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Homesickness

Homesickness

Old Sep 9th 2012, 7:30 pm
  #1  
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Default Homesickness

How do you deal with it. I've never had it like this before. Ever. Moving, being away from family, has *never* bothered me. I've always been a bit of a 'gypsy' .. never been in the same place for more than 6 months back in England. I come and go.

(I'm sorry in advance as I have a feeling this might be a bit lengthy, but really, I have no one around that really understands homesickness and who I can talk to.

Sure I've felt a bit home sick, I've missed foods, missed family, but it passed cause I spent a fortune at World Market and ate my way thru it .. but this .. this feeling I've had the last few months is a whole other level.

I freaking ache inside ... I just want to be back home with every ounce of my soul. I can't explain it. Is it because I have 2 young kids now? (10 months and 2 YO) Is it because we have an up coming trip at the end of this month back home .. maybe I want to see the kids growing up around my family? Is it cause my uncle just died and I just want to be close to family right now? I don't know .. all I know is I just want to be home, back in my old stomping grounds, around the familiar. I just can't shake it.

I even brought it up with my husband. Can you believe that? I just blurted it out, I couldn't keep it in. He said he'd be willing to give it a go cause I came here for him. I mean of course no one is saying it would be easy. But as far as visas and such, the kids are British by decent. So his he (His father is English) so as far as that is concerned that's not *horrible* to sort out. He works in the IT security sector, so jobs in that area aren't *horrid* in the UK .. and yes, I know it's not simple there are a 1001 things other than that to sort out, things that I haven't even begun to consider. but God ... I'm actually blurted it out loud to him. Seriously?

We have a really good life here, a good house, good friends, he has a really good job, apart from the mosquitoes, everything rocks, so why can't I shake this gut wrenching out of the blue totally side blinded me feeling that I NEED to be back home?

I've been trying to find some other Expats around my area .. in hopes that would help a bit, but so far zip.

How do you deal with it, guys? How do you make it go away.

Hopefully this 2 week trip back home will give me a swift kick up the arse and leave me sprinting for the plane.
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Old Sep 9th 2012, 7:35 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

I think about it every day and discuss possibly moving back at least once a week.

The received wisdom is to throw yourself into the local way of life.
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Old Sep 9th 2012, 7:40 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Oh I have, we've been here near on 6 years now, couldn't be more 'local' if I tried. Like I say, I've never had this before .. it's so strange to me, it's totally knocked me for 6, I just don't understand it at all.
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Old Sep 9th 2012, 8:26 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

It sounds like you hit the nail with your own post - you've had some life changing things (death in the family, kids getting to the age where, if they were in the UK, they might be getting to know the family as individuals etc), you're about to revisit and are probably thinking about your old life a lot; and all that's gotta make you re-evaluate your own life.

Also, if you never stayed in one place before but have now been in one place for 6 years maybe you're getting wanderlust and confusing it with homesickness?

Advice - re-evaluate your feelings after your trip home - and good luck
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Old Sep 9th 2012, 9:07 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by abi31 View Post
It sounds like you hit the nail with your own post - you've had some life changing things (death in the family, kids getting to the age where, if they were in the UK, they might be getting to know the family as individuals etc), you're about to revisit and are probably thinking about your old life a lot; and all that's gotta make you re-evaluate your own life.

Also, if you never stayed in one place before but have now been in one place for 6 years maybe you're getting wanderlust and confusing it with homesickness?

Advice - re-evaluate your feelings after your trip home - and good luck
Exactly. You may be feeling "stuck" rather than homesick. There's travelling, and then there's emigration. Very different.

Of course you may also be feeling stuck in the wrong place. There's no law that says you have to like every culture you try.
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 5:42 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

I only lasted two and a bit years in the States. What made me return was a trip I took home ... after not having seen my family or friends for two years, my baby brother had grown up, my Grandparents had got old and sick, my childhood friends had made babies and I realised that I had made a huge mistake in leaving the people who I truly loved.

