Homesick!
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: SF Bay area - Jersey bound, bring on the chills!
Posts: 261
Homesick!
The weather is brilliant in the SF Bay Area, the people are great but after two weeks been here going through anxiety and feeling extremely homesick. I've worked and lived in many countries but this is the first time I'm really missing home - is this the sign that I don't belong here or what? I'm happy to swap places with folks desperate to move to the states from the bonnie land! Maybe I'm just sick of driving on the flippin 101, it's cack!
What do you do to make yourself feel better when homesick?
What do you do to make yourself feel better when homesick?
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 143
Re: Homesick!
The weather is brilliant in the SF Bay Area, the people are great but after two weeks been here going through anxiety and feeling extremely homesick. I've worked and lived in many countries but this is the first time I'm really missing home - is this the sign that I don't belong here or what? I'm happy to swap places with folks desperate to move to the states from the bonnie land! Maybe I'm just sick of driving on the flippin 101, it's cack!
What do you do to make yourself feel better when homesick?
What do you do to make yourself feel better when homesick?
If you've only been there two weeks, you need to give it more time. Indulge in some British delights; Dairy Milk and PG Tips.
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2010
Location: Temecula, CA
Posts: 4,759
Re: Homesick!
I've been here a year and 5 days. I was fine until my parents came this week. When they left yesterday I was numb. Completely different from when I left them at the hotel at Heathrow that year ago. Guilty that I'd taken their grandkids away from them.
I know people say you go through various stages of homesickness/grief. I'd not really encountered any of them until now.
I don't think it's whether you belong or not (though you may have ideas on that). Good luck though - hang in there!
I know people say you go through various stages of homesickness/grief. I'd not really encountered any of them until now.
I don't think it's whether you belong or not (though you may have ideas on that). Good luck though - hang in there!
#4
Rootbeeraholic
Joined: Aug 2009
Location: Houston, Tx
Posts: 2,280
Re: Homesick!
For me it's normally overcome when I return to the UK for a few days.
Back in Blighty at the moment and am already looking forward to returning to the States.
Back in Blighty at the moment and am already looking forward to returning to the States.
#5
Re: Homesick!
I left home 30 years ago, and have been missing it quite a bit over the last few months and depressed because I just don't see the possibility of a visit back any time in the future.
#6
Re: Homesick!
How's the job going? The first job I had when I came over sucked big time, my boss was an utter ar$€hole (and British, so I'm not offending any locals in stating that fact .... and no, it's not just an opinion ) and it made me feel very unsettled, I'm not sure that it was home sickness, but I was stressed and couldn't sleep, so I was fatigued, which made it hard to concentrate, which affected my work, which stressed me more. I lasted eight months before I left, though I had actually decided to leave more than two months earlier. It might have been different had we found a home, but our house in London wasn't selling, and most of our stuff was in storage so those were more sources of stress. That was the only time I have ever quit a job without having one to go to.
Honestly, I'd say you haven't been hear long enough yet, barely enough time to unpack, much less to settle. Once you get stuck into your work and a daily routine, things will likely settle down for you, but I seem to recall you said that you were coming for two years (?), so I'd focus on that time horizon and get the most out of the experience you can both in your job and living in the SF area. It's a great opportunity, so don't let the stress of arriving and unpacking start to eat away at you!
Honestly, I'd say you haven't been hear long enough yet, barely enough time to unpack, much less to settle. Once you get stuck into your work and a daily routine, things will likely settle down for you, but I seem to recall you said that you were coming for two years (?), so I'd focus on that time horizon and get the most out of the experience you can both in your job and living in the SF area. It's a great opportunity, so don't let the stress of arriving and unpacking start to eat away at you!
#7
Re: Homesick!
Everyone reacts differently, I've found, and not always at similar times. I take it that you didn't have the same reactions when you lived in other countries?
I've been here 20 months now, had one trip back a year ago to for the UK celebration of our marriage for a week, talk on Skype to my brother and parents, but I don't miss the UK at all (at the moment/yet). I can't even attribute it to friendships etc, as I've barely made any - I work from home remotely for an Isle of Man company, so don't see anyone during the day, and the most I've got with meeting other people is that I've found a pub in SLC that has the official Arsenal fan club meet at it for games on TV
I do think that some people hit the homesickness button a little earlier in the US than maybe other countries, partly because we Brits may have this idea that it'll be closer to the UK thanks to TV, movies, etc - when, in fact, there are a lot of little (and not so little) differences that we aren't expecting.
