Homesickness
 

How do you deal with it. I've never had it like this before. Ever. Moving, being away from family, has *never* bothered me. I've always been a bit of a 'gypsy' .. never been in the same place for more than 6 months back in England. I come and go.

(I'm sorry in advance as I have a feeling this might be a bit lengthy, but really, I have no one around that really understands homesickness and who I can talk to.

Sure I've felt a bit home sick, I've missed foods, missed family, but it passed cause I spent a fortune at World Market and ate my way thru it :) .. but this .. this feeling I've had the last few months is a whole other level.

I freaking ache inside ... I just want to be back home with every ounce of my soul. I can't explain it. Is it because I have 2 young kids now? (10 months and 2 YO) Is it because we have an up coming trip at the end of this month back home .. maybe I want to see the kids growing up around my family? Is it cause my uncle just died and I just want to be close to family right now? I don't know .. all I know is I just want to be home, back in my old stomping grounds, around the familiar. I just can't shake it.

I even brought it up with my husband. Can you believe that? I just blurted it out, I couldn't keep it in. He said he'd be willing to give it a go cause I came here for him. I mean of course no one is saying it would be easy. But as far as visas and such, the kids are British by decent. So his he (His father is English) so as far as that is concerned that's not *horrible* to sort out. He works in the IT security sector, so jobs in that area aren't *horrid* in the UK .. and yes, I know it's not simple there are a 1001 things other than that to sort out, things that I haven't even begun to consider. but God ... I'm actually blurted it out loud to him. Seriously?

We have a really good life here, a good house, good friends, he has a really good job, apart from the mosquitoes, everything rocks, so why can't I shake this gut wrenching out of the blue totally side blinded me feeling that I NEED to be back home?

I've been trying to find some other Expats around my area .. in hopes that would help a bit, but so far zip.

How do you deal with it, guys? How do you make it go away.

Hopefully this 2 week trip back home will give me a swift kick up the arse and leave me sprinting for the plane.

Re: Homesickness
 

I think about it every day and discuss possibly moving back at least once a week.

The received wisdom is to throw yourself into the local way of life.

Re: Homesickness
 

Oh I have, we've been here near on 6 years now, couldn't be more 'local' if I tried. Like I say, I've never had this before .. it's so strange to me, it's totally knocked me for 6, I just don't understand it at all.

Re: Homesickness
 

It sounds like you hit the nail with your own post - you've had some life changing things (death in the family, kids getting to the age where, if they were in the UK, they might be getting to know the family as individuals etc), you're about to revisit and are probably thinking about your old life a lot; and all that's gotta make you re-evaluate your own life.

Also, if you never stayed in one place before but have now been in one place for 6 years maybe you're getting wanderlust and confusing it with homesickness?

Advice - re-evaluate your feelings after your trip home - and good luck :fingerscrossed:

Re: Homesickness
 

Exactly. You may be feeling "stuck" rather than homesick. There's travelling, and then there's emigration. Very different.

Of course you may also be feeling stuck in the wrong place. There's no law that says you have to like every culture you try.

Re: Homesickness
 

I only lasted two and a bit years in the States. What made me return was a trip I took home ... after not having seen my family or friends for two years, my baby brother had grown up, my Grandparents had got old and sick, my childhood friends had made babies and I realised that I had made a huge mistake in leaving the people who I truly loved.

Everyone is different, and everyone handles the challenges of being an immigrant differently. I met BEs in the USA who took like fish to water, and much of your post indicates that you have adjusted well to your new life. You've had some huge life events take place, the kind of events that would make anyone, anywhere long for home. It's okay to feel sad, detached and isolated sometimes! Maybe you just need to feel that way; to accept that you will sometimes wonder whether you've made the right choice. Talk to your family and friends, don't be alone with sadness and remember that you are human. Hope you feel better soon x

