My wife and I just moved to the US 5 months ago from the UK and I am finding it hard to settle in so I was hoping someone that may have had the same experience may be able to give me some advice.

Since I’ve been here it’s been like an emotional roller coaster, one day I love the place the next I just want to go home. I never thought I would say this but I actually miss the British weather!

When we go out for a meal or drinks I really enjoy myself, we have met friends and its always a laugh when we see them but at the back of my mind something doesn’t quite feel right.

her father does my head in too (moved to US 15 years ago from the UK) he is ALWAYS correcting me when I pronounce something the British way. He is always trying to put Britain down when I am around (even though he is British) always comparing things and raving about how amazing the US is.

I’ve told my wife that I am not happy here but she just brushes it off telling me that I need to give it time. To be honest I think I have given it enough time, I actually feel depressed.

It has got to the point that I am thinking crazy things like, should I just go buy a flight home?

If anyone has experienced anything like this after their move please give me some advice. Will it get better with time?

Right now I just want to go home.

I experienced this and ended up moving back home to England. My husband and I are now planning to go back to the U.S and are having to do the whole immigration process all over again.
In a way I am glad I came back here it has made me realise that England is not what you imagine when you are out of the country and homesick and I now believe life is a lot easier in many ways in the U.S to England so will remember this when we return. I do understand when you mention that something is just not right. Before I went to the U.S. I always thought that they were a lot friendlier than the Brits, I think I made acquaintances rather than friends when I was in the U.S which was also disappointing. I hope you feel better soon but maybe try going to London for a 2 week holiday and then maybe you can think more clearly about the different way of life, pros and cons of each country. It is easier than moving back and realising you have been a victim of the grass is greener syndrome.

Honestly, after 5 months, this is normal for many people. You're at a point where you just can't imagine anything ever being right, and everything you thought was going to be one way turns out another, and England, oh glorious perfection, is back there just waiting for you with open arms and happy smiles and dancing puppies and ... well, whatever.

It's entirely normal not only to be on the roller coast but also feel your in a basic freefall after about six months. The optimism you had coming over, or the sense of adventure, or possibly even the rose-colored glasses have come off now and you see the good, the bad and the ugly. Often not living up to the expectations you had set in your mind expands the feelings of homesickness.

And, when things are bad in the present, often we're pulled to think of the 'good things' of the past. You're not looking back at England saying 'boy I wish I was paying this silly tax or I wish I was queued up in a line that went on for an hour to speak to a snarky woman who wouldn't help me if she had to', you're remembering the good things such as friends and family and people who get your sense of a humor and now comparing those to the bad things that are going on right now. Good memories vs. bad realities always ends up the same way.

I think the only advice is bear with it. To move to the next stage (see this article: http://britishexpats.com/articles/mo...home-sickness/) and integrate yourself more with your surroundings, stop the comparisons in your head and just go with it, feet first into the deep end.

This site might help too. It's for exapts who followed their heart often times and moved overseas to be with the ones they loved. They now often find themselves in a small town that wasn't like the big city they visited while on vacation or the vision they had of the place before they moved. They have a few friends, and the 'new' family they married into is alternately accepting and condescending. They sometimes think that the entire country is a miserable disaster and that they should just pack it in and move back home.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

It's the homesickness board for US expats living in the UK. You'd be surprised how some of their comments might mirror some of the feelings you are having right now.

Good luck.

5 months is not long at all. It usually takes 1-2 years for many people to begin to feel settled.

As for your father-in-law, you have to deal with him for the rest of your life, so as much as he gets on your nerves, you need to figure out a way to not react in the way you do. If you can come up with a humorous way to respond, he'll probably back off when he realizes he's not getting to you.

If you can afford it, maybe take a trip home. It may lead you to realize that there are many good things about the US, and reaffirm your desire to be there. Either way, you need a UK "fix" every now and again.

Couples counselling might help also. If you really are depressed, your wife shouldn't be brushing it off.

Why don't you post some of your F-I-L rants and we can give you some ammunition. Most of us here are so skilled at it, we can counter to either side of the argument and turn it into fun. Heck, come up with 3 reasons to be in the US for every 1 of his. Not because you BELIEVE it but because it's fun.

Some idea's... july 4th - I have a losers party. My American friends think it's hilarious.

In Georgia, I cannot buy a bottle of wine on a Sunday but I *CAN* walk into a Walmart and buy a Shot Gun. Gotta love America.

In the UK, what I LOVE is that black people and indian people etc., have strong British (Birmingham, London, Scottish etc.,). Over here - and I totally generalize - most black people, where-ever they are from, speak the same and then complain we don't help THEM integrate - weird!