Everyone is different, and everyone handles the challenges of being an immigrant differently. I met BEs in the USA who took like fish to water, and much of your post indicates that you have adjusted well to your new life. You've had some huge life events take place, the kind of events that would make anyone, anywhere long for home. It's okay to feel sad, detached and isolated sometimes! Maybe you just need to feel that way; to accept that you will sometimes wonder whether you've made the right choice. Talk to your family and friends, don't be alone with sadness and remember that you are human. Hope you feel better soon x
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 6:49 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by Okuda View Post
How do you deal with it. I've never had it like this before. Ever. Moving, being away from family, has *never* bothered me. I've always been a bit of a 'gypsy' .. never been in the same place for more than 6 months back in England. I come and go.

(I'm sorry in advance as I have a feeling this might be a bit lengthy, but really, I have no one around that really understands homesickness and who I can talk to.

Sure I've felt a bit home sick, I've missed foods, missed family, but it passed cause I spent a fortune at World Market and ate my way thru it .. but this .. this feeling I've had the last few months is a whole other level.

I freaking ache inside ... I just want to be back home with every ounce of my soul. I can't explain it. Is it because I have 2 young kids now? (10 months and 2 YO) Is it because we have an up coming trip at the end of this month back home .. maybe I want to see the kids growing up around my family? Is it cause my uncle just died and I just want to be close to family right now? I don't know .. all I know is I just want to be home, back in my old stomping grounds, around the familiar. I just can't shake it.

I even brought it up with my husband. Can you believe that? I just blurted it out, I couldn't keep it in. He said he'd be willing to give it a go cause I came here for him. I mean of course no one is saying it would be easy. But as far as visas and such, the kids are British by decent. So his he (His father is English) so as far as that is concerned that's not *horrible* to sort out. He works in the IT security sector, so jobs in that area aren't *horrid* in the UK .. and yes, I know it's not simple there are a 1001 things other than that to sort out, things that I haven't even begun to consider. but God ... I'm actually blurted it out loud to him. Seriously?

We have a really good life here, a good house, good friends, he has a really good job, apart from the mosquitoes, everything rocks, so why can't I shake this gut wrenching out of the blue totally side blinded me feeling that I NEED to be back home?

I've been trying to find some other Expats around my area .. in hopes that would help a bit, but so far zip.

How do you deal with it, guys? How do you make it go away.

Hopefully this 2 week trip back home will give me a swift kick up the arse and leave me sprinting for the plane.
Okuda!
I totally understand where you're coming from. we've been here ten years and my gut wrenching feeling hasn't gone away. We also now have two small kids (4 and 2) and having the kids actually made it worse. I now want my children to grow up around my family and friends and in British culture not in America. I really want them to know their Grandparents before its too late.
The OH and I disagree fundamentally on this but now that we have children I have finally persuaded him to go home. If not to the UK then at least to Europe (he works for a Swiss co.).
If you are truly unhappy here and your OH is willing then give it a go, why not? You moved here to be with him why cant he try the UK? Relationships should be reciprocal after all.
Now back to your original Q. I handle homesickness in a number of ways. I find coming on here really helps as I find it helpful to "talk" to people who have an understanding of where I am coming from. Watching Brit TV and listening to Brit radio on the internet and yes like you eating my way through far too many Brit foods. Glass of wine or two never goes amiss either. Have your tried googling British Clubs / Associations in your area. I did and was amazed to find a Brit women's group in a city not far from me. Also look on meetups.com
You didnt say but are you a stay at home Mum? I found that my homesickness increased after stopping work to have kids as I am on my own a lot more and have a lot more time to think. If youre not working maybe that could be an option? But I fear that even if you did work it would only be a temporary measure to stop the blues.
I am so glad my OH has finally agreed we have to get out of here. If nothing else persuade your hubby that its way too expensive to send kids to college here, UK far better and cheaper option.
Good luck and PM me if you want to chat.
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 7:26 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

I was fine here till we started to have kids.
We went back for a year then Dh persuaded me to move back to US, now after another 19 years we are preparing for the return move.
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 9:01 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Okuda - I am in exactly the same spot. Many of my expat Brit friends who have since gone home say that one day, you just wake up and know that you want to go home. I had that moment about 6 years ago, when my oldest kid was 18 months old. Since then I've managed to shake the feeling off, but it's been there like an ever-growing itch and now it's got so bad that I think about it probably once an hour!