I've been here 20 months now, had one trip back a year ago to for the UK celebration of our marriage for a week, talk on Skype to my brother and parents, but I don't miss the UK at all (at the moment/yet). I can't even attribute it to friendships etc, as I've barely made any - I work from home remotely for an Isle of Man company, so don't see anyone during the day, and the most I've got with meeting other people is that I've found a pub in SLC that has the official Arsenal fan club meet at it for games on TV
I do think that some people hit the homesickness button a little earlier in the US than maybe other countries, partly because we Brits may have this idea that it'll be closer to the UK thanks to TV, movies, etc - when, in fact, there are a lot of little (and not so little) differences that we aren't expecting.
#8
I have a comma problem
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: Fox Lake, IL (from Carrickfergus NI)
Posts: 49,598
Re: Homesick!
Homesickness comes and goes, try not to worry about it too much, as things sound like they are going resonably well for you otherwise, going by your opening sentence. You're probably starting to feel it now just because you have hit a routine and the excitment of moving has worn off somewhat.
It didn't hit me until I'd been out here two years, after we went back to the UK for a visit, then it got bad again a couple of years after that. I have slowly trained myself to get over it to the point where I still miss the UK but it isn't a longing to return, rather just a fond memory of when I lived there.
Pulaski has a good point about work, it wasn't really until I switched to a new job last autumn where I was really able to let go of the homesickness, though it had bee getting better up to that point.
Stick it out and eventually it'll get easier to deal with again.
It didn't hit me until I'd been out here two years, after we went back to the UK for a visit, then it got bad again a couple of years after that. I have slowly trained myself to get over it to the point where I still miss the UK but it isn't a longing to return, rather just a fond memory of when I lived there.
Pulaski has a good point about work, it wasn't really until I switched to a new job last autumn where I was really able to let go of the homesickness, though it had bee getting better up to that point.
Stick it out and eventually it'll get easier to deal with again.
#9
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Homesick!
If I remember rightly you're not here permanently? View it in terms of what you will get out of it.
I have been through all the varieties of homesickness, that feeling of anxiety is awful and I had it for years. Personally I can only deal with it now by believing I will get away at some point.
Chin up.
I have been through all the varieties of homesickness, that feeling of anxiety is awful and I had it for years. Personally I can only deal with it now by believing I will get away at some point.
Chin up.
#10
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
#11
Re: Homesick!
Two weeks is very early in your settling process. Have you had a "Honeymoon" phase yet? (See Wikipedia's definition of stages of Culture shock below.)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock
I myself skipped the honeymoon phase in one country our family moved to. (Not the US or the UK.) Several misadventures & problems occurring immediately on our arrival wiped it out, I think. We were forced to take horrible housing (with tiny, dark rooms) that I didn't like, but nothing else was possible, plus my husband had a nightmare commute to work. Have you had a difficult time with job or housing or both? That can really do it.
After a while things usually improve. The third year we lived in that damp dark house, the landlord chpped down some nearby tall trees & suddenly we had light & air that circulated, a transformation of sorts that made a real difference to my state of mind. Hope something similar happens for you....
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock
I myself skipped the honeymoon phase in one country our family moved to. (Not the US or the UK.) Several misadventures & problems occurring immediately on our arrival wiped it out, I think. We were forced to take horrible housing (with tiny, dark rooms) that I didn't like, but nothing else was possible, plus my husband had a nightmare commute to work. Have you had a difficult time with job or housing or both? That can really do it.
After a while things usually improve. The third year we lived in that damp dark house, the landlord chpped down some nearby tall trees & suddenly we had light & air that circulated, a transformation of sorts that made a real difference to my state of mind. Hope something similar happens for you....
#13
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2011
Location: North Yorkshire
Posts: 983
Re: Homesick!
I am back now after five years. I found the first two went quickly with all the new stuff to do. I survived by buying familiar stuff- World Market sell Cadburys chocolate and biscuits and Heinz beans etc. Wholefoods and Trader Joes sold cheese and some other passable foodstuffs similar to back home. I downloaded a programme to allow me to watch UK TV and connected my computer to the TV, so managed to keep up with what's going on. Now, let me see! Food, TV, is there anything else? If you miss anything from M&S, they do international shipping, clothes not food. God, I sound like a typical expat! I loved my time there, and made lots of friends, but also needed familiar stuff so I could feel I was holding onto my identity!
#14
Re: Homesick!
I think some people just shouldn't be expats. Nothing wrong with them, and nothing wrong with people who can't wait to leave where they are and go live somewhere else. Different strokes for different folks.
Regards, JEff
Regards, JEff