Aaarghhhhh!
Jun 8th 2004, 7:58 pm
#16
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Just end it.... Final.....
The first time you are a victim....
The second time you are a volunteer.....
Agree with the nuts bit but to be honest I wouldn't waste my energy for that I would use it to block his number and fix my own life...
This is getting very Jerry Springer again... I do mean that in the nicest way though....
You deserve better by far......
Untill we let a person like this go we cannot let someone better in.... Why continue this self abuse.... All the he is this way and she is that way, doesn't help the fact that reality is.... This is an emotional torture that can only destroy...... And you are letting it continue.....
Please don't take this the wrong way..... I just know it will be so much better for you to let this one go and find happiness elsewhere.....
The first time you are a victim
The second you are a volunteer
((((((hug)))))))
The first time you are a victim....
The second time you are a volunteer.....
Agree with the nuts bit but to be honest I wouldn't waste my energy for that I would use it to block his number and fix my own life...
This is getting very Jerry Springer again... I do mean that in the nicest way though....
You deserve better by far......
Untill we let a person like this go we cannot let someone better in.... Why continue this self abuse.... All the he is this way and she is that way, doesn't help the fact that reality is.... This is an emotional torture that can only destroy...... And you are letting it continue.....
Please don't take this the wrong way..... I just know it will be so much better for you to let this one go and find happiness elsewhere.....
The first time you are a victim
The second you are a volunteer
((((((hug)))))))
Jun 8th 2004, 8:02 pm
#17
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,525
Originally posted by honeymommy
Just end it.... Final.....
The first time you are a victim....
The second time you are a volunteer.....
Agree with the nuts bit but to be honest I wouldn't waste my energy for that I would use it to block his number and fix my own life...
Just end it.... Final.....
The first time you are a victim....
The second time you are a volunteer.....
Agree with the nuts bit but to be honest I wouldn't waste my energy for that I would use it to block his number and fix my own life...
Ash
Jun 8th 2004, 8:14 pm
#18
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Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,113
Originally posted by manc1976
Lesley hon.
kick him in the nuts and tell him to ***** off.
Lesley hon.
kick him in the nuts and tell him to ***** off.
Jun 8th 2004, 8:20 pm
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 961
Re: Aaarghhhhh!
Originally posted by Lesley1020
I am so bloody mad so excuse me while I vent!!!!!
I had M coming over tonight to fix my car.... he came over at 5.30 and I made sure I got off work on time and thankfully he was able to fix a couple of the minor things - I really didnt know what to say or do but all I know is that nothing has changed and I love this guy with all my heart. We sat outside and it was pretty awkward - he kept asking stuff about me and I was dreading asking him had anything happened, were they back together - and when I did, the answer was no, he has been up all night every night since they got there with the baby - her friend from Nashville came through on Saturday night and they have been out to town etc Sat and Sun nite and he was left with the baby again. Her b/f from Nashville calls every night and she says he (this guy) is her number two as she still loves M an wants to work it out etc but then on the other hand asks if this guy can come stay and he said absolutey no, I don't want anyone being around Anna except me, you and my family she has been unsettled enough in her short life etc so far. Anyway he comes up to the apt and I got upset and he just sits and holds my hand and he is upset too and I am just thinking this is so ****ing crazy. He answered her the 4th time she called and said did he fix the car and he says yeah and she says is it anything that will require further work and he is like no I don't think so and she says well I need you to leave right now as we are ready to go out and he got mad and hung up.
Long story short she blew up the other night cos when he was at work she went through his stuff and computer and found photos of me, cards etc and a letter he wrote to me that he hadn't gave me yet, so she has told him that if he continues to see me she is going to run off with D and make sure he never sees Anna again and of course this is bullshit but he is terrified. He is totally besotted by her and rightly but I am SO FREAKING MAD. Eventually when he is still here she calls again and says if you dont leave now we are going to be late and will have to just leave she's sleeping anyway
so of course he jumps up and goes. I asked him look what the hell is going to happen and he just says I love you so much but all I am doing is thinking what could have and should have been but I don't know what else to do right now and she bloody calls again and says oh tell the British girl I said hi
I hate her. There vent over. I really should just get to hell away from this place, I feel like my heart is breaking in two. :-(
I am so bloody mad so excuse me while I vent!!!!!
