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The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Old Mar 15th 2009, 3:36 pm
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Default The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Hello everyone ,
Ill try to keep this short ..


I found this forum two days ago and i have been looking at different threads since then. Mostly i look for ones where people talk about different experience they have had while living here, what they like and dislike about living in the states , that sort of topic.
I guess the real thing i have been trying to find out is do most British people that move to this country hate it as much as i do? Or am i a very small minority within our group? I really always wanted to know but have never been able to since i have only run into a couple of older English people during my time here. All of them were women

I came here when i was 12 in early 2004 with my mum and our Staffy to live with my American father. I thought life would be easy once we came here and everything would be fine. Stories that i heard from my parents about America sort of gave me this image in my head of it being a near utopia.

I thought we were going to have a nice house, a house like other houses i had seen everywhere when i came here for a holiday a few years earlier. We arrived to a crappy little run down place where i still live today (In far better condition i will say). I started school in 7th grade here and thought the kids would know about England and that i would fit in well. Well i have to say i have never been taken the piss out of more in my life than in school in America. I have never really admitted it before but from 7th - 10 grade i was just entertainment for a lot of people. I left high school a few months ago.

Mum hasn't enjoyed her stay here either and the falling apart of the relationship with my father hasn't helped at all. I think she feels kind of silly and embarrassed coming all the way here only to have her marriage fail. To mover her and her son here for all this to happen. Sometimes i think we are the only ones that moved away from home to a bad situation. **I guess it was a mistake to move here


So after like 45 minutes of typing this i guess what I'm really asking is, has anyone went through anything similar to us ? I met a boy my age on the internet my age that went thought the EXACT same situation as mine, so i guess that answered my question already but i just wanted to share my experience with you.

Oh crap i feel like i have just exposed my life but i just had to get it out there and ask

Cheers

Last edited by YoungSteve17; Mar 15th 2009 at 3:40 pm.
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 4:50 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Are you and your Mum planning on moving back now you have finished high school?
Lots of people get here and only stay a short time, many others really love it. All depends on circumstances I suppose, you and your Mum don't sound like you've had such a great time and a strained relationship makes things seem a lot worse. I hope you both find somewhere to live that you can be happy.
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 5:03 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Originally Posted by YoungSteve17 View Post
Hello everyone ,
Ill try to keep this short ..


I found this forum two days ago and i have been looking at different threads since then. Mostly i look for ones where people talk about different experience they have had while living here, what they like and dislike about living in the states , that sort of topic.
I guess the real thing i have been trying to find out is do most British people that move to this country hate it as much as i do? Or am i a very small minority within our group? I really always wanted to know but have never been able to since i have only run into a couple of older English people during my time here. All of them were women

I came here when i was 12 in early 2004 with my mum and our Staffy to live with my American father. I thought life would be easy once we came here and everything would be fine. Stories that i heard from my parents about America sort of gave me this image in my head of it being a near utopia.

I thought we were going to have a nice house, a house like other houses i had seen everywhere when i came here for a holiday a few years earlier. We arrived to a crappy little run down place where i still live today (In far better condition i will say). I started school in 7th grade here and thought the kids would know about England and that i would fit in well. Well i have to say i have never been taken the piss out of more in my life than in school in America. I have never really admitted it before but from 7th - 10 grade i was just entertainment for a lot of people. I left high school a few months ago.

Mum hasn't enjoyed her stay here either and the falling apart of the relationship with my father hasn't helped at all. I think she feels kind of silly and embarrassed coming all the way here only to have her marriage fail. To mover her and her son here for all this to happen. Sometimes i think we are the only ones that moved away from home to a bad situation. **I guess it was a mistake to move here


So after like 45 minutes of typing this i guess what I'm really asking is, has anyone went through anything similar to us ? I met a boy my age on the internet my age that went thought the EXACT same situation as mine, so i guess that answered my question already but i just wanted to share my experience with you.

Oh crap i feel like i have just exposed my life but i just had to get it out there and ask

Cheers
It takes cojones to put yourself out there so don't sweat it.

Sorry to hear about your experience. I don't have much experience with this situation, but a colleague at the same school I taught at brought his 11-year-old son out to the US and he has thrived and now is a student at uni ... but then he did go to high school on Ocracoke Island, which is not your typical American high school by a country mile ...

I think being "different" as a teenager can be tough regardless of whether you are in the UK or US. I wouldn't hold it against the US that you were treated the way you were (easy for me to say, I know). Do you plan to stay in the US?
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 5:05 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Originally Posted by YoungSteve17 View Post
Hello everyone ,
Ill try to keep this short .................... So after like 45 minutes of typing this i guess what I'm really asking is, has anyone went through anything similar to us ? I met a boy my age on the internet my age that went thought the EXACT same situation as mine, so i guess that answered my question already but i just wanted to share my experience with you.

