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Bright side of life ...

Bright side of life ...

Old Aug 3rd 2004, 3:53 pm
  #1  
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Default Bright side of life ...

“Always Look On The Bright Side of Life� … from Monty Python's Life of Brian … there’s got to be something that’s good about living here or we wouldn’t be here or trying to get here … so lets here about it!

Moi … for the first time in my life established a business; building up a client base and dealing with interesting people and projects, many places to visit and things to do, love trips to AZ (love AZ), hard work seems to be paying off, albeit drip-by-drip.
 
Old Aug 3rd 2004, 3:57 pm
  #2  
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by Patent Attorney
“Always Look On The Bright Side of Life� … from Monty Python's Life of Brian … there’s got to be something that’s good about living here or we wouldn’t be here or trying to get here … so lets here about it!

Moi … for the first time in my life established a business; building up a client base and dealing with interesting people and projects, many places to visit and things to do, love trips to AZ (love AZ), hard work seems to be paying off, albeit drip-by-drip.
My wife is the only reason I'm here. She'd love to live in England but her ex is still trying to restrict our living area to two counties in Texas (a child custody issue) so England is not possible.

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Old Aug 3rd 2004, 11:08 pm
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by rincewind
My wife is the only reason I'm here. She'd love to live in England but her ex is still trying to restrict our living area to two counties in Texas (a child custody issue) so England is not possible.

Seems quite fair to me, all things being equal most divorced parents would want their children to remain in the same country! Obviously there is more than one side to this story; good luck with finding a solution that suits all the parties involved.

Last edited by Patent Attorney; Aug 3rd 2004 at 11:52 pm.
 
Old Aug 4th 2004, 12:09 am
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by Patent Attorney
Seems quite fair to me, all things being equal most divorced parents would want their children to remain in the same country! Obviously there is more than one side to this story; good luck with finding a solution that suits all the parties involved.
I agree. Although he doesn't want us in Georgia. He wants us to live next door.

Sad thing is, he has openly said that he is only using this law to get his wife back (he still claims they are married in the eyes of god and no-one can divorce them )

I pitty the children, they have a father that is just using them to get at the mother.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 12:54 am
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*nods* Hope things work out for you guys.
 
Old Aug 4th 2004, 1:15 am
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by Patent Attorney
there’s got to be something that’s good about living here or we wouldn’t be here or trying to get here .
Nope, if my wife hadn't of wanted to come back we would still be in England. No-one has employed in although I have 6 jobs (and need all six to make ends meet). Apart from my wife and the beautiful foster baby we have at the moment there isn't that much to keep me here, although I am partial to the weather and like having a swimming pool.

I think there are a lot of people on here who are here because of there spouses and can take or leave the country. Then again there are a lot of asses who think a good reason to live in the US is free refills (although I knew of a lot of places in Cambridge that had free refills for soft drinks)
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 2:24 am
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by Patrick
Nope, if my wife hadn't of wanted to come back we would still be in England. No-one has employed in although I have 6 jobs (and need all six to make ends meet). Apart from my wife and the beautiful foster baby we have at the moment there isn't that much to keep me here, although I am partial to the weather and like having a swimming pool.

I think there are a lot of people on here who are here because of there spouses and can take or leave the country. Then again there are a lot of asses who think a good reason to live in the US is free refills (although I knew of a lot of places in Cambridge that had free refills for soft drinks)
Yep, it can be that way, stuck here. The recession here is bad bad. I've got school tuition to pay back, a degree and bar exams that don’t travel outside the USA (back to the UK). I figured on earning good money after law school and be in easy street (financially I mean). Instead there have been law firms going to the wall, huge fall out in hi-tech industry and a lot of outsourcing going on. I am competing with patent attorneys based in India who write patent applications for about 20 cents on the dollar; they are emailed to the USA and filed by local patent attorneys.

What is "funny" is that like a lot of others I never ever wanted to come here, had lots of opportunities to come here and only ended up here because the other half (now divorced) got homesick (we married in the UK, bought a nice semi-detached three bedroom house and intended to stay there - I look at the crummy apartment I rent now and it is sometimes very depressing, it has no washing machine or drier, I can’t afford a car (I borrow), the building’s laundry is not 24 hour, it closes early each day which makes it very hard, I don’t get back home until after 10PM so the washing piles up and the ironing is a pain with so much washing, I rather do it in small amounts, the kitchen's electrics are bad I can't have more than one appliance on at the same time (if I have two on and the fridge comes on the 20amp fuses blows - the fuse box has to be seen to be believed, no allowance for modern kitchen appliances).

