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How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Old Oct 2nd 2007, 5:27 pm
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Default How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

I feel awful about leaving family back in England. I keep myself busy and try and keep my mind off it, but sometimes like now I just crash and miss everyone so much. I feel so guilty that Im not there for them when they need me and that they cant see grandchildren etc.
We have been here 3 years and havent had the cash to even visit since.
I call and email etc regularly, but most of the time it makes me feel worse.

Im just wondering if this is a common thing and how you cope with it?
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 5:33 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by gypsygirl View Post
I feel awful about leaving family back in England. I keep myself busy and try and keep my mind off it, but sometimes like now I just crash and miss everyone so much. I feel so guilty that Im not there for them when they need me and that they cant see grandchildren etc.
We have been here 3 years and havent had the cash to even visit since.
I call and email etc regularly, but most of the time it makes me feel worse.

Im just wondering if this is a common thing and how you cope with it?
if you choose to live here for whatever reason then that's the price you have to pay but don't feel guilty, it's your life.

luckily i go home often as yes i miss my uk life big time, it's a case of surviving here and living when i go home
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:03 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Homesickness is a terrible curse ...never thought it would bother me when I first emigrated ...how wrong was that assumption After the second bad dose it was make or break, the wife didn't understand her sympathy had turned to anger at this point and I was just a mass of anger/frustration/desperation....

The cure .....perseverance.

Start celebrating what you do have and not bemoaning what you miss.....Its hard with family and I would guess even more so with grand kids...but instead of feeling bad about not going back to the UK, make plans for them to visit the USA.

Now ...I love my new life and rarely think about going back to the UK, no more homesickness/depression etc..... sure there are things I miss ..I always will...but life is all about today.

Lastly if I ever do feel a bit blue and think about the UK, a quick look at the local papers online soon puts me right .....all that crime and dog shit
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:08 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Thanks, the other problem is they cant visit here for various health and financial reasons. Its up to us to travel, with 4 kids its impossible on our income.
Yes the news does help lol
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:09 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Circus-of-Power View Post

Lastly if I ever do feel a bit blue and think about the UK, a quick look at the local papers online soon puts me right .....all that crime and dog shit

haha that was on some property news last week as one of the main probs peeps have in subdivision life in america

luckily our subdivision does not have that problem...the few dog owners we have tend to pick up after their pooches have crapped thank god otherwise they get spotted on the c/c cameras and are fined.
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:15 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

You know, once just listening to a traffic report was enough to bring back a twinge of rememberance. Another time I was feeling sick I watched a tv show while curled up in bed and sort of drifted away mentally--was the same as if I was home. I had one bout in Hong Kong so I headed down the international grocery and made myself a 'home cooked' meal with all the same ingredients I would have used at home. Looking down at the plate and tasting the food took me back.

There is no real answer. If things get really rough you might consider a solo trip sans kids even if for only a few days. Or maybe bring a parent over (Feb--always the cheapest month to fly to the UK so it seems). If money is really really tight, then get a British Airways visa and charge everything you can on it (utility bills, mortgage or rent, food). You'll get your free ticket home pretty soon.

(btw--BA has new offer for expats to get the Chase BA Visa card in the US without all the credit hassles--just saw it in my BA email yesterday).

You might want to check this board out:

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

It's the US expats in the UK dealing with homesickness, and many of them are in the same position as you (parents away, grandkids separated, etc). You'll be surprised how similar a predicament they find themselves in, though kind of 180 degrees from your geographic situation.
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:16 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by TruBrit View Post
haha that was on some property news last week as one of the main probs peeps have in subdivision life in america

luckily our subdivision does not have that problem...the few dog owners we have tend to pick up after their pooches have crapped thank god otherwise they get spotted on the c/c cameras and are fined.
same crap ........... different bucket...

Personally I would never advise moving abroad unless one or more of the following apply:

- you are absolutely sure you'll be better of and you know won't miss the UK and people back home
- you are willing and able to return if it all gets too much
- you are able to travel back as often as you need to
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:20 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Elvira View Post
same crap ........... different bucket...

Personally I would never advise moving abroad unless one or more of the following apply:

- you are absolutely sure you'll be better of and you know won't miss the UK and people back home
- you are willing and able to return if it all gets too much
- you are able to travel back as often as you need to
Totally agree with this one ....too many people think it will be a great adventure ...only to find ....
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:22 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Well we were supposed to be able to return for frequent visits, that was the plan. But we got shafted on the $ instead
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:26 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Elvira View Post
same crap ........... different bucket...

Personally I would never advise moving abroad unless one or more of the following apply:

- you are absolutely sure you'll be better of and you know won't miss the UK and people back home
- you are willing and able to return if it all gets too much
- you are able to travel back as often as you need to
yep agree with all three.....btw it was in my contract with OH that i go home whenever i want and for as long as i want
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:27 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Circus-of-Power View Post
Totally agree with this one ....too many people think it will be a great adventure ...only to find ....
the place is full of dog shit and crime
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 6:42 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Its very hard. I'm an only child and guilt myself completely about leaving my parents in the UK, even though they have family around them. Mum can't fly due to medical reasons so I make the trips over, which is fair enough.

I kick myself regularly (usually every time theres an outlaw crisis - so about 3 times a week) that I left my relatively normal, help each other out, problem shared is a problem divided into 20 odd little pieces, let alone just halved bunch - who happen to adore Mrs Titchski.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Mrs dearly, just not the self obsessed, drug addled, self obsessed, petty, self obsessed bunch of twats that unfortunately share the same parents.

Yes, I'm having a bad "want to go home" day. :curse:
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 8:16 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Titchski View Post
Its very hard. I'm an only child and guilt myself completely about leaving my parents in the UK, even though they have family around them. Mum can't fly due to medical reasons so I make the trips over, which is fair enough.

I kick myself regularly (usually every time theres an outlaw crisis - so about 3 times a week) that I left my relatively normal, help each other out, problem shared is a problem divided into 20 odd little pieces, let alone just halved bunch - who happen to adore Mrs Titchski.

Don't get me wrong, I love my Mrs dearly, just not the self obsessed, drug addled, self obsessed, petty, self obsessed bunch of twats that unfortunately share the same parents.

Yes, I'm having a bad "want to go home" day. :curse:
And yes. It sucks. One reason I'm making plans...

titchski needs a cyber hug
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 8:20 pm
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Default Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Redlippie View Post

titchski needs a cyber hug
have sent mine via karma
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Old Oct 2nd 2007, 8:37 pm
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Post Re: How do you cope with missing family, friends back in the UK and guilt?

Originally Posted by Redlippie View Post
And yes. It sucks. One reason I'm making plans...

Where would you go Redlippie? South Africa, Portugal or perhaps even the UK?

One of my girlfriends over here became very, very homesick. She was working very long hours for an investment bank near Wall St and was exhausted, and very lonely. It's one thing having friends but they're not flesh and blood and don't have a shared history as loved ones back home. She threw in the towel and went home to South Africa one year ago, initially to spend some chilling out time with family in Jo'burg and is now working as a waitress in a vineyard at beautiful Constantia, Cape Town....and loving it!

I've just got off the phone after talking with my mum for an hour, catching up on all the gossip. We were both having a cuppa at the same time LOL!
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