done Houston, you've done me proud. Now, what I need next is proper fish and chips, not pub fish and chips. I'm talking proper soggy chips here. Any suggestions, or do I need to buy a deep fat fryer?

You could bake them and leave them out for a bit to get soggy

I'd better get Heston Bluementhal's scent of the chip shop as well!

Nope, Baker St is the closest I've found to fish and chips....and its not that close! I tried "localising" myself to Catfish Mikes on Mason, but he's just gone out of business.....

Its one of those "one day I'm gonna open a real chippie here and make a fortune out of all those food-homesick expats" sort of dreams I have. The main drawback to my cunning plan to billiionairehood is that I can't make proper batter Which is kind of serious. Last time home I tried asking the fish shop guy for his recipe and got the same look you'd expect if I'd asked if I could have carnal knowledge of his wife. Only worse!

the best batter in the world is the most basic one..

self raising flour, pinch of salt and enough cold water to create a nice thick batter, dip your fish in it and put straight into a deep fat fryer until gold brown..and voila..perfect fish..

The trick is in having them douse the lot in loads of salt and vinegar, wrapping them up in news print (no polystyrene tray!) and walking home with it tucked under your arm.

Damn, hungry and mouth watering now!

The closest one to you I know from personal experience is in Santa Barbara, California, USA.

It might be a bit far to pop out to on a Friday night on the way back from work, but on the plus side it is very much the real deal.

http://www.macssb.com/

OMG look at those sausage rolls.

Theres a good one in the centre of middlesbro if you are ever in town...going to get my fix of cod n chips with curry sauce - can't see me getting any in Eureka! (or a parmo come to think of it but only true boro lads n lassess know what that is)

Barnicles. MMMMM, getting it in a fortnight and counting. It's in Stockton too.

Aaah, but the best parmos are at Oscars in Guisborough!

It was Barnicles I was writing about - the boro one! Enjoy your fish n chips - and your trip home as well

Ah well im in Ormesby so a quick trip to Guisbro is in order in the next few weeks!