Re: Homesickness
 

Okuda!
I totally understand where you're coming from. we've been here ten years and my gut wrenching feeling hasn't gone away. We also now have two small kids (4 and 2) and having the kids actually made it worse. I now want my children to grow up around my family and friends and in British culture not in America. I really want them to know their Grandparents before its too late.
The OH and I disagree fundamentally on this but now that we have children I have finally persuaded him to go home. If not to the UK then at least to Europe (he works for a Swiss co.).
If you are truly unhappy here and your OH is willing then give it a go, why not? You moved here to be with him why cant he try the UK? Relationships should be reciprocal after all.
Now back to your original Q. I handle homesickness in a number of ways. I find coming on here really helps as I find it helpful to "talk" to people who have an understanding of where I am coming from. Watching Brit TV and listening to Brit radio on the internet and yes like you eating my way through far too many Brit foods. Glass of wine or two never goes amiss either. Have your tried googling British Clubs / Associations in your area. I did and was amazed to find a Brit women's group in a city not far from me. Also look on meetups.com
You didnt say but are you a stay at home Mum? I found that my homesickness increased after stopping work to have kids as I am on my own a lot more and have a lot more time to think. If youre not working maybe that could be an option? But I fear that even if you did work it would only be a temporary measure to stop the blues.
I am so glad my OH has finally agreed we have to get out of here. If nothing else persuade your hubby that its way too expensive to send kids to college here, UK far better and cheaper option.
Good luck and PM me if you want to chat. :fingerscrossed:

Re: Homesickness
 

I was fine here till we started to have kids.
We went back for a year then Dh persuaded me to move back to US, now after another 19 years we are preparing for the return move.

Re: Homesickness
 

Okuda - I am in exactly the same spot. Many of my expat Brit friends who have since gone home say that one day, you just wake up and know that you want to go home. I had that moment about 6 years ago, when my oldest kid was 18 months old. Since then I've managed to shake the feeling off, but it's been there like an ever-growing itch and now it's got so bad that I think about it probably once an hour!

My husband and I are both Brits and came here 15 years ago (for a year). We both were keen to stay longer than that year but I don't want to stay here now. I think for me, the US has not been the same since 9/11, but more than that, now we have 2 young children, I am desperate to go back. I miss Brit culture and I think there is more variety and interesting activities for kids over there and I miss the proximity to the rest of Europe, not to mention missing their interaction with the rest of our family tremendously.

Unfortunately for me, my husband doesn't really want to go back. I've just been over the England for the past 5 weeks with our kids (he had to stay here to work) and it was heaven - I'm sure I was pretending that I was back living there. It was very hard to get back on the plane and come back here. He thinks that it's just all the excitement around the Olympics, but it's really not. Now I'm back here in the US, I feel really anxious, it's almost making me feel ill. For the past few years, I've tried and tried to shake it off - organized lots of things socially, made friends and am now working again after having the kids, but the homesickness does not abate! My husband and I have discussed it but it's always a difficult conversation that is not resolved. I think I'm getting to the point where I say that I will stay here for, say, 2 more years, but then I NEED to be back home. In the meantime, I'm going to start researching areas to live, schools and jobs so I feel like there is an option out there. The thought of growing old here makes me want to throw up and I feel that unless we do something before our oldest reaches secondary school age, then we will be stuck here forever.

Hang in there, I totally understand. I also find it hard as I can't talk about it to anyone over here about it. I "came clean" to all my friends back in England and they were so comforting and supporting about my wish to come home. That's why this forum is so helpful too.

Anyway, off to cook bangers and mash for tea and will have iplayer on via our Virtual IP! (spot the homesick person!!)

Re: Homesickness
 

Ha, ha , ha Same boat we came here for a couple and its now been ten lonnnnng years. Like you we're heading back in a couple before I go stir crazy.

Re: Homesickness
 

I don't really feel at home either place now that my parents are gone, but I feel more comfortable in the US. It's lovely visiting home but on my latest trip, I couldn't wait to get back to my house and my friends here. Starting a new job soon so we'll see how that goes - my current colleagues have gone a long way to making me feel at home here.

Take your trip and see how you feel when you have to come back :)

Re: Homesickness
 

Gosh, you're worrying me with these stories! I'm an American, but have been living in Switzerland for 40 years. My husband's a Brit - also in Switzerland for 40 years. We're planning on retiring to the States and I'm afraid he's going to suffer from homesickness too - not for the UK - he absolutely refuses to return to the UK, but for Europe...

Oh, dear, I'm hoping the golf courses will make all the difference!

