Fish n Chips 56

Montfan72, its good to see you here again...

Rant... Don't worry lass we really understand your thoughts and frustration...

I just hope your husband keep his promise, 5 years is along time but it will pass, I've been waiting much longer than that and I will never give up...

Kids Americanized, I sure feel for you, sports and celebrities, two things I have very little time for, so I can relate, I hate to waste time focusing on such people, Id sooner spend time doing something useful for myself...

Fish out of water, Hey me too, that was going to be my screen name, it was a toss up between that and Fish & Chips, I figured Fish out of water was too negative even though its true...

You are right about the culture molding your kids, the bad part is its molding us too, I call it Monkey see, Monkey do syndrome, Everything around us good or bad affects us.

I'm sure your kids will love sports and Celebrities in the UK too, but for some reason that doesn't seem as bad does it...

Take Care Fish

Fish n Chips 56

Dollface...

You really do have to look into the future and plan what you and your husband want 10, 20, & 30 yrs from now.

I'm pretty sure your kids will get attached to Canada, its all they've ever known, the longer they live in Canada the more they will want to stay, Id bet they wouldn't want to leave now if you asked them...

I came to USA with my family, I didn't want to come but had little choice, I was 19, I've never felt like I fit in, I had a sister 18 yrs old and she was like me, always loved and missed the UK, both of us were of drinking age and went out to discos every weekend, life was great, then we moved to Wyoming, a very lonely place... My 9 yr old sister is the only one that has settled here, she has done so much better than us and hardly misses the UK...

"and Id be stuck here forever" That comment tells me you don't want to stay in Canada, so what are you waiting for.

Hubs career, well that is important, but is it the #1 priority when you add up everything...

Sure your kids may want to leave you when they get older, but that's their decision to make at that time, Its no different to you leaving the UK, its impossible to know what will happen for sure, there are no guarantees...

Happiness seems to be a major priority for me, why live life with regrets, its time to speak up and discuss this with your husband, to find out what's really going on in his head, that's just my opinion...

I wish you well... Fish

Fish n Chips 56

That says it all, so you know what you dont want...

So its either Canada or the UK, with knowledge that you may get to a point where you cant travel, so if you were stuck which place would you prefer to be stuck in?

Id also get to know how you daughter and her future hubby reallllly feels about living in the UK.
Good Luck...

Fish n Chips 56

Sazzer...

Why not try it and then you will know for sure...

If your husband doesn't fit in then I think you are putting off the inevitable anyway...

I can see where you are coming from but sports is sports, unless your children are going to be Pro's its entertainment and just another fun part of life...

My sisters kids were into all kinds of sports and she encouraged them, they took it all so very serious, as if they were going to be Pro's, then they left school got jobs and families with responsibilities, they still love Sports, but now they have so many more important things in life to consider, our priorities change as we age, wether we are kids or adults, its as simple as that.

You are Right, it will get harder the longer you wait, Imagine taking your youngest back for the last year of school, what chance would he have then?

I think the parents need to put their happiness first, because if they are not happy it will come to a point where the kids figure it out and it will affect them in a negative way...

What happens if you put this move off for 10- 15 years and then you have to leave your kids behind??? I hate to be negative but try to look at all scenarios...

Maybe you need to start a thread or look at threads where parents have taken kids back, maybe that might put your mind at ease...

Best Wishes... Fish.

Karrie72

Fish, thanks for your kind words, you always are so supportive to everyone. Do you mind me asking what your personal obstacles are to getting back? It sounds like you've been here a long time. Do you ever get back for a visit?

dollface

Thanks Fish. Have spoken to my kids, one is happy to go to UK to be with family, the other is too but apprehensive about leaving her friends (naturally) but at 11, she will make new friends on the other side and have cousins there too.

My hubby would take a job in California if he was being 100% honest. However, he feels that we'd be there 6 months and I'd feel even more homesick, so he feels if we move anywhere, then to the UK it should be.

Fish n Chips 56

Hi Dollface...

It sounds like you are in good shape and ready to do it.

Id moved three times in the UK by the time I was 11, and no I didn't enjoy it at the the time as I was a very shy person, but I always found good friends, or they found me.

Englishman43

Montfan - I've not been posting much lately either as I've been back in the UK visiting family. I just wanted to say that after having been there and being around my sisters & friends kids then back here being around friends kids that it IS different in the U.K. The kids are much more grounded with less of a sense of entitlement and a better sense of what really matters.

