How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Hi. I have been in LA a month after badgering my husband to take up a job here. We have sold up everything in England. I was the one who really wanted to come, but now we have arrived I suddenly feel extremely homesick and anxious! I am trying to get more involved with school activities (my children are 9 and 12). Any thoughts and tips would be greatly appreciated.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Can take a day, a month, a week, a year, a lifetime. It all depends on how much you want to get involved with the US.

The US more than most places is what you make it.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

It generally takes folk about 2 years to feel settled into their new home, so what you are feeling is normal. It takes time to adapt to a new environment, but you'll soon settle in I'm sure.

:):)

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

How long is a piece of string? There's no single answer to your question.

It really, really depends on the individual and their situation. For me, when I was (ahem!) younger and moved to the Bahamas I settled instantly. But that was partly due to my different outlook on life back then and the fact that for me, at the time, the Bahamas was like paradise and the lifestyle made life in the UK look like drudgery in comparison.

In the several moves I've made since then the answer has ranged from a couple of months to over a year. It's been influenced by the fact that as I've got older moving around agrees less with me, and also by the specifics of the situation. I've tended to settle more quickly when I've lived in my own home than when I've rented.

I've been lucky enough to have had a job each time also; I'm sure that if I'd been unemployed it would have been a much longer time.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I agree, everyone is different. It took me about eighteen months, but that is only a couple of months longer than it took to buy a house. Part of the delay was because we were unable to see our house in London for more than six months, and partly because we moved twice after arriving in New York. We left our rented apartment after eight months, and moved to a house belonging to my in-laws. Six months later I found a new, much more agreeable job, and found a house two months later. Feeling settled followed very shortly after that! :)

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I lived in LA for a year and never got settled. I hate that place, what a total and utter craphole. It gave me my first mental breakdown and it should be flattened then burned.

My advice is to try and avoid driving and dealing with the fake self obsessed locals! Do all you can to maintain your sanity and cross your fingers!

Good luck

Paul

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Thanks for the replies. I admit the driving is definitely one of my hang-ups, which I am trying to get over as I will feel more relaxed if I can. Does anybody out there like LA?

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Yep, I like LA... I'm just glad I don't live there ;)

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

If you are willing to risk the drive you should check out Electric Karma on 3rd Street, down near Cedars-Sinai as the food is amazing (Indian but owned by a Frenchman), further down the road in Santa Monica is The Kings Head (http://www.yeoldekingshead.com/newsite/home.htm )which is the usual US attempt at a 'British Pub' but it's better than the endless sports bars or overpriced poser hang-outs. In Pasadena I really reccomend the Yard House ( http://www.yardhouse.com/default.asp ) for a nice meal/drinking session. In Glendale you should check out Portos Bakery ( http://www.portosbakery.com )

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Everyone differs on this and there is no set guide. It took me until I got settled into a full time job to feel apart of my new home.

Just don't let the homesickness let you make any quick decisions on giving up. I felt like it a number of times but stuck it out. I'm glad I did.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I have been here 14months and still have days when i feel homesick, i too have children who are 10 & 12 and it took me a little while to get involved in school things but i'm glad i did, i'm just now starting to feel anywhere near comfortable going into school but more and more people are starting to make conversation and invite me to things, it is really hard, but it seems to get easier, the good thing for me is i read this board every day and know that these are normal feelings.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Thanks, it is good to know that things should get easier and as you say very helpful to hear of other people's experiences.

By the way, my husband is a "Geordie boy".

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

So much depends on your attitude, if you dwell on the things that you miss from home, and the things that you don't like here, you'll never make it. If you set out to find things to like it helps a great deal.

Something to understand, a lot of Americans are intimidated by a British accent and you will find it difficult to distinguish it from dislike for you. Your best way in is through the children and their schools, and school activities. My wife knew half the township before I had a beer and a natter with a neighbour.

Good luck.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Look for Eskimo, Woodsey, and Lionheart, to name a few, who live in the area.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

She's homesick, not psychotic ;) :D

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

You'll notice I left syllk off the list, who was there not too long ago. ;)

As to Geordies -- plenty on the Oz forum; NJ_Dave on the US forum.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

"Something to understand, a lot of Americans are intimidated by a British accent "

Yeah - milk it for all its worth ....Hoo Harr.....