My husband and I are both Brits and came here 15 years ago (for a year). We both were keen to stay longer than that year but I don't want to stay here now. I think for me, the US has not been the same since 9/11, but more than that, now we have 2 young children, I am desperate to go back. I miss Brit culture and I think there is more variety and interesting activities for kids over there and I miss the proximity to the rest of Europe, not to mention missing their interaction with the rest of our family tremendously.

Unfortunately for me, my husband doesn't really want to go back. I've just been over the England for the past 5 weeks with our kids (he had to stay here to work) and it was heaven - I'm sure I was pretending that I was back living there. It was very hard to get back on the plane and come back here. He thinks that it's just all the excitement around the Olympics, but it's really not. Now I'm back here in the US, I feel really anxious, it's almost making me feel ill. For the past few years, I've tried and tried to shake it off - organized lots of things socially, made friends and am now working again after having the kids, but the homesickness does not abate! My husband and I have discussed it but it's always a difficult conversation that is not resolved. I think I'm getting to the point where I say that I will stay here for, say, 2 more years, but then I NEED to be back home. In the meantime, I'm going to start researching areas to live, schools and jobs so I feel like there is an option out there. The thought of growing old here makes me want to throw up and I feel that unless we do something before our oldest reaches secondary school age, then we will be stuck here forever.

Hang in there, I totally understand. I also find it hard as I can't talk about it to anyone over here about it. I "came clean" to all my friends back in England and they were so comforting and supporting about my wish to come home. That's why this forum is so helpful too.

Anyway, off to cook bangers and mash for tea and will have iplayer on via our Virtual IP! (spot the homesick person!!)
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 9:48 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by brithampton View Post
Okuda - I am in exactly the same spot. Many of my expat Brit friends who have since gone home say that one day, you just wake up and know that you want to go home. I had that moment about 6 years ago, when my oldest kid was 18 months old. Since then I've managed to shake the feeling off, but it's been there like an ever-growing itch and now it's got so bad that I think about it probably once an hour!

My husband and I are both Brits and came here 15 years ago (for a year). We both were keen to stay longer than that year but I don't want to stay here now. I think for me, the US has not been the same since 9/11, but more than that, now we have 2 young children, I am desperate to go back. I miss Brit culture and I think there is more variety and interesting activities for kids over there and I miss the proximity to the rest of Europe, not to mention missing their interaction with the rest of our family tremendously.

Unfortunately for me, my husband doesn't really want to go back. I've just been over the England for the past 5 weeks with our kids (he had to stay here to work) and it was heaven - I'm sure I was pretending that I was back living there. It was very hard to get back on the plane and come back here. He thinks that it's just all the excitement around the Olympics, but it's really not. Now I'm back here in the US, I feel really anxious, it's almost making me feel ill. For the past few years, I've tried and tried to shake it off - organized lots of things socially, made friends and am now working again after having the kids, but the homesickness does not abate! My husband and I have discussed it but it's always a difficult conversation that is not resolved. I think I'm getting to the point where I say that I will stay here for, say, 2 more years, but then I NEED to be back home. In the meantime, I'm going to start researching areas to live, schools and jobs so I feel like there is an option out there. The thought of growing old here makes me want to throw up and I feel that unless we do something before our oldest reaches secondary school age, then we will be stuck here forever.

Hang in there, I totally understand. I also find it hard as I can't talk about it to anyone over here about it. I "came clean" to all my friends back in England and they were so comforting and supporting about my wish to come home. That's why this forum is so helpful too.