After my visit I'm more certain than ever that I'll be back there for good in the next 5 years or so.

Goodluck !

Fish n Chips 56

Two homes to sell and dwindling savings is the short answer.

I was ready to leave in 2000 but stayed here to help take care of my Mum who was having some health problems, It was a heart wrenching decision as I so much wanted to leave, but I just couldn't do this to my Mum, Id lived close to my parents for almost 50 years and couldn't leave when they needed me...

Mum had mini strokes, stomach problems and dementia, she spent the last 5 years of her life in a care facility and slowly her health declined, we had lots of life and death issues to deal with, it was a Very difficult 5 years to say the least, we visited Mum everyday, she couldn't speak or swallow for the last two years of her life, she was close to death many times and always seemed to fight back, Care homes are good but not perfect, just the simple things in life become difficult tasks and there is abuse, its very frustrating, some days I could have left never to return, plus its very hard on a marriage even when you are all working together and agree totally...

My parents both passed away in 09, Dad six months after Mum, They left a home, its a nice home but there are many other homes for sale in this town, its been for sale since late 09, I've just had my third buyer and the deal fell through at the last minute, while I've been trying to sell my parents home mine has lost $70.000 of its value, so its actually cost me a lot to stay here, I'm hoping to get around $60.000 after my parents home is sold, I have two sisters that will get an equal share of that money, the home was worth far more just a few years ago...

My savings have also declined as my income has dropped, If we hadn't gone through the financial crash of 08 I would have been fine but that's really made things difficult for me, I was relying on the value of my home and 20 years of savings to take me home, and its almost gone...

I feel like I am spinning my wheels living here, I will need to sell my house at some point but cant do it at this time, its hard enough trying to sell one house...

We went home in July 09, infact we took my Dad with us, he wasn't feeling the best but had been to the Drs and they could'nt find anything wrong, we got back to the USA on Aug 2nd, Dad had more tests and found he had cancer, Sadly he passed away and was buried before the end of that month, still Im greatful he didn't suffer like Mum...

We went to the UK as we all really needed a good vacation after losing Mum, I also wanted to look at homes with hopes that Dad would come with us, of course that all changed...

We can make plans but they dont always turn out as we wished.

Karrie72

That's my sense also, thanks. How was your trip back? Hopefully it helped with the homesickness somewhat...

usoruk

Hello all....been awhile but still enjoy looking through the forum...busy..like most of you..running around...doing mostly kids stuff!!

You know, lately I have also been thinking about growing old in this country...it scares me so much...it seems the longer we are here the more my eyes are opened to what the US is all about...healthcare frightens me too. Why did I not see these things in the first 5-10 yrs we were here...could have done something about it then...kids were little...had a bit more money then...and home probably would not have seemed too foreign.

Right now, we are going through the terrible teen stage with our 13 yr old, (plus he is having a very hard time fitting into his new school..not many friends and very shy) to the point that he hates anything British and has started calling me names related to the "redcoats"..ie Lobsterback! He thinks its funny but I am increasingly getting annoyed and realising that the window of opportunity is closing fast. The kids are too Americanised to notice another culture or wanting to adopt another lifestyle. The younger ones are fine about it.

Here in the US all I seem to be doing is chauffering the kids around from one activity to another and endless sleepovers and returning overdue library books!! Thank God we have a bit of a break from soccer til April!
My trips to the stores (or those horrible strip malls) are only for groceries or to pick something up for the children. There is no time (or money) for anything other than that. At least back home...I enjoyed the errands as it was really quite a joy doing them on the walkable pretty high streets and trendy indoor/outdoor shopping centers. I would love to do this with the kids..or would I!!

What do the kids back home do...how do the parents keep them busy, are they taken over by materialism of the US and wanting more and more stuff...mainly tech. stuff? are the parents back home also running around like headless chickens like many of us are here?? Could we fit in back in the UK???

Gabgoeshome

I really feel for you.

Its hard to know what to say TBH.

My 13 year old hated the idea of moving for a loooong time. One day I started showing him things about the UK on youtube and google maps. I showed him how (within reason) how he would be able to have more freedom as many parts of the UK are not reliant on cars. I showed him train journeys...the shops he could get to. We also looked in to the more varied things he could learn at school, namely for him, tech related that just don't get taught in the local schools here.
Slowly he began to warm to the idea...Oh, and he can take his blooming X-box.

