lee_in_nj

this is my biggest fear right now because my dad is not in the best of health. i try to get home usually for about a month total per year.. (us vacation policies suck). so my biggest fear is not getting that last goodbye, i just hope i'm as lucky as getting there in time when that time arrives.

unicorndreams

I hope you make it back when it is there time.
I know for myself i wouldn't have coped as well as i have if i had not been there to be with him and support them both.
I sorted all the things out after .Dad had done as much as he could but still alot to do once that person is gone.All the people and places to inform.
Passport , Driving licence , car etc.It was a big list.
I got to go back 4 times .But i dont work so didnt have to worry about vacation time.So i was able to spend 2 weeks there with my husband.
And the other three trips were for 7 weeks ,then 5 weeks. Last one when he died was for a month..
Its scary but we do what we have to do.
Take care.

Partystar

This thread really touched me, my heart goes out to all of you.

I'm planning a trip home soon & am hoping to see my Nan one last time before she goes. She has Alzheimer's & is in a nursing home, she also has MRSA, which I don't know too much about. I was hoping to take my son (20 months old) to see her, as she only saw him when he was 4 months old. Talking to my mum the other day, she reminded me that we would have to be very careful & that we're not allowed to touch her (there's no cure for MRSA).

It made me quite upset, as my son is the only Great Grandchild that she has & I wanted him to sit on her lap or give her a hug, but I guess I'll just have to hold him, while she looks on. Hopefully it will be one of her good days & she'll know who we are, that's if we make it there on time. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

unicorndreams

That will be hard for you.
But nice that she will get to see him.
I hope things work out ok.
Have a safe and good trip.
Take care.

Tarkak9

I lost my father 6 Dec, 1992 - also to the run up to Xmas and to his 63rd birthday of 21st Dec (he was born in 1929 - sick irony with the calendars). My father died in the loving arms of my mother at home where he was the happiest; 2 weeks earlier they celebrated their 30 year wedding anniversary. At the time of his passing I was away at uni just about head home for the hols. Although it has been nearly 14 years since the death of my dad, I remember it like it was yesterday. The comfort I received in culmination was the final viewing - my private time to say a beloved farewell and reflect upon the happy times we had together.

Truthfully, the only regret I have in life is that I never truly said to my father enough as to how much I loved him. From taking things for granted it seems walking around in guilt is the penalty I carry but somehow I know that he did know; at least that is what I believe. Because of that, I ensure that my mother knows how much I love her.

No one can claim that they know what you are going through, but merely can relate to the roller coaster of emotions you have. One can only imagine what it is like to lose a parent but I guarantee to you that its totally different than to what you have ever imagined; you will never know what it is like until it happens to you.

For some reason or another, we fear death; however, the worst things in life tends to bring the best out of all of us. For me, death is a birth of memories.
Constantly remind yourself of this: your father is not gone, he is all around you and lives forever in your heart - your father is only gone when you fail to remember him.

I am sorry for your loss.

Maggs

Hello

This post has brought tears to my eyes as I read everyone's experiences but it suddenly became even more personal to our family on Tuesday when my husbands father died. My sister in law called to say he had been admitted to hospital on Monday. She then called on Tuesday to say the hospital had called and she was on her way to see him. 30 minutes later she called to say she had just missed him passing away. She was distraught at missing him as she has been the main caregiver for the last few years.

My husband was in St Pauls Minesota and I had to call him to tell him the sad news. His dad had been in and out of hospital over the last year with one infection or another, but this time he just wasn't strong enough to fight it off. He was 89 and was once the editor of the Encyclopaedia Britannica Year Book. My husband flew home from Minesota to Chicago and then a few hours later flew to London. He is exhausted not only from the lack of sleep but also from emotional stress of having to deal with the loss of a parent so far away and also his sisters grief.

It made me realise that my own parents are not going to be around forever, they are 83 and 81. At 49 I am still able to feel like their little girl when I talk to them although the last few years I see them both becoming like children themselves. They are coming to visit us here in Chicago for the summer and both we and they are looking forward to it so much. I think because of my husbands father passing away now I will cherrish my parents visit even more. My thoughts go to all who have lost someone close to them.

Maggie

James Box

My Dad died in January from the same cancer. He was 61. He was diagnosed in December 04 just after he came to visit us. He was exposed to asbestos many years ago when he worked at an engineering company and he wasn't the one who was using it directly!