I have to sleep in the living room, the apartment was not designed with closet space, just a few very small nooks to hang up coats. So I use the second bedroom as storage, I have thrown out a mini-library of law books, but still have so many large boxes (the big blue and black storage boxes from Linens' n Things). I can't afford storage, has to be a/c storage here or the contents will go funny in the heat and humidity of summer. From a three bedroom house with a back-garden (small, but it was a backgarden) to a crummy "two" bedroom apartment with minimum facilities, no car (unless borrowed), and I get my shopping using a shopping cart, I refuse to walk in the evening without wearing full long sleeved clothes and trousers to avoid gettiing bitten, I just don't want to be ill so I have nearly fainted from heat exhaustion when I do the shopping in the day time, its a long walk to the nearest supermarket. And folks back home think I am bound to be better off here. Funny world, they are far better off.

I see how am now and what I gave up and it is not good at all. I have siblings so much better off with half the qualifications and work experience that I have. One of them keeps telling me he wants to come here ... he thinks it must be great. I tell him it is not, that there is no free lunch here ... but to no avail. I must be doing so well, a lawyer, a PhD, post-doc, a partner in a new law firm.

When we moved back to the USA (back for the wife, first time for me) I got a job working for a firm of patent attorneys in Chicago which led to me going to law school in the evening and at weekends which was kind of destructive on a marriage, also I was more dependent on her for a while and I don't think she liked that, I just needed time to adjust, I found traveling late at night back on the “L� a bit dangerous at times; I took to cycling to and from work/law school along the lake front, I figured it would be safer in the bitterly cold weather, no one is out on the lake front late at night on very cold nights and in the summer the lake front is packed with people, safer than late night trips back via the L, but the wife disagreed and hated me using my bike, thought I would be killed, bit touching really.

We divorced about four years after moving to the USA. One saving grace is that I loved my in-laws and still do (ex-laws now) … I got on much better with my wife’s parents than the wife! They were family to me here in the USA and took care of me during the very upsetting divorce, they didn’t take sides and were very loving, I helped my younger sister in-law, actually helped save her life – another story for another time. Throughout law school and working full time I couldn’t travel back home to see my relatives and friends (holidays were eaten up with sitting the exams in the daytime and studying ahead of the finals … as they are called here), I just did not have the time and after the divorce I couldn’t move back, invested too much here to go back, and the new law degree and bar exams meant nothing back in the UK. And I have the dreadful tuition debt to pay back, another dent in my finances. I figured it would be paid off in no time, two people earning a lot of money … yeah right.

Sometimes I bitterly regret coming here, I gave up so much. But I can't look back ... it upsets me to think about it and right now I can't be upset like that, I barely have enough spare capacity what with trying to get a business off the ground, cope with an ill parent. Sometimes it seems unbearable; I bitterly regret not having a decent apartment with a balcony (I couldn’t care less about a balcony, but my parent can’t walk much and not having one has a deep impact on her moral, life sometimes really sucks, it hurts me like mad that I can’t provide more for her). I just have to look forward ... otherwise I know it will drive me nuts thinking about it. I am in survival mode.

The hatches are battened down and the seas are very rough. If I keep my head straight I will get through it, but I am very concerned about my parent's health, the blood pressure tablets are working but the side-effects are so severe my parent has just stopped taking them ... her bp will top 200 again - around 210. She has been without a good nights sleep in weeks, the drugs are causing a drip that in turn is causing a violent cough that stops her sleeping ... her lungs, wind-pipe, throat are very sore, she is worn out; her liver is not doing great, cytochrome 450 is working over time, bad liver blood tests. The bp is well into stroke territory. Not good at all. Very frustrating Going to have to try yet another bp medication. We have a lot of bp tablets (two types), will have to throw them away I guess. Some of her medications are VERY expensive. So much so I quit my job and started a firm to earn more money, the firm is starting to earn money but it has its ups and downs. Having a quiet period again, I guess you can tell!

But honestly, we have to be positive and look ahead or risk going nutty. There has to be something we can be thankful for, something that is good …

Last edited by Patent Attorney; Aug 4th 2004 at 5:07 am.
 
Old Aug 4th 2004, 2:42 am
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We came here for my husbands job and so far it's been ok for us. As a family of six with only one income there are things we can have here which we just couldn't afford back home.

I've recently found an upside to living in the Bible Belt - our local gym pool is practically empty on Sunday mornings as a lot of the locals are in church Means me hubby and the kids get the pool to ourselves, fabulous!!
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 6:16 am
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Default Re: Bright side of life ...

