Lion in Winter

I've never really understood why leaving one's country of origin is seen as an adventurous act of courage, while leaving the country one emigrated to is seen as giving up or failure that has to be justified in some way. It can be just as much an act of courage, a sign of taking charge of one's life, to say "enough, I need to do something else". Including "going back" to one's country of origin.

Ethelred_the_Unready

Neither represents failure, but both represent courage. It's better to try something out than not try at all.

Sue

I think you have to try and figure out what you want in life. Moving isn't always the solution because we just take our problems with us, so ultimately it's the same shit but in a different bucket.

Go back for a visit if you can, see how you feel. You may find you are more Americanized than your realise, or you will feel that you "belong".

Karrie72

Do you have kids with your ex? It sounds like you'd like to give living in the UK a try...why not take out citizen ship here then head home? If it doesn't work out then at least you've ruled it out and have the option of moving back.it would be hard to go back without any family ties though. It sounds like your Mum is still putting out feelers for you. Time can heal old wounds and it might be to your advantage to make up with her. Best of luck with your decision.

Bob

Else where in the EU would be my suggestion.

Though also possibly somewhere in Asia, if a visa wasn't a issue.

Only because the UK might not be the UK that you left behind and if you dont' move back to where you're from, the same kind of issues might follow you around.

AmerLisa

Then why don't you just go back?

I'm not exactly sure why you need convincing to stay? It sounds as if you've set up good reasons for yourself (I don't know you, nor do I pretend to, so convincing you, yay or nay isn't really worthy!) to go.

I hope in the end that you make the best choice for yourself and it makes you happy. I can say that being miserable in your life just sucks! Good luck!

Ethelred_the_Unready

Hi Bob,

Hope all is well with the baby & all.

One reason why I posted this is that I also wanted to gauge opinions on the degree in which the UK has or has not changed in the last 10 years from expats who visit fairly regularly. I would value their opinions over those who still live there and may not have noticed such changes. The only real changes I'm aware of are that there are a lot more Eastern Europeans, the economy is worse (as is everywhere) and that London now has a skyline.

Ethelred_the_Unready

I don't have the money, basically. And even if I did, I would want to visit the UK first and research jobs, potential locations, etc.

It's not because I'm miserable here or because I'm running away and seeking salvation in Blighty. I would do it because I think I'll have a better chance of being able to move forward in my life, personally, professionally and even when it comes to making new friends or seeking potential romantic partners.

Remember, I didn't come here for a better life in the first place, which is why I won't leave disappointed or cap in hand. I've gained a lot from the experience, but it's been "time to move on" for a couple of years now and I'm not getting any younger.

I don't like the American rat race and want no part of it. I don't keep up with the Joneses. Perhaps the UK has become more competitive in that sense since I left. This is why I want feedback, not solutions to my own problems.

Ethelred_the_Unready

I wish I could send a Curiosity type rover to the UK to scope it out for me, as NASA are doing with Mars. Google Street View is good, but many of those images are already several years old.

md95065

The bottom line is that you need to figure out what you really want to do and then go and do it.

When doing the "figuring out" part and weighing up the advantages and disadvantages of various options try to be very clear about which of those factors are things that you have some control over and which you do not.

It's pretty useless for me to comment on most of the issues that you have mentioned because my opinion really doesn't matter, but I will give you my perspective on two of them

Given what you have said, your family should not even factor into your decision. You currently have little contact with them and don't appear to want to have more contact with them in the future. Fine - that is really easy to do regardless of where you are living. What they may think of you is their problem. If you let that influence you when you don't want it to then that is your problem.

I, too am an introvert and probably only have 5 or 6 people in the entire world that I would count as being "real" close friends - that is because I am who I am and that is the way that it is. I didn't come to the US with the expectation or desire of making lots of friends and I didn't - no big surprise there! On the plus side, it meant that I didn't suffer the pain that so many people have of leaving lots of friends behind ... So, I tend to think that the supposed cultural differences in the US about making friends are a much bigger deal for someone who naturally expects to accumulate a large circle of friends than for someone like me who doesn't really care.

Which comes back to my original point - you need to figure out what you want to do, what you like and don't like, what you care about and what you can and cannot change (about both the world and yourself).

Focus on changing the things that you don't like and can change and learn to accept the rest.

Bluegrass Lass

Well then Ethelred, if you truly think you are pining for the UK, and not pining away over 'old, better times', then what you need is a plan on how to return. If you need to be cutthroat to your ex-wife and tell her eff off, and stop paying your debt (maybe file bankruptcy?) in order to get enough money together to go back home, then do it. Don't let anyone walk all over you. It sounds like a cliche saying, but take your sh*t life by the horns, and do something to change it.

If you want to get further professionally, go back to school. If you are a Perm. Resident or USC, then you can actually borrow money using federal loans, or use grants if you qualify, to get that degree you may need to get ahead. Again, another cliche, but figure out how to go over the roadblocks - don't let them stop you.

My husband came here (I'm the USC) in 2004. At first he was happy, but over time came to dislike the US for many of the reasons that you mention. So when I lost my job in 2010, we came up with a plan on how to return to Scotland. He managed to move over in June 2011, and I followed in Oct. 2011. But by Dec. 2011, we were back in the US. He felt the job opportunities were better here, he felt no better job security there (in fact, he was laid off from his job after barely 90 days and scrambled to find a new one), felt the customer service attitude was terrible (companies didn't care if you didn't have service), and I could go on.

Funnily enough though, we almost went back to Scotland when my OH was given an offer a couple of months ago. He actually accepted the job, but we weren't ecstatic over it. And had to ask ourselves why. We did the introspection thing and realized that a move back wasn't the right thing for us. But he had already told his folks about accepting the job offer, and now his mum has practically cut us off for our decision to stay. So I can understand/empathize with family problems.

My point is, if you really are doing the introspection thing to figure out what you want, then you need to make a plan to make it happen. GET A PLAN!

Bluegrass Lass

And I also wanted to add that my husband also is an introvert like yourself. Besides myself, he doesn't have any other friends. I realize that it is a major difference between the two of you, since you are no longer married (but I at least wanted to mention it).

I need to take my own advice. I've been letting my life drift by for the last couple of years since I lost my engineering job, and I've had some health issues (which will stay with me for life). I need to change my life as well.

Like I said in my first post, get your action plan together to change your life, man! Make a checklist, and start checking it off one at a time. Figure out a way to get out of debt faster, figure out a way to get an education to better your career (find a school & apply for loans), get a better job that provides health insurance (why have loyalty to a company that doesn't provide this basic benefit), etc. Pull your chin up and do it, don't just sit on your couch unhappy!

Oh, and we aren't happy with our current location because of the political RWNJ crap here in KY, so we have a plan to move out to the PNW. My OH has already applied for and interviewed for a couple of different positions out in Seattle, so we are going to make it happen...even if we have to take out a loan to finance our relocation.

mikelincs

That doesn't work now, unfortunately, with the economic situation in places like France, Spain and Portugal, you need to show a level of income and that you will have sufficient funds for healthcare, befoer you can become resident. There is no such thing as the NHS anywhere but the UK, everywhere else you have to pay

scrubbedexpat099

I can think of a lot of people in your sort of situation.

The unusual thing is to have the opportunity you have to switch countries.

AmerLisa

Yay!