Re: Infant state care?
 

I think you're right. I think work shouldn't consume so much of our lives, and I think the father should be expected to do as much as the mother.

I thought society would be more enlightened in future .... I thought that 15 years ago when my eldest was born. If anything it's worse. :mad:

Re: Infant state care?
 

Yes, that's all they do.....because we know that their little brains aren't forming and they aren't learning anything.....

Re: Infant state care?
 

My point is that I believe babies need to stay home with a parent or caring family member till they are at least a year old. Lost in translation happens a lot, but that is what I meant. I understand that families have to work around two parent incomes.....but surely there are other creative ways rather than to plonk junior in daycare. Daycare is extremely expensive.....I don't know how anyone could afford to pay it and then bring home enough money to live off of.....:confused:

Re: Infant state care?
 

Daycare is expensive, but I earn more than I would pay in daycare, which around here runs around $1,000/month.

On the one hand, some moms would love to stay home with their kids. That's wonderful, and I hope those who wish to can afford to do so. Others might go a bit crazy in the process.

My husband and I are both breadwinners in our household, we earn just about the same. Without one of those incomes we would have to move to a different house, as one income wouldn't be enough to live on here. We don't have a family member in the city who could look after junior - unless they commute several states a day.

And for that matter, I'm getting ready to finish my Master's degree and would like to have a career as well as be a mother. I suspect some would think that's selfish of me - but I disagree. By taking care of my own interest in a career, etc. I am maintaining my own happiness, which surely would have a positive impact on a child. I'm also ensuring that I would keep my skills up so that I will be able to continue to work in my industry in the future. That translates to greater financial security for a family, and an ability to stay in the good school district and neighborhood we live in now.

I work with several women who have small children. Some work full-time, some reduced hours. All are excellent mothers and have done their homework to ensure that their child is receiving the best possible care.

Things aren't always so black and white. I'm glad if you're happy being a stay-at-home mom, but that doesn't mean that anyone who doesn't make that choice is morally bankrupt.

Re: Infant state care?
 

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Re: Infant state care?
 

I'm not a stay at home mother.....although I can see where you'd assume that. I did stay at home with my older children, but that proved to be a necessity, I didn't have the option to go out to work and in the end I enjoyed spending time with them and helping out in their schools. Although I did miss working. This time around was a different scenario, after our daughter was born I gave up the job I had been working and went to work in the evenings so my daughter was cared for by her dad.

Yes I am not in a high stakes career, my husband is. We do depend on my income because we've started acquiring more debt. We live in a fairly decent neighbourhood and we're in a fairly decent school district and most of my neighbours work during the day, including me. There is one that I know of that doesn't work and she has twins, the cost of daycare would be too much for her to work.

At any rate, I still think a child, especially a baby deserves a parent, not a stranger as a caregiver for at least its first year of life. To be on the selfish side you miss so much. And while its great to make sure your life is the absolute best it can be (with a good career or education to lead to a good career) I know its hard to balance both without something or someone losing out.

Re: Infant state care?
 

To put a penny in -

The UK does still offer the parents a bit more help in order for Mum to stay home though. For longer at first and then there is child benefit and other social services which are less or just lacking in the states. Thats a reflection of the society's views on family wheras in the states, the family is basically on its own.

Don't know about daycare in the UK, but they tend to charge a full week here even if you just need it one or two days per week. That would be an interesting comparison if anyone knows?

Re: Infant state care?
 

Hats off to any woman who works and also plays the traditional Mum role in her family. It is having two jobs. :eek:
I don't think many men could handle a job and also being a "Mr Mom", yet many more women do this than just stay home.

Fortunately, I personally loathe Football, Baseball, fishing and Nascar - so finding time to vacuum and wash laundry isn't too hard. :lol:

Re: Infant state care?
 

Thanks for clarifying AmerLisa - and I'm sorry if my initial response seemed a bit harsh.

To play devil's advocate ... if Dad had to work during the day and Mom at night for a child to always be cared for by a parent, then Dad and Mom would rarely see one another. That could result in a sad loss in family quality time, or could even put strain on the marriage.