Of *course* you could fit back in the UK...you are British -don't forget what an influence you will have had on your kids (even though they are making it hard)

Like yours my little ones are happy (or don't understand) what is involved with an international move and are happy to give it a go!

Never give up

Feel free to PM me ...we can swap 13 year old tales

Englishmum

Well what I do know is that none of the parents I know in England arrange for "playdates" for their children! It's pretty much always a spur of the moment thing for kids to get together as long as they've done their homework first. On the other hand, houses are usually close together so most children live fairly close to their friends. In dry weather it's still quite normal to see a group of boys having a kick-around on some grass land, they just have a ball and use their sweaters for goal posts. OTOH there is a baseball park at the end of my street.....you never, ever see kids getting together ad-hoc - it's only ever when an adult has got a team together for sports practice (which their parents have paid for).

My sister does run her 10 year old son around, but he's currently obsessed with football (soccer) and plays in a team which has a practice night on a weekday and they have their matches on Sunday mornings. He also goes to cub scouts - which he loves - one evening a week and the occasional camp out during a weekend. He recently dropped swimming classes as he doesn't want to progress competitively, but is doing his cycling proficiency test through school and if he passes will be allowed to cycle to school. He also goes to some of the Coventry City FC home games with his dad and is learning how to play the guitar.

The cost of his activities are really very little compared to after-school activities in the US.

My brother's sons in their mid to late teens enjoy going fishing, ten-pin bowling, go to the cinema, playing football with friends and have been in teams in the past. One of them has a Saturday job working at an hotel. They sometimes go to watch a live football or rugby match. They don't like cricket They also go out on their bikes to see their friends or do errands.

http://www.bikehub.co.uk/featured-ar...kes-heres-why/

My niece works on Saturdays at "Boots" - her sister did at Marks & Spencers before going to uni - (and has saved up quite a bit of money!). She likes going to the cinema, ten-pin bowling etc. but dislikes sports. She loves art and is always drawing and painting watercolours. Another thing she likes to do is to meet up with her friends and they colour their hair with a temp hair colour, paint their nails etc. and there is a disco for under 18s they sometimes go to.

All of them do play with Playstations/Wii/X-Boxes but not for hours on end, my niece likes the 'Let's Dance' games on the Wii Fit and the boys like the Olympic Sports and car racing games....they're not into killing people in those war/battle games (or so their parents have told me). Also they do go out and about taking dogs for walks, looking after friends' and neighbours' pets if they're on holiday etc. and often get a small payment (people have more holiday time in the UK and go on mini-breaks etc!)

Of course - you don't get them doing "Driver's Education" when they're 16 at school or taking their driving tests on their 17th birthday! No pressure to have teenagers driving in the UK like there is in the US where it's seen as a rite of passage. My son took his test in New Jersey and it's horrifying how easy it is to pass here.....they'd even pass a monkey if it took a driving test in NJ!

PS: which part of New Jersey are you living in? I'm just 15-20 mins west of Newark airport. Hope to get US citizenship later this year and I'm out of here!

PPS: I've just remembered that one of my nephews and a niece (husband's side) are doing the "Duke of Edinburgh Award" scheme

http://www.dofe.org/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Duke_of_Edinburgh's_Award

(I just googled for the link and had no idea they also do the 'Duke of Edinburgh Award' in the USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand and I guess all the Commonwealth countries! Maybe you could get your son involved when he turns 14 as a link to the UK and US?)

http://www.usaward.org/

SadInStates

Same here. I think you do have to 'sell' it to teens, in terms of what they're going to gain rather than what they'll miss.

Mine are going to be 11, nearly 13, nearly 15 and 17 when we get back, and the 17 year old is firmly asserting that he is going to live in the shed, and if there isn't one, he'll build one, rather than share with his little brothers! Whatever! Let him have his dream to hold onto. It's his way of dealing with it all!

Mummy in the foothills

Thats too funny!
Do you have a time line yet or or you winging it?
We still have to wait for Ds#2 to graduate in June, he'll leave for UK in August then we can get ready and sell up.
I'm really looking forward to it all and at the same time I can see some problems that will arise and I'm dreading some of the conflicts that will inevitably come to a head with my Mother and my Dh having to spend extended amounts of time living in her house, good job she has two living rooms, I think we'll pinch one for us and give her privacy in the other.