gonecountry

Well.. i've been here in the USA for 3 months and a bit... and well maybe i have the 3 month itch and its early days yet and all that but sheesh if i'd known... would i have come? I really don't know.
Of course i had all the people i loved living under one roof already and if that hadn't been the case then there would have been no doubt i would have moved heaven and earth to make it so.But given the choice of raising my family here or there..i'm not so sure anymore.
Lets see.. what has gone wrong so far.. hummm $857 for a week of hire car because hubby said yes to a few insurance waivers too many....ouch... my daughter being really nastily bullied at school the first week she was there.. and the principal putting her in detention for one retaliation she made calling the kid a 'bitch' (pretty accurate from where i saw!) whilst the little bully was allowed to steal her clothes, call her everything under the sun and push her around to boot and didn't get a detention or anything else... needless to say i was in the school office about that one. Finding a house to live were the rent is almost 3 times what we bargained for and being comitted to it for a year and now being very broke because of it. HAving the electric company cause a power surge which blew up our TV and 2 satellite recievers all of which were 4 weeks old and refusing to compensate us for anything at all... another $1000 down the pan..Tv repair man took the TVs and satelites away 4 weeks ago after we paid a $97 bill and never came back! fighting with a bed salesman for 4 weeks to deliver our new beds and meanwhile having already paid for them having to go out and buy air mattresses to sleep on... grrrrrr.. Ford truck salesman saying he had filled out the paperwork for my husband to get a refund on his hand controls when he hadn't.. still waiting for that one to come... another $790... The Veteran Administration owing us more than $5000 in refunds for the new vehicle.. supposed to pay this in a couple of weeks.. now getting on for 4 months, my social security number (applied for with immigration papers) never turning up- went to the office they said it had never been applied for.. can't get a job, or a teaching licence or take my driving test without it... still waiting on that one.... Another branch of the VA refusing to acknowledge me as my husbands wife or any of our 3 kids and still paying us pension for a single man when in fact it has to support a family of 5, buying some stuff at an auction 2 weeks ago to try and make a few bucks on ebay to try and make ends meet a little easier to find out it was fake.. auction refusing to refund inspite of their misrepresentation and i even got suspended from ebay...
Utility deposits here cost a fortune and the service level seems to be about nil....$250 for electricity, $100 for water $1400 for the house.. Oh and movers..humm tell you 5 weeks take 12.. then leave a box in Houston for another month till they come back.. packed everything badly half a bed in one box, half in another just taking forever to get it all straight. cont....I am sick to death of everything going wrong and nobody taking responsibility. My list is endless i could probably go on another hour with stuff that's going wrong. This is only my experience and I hope to God everyone else is doing better. I am sure my promised land is here somewhere i just have to find it but i wish it didn't take so damn long and that it didn't have to turn me into a bitter and twisted grump before i do.
Oh and lonley... yeah very lonley - almost impossible to make friends... doctors here are horrible takes 3 hour to see one who looks at you for 5 mins runs every test he can on you just to see his money roll in.. and pages of paperwork every time...... no baby clinics.. no mums to talk to at the school gate all the kids go everywhere by car... and the moms sit in them at the gate to run the air conditioning.. i could die of Carbon nnoxide poisioning from waiting outside school!
AAgggghhhh there must be something good.. well the weather.. if you don't mention the bit where we got evacuated because of the hurricane last week....... sigh..
Just don't go into this thinking it will all be easy it isn't... but i'm still hoping that there's light at the end of the tunnel and that it will be all that hoped it would be oneday
Ginny

Jabba1

Sounds to me as if some higher power has it in for you.

tbiller

Hi Ginny,

Your whole post could have been written (with the exception of the VA and some of the money parts) by my wife describing her feelings about living in the UK when she emigrated here from the USA last year. My stepson was bullied at his new school (being the American boy) and that only stopped when I knocked on the little f**kers door in my bike leathers and asked to speak with his father....

In fact, one of our kids was so sick that they repatriated and I'm still here while we do the whole IV thing.