I love the americans, - I married one three years ago, but I have to agree with 'Immunize' - the self obsessed posturing with alot of Americans really shows up a lack of educashun and a real global ignorance at times that can be a bit of a re-occurring peeve. Oh yes - and somebody should commit Dubbya to a loonie bin. That aside though....

I love my (yankee) wife and she loves me.....and she is very aware of global issues:)

How long does it take? Pff.....I would say you'll never feel at home like you did in the UK, but I would say that 'cos I miss my UK rellies like crazy. I've met other UK expats here who dont have that close link with their siblings / parents etc. - so I thinkits not such a problem with them. For me? I am happy but truly stuck in two worlds.

Ahh nuts... life is wot yer make it eh?

Toot!

Bumpkin ( well on his way to becoming the neighorhood 'thousandaire')

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I'm great at settling in here.

I do it every year from March through to Oct. Soon as November rolls in (with the annual snowfall of the UK hitting us daily.....OK that's a "slight" exaggeration) I strangely find myself very much UNsettled.

I also found that the ability to "ignore ignorance" helps here greatly.

Could be worse you could be somewhere in the frozen north east.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I love it! I've been here nearly two years and it tokk me most of that time to really settle in. There are different stages and it's different for everyone. About three weeks after I got here I heard Eastenders (when they used to show it) theme tune ring out on BBC America and I burst into tears. It suddenly hit me what I had done, the strangeness of it all. Happened again in the supermarket. I'd spent about an hour in there trying to find something familiar that i could cook for my husband. I just felt overwhelmed and the tears just flowed.

Despite those initial moments I did begin to settle in. Then it hit me at about 6 months. Even though I'd been back to the UK in that time I missed living there desperately. I realised I wouldn't ever have my family and friends all around again.

It's not all bad. The homesickness has faded. I think of England and feel warm and fuzzy as I flick through a mental picture book of places I love. But I'm settled here. I've changed the way I cook and I love Desperate Housewives. The best thing I did for myself was go back to school. It's a community college so a lot of the students are my age. But it's fun and I've made new friends and really started to feel settled.

And who couldn't love the weather. We're right next to the ocean and have the benefit of being close to the city.

Anyway got to go, it's lovely and sunny and the beach is calling!

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Horses for courses, but a month is nothing!

Out of interest, how much time did you spend in LA before you decided you wanted your family to relocate there? How did your kids greet the decision and how have they coped with the upheaval?

You're bound to feel homesick and anxious because everything is different, you have to make new friends, you are driving on shitty roads on the wrong side (;) ) and a million other little things which make you feel alienated.

Only time will tell whether or not you can make LA your home but it's certainly a trueism that the harder you try, the more likely you are to succeed.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

That's exactly what happened to us, except we didn't land in LA (thankfully) and I'm the American part of this American/British equation.....go figure. It is over 18 months here in the US and I'm still homesick for the UK....my husband isn't bothered, but that's him, he doesn't care where he lives. I'm sure he'd like for me to be happy somewhere, either that or quit moaning at him. :D

Sorry to be of no help, but I can relate, in a strange kind of way. Best of luck and hope you feel settled soon. :)

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Where in LA are you? I've been here 18 years and still settling in.......... or not? Like any big city I suppose but replace the culture of London and Paris with beaches.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes the city and the people irritate me. Depends what you are into?

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

That is a very pertinent question. My husband is a scientist and we came here 2 1/2 years ago for a 6-month sabbatical, with him working for the hospital which has now given him a job. We were living in a vibrant urban area and, to be honest, it was more like a lovely vacation for me. I could even walk to most things and the kids were only in elementary school and knew they were going back. England seemed dull to me in comparison. Now we are living way out of the city in order to put the children in good schools, and I have to deal with real everyday life! My daughter, 9 , likes it here, fortunately, but my son is not too happy about it and never was. I think he saw a lot of the potential pitfalls better than I did! By the way, my long-suffering husband has coped with everything, even separation from his beloved Newcastle FC, and is very positive and prepared to "go for it", so that will help. I certainly feel I should have done more research and thought things through more carefully before making such a big commitment. But then, maybe it will all work out fine and I will be glad we made the move!

