semi-pom

Hi,

I have posted a couple of threads in this forum about mbtuk several months ago. Since then we have been sitting on the fence and playing on the see-saw..."yes we going"...."no we should stay". Its such a horrible place to be...reading this forum...it helps to know that we are not alone in this. Every time that we decide to go back home, we hear about how many people want to be here in Oz and "how lucky we are to be here" (since we are on a 457 visa) - then we start again. I cannot go through a day without thinking of returning but the outdoor lifestyle for the kids keeps nagging at me. If OH and I were alone in this decision (ie no kids to be concerned about) then we would go for sure. BUT, having 2 small kids we wonder where they would be best placed to grow up these days?

To me UK is a comfort zone which I want to flee back to...
We have been here for 8 months and just want to settle down and not have to be faced with having to move again. We currently live on the Gold Coast and OH job will not keep him here longer than 4 years. So then we are faced with a move to Sydney or Melbourne. I honestly feel that I would rather go back to London now than to have to learn another city again. Am I being chicken...I wonder? Working in London City, at least if OH changes jobs we will not have to move house/home (necessarily) - we can stay in the same area and have "no worries". Staying here we face a move in the next 3-4 years...so this means semi-settling and then uprooting and doing this all again...NOOOOOOO!

A colleague of OH has said we should stay until we get PR (since we are on a 457 visa) then at least we can return within 4 years if UK turns out to be a mistake. Am I being negative by immediately thinking of the fact that this will mean staying at least another 2 years, plus $6K (for the PR visa) and then moving the kids from an outdoor lifestyle to indoor lifestyle which is a big change compared to the other way round?

Re-reading this long post, methinks that we are definitely leaning to a return but don't have the bottle! I am a perfectionist and would hate to "make a mistake"...

Stay

Hi Semi-pom ..............there are no mistakes

Life is for living, journey's, experiencing, searching and of course losing the odd thousand £ $ euros or like me and my family much thousands!!! but I would not change a thing.............I think Iam just grateful that we do not have the "only if" question hanging over us anymore now that we have left the UK. Also I know never to say never of returning!!! Who knows whats around the corner.

Good luck and best wishes in whatever your decisions are and Iam sure your children will have been beautifully nourished and nurtured in these life experiences, I know I was when I was 8 years old and living in WA as a £10.00 pom, we stayed for 4 years then returned back to the Uk.

take carexx

LouiseD

Hi there Semi-Pom

Personally I would always go with my gut instinct - don't be sucked into listening to others views of what you should and shouldn't like - it's what you like that matters to you - how you live your life and what you want from life.

We were like you when we were in Oz - we wanted to come home but thought that we should be grateful to be there - it's all media hype and brainwashing - in the UK, the media tells you it's a crap country, in Australia, the media tells you it's the best country in the world. At the end of the day you have to decide where you are happiest - for some people it's their adopted country, for others like me it's the UK.

Good luck in whatever you decide but enjoy the experience and don't worry about perfection and mistakes - you can't guarantee anything in life, you can only make decisions based on how you feel at the time and as Stay said, with your careful guidance and love, your children will be happy, contented, well adjusted, well educated youngsters wherever they live

Amber and Chris

Go to the Canada forum and check out two threads: "Going back to England" and "more on mandimoo's going back thread". There are lots of good comments on here (and the odd nasty one, but ignore those...!)

englishrose

the people that say you are lucky to be there,have they ever lived in the uk?? do they know how great it is ??
money,you win some you lose some,our 16mths in canada cost us over £30k,so what ,at the end of the day we have the experience of living there and now we have ended up where we are truly happy.
your kids dont have to swap the outdoors life for the indoors.
since we got back nearly 8 weeks ago,we have done more hiking and camping than we ever did in boiling hot or freezing cold alberta !!
do what your heart tells you,and good luck.
its the best thing we ever did,coming home.

dingbat

I am sitting here in tears tonight. I just sold my house, which means that I am free to go home to the UK after twelve not so happy years in Canada. It is all I have wanted and fought for, for the last five or six years. So I undestand some of what semi pom is saying. Someone tell me why I am so sad, so scared and so bloody confused.

birdynumnum

Because its a HUGE thing you're doing. No matter how much you want to leave, it can feel really daunting the thought of returning back after so long.
Although you want to go, you've just sold your house, your home too.
Cut yourself some slack and try to focus on all the reasons you want to return and all you want to do
take care
xxx

semi-pom

Thanks for all of your responses. Still sitting on that see-saw....grrr!

Apparently though, if you stay here in Oz for 2 years everything should "apparently" click and then you feel like you belong. Hmmm, sounds like nonsense to me but we have heard this from 3 couples already.

Anyways, I am waffling again...

englishrose

what works for some doesnt always work for others,and if waffling helps......then waffle away !!

englishrose

we cried on the flight back .even tho we were glad to be going home,even tho we knew we didnt want to stay in canada.i felt like id failed the kids by uprooting them for a second time,but honestly,they are SOOOO happy here,just like they were happy in canada.if they are with us ,they are happy and thats it.
its a big thing to move back and step back into the unknown,esp.after the length of time youve been away.its only natural to have niggles and a few doubts.

dunroving

I think there is some truth to the idea, but the amount of time varies for different people - and I think upon how challenging the move was to start with. Of my 5 international moves (UK to Bahamas, Bah to US, US to UK, UK to US, US to UK) the last 4 were quite unsettling and there was definitely a point where a lightbulb went off and I realized I was feeling a lot more at home. Even moves within the same country have been similar. The only moves where I was immediately happy and settled (no homesickness or concerns) were to the Bahamas and nfrom GA to NC within the US.

Giggles2080

Hi semi-pom!

Just do as the others have told you, trust your gut feeling. Nobody knows what is best for you and your family better than you do!

I'm living in Canada, I've been here for 4 years now, I moved here when I was 23! Only this month have I applied for my PR! I think it's true about the quote above! You can't expect to be settled in a new city in a new country in 8 months!! Everything is still new to you!! Don't worry about it, everyone gets anxious about this!!

Trust your instincts!!!

Good luck!!

semi-pom

Thanks for all your replies - I FINALLY went into the travel agent and booked a one way ticket back this morning! We have to wait until mid January but the decision is finally made. OH's job/career just will not go anywhere here so its off to Guildford for us.

I think I might also have tears on the plane home....in the end we would have had a great time here but its just not a place I want to call home.

Thanks again for reading/listening.

spuds

Hi Semi-Pom, reading your last post I think you may have already reached a decision but was wondering whether you have looked into your husband's employer sponsoring you for PR? It's a lot cheaper (and quicker) that way and it would be nice to have some security should you feel the need to ping pong! Having said that, if you have already decided then good on you and best of luck with the move.

Em

LouiseD

Good luck with your move home and enjoy the rest of your time in Oz