I feel for you - stick with it kid - love conquers all etc etc

Chin up chuck,

whatever

That's quite a list Mrs. I hope that things will simmer down quickly so that you will not feel so overwhelmed by everything that is happening. Deal with the issues that affect your kids first - that way when you can see they are happy, you will feel better yourself.
I have not had personal experience, yet, but my Mother moved to the US when she was in her 40's and she had difficulty with the change. My Father loved it, and us two kids loved it too. She did not work and took me to school and did the shopping etc... Coming from London she did not drive either which was a big issue. I think that it is tougher on the stay at home Mum's more than anyone else. It took her a while to 'get in' with the neighbours, but once she made friends, they remained friends for life. Maybe you can post again at 5 or 6 months so we can see if things have improved for you?

NC Penguin

Moving to another country is never easy as I've done it myself (been in the US less than a year).

If you're looking for company, have you heard of meetup? There's a lot more Brits out in Texas than where I live in NC. Check www.meetup.com and search in the Brit(ish) expat groups for the nearest one to you.

Issues should start to get resolved over time. In the early days things were tough and caused a lot of stress for me and in my relationship with my husband. I think it was a case of simply getting accustomed to things that were different (and not necessarily better).



NC Penguin

Taffyles

Hang in there Ginny- I know what you're going through. It does get easier as you get used to things.

I spent more time in the school office than I care to remember in the early days. My sons came out of their first day at school in their socks, and obviously been in a brawl- they'd had their new flashy trainers literally yanked off their feet- no pun intended. There were other skirmishes and thefts- clothes, watches, bikes- and one girl sprayed hairspray in my middle son's eyes on the school bus- because he wouldn't go out with her. I tell you some of these teenage girls out here are something else.

The boys sussed pretty quickly that to fit in they'd have to ditch the accent- so they set about that with a vengeance- they were Americanised in no time. My daughter was put in detention a few times in her first week because she steadfastly refused to swear the Oath of Allegiance every morning- quite brave of her I thought. Her brothers solved that one- they told her to just say watermelon,watermelon, watermelon ...like they did, So if that problem crops up you'll know what to do.
Hope things get better for you soon.

Steff

"my social security number (applied for with immigration papers) never turning up- went to the office they said it had never been applied for."

The same thing happened to my husband. The people at the SS office said he would get his number in about a week (they didn't realize it takes longer for people who aren't citizens). After waiting for awhile, we called up the SS office and they said he never applied for one, so we got worried and were thinking about applying again. It turns out that it was just not on the computer yet, and the SS number came eventually. So I wouldn't worry about this yet, I think it has happened to others here too.

Blondie

[QUOTE]Originally posted by gonecountry
Well.. i've been here in the USA for 3 months and a bit... and well maybe i have the 3 month itch and its early days yet and all that but sheesh if i'd known... would i have come? I really don't know.


Hi there,
You clearly have had quite a dredful experience, and I do feel for you, I would agree with what everyone is saying though and hang in there. You may not think it at the moment, but you are extremely lucky to be there. My husband and I are trying to move across and finding it impossible. We have a house over there, but no job, so we can only visit. I can say with hand on heart that you are not missing anything back in the UK, and the sooner we can get out the better.....so stick with it, Hold your head up, and eventually I am sure everything will fall into place.

Patrick

Listen to blondie, she is right, the streets are paved with gold, there is money growing on every tree, all your cares and worries disappear as soon as you land.

Reality check, its life, just in a different geographic location. Some things are better some are worse. The job market is bad at the moment, you have to pay for health insurance (even with company insurance policies you have to pay a percentage of any surgery done), you get more for your money as far as houses are concerned but you still have to pay taxes on it.

I am sorry that gonecountry is having such a hard time but its not easy moving to a new country with a different culture and set of ideals. People are discovering the truth, American service is better is a myth, they are as prone to tardiness and breakage as in the UK. You pay for a lot more things and there are hidden costs (not just taxes) in a lot of things too. You have to be somewhere that has a high cost of living to get a better pay packet than the UK as well.

Wake up blondie, your life will not dramatically change if you move here, only the weather will improve. You cant run from your live only relocate it.

