Lion in Winter

Damn, I knew there was something I forgot to do..............

Lesley1020

I really feel for you - been there and done that with the controlling parent! I told my mother that I was thinking on doing the 18 month internship and she freaked out even just at the mention of it - she took it as a personal insult that I didn't think she was worth hanging around for.. I tried to explain to her that after my divorce I felt like it was a good time to try something new and it would be a really good experience but she didnt quite see it that way and didnt talk to me for 4 months leading up to when I was leaving. She called me literally hours before my flight and I went to see her - she just tried to stop me from going again and told me she would never talk to me again as long as she lived, lol.

That lasted until day two here - when I called her she was a little offhand but gradually came around. Now we talk regularly on the phone and as things have developed gradually she is resigned to the fact that I am staying here. Of course, I have no children that she feels like she is missing out on, but I have no brothers or sisters, so I think that was a big part.

Bottom line, it's you and your husband's lives and you have to live them according to what you think is best for both of you and your baby that's on the way. It's incredibly selfish for a parent to want a grown child to pass up an opportunity that is beneficial to them for their own selfish reasons, but unfortunately that's just the way some people are.

My guess is that she will come around eventually, just maybe try and keep her involved with your plans and make her feel included, mentioning trips out here for her and that she is welcome any time etc etc..

It should be a happy time for you - and I know from personal experience that this adds a lot of stress - try not to let it get to you and press on with your plans. It's your life and you have to live it the way you want to do it!

Hopefully, she will come around - just ignore the guilt trip that they will probably try and send you on!

NC Penguin

Well, the fact that the son is married to a non-Brit should give them an idea that a move to your country could happen some day.

I'll assume that your husband, their son, is closer to his parents than you are. That being the case, it should be your husband's "duty" to explain to his parents that the two of you will be moving to the US. Just make sure that you're present when the ocassion occurs (to avoid comments along the lines of "it's your wife's idea, isn't it?" from the in-laws).




NC Penguin

Lynne

Both my parents are deceased so that was one less hurdle. My in-laws were overjoyed, which made me wonder if they were glad to see the back of us. lolol My FIL had lived for some time in Canada many years back. His attitude was "go for it, if it doesn't work out, come home". He even offered to pay the mortgage on our house in the UK so we didn't have to worry about sending money over. At one point he even offered to pay any expenses in shipping.

Most of my family were happy for us and several commented "anywhere has to be better than here". One Aunt was convinced we would be killed by some passing by gun tooting drug dealer within six months. I told her she had been watching too much Miami Vice. This, unforrunately, was a lady who had only been out of the UK one time. Our friends were supportive too, offering storage space for stuff we didn't want to ship but didn't want to get rid of. Some even considered it a bonus because they now have somewhere to go for a cheap holiday.

I feel sad for anyone who's families disown them. It makes the move that much harder. I hope these families come round and realize they are losing out just as much as the ones who move.

Poppy33usa

I told my mum first..I think she knew it was coming so it wasnt too bad...my dad was a different story, it took me ages to tell him as I didnt know how he would take it. I think I got the courage up about 2 weeks before I left. He was really cool about it though. I know they both worried that Jeff (now husband) was a serial killer that was going to chop me into little pieces the minute we married (thankfully that wasnt the case ).
I also assured them that I would be coming home to see them as often as I could (about once/twice a year when possible) so that helped too. Jeff came home with me on the last visit, the first time they had met him, so that REALLY helped. Its bad enough I was leaving for a new country to marry, but it was to someone they hadnt even met!!! Anyway that aside, I wish you all the luck in the world in telling your husbands parents, and to your new life in the USA with your new baby.

fubar

I wish you the best of luck getting this message over. At the end of the day, it only boils down to what you both really want in life - you only get one chance.

My dad went ballistic when I said I was moving to Norway when I was 19 to teach golf. The car I was driving was in his name at the time to assist on insurance even though I'd brought it from him. My nan slapped him the morning I left as he was going to call the police at Hawich port to say I'd stolen it, but as she so rightly said, I would've found a way of getting over there regardless as it was a dream i had to persue....

I would call home when I knew he wasn't around and after two weeks of not communicating, he called me and apologised for his behaviour. We are closer because of this incident and upon me mentioning the move to the USA, he could not have been more supportive...

i hope it all works out for you both amicably....

foobs

kevntrace

My brother was already in the US. I'd been out to visit him with my mum and dad and we all enjoyed the trip.

When an opportunity came up for me to relocate to the US, I grabbed it. I was already living 4 hours away from my parents when I told them I was moving abroad. They were both incredibly supportive and wished me all the best.

Telling the girlfriend was rather more challenging! Anyway, she's my missus now and over here with me, so it all worked out in the end.

In fact, it transpired that within 6 weeks of me arriving in the US, my (then) girlfriend and my parents all came over for a 3 week visit, which made settling into the US a lot easier for me.

We now have an 8 month old daughter. Its been a bit tough on the in-laws because they don't have as much contact as they'd like. But again, they too are very supportive. And it helps that they know they can come visit anytime - last time they visited for 3 months when our daughter was born, and helped us transition to parents ourselves.

looselips

I am incredibly lucky that I had a trailblazer before me to break the ice so to speak so after a few years of sowing the seed "if I ever get the chance to go and live in America I am taking it" when it finally happened it wasn't a shock to many except I still got the obligatory "I hope you know what you are doing" or "I hope you find what you are looking for". Mainly from people who are stuck in dead end jobs tied to a pension, the walking dead I call them!

Anyway....my point is that there are people out there that make the move incredibly easy....almost ...dare I use an American term - empowering?

Sounds like his family may not be that way but it shouldn't stop you from doing what you want and what is right for you as a family. I liked Ben's story - makes you realise what you expect and what actually happens can be very different!