Re: Homesickness
 

Another 19 years wow! I am curious to know whether your kids are returning with you too? They must be almost adults now, no? And therefore be able to make their own choices.

Re: Homesickness
 

How to deal with it? you find a way, either it is by watching a lot more British dvd's, reading British author books etc. It is never easy but the longer you stay here the better and better you become at managing it, plus you have this great website which helps a lot too.

Yeah, I miss my supermult too.

Re: Homesickness
 

Two oldest are 24 and 18 and living in UK already, just Dh myself and Dd (who is 7) still getting the house ready to put on the market.

Re: Homesickness
 

Superb, your children clearly have impecable taste & sense when it comes to where to live.

Re: Homesickness
 

I'm a UKC and I've been in the USA since 1988. I have had bouts of homesickness come and go but after having children more recently it really hit home hard. My kids are 4 and 18 months and I'm determined to get home by the time school starts next year for my daughter. I can't wait for us all to have family around us again. Can't wait. Good luck to you!

Re: Homesickness
 

:thumbsup::lol:

Re: Homesickness
 

I totally forgot to update this.

Thank you all for your replies. After a trip home, it just made it so much more apparent to me that I needed to be home. The trip home even got my husband excited about the prospect of moving to the UK.

Now? The house is on the market. We've spoken to a tax guy about our worldwide income tax implications as the US are greedy (no joke!) and it seems although we still have to file taxes as US citizens we won't owe taxes to the US, so thats ok, once the house sells, things will move pretty quickly as everyone is a UK citizen also, so it's a case of finding a job for the hubs, selling our life and getting shipped over (Of course a bit more involved than that, but you get the jist of things)

This is happening :) I'm scared. Wondering if it's the right thing for the kids futures (They are 1 and 3) but you have to leap sometimes, right? Well, here I we go, from the edge of the world haha.

Re: Homesickness
 

Your so lucky!
Having your yungons grown up in England sounds good as long as its in a nice area with nice schools.
If you don't mind me asking, where do you live in the US (State) and where do you or did you live in the UK?

Re: Homesickness
 

Hey!

We live in North Carolina right now and will be moving back to Kent. Gotta get used to the cooold winters again. Apart from this cold snap this week, its still been in the 70s here! In November!!!

Re: Homesickness
 

I left the UK pre central heating. Hard to imagin having a warm house. I'm sorry that, for the most part, they don't light up the coal fire anymore. Nothing like a fireplace and a lit fire.

Cheers

Re: Homesickness
 

There is the perception that the grass is always greener. The truth is, anything is only what you make of it.

I've been here since 2005. I occasionally, maybe once or twice a year, will feel 'home sick', and those emotions are strong and stay with you. In contrast, viewing news articles on the Beeb web site, or stories from other UK news sites, about the depressing stench of urban and social decay, create brief moments of sadness that are fleeting.

In reality, I dont ever see me moving back to England. I made the US my home.

When you can listen to both of these and feel the same emotions, you know you are home in the US.

Re: Homesickness
 

Just say you like it in the US. No need to make up some ridiculous melodrama about 'the stench of urban and social decay' to make yourself feel better about it.

Re: Homesickness
 

Grass is greener? Right ... This has nothing to do with me thinking the grass is greener, I'm under no illusion that England is the perfect country, it's far from it. Its just the fact I miss what I am. English. And that's all there is to it. This isn't a fleeting once or twice a year feeling. This is something I think about daily. Something I shed tears over, weekly.

Yes, the UK has it's faults, it is far from perfect. The state of benefits and immigration is disgusting, lazy yobs who suck the system dry. But then, America is no different, the same problems exist anywhere, it's just if you want to open your eyes and see them, or just bash the other country and shout "Oh it's gone to sh1t, you don't want to move back there, the NHS is crap, blah blah" yes, I've heard all the arguments when I last went back, but you know what? When we went back my little girl fell down a flight of double decker bus stairs and landed on the back of her head/neck. I thought she was dead. They took her to Queen Marys by ambulance, had 3 different doctors check her out (she was ok) and I didn't have one single co-pay, no $5000 bill for the ambulance ride, no $8000 for the ER visit or Xrays. I'll take crappy old 'grass is greener' UK and the NHS.

