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How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Old May 24th 2011, 8:38 pm
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Default How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

I know people might think Im crazy as Im not technically an 'expat' but ive relocated from the east coast of england where I had a great life, up to Glasgow for my boyfriend (who is great), and I just cant seem to settle. Its been a year now and Ive joined courses, classes and do as much as I can but I just cant seem to enjoy living here.

Has anyone else had a similar problem, what can I do to help the situation, and at what point does the unhappiness of living somewhere you dont like mean you should walk away from someone you love? we dont have any children (yet!) but I feel like I just cant imagine staying here forever!

I think the bad weather has a lot to do with it, I enjoyed very little rain and lots of sunshine and beach on the east coast, now all i endure is rain, wind, rain, wind, snow, hail and the odd 10 minutes of sun, it really effects my moods, it genuinely upsets me and my boyf thinks im daft!

any advice or similar thoughts most welcome, i feel like a fruitloop!!
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Old May 24th 2011, 10:27 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

What does the boyfriend say about it, is he willing to relocate for you? You tried it for him.
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Old May 25th 2011, 1:52 am
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

I am going though this at the moment only it is my OH who is really unhappy - others factors involved but the weather plays a huge part. We were in the Cayman Islands for 4 years together and he moved to Charlotte, NC for 6 years (I stayed in Cayman) and now we have finally got married and his job took him to Indiana - think same weather as where you are - yucky!!
He dreaded having to admit to me he was so unhappy but as soon as he told me (I had realised he was unhappy but thought he really wanted to give the new job a good try) - I said "lets go - we'll go back to Charlotte" - and he is now again the guy I met 11 years ago on a Cayman beach. We leave in 5 weeks. Tell him how you feel - he will want you to be happy..and things will improve in every way.
PS Actually a relief to get out of Indiana - bad weather is depressing and can affect all your emotions and how you feel about a place and its people. Good luck

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Old May 25th 2011, 3:00 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by englishgal View Post
I know people might think Im crazy as Im not technically an 'expat' but ive relocated from the east coast of england where I had a great life, up to Glasgow for my boyfriend (who is great), and I just cant seem to settle. Its been a year now and Ive joined courses, classes and do as much as I can but I just cant seem to enjoy living here.

Has anyone else had a similar problem, what can I do to help the situation, and at what point does the unhappiness of living somewhere you dont like mean you should walk away from someone you love? we dont have any children (yet!) but I feel like I just cant imagine staying here forever!

I think the bad weather has a lot to do with it, I enjoyed very little rain and lots of sunshine and beach on the east coast, now all i endure is rain, wind, rain, wind, snow, hail and the odd 10 minutes of sun, it really effects my moods, it genuinely upsets me and my boyf thinks im daft!

any advice or similar thoughts most welcome, i feel like a fruitloop!!
Slightly different background to yours in many ways:

In 1982 I moved from the West Midlands where I was raised and felt I belonged, to the North West. I was about 24, married, and my then wife (now ex-wife) wanted to move nearer to her mother/family.

I didn't really want to go, but was coerced/allowed myself to be manipulated to go there on false promises that it didn't have to be forever.

Of course the reality was different and I have never felt like this (NW) is my home or that I am really happy there. I should have stood my ground or at least been stronger in ensuring that I had some choice right from the outset.

30 years later I am still not very happy being based there ( actually work overseas, but my house is still there/I travel back every holiday). The plan/hope is to move back down to the west Midlands at some point in the future.

The move to NW had many long lasting, negative impacts on me, and caused many regrets, least of all being that I rarely saw or kept connections with my own family, many of whom are now dispersed themselves or have passed away.

In your shoes I would stand by your guns, insist you are not happy and look for a proper solution. Once you are married and have children it will only feel more difficult and potentially build up resentment.

This might of course result in you and your boyfriend splitting up.
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Old May 26th 2011, 2:20 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Foreign places are foreign, whether they're across the world, or just across the country. You have moved to another country. Yes, it's all UK, but countries are very different, and many people find moving out of one and into another very hard.

I assume your boyfriend's from Glasgow and would feel the same way about moving to your home base.

Is a compromise possible to the east coast of Scotland?

Or, it might work out if you up sticks and go somewhere completely new to both of you. At least there'd be no feeling of one giving up things for the other.

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Old May 26th 2011, 5:44 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by englishgal View Post

I think the bad weather has a lot to do with it, I enjoyed very little rain and lots of sunshine and beach on the east coast, now all i endure is rain, wind, rain, wind, snow, hail and the odd 10 minutes of sun, it really effects my moods, it genuinely upsets me and my boyf thinks im daft!
Just out of interest, where on the East Coast did you live?