I hope that everything in gonecountry's life improves and that she finds the answer to what she wants from life, whether it is here or in the UK. I hope blondie gets to live here and see that life is life and it doesn't matter if you think someone is lucky because they have something they don't if they have no pleasure from it. Happiness is happiness and get that where you find it, not where people tell you it is

Patrick




[QUOTE]Originally posted by Blondie

gonecountry

yep you are right Patrick.. i'm still feeling a bit down and frustrated but realistically i know it can't go on being this bad.. and if these things hadn't happned here i expect some equally annoying things might have happened in the UK.
I guess its just hard when you arrive here inevitably having worked so hard to get here expeting it all to go smoothly and for life to be easy.
Which is why i titled the thread - don't let anyone tell you its easy... because it really isn't.. i hope that for most it is easier than this.. but don't come if you are just running away from life there.. the problems will follow you.
I am staying though.. my life will be here one way or another..i have no intentions of running home.. this is home now
Ginny

Jabba1

You go girl!

jaytee

The first thing is to recognize the US for what it is.. a different country and leave your British life behind, because you are now, for all intensive purposes, an American and you will have to deal with people the American way.

I would think that when Americans see they are dealing with a British woman who is new to our country, they figure you are loaded and can be taken advantage of.

It does take a fundamental adjustment to at least be able to survive here for a length of time.

Things to consider:
*Use the internet before making big purchasing decisions. It is a great resource.

*Not sure if you know this, but using MAX AC (re-circulate arrows) button or lever instead of NORM means the car air-conditioning recirculates the air inside the vehicle instead of pulling it from outside. If you are sitting in smog and have the AC on NORM you will be pulling in the choking fumes from outside.

*Order a number of surge protectors (power strips) to use around the house for all electronics to stop your equipment from blowing up every time the power company sends a spike. Try Amazon.com for starters and see the review ratings. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...719246-0935356
Also, look at the books for expatriates in the USA.

*Yes, the utilities are expensive, especially where you are. In Texas, you'll have to run the AC day and night. If you turn the AC down so it is cooler, it will cost more, but you will feel much more rested while at home. $250 bill is not bad for where you live. My family paid around $425 a month to cool a medium-sized 2 story brick home in Houston during the humid summer.

*About school.. the only thing I can say is that you should give her the freedom to defend herself. The only thing a lot of kids respond to is violence. They won't pick on everyone, only target some for mistreatment because they are different and perceive that they won't fight back if tested. I would rather get into trouble than live in fear. If the kid bullies her while there is no one looking, then she would want to use the same skill before fighting back and not fall into the trap of hitting the other kid back while the teacher is looking. I would rather have a commotion happen than take abuse and be trampled on.

*Forget about criticizing America.. even the more prejudiced Americans will respond well to the statement: "I love America" and "This is a great country." If you have guests over, just stay away from making any real criticism. Americans do not respond well at all to this.

meauxna

Hear, hear, Patrick.
I can't help but be amazed recently as it seems there's a bevy of posts around about this or that crap about living in a new country. I empathize with the OP, only in that it appears she's had a run of bad events/luck, but I think too that our attitudes play a huge part in how we deal with 'bad things'.

A huge difference I've noticed re attitude, is that my husband and I were both living abroad from our home countries when we met. You want to talk about problems? Try navigating the Greek (fill in the blank) system. I'll challenge you that *any* one of them is stupider than the US or UK version AND in a nearly incomprehensible language that doesn't even have the courtesy to use a proper alphabet!

Point is, we *chose* to live here, and deal graciously with our host citizens and keep the grumbling to a minimum. I'm starting to have a problem with people who move to a whole other country without thinking about it; just doing it for love. Love's grand, I've never been happier in my life, but both my DAH & I know that 'things' will be different in different countries. Some stuff is better in the US, perhaps some in the UK; I haven't lived there. From what I've seen of it, I don't think I'd like it much. But that's *me*. Husband must agree because he left nearly 10 years ago. We divvy up duties so that each of us deals best with what we know. When it comes to getting the service/merchandise/whatever that we ordered, I stay on it until I'm satisfied. Re: movers, 1000s of USCs are ripped off *every* year by moving companies. From listening to Clark Howard on the radio, I learned about what to do/not do. I recommend his site www.clarkhoward.com for excellent consumer advice and research before making large purchases.

IMO, common sense should enter the picture. The US is not a socialist country; one has to look out for themselves. The good news is that the reward opportunities are often greater as effort is repaid in kind.

best,
mo

nxylas

Can you recommend any titles?

MrsLondon

They really expect non-Americans to say an oath to the USA? If it was me I'd be down the school like a shot and tell 'em it was an oath for Americans, not for foreigners, and go stuff it.