Oh crap i feel like i have just exposed my life but i just had to get it out there and ask

Cheers
Having moved to California with 3 teenage sons, I can empathise with your feelings. I would not say that we hate it here, but it simply never felt right. My sons are now at uni, but they all plan to move back once they graduate. It is going to be an uphill struggle though, given the current economic situation. I wonder how easy they will find it to be accepted by British employers, with their American degrees, and having been away for so long.

What are your plans (apart from graduating with top grades from high school )
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 6:23 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

I'm sorry to hear you are still having a rough time, the family problems can't be helping you feel settled either. As previously mentioned, teenage years are not always easy to live through, no matter where you are, so you may just want to try giving yourself a little more time if you can.
Our situation is a little different, I am a Brit, hubby is recently retired military, our 2 sons (now 20 and 16) have travelled all over, never really settling anywhere, it's been rough on them, we spent 10 years in the UK, split between 2 tours. Both our sons loved it there, they both think of themselves as "brits" and both want to go back and live there. Having said that, neither of them probably ever will. The oldest is pretty much settled here now (he is US Navy and recently married) The youngest still says he wants to go 'home', but has plans for Uni here when he graduates. I think to be honest, they would be like fish out of water in the UK now.
Have you talked to your Mum about this? does she know how you feel? Maybe she wants to go back too, but doesn't want to uproot you?
Good luck with everything, I really hope you can get to a place where you feel like you belong, wherever that is
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 7:24 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

There was a young man in Canada last year who had the same feelings as yours EXCEPT he was the only one in the family that wanted to move back to the UK, the rest of his family was settled and content.

It is never easy being your age and being your age in a place where you feel like a fish out of water is even tougher.

My son was content as an Army brat living overseas until he was a freshman and then he wanted to move back to the US and spend his teenage years there.
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 7:33 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

sorry to hear what you are going through...after a failed marriage here, I always meant to go back but never did...plus I am from a small town, and couldn't deal with people prob taking the p*ss about me being back in the UK..Honestly, the longer I put off going back,the harder it was to go back - now, when I do go back, I feel like I don't belong 'there', and I don't feel like I belong 'here'..I think I just deal with it now, and make the best of both worlds and cheap airfares..
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 8:10 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

By making the decision to come on this forum you have opened up to people you dont know.That takes courage to ask for help and some form of encouragement in your circumstances. My personal advice is talk to your parents, no matter how they feel, so that you know how THEY stand on your predicament.Once you find that out, you can move in a direction of your choosing.At your age you will think the world is against you but it's not, it just seems that way.
Be strong in your thoughts and ideas for the future and remember although you may have been the centre of intrigue and/or derision at school, you will probably never see those youngsters again in your life so dont be too concerned as to their comments or behaviour.
What currently seems the down side of life, YOU have to make decisions as to what happens in the next few years, further education or some form of work.
Finally remember what ever path you choose, YOU will in the future, hopefully look back and take a pride in what you've done with your life.Choose wisely.
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Old Mar 15th 2009, 11:35 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Originally Posted by Islandgurl View Post
I put off going back,the harder it was to go back - now, when I do go back, I feel like I don't belong 'there', and I don't feel like I belong 'here'..I think I just deal with it now,
Yes i think that's why i have been procrastinating so much when it comes to getting my passport to visit back home. I felt the same way, that if i went back i might not feel like i belong there and people might see me as an American haha.

But to answer a few peoples questions,
To be honest no i don't know what i want to do in the future. I found a job a few months ago and I'm just going to work that for the time being. Yes my parents do know how i feel very well and my mother wants to stay here.

I guess I'm not the only person who has went through some of those things. Cheers to everyone that gave me some advice i really appreciate that.
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 12:29 am
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Hi YoungSteve,

My kids were 11 and 4 when we moved here and are now 18 and 11 years old. Both have settled very well and I admit at the time of the move this was THE most worrying thing for me. If the kids weren't happy we definitely wouldn't have stayed.

Now, I'm ready to move as the New England winters are very tough!

My son will go to college this year so it won't really affect him but I do worry how the move will affect my daughter. We won't be moving back to the UK though. I love to visit 'home' but really I love to live somewhere else (more 'exotic' ...?) I think I've always embraced change.

In your case, don't discount your move as just a bad experience but just as an experience that you've learnt from and can use to your advantage.

