Capitalism and Cows
May 20th 2005, 3:14 pm
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Mid West >> UK
Posts: 1,239
Capitalism and Cows
Capitalism and Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that
Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows,
and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them
world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman
who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that
Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows,
and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them
world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman
who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute.
May 20th 2005, 3:23 pm
#2
Forum Regular
Joined: May 2005
Location: Fairfax, Virginia
Posts: 279
Re: Capitalism and Cows
Originally Posted by ladylisa
Capitalism and Cows
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that
Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows,
and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them
world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman
who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM -- You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the
income.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell one, and force the
other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
ENRON CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You sell three of them to your
publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at
the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so
that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights
of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company
secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows
back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight
cows, with an option on one more. Sell one cow to buy a new president of the
United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the
release. The public buys your bull.
ARTHUR ANDERSON, LLC -- You have 2 cows. You shred all documents that
Enron has any cows, take 2 cows from Enron for payment for consulting the cows,
and attest that Enron has 9 cows.
FRENCH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You go on strike because you
want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You
then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon(tm) and market them
world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION -- You have two cows. Both are mad.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows, but you don't know where they
are. You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You count them and learn you
have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another
bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION -- You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.
A HINDU CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You worship them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION -- You have two cows. You have 300 people milking
them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman
who reported the numbers.
AN ARKANSAS CORPORATION -- You have two cows. That one on the left is
kinda cute.
May 20th 2005, 3:31 pm
#3
Return of bouncing girl!
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: The Fourth Reich
Posts: 4,931
Re: Capitalism and Cows
There's more:
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, you should complain?
Anarchism
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them and you share all the milk.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Dictatorship
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pacifism
You have two cows. They stampede you.
Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:
So, there are these two Jewish cows, right?
They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights.
They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, you should complain?
Anarchism
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to kill you and take the cows
Bureaucracy
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.
Pure Communism
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them and you share all the milk.
Russian Communism
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.
Pure Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.
Representative Democracy
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
Dictatorship
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
Fascism
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
Pacifism
You have two cows. They stampede you.
Totalitarianism
You have two cows. The government takes them and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
May 20th 2005, 3:34 pm
#4
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Capitalism and Cows
May 20th 2005, 3:34 pm
#5
Return of bouncing girl!
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: The Fourth Reich
Posts: 4,931
Re: Capitalism and Cows
And more
An Australian Corporation:
You have two stolen bulls, but think they are cows.
You die the first time you try to milk them.
An Irish Corporation:
Who cares! The EU really owns them now,
and the pub is still serving.
A New Zealand Corporation:
You have two cows.
You don't know what they are used for as they aren't sheep.
You S*** them anyway.
An Australian Corporation:
You have two stolen bulls, but think they are cows.
You die the first time you try to milk them.
An Irish Corporation:
Who cares! The EU really owns them now,
and the pub is still serving.
A New Zealand Corporation:
You have two cows.
You don't know what they are used for as they aren't sheep.
You S*** them anyway.
May 20th 2005, 3:37 pm
#6
Return of bouncing girl!
Joined: Sep 2004
Location: The Fourth Reich
Posts: 4,931
Re: Capitalism and Cows
And my personal favourite:
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
SURREALISM:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