Anyway, off to cook bangers and mash for tea and will have iplayer on via our Virtual IP! (spot the homesick person!!)
Ha, ha , ha Same boat we came here for a couple and its now been ten lonnnnng years. Like you we're heading back in a couple before I go stir crazy.
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 10:55 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

I don't really feel at home either place now that my parents are gone, but I feel more comfortable in the US. It's lovely visiting home but on my latest trip, I couldn't wait to get back to my house and my friends here. Starting a new job soon so we'll see how that goes - my current colleagues have gone a long way to making me feel at home here.

Take your trip and see how you feel when you have to come back
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Old Sep 11th 2012, 9:56 am
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Default Re: Homesickness

Gosh, you're worrying me with these stories! I'm an American, but have been living in Switzerland for 40 years. My husband's a Brit - also in Switzerland for 40 years. We're planning on retiring to the States and I'm afraid he's going to suffer from homesickness too - not for the UK - he absolutely refuses to return to the UK, but for Europe...

Oh, dear, I'm hoping the golf courses will make all the difference!
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Old Sep 11th 2012, 12:36 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills View Post
I was fine here till we started to have kids.
We went back for a year then Dh persuaded me to move back to US, now after another 19 years we are preparing for the return move.
Another 19 years wow! I am curious to know whether your kids are returning with you too? They must be almost adults now, no? And therefore be able to make their own choices.
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Old Sep 11th 2012, 9:15 pm
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Default Re: Homesickness

How to deal with it? you find a way, either it is by watching a lot more British dvd's, reading British author books etc. It is never easy but the longer you stay here the better and better you become at managing it, plus you have this great website which helps a lot too.

Yeah, I miss my supermult too.

Originally Posted by Okuda View Post
How do you deal with it. I've never had it like this before. Ever. Moving, being away from family, has *never* bothered me. I've always been a bit of a 'gypsy' .. never been in the same place for more than 6 months back in England. I come and go.

(I'm sorry in advance as I have a feeling this might be a bit lengthy, but really, I have no one around that really understands homesickness and who I can talk to.

Sure I've felt a bit home sick, I've missed foods, missed family, but it passed cause I spent a fortune at World Market and ate my way thru it .. but this .. this feeling I've had the last few months is a whole other level.

I freaking ache inside ... I just want to be back home with every ounce of my soul. I can't explain it. Is it because I have 2 young kids now? (10 months and 2 YO) Is it because we have an up coming trip at the end of this month back home .. maybe I want to see the kids growing up around my family? Is it cause my uncle just died and I just want to be close to family right now? I don't know .. all I know is I just want to be home, back in my old stomping grounds, around the familiar. I just can't shake it.

I even brought it up with my husband. Can you believe that? I just blurted it out, I couldn't keep it in. He said he'd be willing to give it a go cause I came here for him. I mean of course no one is saying it would be easy. But as far as visas and such, the kids are British by decent. So his he (His father is English) so as far as that is concerned that's not *horrible* to sort out. He works in the IT security sector, so jobs in that area aren't *horrid* in the UK .. and yes, I know it's not simple there are a 1001 things other than that to sort out, things that I haven't even begun to consider. but God ... I'm actually blurted it out loud to him. Seriously?

We have a really good life here, a good house, good friends, he has a really good job, apart from the mosquitoes, everything rocks, so why can't I shake this gut wrenching out of the blue totally side blinded me feeling that I NEED to be back home?

I've been trying to find some other Expats around my area .. in hopes that would help a bit, but so far zip.

How do you deal with it, guys? How do you make it go away.

Hopefully this 2 week trip back home will give me a swift kick up the arse and leave me sprinting for the plane.
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Old Sep 12th 2012, 12:41 am
  #15  
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Default Re: Homesickness

Originally Posted by Adnams View Post
Another 19 years wow! I am curious to know whether your kids are returning with you too? They must be almost adults now, no? And therefore be able to make their own choices.
Two oldest are 24 and 18 and living in UK already, just Dh myself and Dd (who is 7) still getting the house ready to put on the market.
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