Duncs

Just wondered if people would share their own experiences of arriving here and then how long it has taken to settle in?

How many of you have thought seriously about going back to the UK? Did you, or did you tough it out? What changed your mind? Has life got better for you in the USA and in what way?

I would be very interested in peoples experiences to help me make up my own mind at the moment. As you may have noticed from other postings recently i am going through somewhat of crisis about the choice made in coming here and where life is going for me. I have not been this unhappy and depressed in many many years, probably my years as an undergrad would be the last time i have been this unsettled. Whilst a little self indulgent i find the process of discussing the issues on here and seeing other peoples experiences is very helpful particularly where you have bounced back ok.

regards,

Duncan

Englishmum

I've been here (NJ - in the New York metro area) since the Summer of 2000 and it still doesn't feel like I'm 'home'. However, my son loves it here - he's into the ice hockey and snowboarding and football/soccer in the warmer months. My husband really enjoys his job here (he works for a British company) but to be honest, is rarely at home.

Since January he has been in Rome, London (twice - for a week each time), Boston, St. Louis and yesterday morning flew off to a company conference in a posh resort in Puerto Rico. He's just phoned me to say he's renting a bike and cycling to the rain forest. He's back later in the week and next Sunday flies to Geneva....then when he's back from Switzerland is off to St. Louis again.

I don't know why I'm living in the States.

I had a much better quality of life as an expat when we were posted to Singapore. My husband was always off on trips around South East Asia and Australia etc. but at least there is a huge expat community of all nationalities there...and household help.

I'm pretty much resigned to spending a few more years here (and I do often wonder if I would enjoy the States more if I was in California for example) but where we are most people in our locality are just obsessed with material things and making money, although I'm aware that most of them are transplanted New Yorkers who are notoriously rude!

Duncs; one thing which you might not have thought of is to consider a legal position in Singapore, as law is based on the English system there. There are a lot of Brits working there and some law offices owned by Brits. Your wife could probably easily find employment there too as there are many American companies with their Asian HQ's there. You might also want to consider Hong Kong.

Franklin

There were ups and downs. My move was a permanent one way move from the "get go" (filed a green card application via the US Embassy in London and left after getting the "envelope"). So there was no real transition period, no period of living in the USA without a green card in the bag. Maybe this made it different. *not sure* I loved living in the USA from the get go, loved my US spouse, loved our apartment, loved the Chicago lake front, loved working in a hi-rise on the "magnificent mile" in downtown Chicago. Just loved it.

But while moving and living in a different country was not an issue, the fact that it was a permanent move from the get go quickly became an issue for me. This came as an unwanted and unexpected "surprise". "Surprise, surprise" (from hmmmm, Total Recall based on a story by Phillip K. Dick, "We Remember It For You Wholesale".) That's what it was, "Surprise, surprise!" "Surprise, suprise, you have a "loss!"

I did not think I would end up grieving a “loss�, but that’s what happened. To be frank, it caught me off guard. The “no going back� bit really did strike an unexpected raw nerve. Whenever I got reminded that there was no going back I felt sad and grieved not living in the UK. I liked going to the movies. Secrets and Lies was a great movie, but it made me sad because it reminded me of my decision to permanently leave the UK. After seeing Secrets and Lies I stopped watching British movies for a while – that movie touched such a raw nerve. I think I only truly settled once I got over the grieving stage.

FlyergirlUK

It didn't take me long to settle here as I'm pretty adaptable. I felt even more at home once I had my car and my independence, (especially once I'd found my way around).
I guess I'm just too easy-going to have found many frustrations living here.

As the song goes...regrets, I've had a few but then again, too few to mention!

RoB1833

I've been here about eight months now and feel just about the same way as you do.

I've settled into the lifestyle okay and actually quite enjoy the slower pace of life down here in the south. There's lots of everyday things I miss though, like decent tv, british foods and sports and having everything within a 20 minute drive. I've made a couple fo friends through work but generally find that I have few shared interests with a lot of people.....

