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Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by usoruk
(Post 9538760)
Thanks all for your wonderful support. Like I have said on a number of occasions before, the BE forum members have been great in supporting, advising and just getting me through the last 4 yrs of homesickness. And yes, homesickness is a form of grieving as now that I think of it, I can compare the feelings to the grief I feel after losing my dad. But I have to add, there are so many expats that are in worse situations, either medically, marriage wise or other really awful reasons that I don't want to feel pitiful..just want to air my thoughts to people who know what I am talking about.
Financially we had to move back in with the in-laws after leaving AZ-had to lget out of that place it was too hot, isolating and too far from home. Spent 7 yrs there. But the choice I had was to either stay in AZ for a few more years or move back to NJ and live with them. So i chose NJ to be closer to home, 4 seasons at least (but still too hot for me in summer), I thought I would pine less for home, also felt I would be doing something good in taking care of my in-laws.( they are good people, but I suppose, they can't understand why I cannot accept the US, they think its the best country in the world) But, it does feel like I am suffocated in a cage with nowhere to run. Hubby is quite ok about moving back (only so he does'nt have to hear me pine all the time and he did not want to move back to NJ) but I'm afraid if we move again and kids don't settle well in the UK (eldest is having a difficult time adjusting to NJ and schools, he's 13) I would be blamed again for uprooting everbody from AZ to NJ then to the UK. Also, the expense of settlement visas for my kids and husband, getting British passports etc living expenses, learning to drive a car in the UK, worrying about schools , if hubby will get a job or not, where would we live, re-learning my life back home all over again, is a frightening thought. I really don't know where to start, and how long does it take to start the process of moving back. What is the first thing and do I start it here in the US or can I do it in the UK? Can I just get on a plane with the kids and stay there for good and hubby can come later??? have no idea. If we do end up staying here, how to cope and accept this is our destiny and how to stop the feelings of homesickness. Perhaps oneday when we can get our own place maybe it may make a difference but for now I am very confused....Thanks again.. Its good that you air your thoughts, sometimes just typing that info can have an impact on you. The In laws, many Americans think this is the best country and that is fine, everyone is allowed an opinion, of course I feel they are wrong about the UK, I'm not ungratful but still there are some things I like about the UK more than here, if we had a NHS type of healthcare system I could be tempted to stay here. Its nice that your Hubby is OK with a move to the UK, you are lucky as many husbands refuse to move, Kids settling, Believe me I was the worst, my parents were always on the move when I was a kid, still I adapted, what else could I do. |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
I actually think moving now would be better, before the 13-year-old starts high school, when it'd be much more difficult. You could indeed go and have DH follow. Your kids are presumably British so just need passports. Your DH does have to get the UK Spouse visa before you go, he cannot get it in the UK. However I believe it can be expedited for an extra $300 on top of the normal fee, and you can get it in about 1 week that way.
UK immigration rules may be changing soon and making it more difficult re Spouse and family-based visas (like perm residency aka Indefinite Leave to Remain may change from 2 years to 5). So moving before these changes would be a good idea if you decide to move at all. Good luck to you, I would HATE to live with my in-laws! |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by Squirrel
(Post 9539216)
Good luck to you, I would HATE to live with my in-laws! |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
usoruk...I am truly sorry about your situation it must be awful. Living with any relative for any length of time can be a relationship killer. I lived with my Mother for a summer with my 3 children and by the end of the 2months I wanted to throttle her and I am sure she me.
As for what to do. Take a deep breath and then take one step at a time. Decide what you want to do. Where you want to live. Remember if you stay in the US for much longer you will be stuck here for ever. Your children will not want to move back so you have to make your mind up. Do you want to spend the rest of your life homesick. Many of us on the 'over 50's forum' have been through what you are going through and made the choice to stay in the US, many of us regret it but when children get older you have to consider them. Your family in the UK are you going to be happy not seeing them very often sounds like you will not be able to afford trips home that happened to many of us. We thought we would be able to pop back home on visits but money rules. And sad to say as your family in the UK get older that will be another problem. Illness will come and much worse. Why is it we never think of all these things when we decide to move abroad. I suppose being young we just never think of old age. Once you decide what you want and I mean that "WHAT YOU WANT" not your husband not your children you. Then thats the first step. Then you discuss it with your husband and tell him how you feel and what you want to do. But you have to know what you want. Look into the future and think about how you will feel another 5 years on. Its already getting to the time when your oldest will not want to move. I do not think you can take the children out of the US without your husbands permission you would have to look that up I am sure you can find the information on the internet. It sounds like you would have plenty of support in the UK so that part of the move should not be a worry. Many of us oldies on here have had to make a heartbreaking choice of leaving behind loved ones no matter which country we live in. Those of us going back to live in the UK are leaving behind our children and grandchildren and thats one of the hardest things to do. You have a choice right now to change your future and not have to make those choices I envy you. Goodluck. |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by trottytrue
(Post 9539715)
Many of us oldies on here have had to make a heartbreaking choice of leaving behind loved ones no matter which country we live in. Those of us going back to live in the UK are leaving behind our children and grandchildren and thats one of the hardest things to do. You have a choice right now to change your future and not have to make those choices I envy you.
