busterboy

Why stop now?

...(the things you learn of in this forum).

I am hoping things work out for you Mingus.

birdynumnum

Mingus

Would you still be considering moving back to UK if you didnt have a son in the equation?

Irn-bru

I did and am now slowly, though it is sort of reversed of your situation.
After 9/11 my OH was laid off and sent back to the UK because our employers didn't pay top contributions to the UK, (we were on L1) so we weren't paid one penny in benefits when we got back.
We were there for over 2 years in the UK, and we sold our home in the UK before the housing boom so didn't make much (22,000 pounds) but what we did make and every penny we had in savings we lived of and managed somehow to stretch over 2 yrs.
So wish we didn't sell the house till now but hey hindsight is a killer

So now we are back in the US and starting from scratch like students and newly weds, buying a home. Struggling to get a deposit for a home and won't pay of our mortgage till 15yrs after my OH retires!!
This after having a nice home and nice standard of living.

Hearing of people selling their homes in the UK and making loads on it does bring out the green eyed monster with me.

But I realise how fortunate I am compared with a lot of other people and am happy where we are and seem to be more settled for the first time in years (owning a home, OH got steady job) And though having money is nice being happy is far more important, which maybe like you I sometimes have to remind myself when I want a moan

I don't think I could afford to live in the UK in a lot of places so I am thankful in a way that no one in the UK offered my OH a job and the US did. At least it helps with homesickness, as I'm grateful to the US (his employers) for giving him a job.

So as long as you are happy in the place you are, then it helps when maybe financially things can be tight.

mingusdynasty

Sure does. And the reverse is true, if you are marginal and struggling things quickly get on top of you.

I've been thru it all in kiwi land, properity and working as a labourer to make ends meet :curse:

Ben

We have a British friend in the US who left a son behind in the UK and he and his son have a fantastic relationship. He has always made a point of going back 4 times a year and makes sure his son knows how much he cares and loves him. Yes, he buys things for his son that are too expensive in the UK but he is also a father who doesn't allow his son to be rude or naughty.

Like you, his ex-wife did not make it easy, though, from the time their son was only a few months old. Moving away has actually helped because his son sees how happy his father is and how wonderful his life is abroad. For the first time his son came over to visit and loved it. He is sixteen soon and has asked his father if he can come over and live with him.

Keep in touch, and don't let your ex get the better hand. Keep making sure your son knows who you are and that you try when you are allowed to. It can work with effort

Cookie

I have a cousin who's wife moved to Houston with their son and new husband. Luckily he had a good job and was able to fly back and forth to USA several times a year too plus paid for his son to fly back to the UK or to NYC or Florida where they would spend vacation time together. Money was obviously import for this to happen. However, they also phoned each other regularly and had a webcam which is less expensive.

NZ and OZ are much further away and probably more expensive to fly home on a regular basis so it is very important to keep contact with your child by phone or best of all by webcam. Even if a child is very happy with a step parent they will feel unloved by the absent parent if there is no contact. Not a nice emotional place to be.

A loving parent should always keep in touch with their child and if the custodial parent makes it difficult, still keep trying. Tell your child you love him and NEVER slag off the parent they live with.

Children grow up and will see for themselves who prevented who from having contact with them. Any parent who prevents their child from seeing the other parent just out of spite will get their commuppence, and rightly so!

dunroving

To add some objective perspective to some of my comments earlier, I spent an hour last night actually calculating my financial situation here, compared to the US. I use Quicken (a computer software that allows you to keep an electronic account of expense, etc.), so it was pretty accurate. This might be of interest to potential returnees, as it's been asked on here before what the cost of living is like in the UK.

So, here goes, bear in mind that when I say "essential bills", I mean those things you have little choice over (utilities, house insurance, groceries, transport, etc.)

UK:
Mortgage as a percentage of monthly salary: 45%
Essential bills as a percent of monthly salary: 40%
- this does not include clothes, lunch, house maintenance, and other basic needs.

US (North Carolina):
Mortgage as a percentage of monthly salary: 20%*
Essential bills as a percent of monthly salary: 27%

* bear in mind that in the US, house insurance and council tax (property tax) is rolled into the mortgage, so in fact the mortgage is a slightly lower percentage and the bills a slightly higher percentage, if you want to compare like with like, UK vs US.

- when I looked at this, I was gobsmacked. I thought I must have made a mistake, but when I checked and re-checked, this is about right.

- I also did a little forecast, taking into account salary increases, etc., and figured that I will need to spend the majority of my income for the next 15 years (i.e., to retirement) to pay off my 25-year mortgage. In contrast, in the US I was about to become mortgage-free and would have had the next 15 years to invest in buy to let, invest for retirement, etc. (I was already making extra payments into my retirement fund).

- my situation may be different than many returnees. Most of my situation has resulted from the fact that in the 10 years I've been away, US house prices have hardly risen in the Southeast US, while UK prices have tripled (the house next door was bought for ONE QUARTER what I paid for mine, less than 5 years ago), and the US dollar is going down the toilet. I'm not trying to discourage returnees, just saying take a very careful look at your financial forecast before you make the jump.