My biggest concern is work. Like most on here I'm struggling to find anything within my field from the UK where I was senior management in production and logistics. The jobs that do look promising require you to be bilingual and need a 4 year degree. I'm working at the moment but the money isn't that good (half what I was earning back home) and the job itself isn't something I'd choose. This means that money is extremely tight and now I'm concerned that I'll be 'skilled out' of the UK market as well if stay in this job for too long.

I've talked all this through with my wife and after much soul searching we have agreed that if I can find anything back in the UK we'd give that a try for a while. It's a long shot, with me being based here but I've actually had more response from there than I have from the jobs I've applied to over here. In the meantime I'm still trying for US jobs too but the whole process is a little disenchanting.

Franklin

Why don't you learn Spanish and start a 4-year degree program part time? One thing I expected to be true was that I could not rely on my experience back home to get me a good job. I knew I would have to adapt to the requirements here and do that WHOLESALE ... in for a dollar in for the pound.

If it isn't working out down south job wise can you move some place else? I hear North Dakota is bleeding its heart out for folks to move there. It has one of the lowest unemployment rates in the USA.

I don't understand staying where there's no work. Move to where there's work. Obviously do due diligence, but move to where there’s work. Simple formula, simple solution and you stay in perfect harmony/compliance with the immigration people, leaving the USA for a long period could generate all sorts of problems down the line sugar. Be careful to make sure you have the right paperwork in place before you leave for a long stretch in the UK, in short stay in compliance come what may, but stay in compliance.

RoB1833

Ermmm.... money! I'm working at the moment and that just keeps a roof over our heads!

Money again.... my wife owns her property and the payments are good. It makes no sense to move to another area when I'm working at the moment and there's no guarantee of a job at the end of it!

That's why the UK is a consideration! My qualifications and experience are recognised there! As for immigration, I'm sure lots of people move back and forth and renew their status.........

If I were single then maybe I would just pack up and move, but I'm not and have to consider the rest of my family. I'm not going to make a move to another area to possibly/maybe find something else!

Patrick

I have been here a year, I have been having more trouble settling latley than I had before. I spent so long trying to get a job and ended up starting 2 companies so that I could be employed and now, more than ever, feel like a stranger in a strange land.

I am not necessarly homesick or missing England (although I am missing football like mad at the moment), it is just I feel like I don't fit in (which is a nonsense because everyone loves me).

I don't know how to explain it, I am not unhappy here, but I still don't feel that this is my life, I don't want to go home but I don't feel I want to stay. I like where I am but feel I would be happier somewhere else.

I am glad I am not the only one who feels it but I sympathise with everyone who is. And let this be a warning to those who come on here every month saying I want to move to America because my life would improve. Its all geography, like me, you will be the same arsehole just in another location.

Patrick

dunroving

When I first left the UK and went to the Bahamas it took me maybe a nanosecond to settle - loved the lifestyle, sport, parties, weather, travel, etc., etc. I was 25 yrs old and looking for exactly what the Bahamas had to offer.

Same thing when I moved to the US (Massachusetts) - loved graduate school and everything it had to offer. I was so wrapped up in studying I didn't really have time to be concerned about the rest of my lfe.

Georgia took a lot more getting used to. Still loving graduate school, but was in financial trouble (used up all my savings on my masters education) and felt pretty miserable when school was out and all the students left including my roommates, and I was left by myself - especially "family" times like Thanksgiving and Christmas. I went home once in 4 years, and couldn't afford to travel or even go out for a beer. My last year was better as I moved in with a local woman who introduced me to the community and had a lot of community events at her house. One thing I felt was that many of the students were very self-absorbed. I was prertty amazed no-one thought about the fact I was an international student and had nowehere to go at Thanksgiving, etc. Luckily I found some expat students (Australia, Hong Kong) and went to the "waifs and strays" Thanksgiving dinner my last 2 years there.

Tennessee - loved it almost instantly. I'm into cycling and the area is perfect for it, and there is a great group of cyclists where I lived. Hated the job and eventually decided to take a job I was offered in Scotland.