And since your husband is perfectly willing to move, the only person stopping you is you. Be brave! Carpe Diem! |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by sallysimmons
(Post 9539757)
Very wise advice. This is the time to make the decision before it's too late. As for being frightened - hell, if we're not a bit scared by what we're doing, we're only half alive!
And since your husband is perfectly willing to move, the only person stopping you is you. Be brave! Carpe Diem! Anyone who doesn't want to die in the country they're in should move while they still can - sooner rather than later - at the earliest opportunity - while the going is good...... et cetera... |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by sallysimmons
(Post 9539757)
Very wise advice. This is the time to make the decision before it's too late. As for being frightened - hell, if we're not a bit scared by what we're doing, we're only half alive!
And since your husband is perfectly willing to move, the only person stopping you is you. Be brave! Carpe Diem! If the hubby is willing then take the chance and go for it. |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by Mummy in the foothills
(Post 9539771)
+2
If the hubby is willing then take the chance and go for it. If you have a partner who's willing to consider a move to the UK, you don't know how lucky you are :( |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by Nyz
(Post 9526615)
That's so true,I'm still earning less here than I was when I left the UK in 2001! Maybe I'm just crap at my job here!!:D
:( 2 redundancies in that time don' help one little bit, they know they can get you for a knock down price :frown: |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
I agree...I think you should go now. I too have read some sad stories and i think the over 50's group who head back alone are so brave and inspirational.
Of course your children might have a tough time with the upheaval but they are very resilient. If your situation is becoming so unbearable that it's affecting your mental health you should rescue yourself. Unless your husband has some great job here which is providing for you why not give it a shot? I'm out of here the second my husband can retire in five years. My kids will be 18, 12 and 8. I talk to them all the time about it so they can mentally prepare. Good luck!:) |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing
(Post 9539779)
+3
If you have a partner who's willing to consider a move to the UK, you don't know how lucky you are :( |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by sallysimmons
(Post 9539914)
As someone in that boat, believe me I count my blessings every day. For a while he wasn't willing to consider it, and I felt as though my life was without hope. I tried to keep busy and upbeat but inside I felt deeply sad. So I truly empathize with your situation. All I can say is that some people take some time to come round and being honest about your feelings can pay off over time. Good luck!
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Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Thanks for all your wise support.....I know there is alot of info. on visa and the paperwork part, It is confusing and the way my mind is right now I could'nt really fathom it all.
But basically, can I go first with the kids on one way tickets. Get them settled in school. I can stay at my mums or sisters. My kids were all born in the US. Do I have to let the immigration guys know at the airport my intentions of staying? Can my hubby come later, after he has saved up some money? Does he have to tell the immigration at airport anything? Do I contact the UK immigration to get a spouse visa rolling here in the US? or is it a settlement visa I need? I am not a USC, don't want to. But do I have to deal with tax issues even though I have a Green card, back in the UK. And the cost..how much will it all cost to get the necessary things done? Once in the Uk what is the next step, apart from getting kids in school..do contact the schools now? I feel like I am going back to a foreign country. Just need some guidance..thanx all |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by usoruk
(Post 9540066)
Thanks for all your wise support.....I know there is alot of info. on visa and the paperwork part, It is confusing and the way my mind is right now I could'nt really fathom it all.
But basically, can I go first with the kids on one way tickets. Get them settled in school. I can stay at my mums or sisters. My kids were all born in the US. Do I have to let the immigration guys know at the airport my intentions of staying? Can my hubby come later, after he has saved up some money? Does he have to tell the immigration at airport anything? Do I contact the UK immigration to get a spouse visa rolling here in the US? or is it a settlement visa I need? I am not a USC, don't want to. But do I have to deal with tax issues even though I have a Green card, back in the UK. And the cost..how much will it all cost to get the necessary things done? Once in the Uk what is the next step, apart from getting kids in school..do contact the schools now? I feel like I am going back to a foreign country. Just need some guidance..thanx all You will need to apply for a spousal visa for your husband. I do not know the ins and outs of this, but the Visa section of the uk-yankee forum has a lot of information, as does the Wiki here. The offical visa information can be found here: http://www.ukvisas.gov.uk/en/ I can identify with your reluctance to become a USC. However, your husband and children are USCs. You do not know what the future holds. And, as you rightly say, you'd have to file US tax returns anyway. So.... just do it - it would not be wise not to. |
Re: Anyone Regret Moving To USA
Originally Posted by Elvira
(Post 9540072)
I can identify with your reluctance to become a USC. However, your husband and children are USCs. You do not know what the future holds. And, as you rightly say, you'd have to file US tax returns anyway. So.... just do it - it would not be wise not to.
Plus (aside the cost, which is up around $700.00) the naturalisation process is a piece of piss, and takes just a few months so it could be all done and dusted before the end of the year. |
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