We gave him a good year and he got to see his new grandson in November last year. He outlived the doctor's estimate but they were cagey about giving an estimate.

He was a very good man and is missed by everyone. My Mom is doing okay most of the time and flying over in July to see us and the grandkids.

James

Manc

Lost my mum in May last year, she was 50.

there is nothing worse than faxing a goodbye to a hospital.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

unicorndreams

My Dad had been exposed in 1968 we think. 34 years later diagnosed.
Its terrible what they have to go through.
Its hard and i feel for you.
Dad didnt get to come back over after his trip in 2002. Doctors said he couldnt fly, due to cabin pressure.
My Mum is also flying over in July to spend the summer.
We have to cherish time we have with all loved ones.

britnyank

Hi there,
I have not managed to log onto Expats since March 6th until tonight and the first time I do, and the first thread I read is this one.
So to all of you out there who have lost a loved one, my condolences - and my thanks for sharing your experiences when I really do need them the most.

I lost my Mum, after a ten year fight against cancer, last week on 8th March.
It has been such a long, weird week until her funeral two days ago. Even now, I don't know what I'm really feeling. I've spent most of the last two weeks at my father's house and tonight is the first night he will have been on his own in the house - having sent my sister and myself home to resume our own lives.
Mu Mum was such a fighter, and such a strong woman. I can only hope to be half the person she was. And all I can do for her right now is make sure my Dad is okay. And look after her grand-daughters.
I think I am only just beginning to come to terms with the fact that I won't see her again - it has been too easy to imagine she is still in hospital or, towards the end, the hospice where she eventually died.
I have had so many people here remark on the fact that it will make it easier for me to move to the States now that Mum has passed on, and I don't have to worry about her failing health. In a way it does, but does it sound crazy to feel a little guilty about this too?

Again, thanks to everyone who has posted on this thread. It has made me cry, made me appreciate that I am not the only one going through this and made me thankful for what I had in my mother, and what I still have in my family.

Love and prayers to all.....

Jerseygirl

I am so sorry for your loss. In my earlier thread I said that my dad had died a few weeks after I was born. Since I was 3 yrs old I have had a wonderful new dad and both my parents are still alive. Both my husbands parents are too and I dread any of them passing. Can't imagine what it will be like, because your parents have always been there haven't they?

I know its easy for me to say but it is early days for you and your family and it is true what they say about time being a great healer. Although you will never forget your mum, your pain will ease in time.

Bodshal

Last year, in February, I called my mum and asked her how she'd like to be a grandmother. She of course had been hinting that it was about time for years, and was delighted to hear that she'd be a grandmum that coming October.

A month later, she was diagnosed with cancer.

Fast forward through a painful year for her, growing weaker with every week that passed, and with me torn between looking after my pregnant wife, and flying back to spend time with my ill mother.

October comes, and her granddaughter is born. She was too sick to travel, though she sorely wanted to. I call her from the delivery room so she could hear her granddaughter for herself. This was her first grandchild and she was overjoyed.

A week later, to the day, she died.

I think of her often, especially when I spend quiet time with my baby girl that she never got to meet.

I feel for anyone that ever has to go through this sort of thing. It sucks. A lot.

Chris.

Jerseygirl

I'm lost for words, that's such a touching story. I am sure your mum will 'look after' your daughter as she grows, I know that my father has always taken care of me.

dazman

Condolences to everyone who has lost a loved one. As you get older it's something you think more about but know you can never be prepared for.

My Father died Dec 30th 2005. He was in Phoenix with my Mother and Aunt to spend Christmas with us. What he thought was an indigestion problem turned out to be heart disease. Numerous trips to the doctors hadn't prompted the doctor to do any serious check-ups on his health, just a few tablets and on your way. He had just turned 60.

Anyway, what started out as a dream holiday for them soon turned into a nightmare. On top of dealing with our grief we had to arrange to get my Fathers body returned to the UK and fight an unsympathetic British Airways who flat out refused to help my Mother and Aunt get home.

I've been back in the UK for the last few months and fly home a week today. As much as I'm looking forward to seeing my Wife again I know I'm going to be depressed and guilty about leaving my Mother.

Life has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it...

Partystar

Thank you, I hope so too.