Scotland - hated it the first 6 months, and loved it the last 6 months. During the first 6 months I interviewed for and accepted the job I'm in now (North Carolina). Haven't regretted the move, but do realize I should have given Scotland more of a chance. I really miss the lifestyle and people and the countryside.

What I've learned from these experiences is that how easily you settle down depends on how happy you are where you end up, and that depends on your living situation, people, money, job, all sorts of other things. I also learned that the US does have a lot to offer, but in some places and in some situations it's not easily-available. I also learned that it's easy to make rash decisions when you are stressed - luckily my move here worked out great but it could have been a frying pan - fire situation.

Patrick

Stop being an asshole, simple formula - simple solution. We have moved here to be with our spouses, who probably on the whole have jobs and houses, we are restricted by the confides of our marriage that we can't just up and leave.

I have also applied for jobs throughout the whole of america without any look. You are on here often enough to know most of this, if your going to give advice make sure it makes sense - move to where there is work - where? there are no jobs, and only ND because no-one wants to live there and its all fruit picking and farm jobs!

Patrick

Franklin

Rob>

Erm, there is something called federal loans. If you want to do a 4 year degree program part time and take courses in Spanish – YOU CAN. You moan constantly about your job plight but rule out changing it because of some pathetic reason. If you don’t have confidence in yourself to invest in your own training and education then give up moaning about your current status cause it isn't going to change sugar. What’s stopping you, yes what’s stopping you? YOU!

If were willing to risk a long duration trip back to the UK, why the hell don’t you risk a period in a state with next to zip unemployment and is LOCATED IN THE USA and which will not get you into compliance issues with the immigration people.

Adapt. Spot opportunities and go for them. If you need more qualifications and getting said qualifications will help your job status – THEN WORK OUT A STRATEGY.

Hell, most of us have “money problems�, but some of us take up loans to invest in our training. If you are not prepared to adapt or invest in yourself then stop moaning so many times about your job status. People at interviews are telling you what you need - are you so deaf to them or so unwilling to risk investing in yourself ... are you that risk averse?

RoB1833

Thanks. I think you put my reaction to his advice far more directly and eloquently than I did!

Duncs

Its easier to say than do. I could buy a flight to Boston tommorrow but what happens when my other $700 is all gone? If you have the money to sustain yourself for little while and are willing then fine move around and give it a crack otherwise thats hard thing to do.

Job hunting ftom a distance is pretty tough as well. I have written to everyone i know in the NE area and begged them for anything they have. I have used them to get contacts and then begged them as well. Its not like i am looking for $80,000 a year and a car a job to pay the rent is all but yet i never seem to get anywhere.

I can empathise very much with Patricks comments although i actually feel unhappy as well. but its the sense that this is not my life that is so all pervading.

Franklin

Where? Look at the unemployment rates state by state - do some due diligence and work out strategies that will keep one in compliance, do not end up out of compliance. It isn’t that hard to find work if you are willing to make sacrifices. Yes, sacrifices. Moving selling house. Look at other immigrant groups and see where they end up. Mexicans end up in just about every state, every location, they go where the work is. This is hard because it involves sacrifice. I know one Mexican working in a restaurant in Chicago who sends money home and who gets to see his family once in a blue moon. No one is saying it is going to be easy, that the solutions are going to be easy, but there are simple ones: go where the work is, wherever that is, but stay in compliance.

lairdside

Hey Paddy - you'd better make this your life 'cause it's sure as hell the only one you've got!

I've always been somewhat nonconformist and unconventional, I'm a second generation Brit with grandparents from four different places, two outside of Europe.

Everyone in my family is "different", I figured that out at an early age. I like it, I don't want to conform to the expectations of small minded individuals.

Likewise for my friends. One of the few common factors is that we are all misfits to some extent.

So, having my whole life had to make my own niche rather than find one to fit - because it doesn't exist - it's pretty much business as usual.

I miss my family and friends of course and some of the foodstuffs I can't get. I can always get my ass on a plane though if I get too desperate

I'm carefully making sure that my current course of study will be recognised in both jurisdictions though.... I want the flexibility and was screwed out a profession when I came here..lol