I had M coming over tonight to fix my car.... he came over at 5.30 and I made sure I got off work on time and thankfully he was able to fix a couple of the minor things
- I really didnt know what to say or do but all I know is that nothing has changed and I love this guy with all my heart. We sat outside and it was pretty awkward - he kept asking stuff about me and I was dreading asking him had anything happened, were they back together - and when I did, the answer was no, he has been up all night every night since they got there with the baby - her friend from Nashville came through on Saturday night and they have been out to town etc Sat and Sun nite and he was left with the baby again. Her b/f from Nashville calls every night and she says he (this guy) is her number two as she still loves M an wants to work it out etc but then on the other hand asks if this guy can come stay and he said absolutey no, I don't want anyone being around Anna except me, you and my family she has been unsettled enough in her short life etc so far. Anyway he comes up to the apt and I got upset and he just sits and holds my hand and he is upset too and I am just thinking this is so ****ing crazy. He answered her the 4th time she called and said did he fix the car and he says yeah and she says is it anything that will require further work and he is like no I don't think so and she says well I need you to leave right now as we are ready to go out and he got mad and hung up. Long story short she blew up the other night cos when he was at work she went through his stuff and computer and found photos of me, cards etc and a letter he wrote to me that he hadn't gave me yet, so she has told him that if he continues to see me she is going to run off with D and make sure he never sees Anna again and of course this is bullshit but he is terrified. He is totally besotted by her and rightly but I am SO FREAKING MAD. Eventually when he is still here she calls again and says if you dont leave now we are going to be late and will have to just leave she's sleeping anyway
so of course he jumps up and goes. I asked him look what the hell is going to happen and he just says I love you so much but all I am doing is thinking what could have and should have been but I don't know what else to do right now and she bloody calls again and says oh tell the British girl I said hi I hate her. There vent over. I really should just get to hell away from this place, I feel like my heart is breaking in two. :-(
As for you, you need to stay away from him, no more getting him over to fix anything, you are using it as an excuse to see him. If he really wanted to be with you, then he would be waking up next to you in the morning. Unless of course you are into pain and enjoy feeling miserable all the time then you need to let him go. He has got it made, he is bouncing between the both of you and you keep letting him come back, more fool you.
Sorry, but you are doing this to yourself, only you can stop what is happening to you. Get some balls and get him out of your life, then maybe, just maybe he will see what he is missing and come back, then you will be the one in control of the situation.
Jun 8th 2004, 8:34 pm
#20
Maño-Americano
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: In the heart of the Ozarks
Posts: 10,216
Re: Aaarghhhhh!
Originally posted by effi
Good God woman, get your head out of your butt and stop being used.
Good God woman, get your head out of your butt and stop being used.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Cut yourself loose from him- don't call, nor return calls. The longer this goes on, the more I wonder why in the world YOU continue to see him.
Move on.
Jun 8th 2004, 8:45 pm
#21
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 961
Re: Aaarghhhhh!
Originally posted by ironporer
The definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Cut yourself loose from him- don't call, nor return calls. The longer this goes on, the more I wonder why in the world YOU continue to see him.
Move on.
The definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results. Cut yourself loose from him- don't call, nor return calls. The longer this goes on, the more I wonder why in the world YOU continue to see him.
Move on.
Jun 8th 2004, 8:48 pm
#22
@matthewb76
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 21,886
Lesley, I am really sorry, but you are gonna have to have a clean break.
We are all saying the same things in different ways.
We are all saying the same things in different ways.
Jun 8th 2004, 8:56 pm
#23
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Joined: Mar 2003
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,296
Lord what a lovely set up- M and his whatever and baby trying to be a family?? (sick set up if ever there was one)...in the meantime she has her number two in waiting (some poor sod being strung along too)...um Lesley, hon, who is HIS number two???
Do you like being second best??? Wake up, lovely girl, you're worth more than that.
I'd agree with Manc- kick him in the balls but your 'M' hasn't got any- so just hang up on this guy FOR GOOD.
Little story- my daughter's, now , husband had previously fathered a baby with a girl who was trying to trick him into marriage. Didn't work and she pulled the same stunt with another guy and had another baby ...and is pregnant again..she totally neglected (and abused) the kids. My son-in-law established paternity immediately he knew about his daughter, got visitation and eventually filed for custody and got it. The mother has since lost all parental rights (and had the other child removed too)... and my daughter, just yesterday, signed the papers to adopt his daughter.
THAT is what happens when a father is serious and takes responsibility for his child when the mother is sick.
Do you like being second best??? Wake up, lovely girl, you're worth more than that.
I'd agree with Manc- kick him in the balls but your 'M' hasn't got any- so just hang up on this guy FOR GOOD.
Little story- my daughter's, now , husband had previously fathered a baby with a girl who was trying to trick him into marriage. Didn't work and she pulled the same stunt with another guy and had another baby ...and is pregnant again..she totally neglected (and abused) the kids. My son-in-law established paternity immediately he knew about his daughter, got visitation and eventually filed for custody and got it. The mother has since lost all parental rights (and had the other child removed too)... and my daughter, just yesterday, signed the papers to adopt his daughter.
THAT is what happens when a father is serious and takes responsibility for his child when the mother is sick.
Last edited by Taffyles; Jun 8th 2004 at 9:11 pm.
Jun 8th 2004, 9:24 pm
#24
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Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Millington, TN
Posts: 533
Messages received loud and clear! :-D Seriously guys I know - and its really not like me to be this needy and all - I guess I blame a lot of how I am reacting on feeling alone and the fact that I was so dependant on him - for lots of different reasons but I need to get real and today realization finally dawned. He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off as he wants a quiet life and doesn't give a toss I guess about how that affects me so long as he can ease his conscience by the odd phone call or visit. Enough.