Originally posted by Patent Attorney
Yep, it can be that way, stuck here. The recession here is bad bad. I've got school tuition to pay back, a degree and bar exams that don’t travel outside the USA (back to the UK). I figured on earning good money after law school and be in easy street (financially I mean). Instead there have been law firms going to the wall, huge fall out in hi-tech industry and a lot of outsourcing going on. I am competing with patent attorneys based in India who write patent applications for about 20 cents on the dollar; they are emailed to the USA and filed by local patent attorneys.

What is "funny" is that like a lot of others I never ever wanted to come here, had lots of opportunities to come here and only ended up here because the other half (now divorced) got homesick (we married in the UK, bought a nice semi-detached three bedroom house and intended to stay there - I look at the crummy apartment I rent now and it is sometimes very depressing, it has no washing machine or drier, I can’t afford a car (I borrow), the building’s laundry is not 24 hour, it closes early each day which makes it very hard, I don’t get back home until after 10PM so the washing piles up and the ironing is a pain with so much washing, I rather do it in small amounts, the kitchen's electrics are bad I can't have more than one appliance on at the same time (if I have two on and the fridge comes on the 20amp fuses blows - the fuse box has to be seen to be believed, no allowance for modern kitchen appliances).

I have to sleep in the living room, the apartment was not designed with closet space, just a few very small nooks to hang up coats. So I use the second bedroom as storage, I have thrown out a mini-library of law books, but still have so many large boxes (the big blue and black storage boxes from Linens' n Things). I can't afford storage, has to be a/c storage here or the contents will go funny in the heat and humidity of summer. From a three bedroom house with a back-garden (small, but it was a backgarden) to a crummy "two" bedroom apartment with minimum facilities, no car (unless borrowed), and I get my shopping using a shopping cart, I refuse to walk in the evening without wearing full long sleeved clothes and trousers to avoid gettiing bitten, I just don't want to be ill so I have nearly fainted from heat exhaustion when I do the shopping in the day time, its a long walk to the nearest supermarket. And folks back home think I am bound to be better off here. Funny world, they are far better off.

I see how am now and what I gave up and it is not good at all. I have siblings so much better off with half the qualifications and work experience that I have. One of them keeps telling me he wants to come here ... he thinks it must be great. I tell him it is not, that there is no free lunch here ... but to no avail. I must be doing so well, a lawyer, a PhD, post-doc, a partner in a new law firm.

When we moved back to the USA (back for the wife, first time for me) I got a job working for a firm of patent attorneys in Chicago which led to me going to law school in the evening and at weekends which was kind of destructive on a marriage, also I was more dependent on her for a while and I don't think she liked that, I just needed time to adjust, I found traveling late at night back on the “L� a bit dangerous at times; I took to cycling to and from work/law school along the lake front, I figured it would be safer in the bitterly cold weather, no one is out on the lake front late at night on very cold nights and in the summer the lake front is packed with people, safer than late night trips back via the L, but the wife disagreed and hated me using my bike, thought I would be killed, bit touching really.

We divorced about four years after moving to the USA. One saving grace is that I loved my in-laws and still do (ex-laws now) … I got on much better with my wife’s parents than the wife! They were family to me here in the USA and took care of me during the very upsetting divorce, they didn’t take sides and were very loving, I helped my younger sister in-law, actually helped save her life – another story for another time. Throughout law school and working full time I couldn’t travel back home to see my relatives and friends (holidays were eaten up with sitting the exams in the daytime and studying ahead of the finals … as they are called here), I just did not have the time and after the divorce I couldn’t move back, invested too much here to go back, and the new law degree and bar exams meant nothing back in the UK. And I have the dreadful tuition debt to pay back, another dent in my finances. I figured it would be paid off in no time, two people earning a lot of money … yeah right.

Sometimes I bitterly regret coming here, I gave up so much. But I can't look back ... it upsets me to think about it and right now I can't be upset like that, I barely have enough spare capacity what with trying to get a business off the ground, cope with an ill parent. Sometimes it seems unbearable; I bitterly regret not having a decent apartment with a balcony (I couldn’t care less about a balcony, but my parent can’t walk much and not having one has a deep impact on her moral, life sometimes really sucks, it hurts me like mad that I can’t provide more for her). I just have to look forward ... otherwise I know it will drive me nuts thinking about it. I am in survival mode.