Why would it be okay to put a child in daycare after 1 year, but not initially? It seems that if the parent should be the caretaker, then the parent should be the caretaker, no?

I guess to me the key is to find an excellent caretaker, and as Snowbunny pointed out, this takes considerable planning in advance. If a good daycare or caretaker is chosen, this can also have social benefits for the child as well, particularly if said child doesn't have siblings at home.

Re: Infant state care?
 

A child actually grows more in its first year of life than any other time. But, its not like a switch goes off after the first birthday.....of course there is certainly more growing to do. And while you (and Snowbunny) are looking and preparing for good childcare, there are so many others who don't make the right choices.

As I said previously, it shocks and saddens me (and perhaps angers me) that parents will put there child in daycare at 4 weeks old. I'm sure its not an easy decision, at least I would hope its not.

Re: Infant state care?
 

the most important thing for children is to be loved totally unconditionally with no "baggage"
get to know your baby before it is born...play tunes talk to your tum and pat your tummy at about 70 beats a minute or one per second...the baby will sooth it's self ready for when it's born...then you can pat him/her to sleep at the same rate.......
as soon as your baby is born look them straight in the eyes and talk soft gentle words and greet them to the outside world....tell your child you love them at least 10 times a day..never blame them for the way you feel.......a hug is more important than making up silly rules......make every moment with your child a magic moment that can be cherished all your life...it doesn't matter how much time you do or don't spend with your kids it's about how special that time is....it is not a right to have a child but it most definitely is a privilege and anyone who has children should cherish every hair on their heads.....
there is no such thing as "naughty"
children reflect our behaviour if they see a happy jolly and relaxed parent that is how they will behave.....
they need lots of sleep and fresh healthy food and water....and the chance to play...and a book every day from birth
call child care "school" they like the sound of that
and this is enough...goodnight

Re: Infant state care?
 

oh forgot this link
http://www.circleofsecurity.org/

Re: Infant state care?
 

I wouldn't bother continuing to post on this thread if I were you because the OP has never posted since her first post. Maybe she's weighing her options to have an anchor baby.

Re: Infant state care?
 

i was until a year ago a single working mother. Kids went to day care in the day i went to work... late afternoons, i picked the kids up , we went grocery shopping, came home, cooked tea, did laundry, helped homework, took kids later as they got older to sports, kino, all the kids stuff.. had a small circle of friends that helped when i was in a jam. I worked, to pay the rent, the bills, food, clothes, school supplies, day care, the car, gas, xmas and bday gifts, the normal everyday things.. if i hadnt worked, i could have gone on welfare, and we would have lived in a dump, no sports, kino, school supplies, no car, wouldnt need the gas etc etc etc.. Parents who work and have kids do it out of necessity. I never got any child support so it was me or me that had to figure out the finances....

I however, cannot beleive that child care here in the US is so damn expensive. Its disgusting!! I know lots of moms that pay for child care and really come home with little for what they do after they pay gas, etc etc but the benefits etc come from her wages and to leave work and him to have to pay it all is just not possible.

My brother is a lorry driver and since wifey has had a kid, she stays at home and is moaning about how she cant cope... how she might need a nanny and he gets home 2 times a month....that is it!! He works his ass off to pay to the bills and all he does is sleep live and work in a cab of a truck. That is disgusting!!!! I would sometimes like to kick her ass to more her to help more.. but she is reaping it for all its worth.

And for the record.... i think my 2 girls are better off for being in a great day care... they were very advanced and easily mixed with other people because of it. I was lucky. And very grateful that they are so independent because of it. It meant also that the time i was with them i tried as best i could. They got a lot of quality and not a lot of quantity... but they are ok for it.

Re: Infant state care?
 

AmerLisa made a good point when she said that some look for good daycare for their children, and others do not (or can't afford to swing this). We're lucky in that by both working we could afford to put a child into an excellent daycare system. If that wasn't true I'd likely feel differently.