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
Jun 8th 2004, 9:48 pm
#25
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: East Seaxe
Posts: 72,554
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Messages received loud and clear! :-D Seriously guys I know - and its really not like me to be this needy and all - I guess I blame a lot of how I am reacting on feeling alone and the fact that I was so dependant on him - for lots of different reasons but I need to get real and today realization finally dawned. He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off as he wants a quiet life and doesn't give a toss I guess about how that affects me so long as he can ease his conscience by the odd phone call or visit. Enough.
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
Messages received loud and clear! :-D Seriously guys I know - and its really not like me to be this needy and all - I guess I blame a lot of how I am reacting on feeling alone and the fact that I was so dependant on him - for lots of different reasons but I need to get real and today realization finally dawned. He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off as he wants a quiet life and doesn't give a toss I guess about how that affects me so long as he can ease his conscience by the odd phone call or visit. Enough.
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
Hey congratulations on your declaration of independence. I speak from experience when I say that a short, sharp shock is much better than long, drawn-out torture.
Of course it's hard being new here and all, dealing with being homesick, etc. etc., but you will soon make some good new friends, and in the meantime there's always the good old ex pats crowd to rally round and yell at you from time to time.
Have a drink for me at the concert, and perhaps you'll meet some gorgeous creature to help take your mind off the whole thing
Jun 8th 2004, 9:51 pm
#26
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Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 961
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Messages received loud and clear! :-D Seriously guys I know - and its really not like me to be this needy and all - I guess I blame a lot of how I am reacting on feeling alone and the fact that I was so dependant on him - for lots of different reasons but I need to get real and today realization finally dawned. He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off as he wants a quiet life and doesn't give a toss I guess about how that affects me so long as he can ease his conscience by the odd phone call or visit. Enough.
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
Messages received loud and clear! :-D Seriously guys I know - and its really not like me to be this needy and all - I guess I blame a lot of how I am reacting on feeling alone and the fact that I was so dependant on him - for lots of different reasons but I need to get real and today realization finally dawned. He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off as he wants a quiet life and doesn't give a toss I guess about how that affects me so long as he can ease his conscience by the odd phone call or visit. Enough.
I cant switch off my feelings, but I can do something about other areas, so I called the church I went to on Sunday (I know, I know lol) and registered with their singles group (it's actually pretty cool, very contemporary no brain washing, have a great band, lots of young people) - called my friend Regina in Ohio who is a huge Harry Connick Jr fan to tell her he is playing Memphis this weekend on an outdoor concert and lo and behold she has just called me back to say she got a round trip for $158 and will be here Thursday night until Sunday!
In all honestly, I realize now that M was the only familiar thing to me here, and I was clinging onto that because every other single aspect of my whole life has changed and I just wanted something to at least be consisent and tp have someone I could rely upon - it just gets kinda scary at times.
So really, I hear you all - loud and clear! I am a first class idjit no longer after today!
Jun 8th 2004, 9:55 pm
#27
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: East Seaxe
Posts: 72,554
Originally posted by effi
We shall wait and see
We shall wait and see
Jun 8th 2004, 11:44 pm
#28
Winter hyphenator
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Ann Arbor, MI
Posts: 660
Originally posted by Lesley1020
He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off
He is simply doing whatever is required not to piss her off
No, it's worse than that. He's simply doing the minimum required to keep you hanging in there.....
Good Riddance. Never speak to him again.
Jun 9th 2004, 12:36 am
#29
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Originally posted by Lion in Winter
I shan't. I shall assume that she has delivered her kick exactly where Manc suggested and that that is the end of the matter. I bet she can do it.
I shan't. I shall assume that she has delivered her kick exactly where Manc suggested and that that is the end of the matter. I bet she can do it.
I am with you... I know YOU can do this lesley.... Take faith from us... Get rid of him now and start enjoying life...
You know you can.... Just do it....
Like Manc said ...
Jun 9th 2004, 1:39 am
#30
Howling at the Moon
Joined: Oct 2002
Location: Incline Village, NV
Posts: 3,742
Originally posted by monster
No, it's worse than that. He's simply doing the minimum required to keep you hanging in there.....
Good Riddance. Never speak to him again.
No, it's worse than that. He's simply doing the minimum required to keep you hanging in there.....
Good Riddance. Never speak to him again.
Lots of negative manipluative behaviours, which in turn breed more of the same. It doesn't matter who started it, just who ends it for themselves. Unlike mathematics two negatives here will NEVER make a positive, just a downward spiral of self destruction.
You can't save him Les, you can only save YOURSELF. In doing so you also open up the slim possibility that he might come to his senses as you refused to comply with his dysfunctional demands, it might actually hit him that it's unacceptable. As long as you "go along with it" you are actually condoning and reinforcing that the behaviour is not only justified and acceptable but that it is correct and healthy. It doesn't matter what either of you say if your words are contradicted by your actions.
You can be your own salvation and in doing so give him a slim chance rather than none. That's just about as good as it gets barring miracles and I haven't got any of those.
Whatever happens, I'll be here.