warksgirl

This isn't a moan (not really), but looking for advice (again).

My husband travels a lot. This is not uncommon. However, I was wondering how other British wives cope with a husband who travels alot. At the moment, he's gone all week.

I have two small kids, so going out in the evenings isn't possible, unless I hire a babysitter. I keep myself busy, etc. etc. It's the evenings during the week that can get to me.

I try to break up the week by going out to a restaurant with the boys on Wednesday evenings. I've started our own little "tradition." But still, the weeks drag by sometimes...

My husband has always travelled, but it seems harder being in a different country with small children, especially now that the nights have drawn in.

With the time difference, I can't call home to talk to family.

Marmitemaniac

Oh you poor thing. I remember when my hubby was away all week. We moved to the states so we would at least be in the same time zone.
Can you not catch up on a movie, or book, or do you just need adult time?

Lion in Winter

Well you have to try and look on the bright side - no snoring in bed to put up with, fewer dirty clothes strewn around etc. I don't know how long you've been here, but if it's not long, you will eventually make more friends, etc. and then have them round to your house. I found that sitting around in parks where there are lots of small children and parents was a good way to make contact when the night life is restricted.

sibsie

I feel your pain. My husband's a pilot so he's away a lot and always will be until retirement. It's easier for me as I don't have kids but I did have to make a real effort to get out and meet people. But then sometimes it's a lot easier to meet people when you do have kids as there's immediate common ground.

I have a very time consuming hobby so I'm out of the house most of the day. I've built up a fairly decent network of friends here but American's don't seem to be able to plan things at the last minute (see previous rant).

Have you got any outside interests or hobbies you can pursue?

NC Penguin

This might sound daft but do you have say female friends who have children (preferably of a similar age)?

If so, could you not take turns hosting evenings at each others houses? The adults could chat, the children could play with each (or fight). At least the children would have company too. Maybe watch a DVD, play a board game, something suitable for a group.

Maybe this could be done every couple of weeks, perhaps once a month. It would be something more sociable for you and your children.




NC Penguin

bored-silly

Sounds like my life! I have a newborn baby and a 3 year old. My husband is away at least one week per month which I find really hard. We have been here one year now and I still don't have anyone who is really like the kind of person I would socialise with at home.
Is there a mothers club where you live? I can't quite believe I am recommending you join one as a year ago, I laughed my arse off when someone suggest I do it - they may as well have well suggested I join the womens institute! Anyhoo, I joined and there have been a few 'coffee meets' with complete strangers which have been nice. Wierd, but nice! They sometimes have evening social groups where you go to each others houses with the kids.
As for the evenings, I sit on this forum with a galss of wine and lurk! I have become a trash tv telly adict and I am considering doing some study. Is there anything you could study at home?
Don't know where you are but you can come round my 'ouse for a glass of wine or two!
Where you from in Warks?

Patrick

heres how

Lion in Winter

Er Patrick, I think it's her mind she wants to occupy. But you are very thoughtful, nevertheless.

warksgirl

Thanks everybody; lots of good ideas. I really like the idea of hosting evenings at each other homes. There are lots of women around here with husbands who travel. I know that there are others who are not from this area and therefore, not likely to have family near by.

I do read; now that winter's around the corner, I'm sure I'll get lost in some good (or bad) books.

Bored-silly, I'd LOVE to go to San Francisco and join you for a glass (or bottle) of wine. But I'm in suburban Chicago; it's a long way to go! (I'm from the Stratford area)

As for Patrick's recommendation, I wasn't thinking along those lines, but hey, if it keeps you happy, you never know!

Last winter was my first winter here. It wasn't so bad, though, because my husband didn't travel as much. And I do know more people so I'll see if I can rally some of them around.

It's just those long evenings...

Lion in Winter

Suburban Chicago? Which one?

bored-silly

Bit warmer 'ere than Chicago. I went there a couple of years ago and went outside for a ciggie and me nose hair froze up.....

Manc

Don't wanna sound like a right tight bastard, but be grateful he's gotta job in this day and age.

Jan Alaska

My ex was in the British Navy Submarine service so was away 3 months at a time with no 2 way communication (we sent a 20 word 'grumble gram' once a week to keep them up to date with happenings at home, they got to send bugger all) so I know exactly what you are dealing with. The only advice I can give is after the kids are off to bed enjoy the peace. I used to read , knit (very fashionable thing to do right now again apparently) watch the tv progs I wanted to watch, have long luxurious baths with no one knocking the door ..... ahhh those were the days ...... oooo where was I ? If you really cant handle the solitary life maybe look into a baby sitting circle ?? so you can get out and do some nightclasses or the like ? And I'm sorry to say if you really really arent coping then maybe have a talk with hub about the chances of him being home for a while ?

All the best
Jan

warksgirl

Lion, I'm in the Fox River River Valley area, Geneva. Some people might argue that it's "suburban" Chicago, but it does sprawl this far west. We chose this area because there are lots of families and it has a more open feel to it. Where are you?

Manc, rest assured that I am very happy my husband's got a job. It's just that being tied with small children in a new country can be tough. I left a very strong support network in England, and I am trying to build a new one here. Anybody with small kids will tell you, that support is important.

My husband's been travelling Monday-Fridays pretty much since June. He leaves at 5:15 a.m. on Monday and usually is back on Fridays, somewhere around 7:00 or 8:00 p.m. My boys miss their dad.

I completely understand he has to travel; that's the way it goes. It's just with the short days, we're stuck inside more and I just looking for some ideas to get through the long nights. I thought there might be other mum's from England on this site in the same situation, who have had to build a new support network; they gave me some good ideas to get the ball rolling.

Lion in Winter

I'm in Evanston, just north of Chicago, by the Lake. Hop on I94 some day and come and visit. Really. I'm home during the week (out all weekend), but I'm stuck for transportation. How old are the kids? I have a 5-year-old who'll give anyone a run for his money.