LillyRobeson

We decided to move to NYC. I accepted job offer and now employer is pushing me to start ASAP. I feel a bit panicky every time I think about it and I'm getting cold feet. My husband feels the same, kind of ambivalent. I think this all might be a big mistake ...Did anyone feel the same before moving?

Nutmegger

A lot of us are here because there was someone we loved waiting for us across the ocean! So, rather different circumstances. Anything any of us can say to you is purely a personal opinion. Mine is that if you feel so unsure about the move, I'm not sure why you would want to do it when there is no necessity involved. Yes, you can always go home, but then you have to try to pick up the pieces; getting back to the life you had before isn't always that easy to do.

LillyRobeson

Well, it's a good professional opportunity with better money and conditions. We like NYC as well (lived in America before, not NYC but East Coast and spent time in NYC).

But things are pretty good here as well, and the idea is to hopefully move to something better. I'm starting to wonder if the risk is worth it.

LillyRobeson

I haven't even managed to resign from my current job - I've told everyone but the actual formal act of handing in my notice, I haven't been able to bring myself to do it. Shit.

Nutmegger

As the mantra always goes, spending time somewhere and living somewhere are totally different beasts! That said, I lived in NYC for 13 years and loved it! I know lots of people will say "Great opportunity, go for it," but what's the point if you are so ambivalent about it? You just have to go with your gut feeling -- it's your life.

LeithAc

I moved from the UK to Boston about 9yrs ago,about 2 months before I left I had a bit of a meltdown wondering if I was making a huge mistake, why was I leaving a good life behind for the unknown. In the end I decided I would regret not taking the opportunity so I made the move.

Most people I meet over here have struggled initially because they didn't know what to expect and they made the move on their own, it sounds like you are familiar with life in the US and you and your husband will be going through it together.

What was the original reason for wanting to make the move? Has that changed? And can you pinpoint the reason for the change of heart? Is the move a permenant one or a short term contract?

Whatever you decide Good Luck!

Nutmegger

I can't remember the age of your children, though I have a feeling they are small so this query would be irrelevant -- but are they old enough to have an opinion?

Chrisdc

I believe it is better to regret the things you did, rather than the things you didn't do.

I was sent to work in the USA 10 years ago, even though I had no particular desire to move there. I had such a great time I decided to stay. Some things are better, some things are the same and some are worse. It just depends what sort of person you are - will you focus on the good things about New York, or will you worry about the bad things and pine for London?

I also think making a mistake is nothing to be afraid of.

"Success is going from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm."
Churchill

Good luck!
;-)

LillyRobeson

Thanks, good points.

Kids are 5 and 8 now. My 8 year old definitely has an opinion and she wants to move! We toured the schools a couple of months ago and she loved the American syrupy sweetness. I'm not sure if she realises that life will probably be much the same as it is in London once things settle down. My little one will go along wiht what the big one says

I was contacted about this job a while back as and applied speculatively. I didn't think I'd get it but the job description was absolutely perfect for me. I have quite a specialised skill set and this job asked for precisely what I have to offer which is quite unusual. So, I applied and, to my surprise, actually got offered the job.

I think I'm quite flexible. I left the UK in 1997 and have lived in Southeast Asia, the Middle East, and the US - and finally back to the UK - and I've always made the best of where I've been and enjoyed it. If it was just me, I'd be more up for taking a risk. But it's the whole family. And I'm asking my husband to give up a lot to come with me. So there is a lot to lose if we make a mistake.

One minute my gut says to go for it, the next it says to stay. I don't how I can follow my gut when my gut is also undecided!!!

kimilseung

I'd be tempted to say something about, we regret the things we do not do, not the things we do do; and assume that you are worried about doing something new; but, you have lived in America before, you have experienced a move like this before. So, I think you should ask yourself what is it that is niggling, in view of the fact that this is not something totaly new, this is not newbie apprehension. You may need to dig deep and work out what the root niggle is before making a good decision. Maybe it is the new boss being pushy? maybe they are just not the right fit for you; I do not know.

LillyRobeson

Thanks for listening to my ditherings!!

I guess having moved about quite a bit, I've been happy to come back to London. I know that I like London. So that's the starting point. If I could do the job in London, I wouldn't move.

I also have a good job at the moment. I'll have to give it up - I hope the new one will be better but it's a risk. My husband is self employed and is doing well - and he'll have to give it all up and start again. We'll also have to manage on one salary until he does find work and the cost of living in NYC seems to be way higher than London (apart from the subway - I was shcoked at how cheap it is!).

And just, well, the whole hassle of building up a life again. When we lived in the US before, I was a grad student and we lived as part of a university community. Quite different to coping on our own in NYC. It's been hard building up a life in London and we've done that now - and now we're throwing it all away to do it all again.

rebs

What visa are you moving out on? You mention your husband working as self employed, but will he definitely have the right visa to be able to work? You sound as if that second income will be important for you.

LillyRobeson

G4 visa

He can apply for permission to work. We can manage on one income but nothing left over.

rebs

That's good that he can work - certainly is an extra pressure until he is sorted.

lisa67

Sorry, never heard of a G4 so can't comment on that other than make sure repatriation costs are in the deal incase you want to come home.

We moved over here 11 years ago for a 2 year stint. Wasn't that fussed about coming but thought it would be a good life experience for us and our kids (they were 3 and 5 at the time)
Haven't looked back!