I'm sorry, I don't have anything against either country, I really don't, they both have great points and bad points, the only reason I want to move back is because I miss ... home. ... But you know what? I am quite sick of people bashing England like it's some steaming pile of crap. No it's not perfect by any means, but millions of people live there and survive every day with these things you bash and call it home and do very well.

Re: Homesickness
 

Sally,
I looked at the town I was born and spent most of my life in on Google maps recently. I was trying to find an address and 'travelled' the streets in street view. It is now a dump, boarded up houses, once affluent areas in disrepair. After seeing that I read the local newspaper, it was depressing.
I stand by 'the stench of urban and social decay' 100%.

For me, my home town is not what it was. You may have a different experience. My opinion is based on MY experience. Just because our experiences differ doesn't make you right.

I think you have lived in CA too long, you are sounding very much like a native..

Re: Homesickness
 

Why's that?

Re: Homesickness
 

Sorry to hear that. Each experience is personal. The truth is, anything is only what you make of it.

Re: Homesickness
 

Obviously not true, or you would have made the most of your home town.

Re: Homesickness
 

If I was living there I would. I'm living here.

Re: Homesickness
 

Do you think that petition to leave or succeed from the US will go anywhere?

cheers

off the subject I know.

Re: Homesickness
 

"Who says you can't go home?" - Jon Bon Jovi, 2006.

Re: Homesickness
 

God I hope so, lets be rid.

Re: Homesickness
 

LOL. No. In 1861, Texans voted four-to-one to leave the Union, 150 years later here we still are. Many Texas still claim to be independent nation under occupation, but that number has been declining for the past 150 years.

I read on Yahoo news yesterday that the "We The People" petition section on The White House web site now included petitions from all 50 states to secede. The nation is divided, almost 50/50, on who should be 'running' the country, so its natural to have such a high number of 'protests'. Sore losers, myself included ;)

Re: Homesickness
 

Broad generalization, but from the replies in this thread I get the impression that the "hard" homesickness seems to be affecting women with young children more than men - is that fair? The call of the family, etc?

Also, possibly, where the person feeling homesick came to the US on a job transfer rather than a marriage-based visa - maybe people who came on K-1s etc to marry US citizens or were already married to USCs don't feel the same pull?

I came to marry a US citizen and we're expecting our first baby next June, but have felt no sense of homesickness for the UK - maybe because I lived on the Isle of Man for 11 years, before moving back to the UK for under 2 years and then coming over here, so I didn't get chance to properly re-settle in the UK (the IOM is different, in some ways more like the UK in the 1960s/1970s).

Re: Homesickness
 

No, I think you're quite right in your assumption. Like I said, 2 years ago, I would have never have considered moving back to the UK.

I've always moved around and lived away from family before I moved to the US and it's never bothered me. I've traveled all over for the preceding 10 years, I've never felt homesick in my life, so this knocked me for 6 and I didn't know which way was up.

I think it's exactly what you say, because of the kids, and not even after the birth of my first, it was after the birth of my 2nd .. I just woke up one day and I just wanted to be back home and with family and watch my kids be with family. It was the strangest feeling because its never happened before, at first I couldn't make any sense of it and didn't understand it in the slightest. I'm not an overly emotional "I miss you" person with my family back in the UK, so this is just .. odd.

It's the kids, they will change ya :) Congratulations by the way!

Re: Homesickness
 

Google "The stages of homesickness" and "The stages of culture shock"

Ignore advice from others who are homesick they may be at a different stage than you. Take it one day ay a time knowing that you will move onto the next stage at some point.

Re: Homesickness
 

In my experience the homesickness never really quite goes away, it just ebbs and flows according to other factors in my life. How to deal with it ? Same way you deal with anything maybe ? Work, exercise & if it gets too bad go home. But when Ive been back I always get antsy after 3-4 days & remember why I wanted to leave in the first place. After a week back in England Im kind of impatient to get away again. But that's just me.

Re: Homesickness
 

I've moved from UK to Miami in June of this year to join my husband who is working on H1b so i'm on H4 , my homesickness seems to be getting worst instead of getting better with time! My 10year old has adjusted well but as for me I'm really suffering with homesickness particularly now Christmas is approaching!