Wolfy

Well as some of you may be aware I have been over to see my "now" fiance a few times and she is due here in a few days to visit for 3 weeks to sample life in the UK and to give it the reality check, I will have to work most of it while she is here and only having a few days off as I have used all my vacation time bar 1 week at Christmas.

We have only touched on the subject of where to live and mentioned a few pros and cons for each continent and up to this point in time it was 90% chance of her coming here as we cant wait to be together, but we will....so it was the best option

Anyway on the 3rd week she is here we will sit down and discuss where we want to live, ok 3 weeks for her to sample life here is not long enough, but it will certainly give a sample, but she has already given me food for thought.

She has a large family, she loves her job and I have been to work with her when I was there and can see that she does, but my concern is her parents are getting on in life and she has her grown up kids there and we may well soon be a grandparents...before we couldnt imagine this, but now our lives have direction and meaning for many year to come

As for me, I have no family apart from a sister who I have only known a few yearsand a brother I have not spoken to in 10 years....complex story and I will one day share it with you, but now is not right and I love my job also, but know I can set the same kind of work up as in my own business there...there is no doubt as to where we will live.

So in my heart of hearts I feel I know the answer to this and I think she does as well and whilst its not a question, i just felt I had to share my thoughts with you guys as you may well be our guide and inner strength to what lies ahead.

Just wanted to thank you guys for your contributions to my quesions so far and thanks for being here!

We will confirm our decision over the next 3 weeks and let you know.

rculater

I wish you the best of luck BTW where is your GF from ?

Sorry to be nosy, how long have you actually spent time together ?

Cheers

Wolfy

She is in Michigan.

Spent 1 week in Feb, 2 weeks in March into April and 1 week in June and the next 3 weeks coming up from next week.

Have another week at Christmas to use to spend with her and future inlaws etc and an agreed extra couple of weeks at my employers discretion so we can arrange for her to come here again

Those weeks are actual in person time we have spent, but we spend an average of 4-5 hours a day on webcam and email each other daily.

We have been texting each other daily since January until her boss made her pay for the texts... took her a UK phone over, went faulty so got her another waiting for her here, but I continue to text her every day.

Yourself?

fromthemanorborn

So, just exactly what are YOUR reservations about moving?

Wolfy

There is no reservations at all...As corny as it sounds...she is my life and all i care for right now is her happiness and ok, we are being selfish...we want to be together from being married and not have to worry about flights and such as the visa system for her to come here is as quick as 14 days worst case scenario is 60 days, luckily she would file in chicago....so all the better!

She is leaving the decision to me and she will bide it, but perhaps she knows that with all the information I have now on her family and her work and surroundings, I will make the right decision...... as i said her happiness is everything to me and taking her away from her family may seem very selfish on my part....Hence me saying "In my heart of hearts, I feel i know the answer" but she needs to see life here and take what she can in as we may never see it again.

All of you know how painful it can be to be parted, but the process you are doing and I may undergo is a mere means to an end result in being together forever...despite the hoops we are asked to jump through and jabs and poking and proding....lol

It was just me waffling my thoughts in the open thats all

lansbury

Very simple, live within easy reach of where the grandkids will be as from what you say they will only be on one side of the pond.

Englishtart

As you say 'we' can't tell you what to do, it's obviously easier/faster for her to move there, but from what you say, you realise that she would be giving up an awful lot by doing that. Seems to me you already know how this will unfold, it's just a matter of time really, how long will the wait be for you to get over here (legally of course! )

Good luck though, it's never easy being apart from loved ones, doesn't mean it's going to be any easier for you guys, just because you are older. In fact that can sometimes put a lot more obstacles along your path.

Duncan Roberts

ESPN primetime special?

Jscl

Maybe it will be possible for her to come to you for a short time, maybe 6 months to a year, so you can decide whether this is what you both want. If it's relatively simple for her to come to the UK you could make use of that time so that you can be together soon, but with a view to moving to the US if she finds the distance to difficult. Then you could be together during the arduous process of getting a US visa. Just an idea.

Englishtart

Yes, but then she has burnt a few bridges by taking that risk...job security etc. Not an easy thing to do for 6 months + if you have everything you need/want in the US

Wolfy

As English tart says, even if we have a sponsor she will need to prove domicile, which isnt hard as the sponsor may well say yes to us living with them for a short period until we find something....but the biggest problem is she would require a visa for that period to come here which is expense as opposed to going through the k1.

but appreciate the idea

meauxna

I think it's a good idea for the USC to know the foreign spouse's culture beyond just the one person (you) before anyone moves. I just posted that we lived together overseas but not in the UK before relocating, but the community we lived in was dominated by Brits and I had 'lived among them' previously.
The background knowledge helped me understand a lot of our differences.

fromthemanorborn

I think this is a most salient point. Before entering into something as important as marriage, surely it is only right to have some understanding of your prospective partner's background and culture.

Wolfy

Totally agree, we have known each other about a year, but met for the first time in Feb this year and we have or i should say I havent seen much of Michigan, but just getting to know her and her me on a persoanable level as we chat every day and email and have done so since january....so the next 3 weeks she will be here in the UK and experience some touristy things, but again she will be brought to reality of what its like in houses stcked around each other as opposed from being spread out....soo cant wait to get her reactions, but at the end of her stay, we will sit down and see how she feels and see if she would like more time here to establish a true decision or whether she has seen enough...so time will tell

joto

I wouldn't wait until the end of her stay. Maybe start the discussions about a week into her stay but in an easy, non demanding way, ie: not "what do you think of that" type of questioning. Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.