The hatches are battened down and the seas are very rough. If I keep my head straight I will get through it, but I am very concerned about my parent's health, the blood pressure tablets are working but the side-effects are so severe my parent has just stopped taking them ... her bp will top 200 again - around 210. She has been without a good nights sleep in weeks, the drugs are causing a drip that in turn is causing a violent cough that stops her sleeping ... her lungs, wind-pipe, throat are very sore, she is worn out; her liver is not doing great, cytochrome 450 is working over time, bad liver blood tests. The bp is well into stroke territory. Not good at all. Very frustrating Going to have to try yet another bp medication. We have a lot of bp tablets (two types), will have to throw them away I guess. Some of her medications are VERY expensive. So much so I quit my job and started a firm to earn more money, the firm is starting to earn money but it has its ups and downs. Having a quiet period again, I guess you can tell!

But honestly, we have to be positive and look ahead or risk going nutty. There has to be something we can be thankful for, something that is good …
Shit that sucks, hang in there though.

As for the postives here. Nope not for me. I came here because my wife seemed keen to come home and according to IND it was going to be upto 18 months before she could get further leave to remain in the UK. I had a lot of debts in the Uk and we had money problems as i was losing my job in august 2003. We figured what the hell take a chance on the USA she has 2 masters, i have a masters we are bound to find work right? HA!. Its now 12months since i had a job which is the longest period of unemployment in my whole life. Ended up enrolling for grad school because i just dont know what else to do, but as you can tell from my 2.05am post i cant sleep for worrying about whether its really worth it. I left the UK partly because i had around £40,000 in debts i couldnt pay off and now after a couple of years here i will have around $70,000 in new student debts to weigh me down. Right now i am sorely tempted to just say 'screw it' and drop out of school and just go back to the UK (assuming i could even scape up the money for a flight). I hate living here i had hoped Boston would be better than living in Mississippi, and it is a lot better, but i still dont like living in America. I cant quite put my finger on it but i just dont feel comfortable here and i miss so many things. There is very little about the USA that is better than the UK, in fact so far for me none of it is. The housing i have is clean yes but its a third the size of the house i had and costs twice as much in rent as i paid in mortgage. The cost of gas is lower but my car gets around 20 miles to the gallon and cost me far more to insure than my BMW did in the UK. Nobody respects me here, no body gives a crap about who i am here and i have no ****ing clue what i will do for a career. No sorry i just cant find a good thing at all. Personally i hate living in the USA and want to go home. When i look back on it i just wish i had shot myself last august when i still had 2 decent life insurance policies to take care of my wife. Now i dont even have that option. I say **** America.

Last edited by Duncs; Aug 4th 2004 at 7:29 am.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 6:47 am
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Dunc and Patrick, since both of you guys have been saying for a while how you wish you were back home. How does your other half feel about it?

There is no way my other half would cope in the UK, just no way.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 6:50 am
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Originally posted by veryfunny
Dunc and Patrick, since both of you guys have been saying for a while how you wish you were back home. How does your other half feel about it?

There is no way my other half would cope in the UK, just no way.
Ironically my wife actually enjoyed living in the UK and says she would happily go back there. The issue is one of simply not having the money to move back and no job to move back to, hence no visa for the wife without evidence of housing and support etc etc. I am here because i am stuck, not because i like it.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 7:02 am
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Originally posted by Duncs
Ironically my wife actually enjoyed living in the UK and says she would happily go back there. The issue is one of simply not having the money to move back and no job to move back to, hence no visa for the wife without evidence of housing and support etc etc. I am here because i am stuck, not because i like it.
Sorry to read that, funny how some people in this country think everyone wants to be here. The good thing is you are no longer in the south, place I never ever want to live again!


Keep your head up Duncs.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 1:29 pm
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Originally posted by Duncs
Ironically my wife actually enjoyed living in the UK and says she would happily go back there. The issue is one of simply not having the money to move back and no job to move back to, hence no visa for the wife without evidence of housing and support etc etc. I am here because i am stuck, not because i like it.

sorry to hear that you hate your life over here, perhaps when you get back to the UK you'll wish you were back here again, grass is always greener and all that.

and I have to pick up on your Yankees Suck comment...

Yankees don't suck...Yankees are an excellent team, although with the record of the Sox in gamnes against the Yankees over the last 40 years, I can understand why people that support the Sox have a massive loathing and hatred for the Yankees. Envy is a bad bad thing

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Old Aug 4th 2004, 1:35 pm
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Originally posted by Chopper-Chris
Envy is a bad bad thing

Envy is a great thing mate.
The Yankee's do indeed Suck.
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Old Aug 4th 2004, 1:45 pm
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Originally posted by manc1976
Envy is a great thing mate.
The Yankee's do indeed Suck.
don't force me to kick your ass

Yankees are ace


Last edited by manc1976; Aug 4th 2004 at 1:49 pm.
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