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

We are in Calabasas in the San Fernando Valley-see my reply to Wintersong as to why. Santa Monica is certainly one of the nicer parts to be. What are you into?

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I've been here nearly 2 years, and the first 8 months were like a holiday. Once I moved to the East Coast reality set in and I had a really hard time adjusting, so I am sympathising with you. What really made the difference was applying what made me happy in the UK to the USA. For example, I was in a band so I joined a band here. I loved going to the gym so I joined a gym. I also got a job and stuck with it so now I really feel at home here. I have good friends, a great social life and enough money to do what I want. I think it's all about taking control of your life. It's not the same here as back home, but you can find the elements that made your life good there and apply it here. If you just sit at home and mope and let is get to you it will get the better of you and drive you crazy. Get out there and embrace it. It is a very cool place to live once you get used to the crazy American perspective! Good luck!

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

It does depend on where you live, if you can make friends quickly or not, and if you have a job or not...find stuff to do at the library, try and volunteer, once your out and about doing things, you'll feel better about things and it'll help to make friends....plus there's always the phone and IM's to keep in touch with friends and family...

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Well to start I lost my job 4 months ago. I was making decent money and travelling throughout Asia and Europe 2 months a year on business. I was pretty much the sole source of income as my partner ( who is from Finland) and I decided she would primarily look after our 23 month old son. We were planning to buy a house and add to our family, needless to say the house is not going to happen since I no longer have a job, however we do have another baby on the way which is due in February 2006. In many ways I feel I am back to square one after the job loss, we are also in a very small apartment (so my views may be tainted or even perceived as negative??).
On the bright side, we have 3 Miniature Pinscher dogs, between them and my son this takes up a considerable amount of my time. I play football every week, work out 4 or 5 times a week( weights cardio etc), I like to watch football and boxing on the TV,also enjoy cooking mostly ethnic food and a glass or two of red wine. Since I lost my job I started playing golf ( which I suck at) and am looking at getting my soccer coaching license so I can possibly coach kids. Also used to like to go to the movies a lot, however that is now limited to DVD as most people don't appreciate a screaming 2 year old during the movie. I have also spent some time finishing restoring the 1974 Jaguar XJ6L project car which I spent 5 years putting money and work into, although the car is worth about as much as a used Dodge Neon ( definitely a labor of love). You can see pics on the photopost under lionheart. That just about sums it up for me.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Hi welcome to the site, God I'm so excited, another mum in LA :D , I'm here too with 2 kids, a 13 year old and an almost 3 year old, we've been here for 14 months and yes, the first few months are as tough as hell, after 6 months I was so homesick I'd have caught the first plane home had the opportunity arisen, however we stuck it out and I love it now.
If you don't mind I'll send you a PM tomorrow as I'm dying to know where abouts in LA you are and if you're up for it I'll be more than happy to show you around. :)
I've just returned from the most wonderful weekend in San Francisco with some people we met from this site (Bored-Silly, Wintersong and Leedsgirl) so after too much booze and suffering from a stinking cold I really need to go to bed now.. :zzz:

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I'm knocking on three years here and do not feel an ounce settled. I was a member of the volenteer fire department but got pissed off with the intolerance and bigotry, and I think that is where my problem is, SE NC is terribly racist and it is like I have come back to 1905. People are far more conservative and less tolerant than I can accept. People hide behind there religion and use it as a shield to act any way they please.

I like america but I do not feel I will ever settle in NC as I will never be able to accept intolerance and stupidity as normal. I think once everything is settled with our foster/adoptive children and we are in a position to move we will move to a more accepting and open minded part of the USA.

When I first got here and whinged about not settling in people told me acceptance is the key, I refuse to accept behaviour that goes against everything I think is important (tolerance, understanding, the ability to make free and thought through choices, freedom of religion and speech).

Accept as far as you have to without compramising your own principals

Patrick

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Thank you Judith Charmers - Great post, really balanced, full of insight, hope you get that job as travel agent soon soon - the industry needs you ...