Moving anywhere is stressful and difficult.
Try to focus on the positive things you've experienced during this move (school was bad but did you find some things you like about the US? Start small.... the icecream is good!

Maybe your mother wants to stay in the US but would be prepared to move to another state and start afresh?

Consider your options and stay positive!
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 1:06 am
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

You're not alone in these feelings. In fact you'll find dozens of other posts in the 'Moving Back to the UK' thread on this website.

For what its worth, you may also look at this website.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=68.0

It's for Americans living in the UK, and believe it or not, many of them are going through nearly the EXACT same thing as you. They're upset, confused, 'out of place' and the whole shebang.

It's not just you, nor is it because your from the UK nor is it the fact you are living in the USA. These sorts of problems affect expats all over the world.

My only advice is to take a look at some of the other stories that are out there. They might not provide you an answer to how to deal with your situation, but they'll certainly help you understand you're not on your own.
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 11:22 am
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

I am American (age 28 now) and went through the US high school system and can tell you that it was fairly brutal for me too. All those high school movies (Pretty In Pink, Mean Girls, etc...) are not far off from the truth. There is a system of cliques (sp?), a hierarchy of popularity, and tons of bullying.

It looks like from your original post that you have dropped out of school...? You definitely need to go back because you will get no where in life without a high school diploma. (Sorry if I sound like your mother here.. but it is true).

The truth is... after high school life gets MUCH better... if you go on to university you will see that there is no popularity ranking, etc... and you will make good friends and have loads of fun and high school will be a distant memory and seem like a joke.

In addition... you will be a much stronger person with more character than all the popular beautiful kids who are used to having everything on a plate for them.

If America IS really that terrible for you... well at least get your diploma and when you are 18 you can move back to the UK on your own.

Don't give up!
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 12:27 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Dear Steve,

Your post is brave and a positive step.

One thing no-one has yet mentioned is that, as a result of your upbringing, you are neither an American, or really a Brit.

You are a 'Third Culture Kid'. This may mean you will find it difficult to 'fit in' in the US AND in Britain. Don't despair however, as there are hundreds of thousands of people like you. What they have in common is that they have lived a large part of thei upbringing in a culture which is not their own.
They may be military children moving round the world, or children of Chinese immigrants to Germany, but they all share the same common trait of being neither one thing or the other.

Try to meet some of these folks - is there an International school near you? Do you plan to go to College (you may well meet some there)?
Either way, there's a book called 'Third Culture Kids', which will help you understand your feeling better and I recommend you try to find a copy.

Although I am not a TCK, my children are/will be. I also went to college with a bunch of guys who, I now see, were/are TCKs.

This has a lot of plusses to it, if you can understand and embrace them.

I hope you can!

Best of luck

Tony
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 12:50 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Originally Posted by Swisstony View Post
Dear Steve,

Your post is brave and a positive step.

One thing no-one has yet mentioned is that, as a result of your upbringing, you are neither an American, or really a Brit.

You are a 'Third Culture Kid'. This may mean you will find it difficult to 'fit in' in the US AND in Britain. Don't despair however, as there are hundreds of thousands of people like you. What they have in common is that they have lived a large part of thei upbringing in a culture which is not their own.
They may be military children moving round the world, or children of Chinese immigrants to Germany, but they all share the same common trait of being neither one thing or the other.
This is really great advice.

You have to understand that you are currently 'stuck' in a culture of American high school when in fact you are really a mix of cultures. This really won't change until you get around more people like yourself, perhaps in Uni (or if there is an International school near you you might consider that).

My first year of college was so rewarding in the sense after years of high school with kids who didn't have passports I was suddenly thrust into a world filled with different folks from different countries. And this was at a small university in the cornfields of the Midwest.

Long term, having this mix is going to be a tremendous asset. You'll find the world a little smaller and your understanding of it a little greater than your American HS classmates and the ones you left behind in the UK. It will just take a bit of time but the reward is out there.

Good luck
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Old Mar 16th 2009, 3:10 pm
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Default Re: The Biggest Mistake ? / Confessions of a Englishmen

Originally Posted by YoungSteve17 View Post

Oh crap i feel like i have just exposed my life but i just had to get it out there and ask

Cheers
I general I would say it works like this. If you have money nothing beats the US, if not... it's just as plain boring as anywhere else. I have lived in the UK, and are now based in Florida on my fourth year. Correct, people in the US are not that familiar about european countries, they know just as little about europe as europeans know where idaho is... Europeans in general are quite racist and think they know better than everyone else.... and love judging americans, people who have never been in the US are those that are most oppinionated... :-)

I am a european...
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