25 things that make you feel like a man
Sep 3rd 2004, 2:51 pm
#1
Here we go Pittsburgh!
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Pittsburgh PA, USA
Posts: 581
25 things that make you feel like a man
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She
didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it
to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning
the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting
and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement..
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out
while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're
hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint
with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even
an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical
evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?"
Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the
past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in
line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't
mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However,
the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT #300 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber (or a 'quiet one' with John Lawrence) but with that much
cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling
notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven.. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which,
technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have
toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we
can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting
on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that > says
that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized s***. >
>
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder.
Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while
you were in hospital". >
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She
didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it
to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning
the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting
and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement..
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out
while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're
hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint
with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even
an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical
evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?"
Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the
past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in
line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't
mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However,
the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT #300 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber (or a 'quiet one' with John Lawrence) but with that much
cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling
notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven.. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which,
technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have
toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we
can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting
on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that > says
that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized s***. >
>
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder.
Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while
you were in hospital". >
Sep 3rd 2004, 7:47 pm
#2
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2004
Location: CHELTENHAM, Gloucestershire, England
Posts: 1,494
Re: 25 things that make you feel like a man
Originally Posted by ukemigrant
1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She
didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it
to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning
the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting
and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement..
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out
while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're
hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint
with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even
an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical
evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?"
Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the
past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in
line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't
mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However,
the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT #300 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber (or a 'quiet one' with John Lawrence) but with that much
cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling
notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven.. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which,
technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have
toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we
can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting
on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that > says
that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized s***. >
>
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder.
Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while
you were in hospital". >
hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She
didn't. Jars are men's work.
2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it
to kids makes you the man.
3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart
Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning
the ball and crippling the man. Magic.
4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it
here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.
5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting
and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of
other rubbish - noisy destruction.
6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your
coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement..
Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out
while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're
hard.
7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint
with.
8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even
an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".
9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been
partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical
evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?"
Grr, what does it look like.
10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for
you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the
past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in
line".
11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can
safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.
12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch
that becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.
13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't
mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However,
the rest of the pub doesn't know that.
14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently.
Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.
15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to
the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations,
you are now your dad.
16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?
17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing
rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY
item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.
18, TAKING OUT #300 FROM A CASHPOINT - okay, so its for paying the
plumber (or a 'quiet one' with John Lawrence) but with that much
cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling
notes off the roll later.
19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike birds, we get
straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is
then. Seven.. See ya."
20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher
do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which,
technically, makes you the worlds best driver.
21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have
toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we
can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting
on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.
22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you
didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain
haemorrhage".
23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips? For that? Are
you mad, bint?"
24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - a visual code that > says
that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized s***. >
>
25, CALLING YOUR MATE A ****** - and punching him on the shoulder.
Just a man's way of saying "you're a good mate; I missed you while
you were in hospital". >
Yeah...and after all that, you end up dying sooner....
Cheers
PS: what have you got against Becks then?
Sep 3rd 2004, 11:11 pm
#3
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 2,894
Re: 25 things that make you feel like a man
You missed leaving the loo seat up !
Sep 4th 2004, 5:35 pm
#4
Here we go Pittsburgh!
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2002
Location: Pittsburgh PA, USA
Posts: 581
Re: 25 things that make you feel like a man
Originally Posted by Lothianlad
Yeah...and after all that, you end up dying sooner....
Cheers
PS: what have you got against Becks then?
Cheers
PS: what have you got against Becks then?
Loved him in 'bend it like beckham' and also in the xbox game dead or alive three, the character they have doing drunken boxer style is a dead ringer for him..
Sep 5th 2004, 2:15 pm
#5
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,525
Re: 25 things that make you feel like a man
You also forgot...
Not stopping to ask for directions and still being able to find what your looking for (even if it does make you 3 hours late)
Ash
Not stopping to ask for directions and still being able to find what your looking for (even if it does make you 3 hours late)
Ash