And the yanks moan the Brits don't have Cuisine... yet they rave about cardboard food - Pretzels and friggen Pizza. Give me cheese on toast rather than tasteless regurgitated Pizza..

And there's a friggen H in HERB, not URB. I go back to the yanks with HERBIE the car, it's not URBY.. Shuts them up :0

and so on and so on.. Come on lads/lassies, take a side of the pond and defend it, our both.... lets get this chap to stay. I honestly go back to the UK 3 times a year and God, it's getting worse over there. Sure, it's getting worse over here too BUT, this place is SO MUCH bigger.

I feel for you with the inlaw who is a constant nag about the way you speak or name things.
My MIL was a big fan of "life in the US is wonderful, UK is crap club"
I finally had it with her one day and told her like it was, she backed off and left me alone more after that. You are stuck with him for a long time so make yourself comfy and put a stop to his corrections and nagging now.
I was horribly homesick after about 1 year and wanted to move, (but we are 16 years in, on second US stint now) and having friends other than in laws made it a lot better.
I still want to move home, and we will eventually (I'm on a three year plan or so)
Take your time, enjoy the sights and what area you are in, and don't make any rash decisions about moving, do it slowly and calculated so you know for sure what you really want. If it ends up in a move back to UK then so be it, at least you gave it a good go.

Sounds like you are going through a tough time of it, sorry to hear that.

As has been said, 5 months isn't a long time, I'm sure it feels a lot longer to you though huh? Some folks on here have been in the US for 15 years or longer, I think most of them will admit to feeling homesick sometimes, even after all that time!

We have moved around quite a lot between different States/areas, I think the one thing that I have learned, that makes 'settling in' so much easier, is that the quicker you can get involved in things outside of the home, the easier it is to get that sense of belonging.

A short trip back to the UK is also a good idea, 5 months is long enough to have been gone maybe, for you to get an idea of your true feelings about the UK vs US while you are there.
Good luck, keep in touch with us lot on here, we can't make the choice for you, but we can offer a little sympathy/advice/help etc

words fail me....

Hi there, and sorry that you're feeling so rotten at the moment. I think your question about will it get better with time is a difficult one as I can pretty much gaurantee we (as in expats) have all felt out of sorts/depressed/homesick and all that at some stage or stages of our relocations. I know that I struggle on and off with it, to the point of really wanting to go home.
The first six months is absolutely a rollercoaster and every little thing feels like such a pain: from the fact you just don't feel like yourself, the confusion as to why you feel like that after all the effort it's taken to get into the Country in the first place (US specific!), through to people constantly telling you they either love, or can't understand, your accent! There are so many things that make up the components of the rollercoaster and most of them are generic with the relocation process rather than based on your own personal experience, if that makes sense. What I mean by that is that you are definitely not alone in feeling like this and my advice would be to give it more time. Yes, some people know straight away that a mistake has been made but in the limited understanding I have of your circumstances I would say you're not in that category, but are just in the natural stages of the transition.
I hope the fact that many of us have felt the same, continue to feel the same and understand what you're going through will be of some help.

LOL. Glad it wasn't just me!

God I just reread my post. I can't spell for crap in the morning. I go be mongo now.

It does take longer than 5 months to get used to things, the way of life and the general beaurocracy you need to go through to get driving licences etc. If you are in the unfortunate position of having to live in the same house as the in-laws, try and save some money to get a rental away from them. It could also be the area of the country you are in as some areas/states are less inspiring than others. Soon the ups will last longer than the downs . Good luck with the adjustments in your life.

I didn't notice the spelling mistakes, but I did think it was a great post

I think everyone goes through the roller coaster, for me personally some days I liked it, other days I didn't. After 4 months though I hated every single day here and just wanted to go home, I seriously began to think I was suffering from depression. This lasted for around 2 months.

We have now been here 18 months, and I still have my moments of really wanting to go home, but they are fairly infrequent. I still haven't settled here, and not sure I ever will. There are things that I didn't realise I loved so much about England (especially the weather) and can't explain why I miss them so much. I just do. I know though that if I went back there would be some things I miss about America too.

I have very few friends which I think makes things harder and my daughter feels exactly the same way as I do.

The strange thing is now if someone gave me tickets back I don't know what I would do, I feel like I am living my life in limbo.

Nobody can tell you what to do, thats a decision you need to make on your own. I'm just pleased I have got over the constant 'I want to go home' and am not unhappy (in fact I'm quite happy really).

This site has been a great help to me, knowing I'm not on my own and most people go through the same emotions is a great encouragement and in a strange way I feel part of my now feeling better about the whole thing is being able to rant on here.

Use us as your support system and hopefully you will get through it

Seems odd to me so many are so unhappy in the US.
Why come in the first place and why stay if you don't like it?
Life's too short it live somewhere that causes you unhappiness and depression.