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Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Old May 9th 2017, 1:49 am
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Default Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

I've been living in NY/JC for almost 3 years and in that time I can count the number of 'friends' i've made on one hand. It's not that I haven't tried...
I moved here from Dubai where it was very easy to meet people and my social circle grew very quickly.
Not quite sure what to do, single female life is getting really sad!
Thoughts please...am actually considering moving home, it's getting to me that much!
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Old May 9th 2017, 1:58 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

There's bound to be some expat groups up that way? That might be an easy way to find friends as you'll have something in common right away.

Any hobbies? Faith groups? Work / study circles?
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Old May 9th 2017, 2:03 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Originally Posted by tom169 View Post
There's bound to be some expat groups up that way? That might be an easy way to find friends as you'll have something in common right away.

Any hobbies? Faith groups? Work / study circles?
So, i tried a couple of the meet up groups and just found them really 'clicky'
I'm quite into photography so go out quite a bit for that. I even went to adult camp last Labor Day - great time, agreed to connect with lots of people but there's no follow through. Culturally that seems to be the biggest difference - quite a lot of flakes. I'm only going to ask a couple of times and then I can't be bothered - i'm not going to chase.
I have work friends and we might go out occasionally for lunch or a quick drink after work, but beyond that not much.
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Old May 9th 2017, 2:24 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Originally Posted by Vicious B View Post
So, i tried a couple of the meet up groups and just found them really 'clicky'
I'm quite into photography so go out quite a bit for that. I even went to adult camp last Labor Day - great time, agreed to connect with lots of people but there's no follow through. Culturally that seems to be the biggest difference - quite a lot of flakes. I'm only going to ask a couple of times and then I can't be bothered - i'm not going to chase.
I have work friends and we might go out occasionally for lunch or a quick drink after work, but beyond that not much.
Sorry it's so tough out there. Rather than ex-pat groups, I always think that organizations centered around a mutual interest , like the photography you mention, are the best bet. Hang in there, something will click sooner or later. And you never know who might walk in to happy hour one evening!
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Old May 9th 2017, 2:31 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Originally Posted by Nutmegger View Post
Sorry it's so tough out there. Rather than ex-pat groups, I always think that organizations centered around a mutual interest , like the photography you mention, are the best bet. Hang in there, something will click sooner or later. And you never know who might walk in to happy hour one evening!
thanks a lot, i'm certainly trying!
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Old May 9th 2017, 9:53 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

A friend of ours joined the St. George's Society of New York. We went to one of their events with her and it was far less stuffy and with a much younger crowd than you'd expect from the name.

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Old May 9th 2017, 9:57 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

It may sound counter-intuitive, but some of my closest friends in real life are those I initially met via the internet on shared interest forums, mainly music. We arranged meet-ups at gigs (many of us would have gone solo otherwise), and it went from there.

Basically, we established our common interest first, and then met in person afterwards. Worked for me as my personality is an introverted type, and I find it hard work to get to know new people in person!
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Old May 9th 2017, 1:34 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Originally Posted by Vicious B View Post
I'm quite into photography so go out quite a bit for that.
Just a thought, but perhaps you'd want to take an evening class with other people with the same interests - not just photography. I took a stained glass course a few years ago... lots of fun and met a lot of new folks. Then you can meet up and go out shopping for supplies and stuff. It's low risk and there's no obligation!

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Old May 10th 2017, 2:08 am
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

thanks a lot everyone, really appreciate the advice!
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Old May 10th 2017, 3:37 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

Originally Posted by Vicious B View Post
thanks a lot everyone, really appreciate the advice!
It's very hard to meet nice people in bars in the US. It doesn't really have a drinking/pub culture and in NYC, which has a kind of Jewish-Italian American-African-American culture, the only people in bars are drunks. (Those three groups are practically teetotalers.) Most co-workers don't have the time to go out socially after work. They're running for the private buses out to Bk'lyn and Queens or the subway or headed for Jersey transit or CT.

I would suggest church groups, history groups, film clubs, political clubs, amateur theater. If you like theater, join the Drama League which has parties for members. In NJ, you could join a garden club if you like gardening or the historical society. Good luck!
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Old May 10th 2017, 5:06 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

We have been in Boston/Cambridge for 10 weeks now and I found that my work people are very nice but if I want to do something socially with them I have to set it up myself. They will then come and have a good time but it is clearly not how things "are done here".

I joined a choir and while the choir itself is not at all my demographic (they are all in their late 60ies and 70ies - one person is 90!) I did meet a couple of younger people who put me in contact with some other people and we have had them round a few times and gone to brunch and we will go and see a ball game etc...

My wife and I also joined a dodgeball social league - mostly for the "social" bit and that was a total bust. While the people were nice and our age, our team was a pre-established group who would go and play other sports together as soon as we finished playing. The other teams would go to a social bar but the music was too loud to talk and we ended up getting little out of it. This has now finished (it was 6 weeks long) and we are not signing up again.

So overall I found that if I wanted to do social things I have to be quite active and organise them, invite people, cook, come up with things to do, etc... we have hosted 3 meals at ours but other people won't host dinners (apparently), I have tried to get a group together for crafts and people were really interested, but nobody else would do such a thing. It's ok - I am a very active person and love to organise anyway, if it was up to my wife we would not socialise as much.
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Old May 10th 2017, 6:55 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

If you're adventurous and have cash - Skydiving.

Seriously.
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Old May 10th 2017, 7:56 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

I was very lonely in NYC for a long time....I struggled to meet anyone with any depth of character.

Then New Year's Day I decided my resolution would be to learn knitting.
It opened up a whole new social scene for me.
Women of all ages , most 20's and 30's but a great mix.
We would have wine, knit and great conversations.
Not sure how close to Brooklyn you are , but I could recommend a great knitting shop of you want to PM me.

I also made a great friend at yoga. Always did the same class and in time got chatting to people.

From experience Manhattan is a hard place to crack socially . But parts of Brooklyn are lovely. Cobble hill/ Park slope in particular.

Not sure if you are sporty, but down by Brooklyn waterfront they have some great volleyball events.

Sorry to hear the meet up groups didn't work out. I thought about going to one while I lived in NYC but never made it.
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Old May 13th 2017, 8:57 pm
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Default Re: Live & work in NY/JC...I need a social life!

thanks everyone for the advice, i'm definitely going to be putting myself out there more when the weather gets better, hopefully i'll meet some more people that way.
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