DeanUK2US

I'm imagining that's a different issue altogether. This is simply a parent wishing to deny access to the other.

Leslie

No worries. If I had thought that there would be a lot more curse words, angry smilies and emasculating references made.

DeanUK2US

Then take it to court and get the legal permission to remove the child from the US. If he is being a bastard it will be easy enough to do.

snowbunny

Ah, chartreuse, what most here know but you and OP don't, is that I have co-custody of my American children with my American ex. I'd love to be able to move (maybe even out of state? ) but can't. Having said that, I am glad he's a part of their lives, even though he's not been great to me.

So I *always* caution against removing children from their *legal jurisdiction* without permission. The child's age and the six-month UCCJA residency requirement make me wonder where this child's residency is - possibly California? (state of birth).

I also grit my teeth when I hear stories of husbands and MILs taunting wives that they are trapped. Divorced women often NEED to be able to have their own family support them financially and emotionally during and after divorce. Forcing a woman into staying in a jurisdiction where she has no support is a horrible solution. If the father really wants this, then he'd better be prepared to pay, especially if he's played.

snowbunny

No, the problem is it won't. BTDT.

DeanUK2US

Granted I haven't read the six pages and maybe I should.

Regardless, kidnapping the child cannot be a right option for anyone, as meauxna pointed out.

chartreuse

So, it seems that for every concrete factor we knock out, we introduce an intangible.

Your point - are men more likely to sue is still in play, but we've added "are women more likely to think they'll get away with it despite the evidence" and, I think more significantly, in what way does the nature of the typical case where an award is made against a woman differ from the typical case where an award is made against a man.

I'm baffled

snowbunny

No, leaving the jurisdiction is NOT wise. Establishing the right jurisdiction IS wise - California vs Virginia. Having a legal consult IS wise. Filing first IS wise.

chartreuse

NO!!!! Please - not my testes!!!!

clarissageo

I don't recall her saying she wanted to deny access, but that she wanted to be where she had a support network of family and friends.

NRP's can do whatever they want, move wherever they want, and no-one can do a damn thing about it - PWC don't have that honour.

My ex tried to stop me moving to the US with my kids - yet he was talking about moving to Australia......... he wasn't so bothered about seeing the kids every other weekend when it was him making the move.

chartreuse

Nope, I didn't know that. Sorry that you've had to endure it, but it's led to you being able to identify a point about legal jurisdiction which all of the rest of us missed.

I'm aware that that's cold comfort, but I hope you know what I'm getting at...

Yes. When I first met SWMBO I wasn't allowed to know where she worked. You can guess the nature of the job. Abuse takes many forms, and an elderly lady can be just as much of an abuser as a burly man.

Giantaxe

If she waits two months before filing the answer will be clear. And she'll be able to file in the state where she's living, a big advantage.

snowbunny

I'm not sure about that. Her California jurisdiction might be more favourable to her return. That's the stated reason the UCCJA was enacted: to prevent parents from jurisdiction-shopping based upon desired outcome. In the case where jurisdiction is not defined (a baby with less than six months in any jurisdiction and removed from state of birth) why NOT look into the most favourable venue? That's precisely what any lawyer will do.

Giantaxe

Why would CA be more favourable? From a logistical point of view, at the least, a cross country jurisdiction would be both expensive and contorted.

Jensmate

I've followed this thread with great interest. The views given have been varied and quite emotionally driven.

I have had 2 friends who have been in the same boat as the original poster and had quite different experiences. One left her husband a "dear John" letter, took her daughter home to Denmark, threatened him with bodily harm should he follow or even attempt to see his child - and never had any problem with him (this was during the unenlightened 70s.).
Another left her husband (also in the military) but he fought her tooth and nail for the 2 kids. It was hard on her since she had no friends, no job and no support in the US. She ended up having a nervous breakdown, giving up custody to him and going back home.

It seems to me that what happens to the kids should the relationship break down is an issue that should be discussed before the kids come along. I know divorce is never easy where kids are concerned but parents who hail from 2 different countries have a potentially unique set of problems if the partnership fails ( the nightmare chronicled in "NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER" comes to mind).

Get as much support as you can both here and at home. Look for a women's group or a separated/divorced parents group. GET A GOOD LAWYER!! Preferably one who is familiar with this kind of situation.

Best wishes.