In LA 14 months now and it is what you make it .. we live on the east side in a beautiful city with great schools, parks, restaurants etc. BUT we can be at the beach or in Hollywood for a night out in a hour. Met a few Expats here and made some good friends through work. Not everyone is self obsessed (or no more so than in London) but you have to work at it .. talk to the wife shes from Yorkshire so whatever she says will all be true

By the way not sure what all the posters on here have against LA ? I wanted to live in civilisation. Unlike many on here I don't want to live in some humid and / or freezing shit-hole were the locals have family trees that are vertical and teeth are optional :D

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Don't know if you have it but if not get it, Satalite Navigation is the best invention ever, I was terrified of driving anywhere mainly for fear of getting lost in LA :scared:, Initially when I wanted to go look at things for the new house, find a better supermarket etc I was just too scared, having it means I can go where I want, when I want and if I do feel slightly lost I just press the home button and it takes me home..its fabulous, without it I wouldn't have ventured further than the end of my street.. :o Since getting it I've been all over, I even drove to San Diego on my own. It will be the best $1000 you spend.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

I wouldnt take it personally, living somewhere is so subjective. I couldnt live in London, too much for me (which means NY and LA are probably out too). I dont mind the infrastructure of where I live now (I, in fact, love living near the beach and having a pool etc,) but cannot abide the (localised) culture.

I use to live an hour outside london and had the best of both worlds, lived in the country with London only a train ride away. That may be the thing to do here, if I can find such a place.

who cares if people dont like LA and you do, some people might not like LA because there is no Football team! My advice, don't sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Patrick you don't not come on the board nearly enough anymore and advice like this is like gold dust :D

I couldn't really give a crap if people like LA or not I was just a bit surprised at all these negative opinions to an OP who I believe needs a bit of help and moral support..

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

You haven't heard of the world famous LA Galaxy? Shame on you.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

[QUOTE=Eskimo]Patrick you don't not come on the board nearly enough anymore and advice like this is like gold dust :D

[QUOTE]

Ive dissapeared up my own arse of late, we are moving house we adopted one foster child and the other went home, we have had allsorts of weird and not very wonderful crap happen of late.

When did my life become an extreme sport?

Patrick

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Sorry to hear about your job, that is quite a blow to deal with. It sounds like you are making good use of your time. What are your future plans? I enjoyed looking at your pics and look forward to hearing about the new baby. Good luck with everything.

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

There's a world of difference between knowing you have a home to return to in the UK and suddenly feeling cut off and isolated, isn't there? Still, I would say that your attitude seems to be fairly positive despite the homesickness so you're going about it the right way. If your friends are anything like mine, they'll have decided that it's far too expensive to call you and it'll be up to you to stay in touch, which adds to the feelings of isolation. Apparently it's also too expensive to send post (one birthday card from the UK, but that's a whole other story...)

I think you definitely need to get driving - just bite the bullet and get out there. As and when you start meeting new people and/or joining groups etc you will need to be able to get around - this is America and the car is king :D

Just get on this site whenever you need to have a moan about things - you'll find loads of people who are willing to moan with you and plenty of other people who will put you up by your bootlaces and tell you what's what :D

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Yes. I didn't realize what a big decision selling our house was.I 'm glad you said that about the friends contacting you as well. It seems we have disappeared off our friends' radar already, but I thought maybe it was just us...

I'm really glad I found this site, but if I'm going to keep using it I need to know how to "adorn" my posts like everyone else-where do I find out how to do this?

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Ask away - what do you want to know?

For a pic under your username, go to my profile and then hit edit avatar. You can upload gifs or jpgs so long as they are less than 65 x 65 pixels and about 20-30kb. I'm not entirely sure what the regs are for non-premium members.

You can also edit your signature in your profile, so make sure you get some really thought provoking stuff in there ;)

Re: How long does it take to feel settled?
 

Selling the house for us in hindsight was a good thing .. its so final you have to get on with it ..

I think the wake up call for us with friends was going home at Xmas and realising everyone is getting on with their lives without us :o
Lots of people promise to come but I think most people on here would agree that promising at a leaving party and actually getting on a plane for 11 hours are two very different things. Being LA it is easier to attract the visitors though and we have had our best friends, both sets of parents and and mine and Woodseys sisters, not sure that Minneapolis in November would have been so busy :D