I'm sorry you're so unhappy. It really sucks to be somewhere you don't want to be. I agree with the posters saying 'talk to your boyfriend.' I think we women tend not always be direct about our feelings. We beat around the bush, dropping hints or making passive-aggressive statements but we don't always sit down and honestly say what we mean. I'm better at it now but I'm old and it took a lot of practice. Good luck!
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Old May 27th 2011, 11:06 am
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Hi Englishgal....sorry to hear you are unhappy but I do know how you feel as I´ve been in the same situation for the last couple of years. All I can advise is to speak to him about how you feel and persevere.

I´ve been wanting to move back to the UK for the last couple of years but my OH doesn´t, but as we are now thinking of starting a family he has come round to my way of thinking as I don´t want to be in a foreign country with a new baby and would like family around me. We will hopefully be back in 6/7 months and I am very excited about starting a new life.

At least you have been trying to make an effort to go to courses etc as over here the only ones that are available are spanish classes and not many other options.

Good luck for the future.
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Old Jun 7th 2011, 12:10 am
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Orangepants View Post
I am going though this at the moment only it is my OH who is really unhappy - others factors involved but the weather plays a huge part. We were in the Cayman Islands for 4 years together and he moved to Charlotte, NC for 6 years (I stayed in Cayman) and now we have finally got married and his job took him to Indiana - think same weather as where you are - yucky!!
He dreaded having to admit to me he was so unhappy but as soon as he told me (I had realised he was unhappy but thought he really wanted to give the new job a good try) - I said "lets go - we'll go back to Charlotte" - and he is now again the guy I met 11 years ago on a Cayman beach. We leave in 5 weeks. Tell him how you feel - he will want you to be happy..and things will improve in every way.
PS Actually a relief to get out of Indiana - bad weather is depressing and can affect all your emotions and how you feel about a place and its people. Good luck
Where in Indiana did you live? We live in Indianapolis and my husband hates it. He is from Nottingham, England and after a 3 week visit for us with his family, he wants to move back and is going to. Indiana weather is depressing and I know what you mean.
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Old Jun 7th 2011, 1:11 am
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

My sister lives in Nottingham and really likes it! I'm not surprised anyone would be depressed after living in the Cayman Islands, been there, loved it, just don't think I could take tornados!
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Old Jun 7th 2011, 3:49 am
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Kady View Post
Where in Indiana did you live? We live in Indianapolis and my husband hates it. He is from Nottingham, England and after a 3 week visit for us with his family, he wants to move back and is going to. Indiana weather is depressing and I know what you mean.
I'm from Nottingham originally too and miss it a lot. I've been living in Rochester, NY for the past 9 years....so I understand how your husband feels.
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 9:19 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Squirrel View Post
My sister lives in Nottingham and really likes it! I'm not surprised anyone would be depressed after living in the Cayman Islands, been there, loved it, just don't think I could take tornados!
It was the Hurricane Ivan in 2004 that ended my home ownership there - and it was a brick house too - totally ruined - but you take your chances - worth it I would say.
I am more scared of the tornados here in Indiana, at least with hurricane you get a warning...
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 9:26 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Kady View Post
Where in Indiana did you live? We live in Indianapolis and my husband hates it. He is from Nottingham, England and after a 3 week visit for us with his family, he wants to move back and is going to. Indiana weather is depressing and I know what you mean.
We are in Fishers and not really enjoying it at all. I like the fact that is very green now but 4 months of good weather versus 8 months of bad - rather go back to the Carolinas.
Broad Ripple is cool - was there last night for ChowDown Midtown and we go to Houlihans at Hamilton Town Centre, apart from that haven't really enjoyed much about being here. Where are you?

Last edited by Orangepants; Jun 10th 2011 at 9:31 pm.
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 9:36 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Orangepants View Post
We are in Fishers and not really enjoying it at all. I like the fact that is very green now but 4 months of good weather versus 8 months of bad - rather go back to the Carolinas.
Broad Ripple is cool - was there last night for ChowDown Midtown and we go to Houlihans at Hamilton Town Centre, apart from that haven't really enjoyed much about being here. Where are you?
We live in Indianapolis but have friends in Carmel. We like road Ripple too. My husand (from Nottingham) says it's the closest thing he can come to England. We've been in Indianapolis almost 10 years and are planning on moving back to the UK around October, 2012. Just spent 3 weeks at his hometown and he knows now, he really misses England.
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 9:44 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Kady View Post
We live in Indianapolis but have friends in Carmel. We like road Ripple too. My husand (from Nottingham) says it's the closest thing he can come to England. We've been in Indianapolis almost 10 years and are planning on moving back to the UK around October, 2012. Just spent 3 weeks at his hometown and he knows now, he really misses England.
Good luck to you! We knew after 3 months we couldn't stay, only 3 weeks til we leave..
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Old Jun 10th 2011, 10:09 pm
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Default Re: How do you settle when you cant seem to?! Any tips appreciated! :)

Originally Posted by Orangepants View Post
Good luck to you! We knew after 3 months we couldn't stay, only 3 weeks til we leave..
Where are you going, back to the Carolinas or the UK?
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