scrubbedexpat027

So I'm at work today and made a complete idiot of myself in the middle of a meeting by biting everyone's head off.

It's been building for about a month now. I almost quit. I think I've suddenly started to really miss family & friends from back home. It's kinda crept up on me.

I've been here almost 2 years and I've been advised not to leave the country until my green card is all sorted out. Technically I could visit the Embassy in London and get a visa for my H1B but it would be hassle and fingers crossed I should have it all sorted by around April.

Has anyone else had this homesickness creep up on them after an extended time?

penguinsix

Sure. It comes and goes all the time. When I'm sick and in bed I'm totally homesick. Often when you have bad days it can creep up, something I call the "dog shit" doctrine.

You're having a bad day. You're not exactly happy where you are, maybe you miss your folks. You're walking through the park, it's cold, and boom, you step in some dog crap. "That's it! This is the worst fricking country in the world. I'm cold, work stinks, there's dog crap in the parks and now on my shoes. I want to go home."

Of course dogs crap in the UK and you get sick there too and all that, but when things are going downhill it is oh so easy for a little trigger to kick them over the edge. Everything you've been thinking of the last few weeks can just build into a spur of the moment epiphany "I want out!".

One of the things you need to realize in these situations is that the 'best memories' you have of home, which is what you are probably thinking of now, will NEVER trump the 'worst realities' that you are facing overseas. Stepping in dog crap and cleaning it off your shoe is never going to be as much fun in your mind as thinking about your mates in a pub 'that time when...'

Sometimes a trip back is a good reminder. Not only because you get to see your friends, but you also get to see some of the reasons you might have left. Maybe the grass isn't as green as you remember it, maybe some of your mates have moved on. Maybe you step in dog crap in a park over there.

Another way is to think of some of the good things about living here, or try to do some of the things you enjoy over here. Is there a place you like, or a thing you like to do in the US? Go do that when having a bad day. Or try to think back to the negative things you remember from overseas. What was it that caused you to leave in the first place? What is it that really annoys you about back home? What would you have to be dealing with that would really suck.

What you are going through isn't that uncommon. You aren't alone--it happens to many. If you find yourself continuing down the path in which "everything sucks" and gets worse and worse, than you may need a break and you should (gotta say it) watch out that you don't spiral into a funk or something more serious like depression.

In the meantime, take a bit of a break. Don't think about it for a day or so, especially if today was a particularly 'dog crap' kind of day, and do something fun. Come back to the thoughts when you are a bit clearer, when the dog crap is off your shoes, and then have a good think about whether you are in the right place or not.

Good luck.

Sally Redux

Not really because it started immediately and never went away.

Trips back can actually make it worse.

HarryTheSpider

Hang in there.

You're definitely not alone!

scrubbedexpat027

Thanks. I still 'think' I'm in the right place as in my ideal world, I'd have all my friends and family move here, not me move back, so that must count for something.

I guess my other problem is that I'm completely bored with my line of work after doing it for 15 years. It was the only way for me to get here though.

A complete cliche, living in LA but I'd love to be a screenwriter. And although its probably a shot in a million with the amount of competition, there are way more opportunities to network here than in Birmingham, England.

Englishtart

I think we all miss home at some time or other, it can creep up on you, or it's always there. Either way, you learn to cope with it and just get through it, I used to write my feelings down, why am I missing home? what could I expect to gain by giving up everything I have here and going back? could I afford to live there now? how many of my 'old' friends are waiting on me to to return and would those friendships still be the same?

I think after you come up with the honest answers to these questions, you have to realise that you can never go back to the same life you had at home before you left, everything, everyone changes, friends move on and make new friends and even if it would be great to go back and visit and hang out with them for a couple of weeks, you begin to slowly realise that you are not the same person you were before you left, it's hard to fit back in, sometimes impossible.

I agree with Sally, I found it harder each time I went home, to come back and appreciate my life here, I only have 2 Sisters back there now and one is in permanent respite care, the other one prefers to come here for visits and I find that much easier on my mental health! I still say I would go home tomorrow! But, if I had to make that choice right now, I would seriously have to think long and hard...

You are not 'losing it' you are just going through the same normal ups and downs most of us go through, feel better soon

Lion in Winter

It isn't easy being a first-generation immigrant.

Something some people (not the ones on this thread of course, just making a general observation) would do well to remember when they criticize others for "failure to assimilate".

I miss the UK a lot, even though I get back yearly. And I would like to live there again some day. For me, it isn't about "going back" - you can't, as has rightly been pointed out. It would be for "going on" in a place that feels like my place.

Englishtart

I hear there are some nice garages for rent at the moment!

Lion in Winter

Yes, but there's nowhere to park.

Wibblypig

Ditto! We have been here for 16 months, have settled really well, a lot better than I could have ever imagined! But so far this year it's gone from bad to worse My aunt died and I couldn't afford to go back for the funeral, a family friend died who was like a second father to me, my sister announced that my niece is doing her confirmation in the summer and we can't even afford to back for that! AND for a family that is healthy and non of us rarely even get colds, so far this year we have all had bad colds, my youngest even had pneumonia, ear infections etc. Then at the beginning of this week my eldest daughter (12 yrs) woke during the night with a really sore neck, we thought she had pulled a muscle and possibly trapped a nerve, thankfully she had her annual physical booked for Tuesday, after the initial diagnosis being the same as mine, the doc checked her back and discover her shoulder blades weren't level so we were referred to an orthopedist. Thankfully we got in the following day as they had a cancellation, but it turns out she had scoliosis amongst other things!!! So she needs a custom back brace, a neck brace and has to go back in 2 weeks for an MRI to hopefully rule out a spinal cord problem that they think she may have in her neck (trying to stay positive). Thank goodness we have pretty good health insurance!! With all of this going on I just want a hug from my brother and sister and friends back home, I have never felt so homesick as I do now Geez I sound like my 12yr old daughter!

It makes me wonder 'what next?'.

Sorry rant over and I apologise for my long sentences and rubbish punctuation.

Englishtart

You poor thing!! family issues always make the homesick pangs worse, especially when you just can't afford a trip home

Hang in there, things can only get better! Hope things go well for your daughter, luckily medicine has come such a long way and if caught early her prognosis should be pretty good

scrubbedexpat027

Sorry to hear about the problems you've been having. I know I should count myself lucky to be healthy.

Wibblypig

Thanks, I think just all of a sudden things happened and everything was a bit of a shock (although knew my aunt wasn't well with cancer) after things were going so well. At the moment we are just thinking about the scoliosis and thankfully the doc thinks she should make a pretty good recovery as 'she still has a lot of growing to do' (she is already 5'4" and just turned 12, eek!). She seems quite laid back about it despite the prospect of having to wear a back brace for a minimum of 8hrs a day (thankfully that can be during the night).


Sorry Dek I really didn't mean to take over your thread, I think I am still in the shock of everything was going so well then it wasn't! I am sure everything will change for the better.

Btw my husband would totally sympathise with you on getting bored of doing the same kinda job for so long. Although thankfully he loves the new company he works for and his boss is apparently the best boss he has had! So you never know what's round the corner for you.

scrubbedexpat027

That's no problem at all. Although I wouldn't wish bad on anyone, it does help to hear about other people's issues just to get some perspective.

Jerseygirl

Ditto. Although the last few years have been better. Since my parents died I haven't felt as homesick...for some reason I can't face going back for a visit.

It's the feeling of being in limbo...not belonging anywhere anymore that gets to me.

Wibblypig...I am very sorry to hear about your daughter. If you have good healthcare insurance I really do think the US is the place to be. We have always received excellent, prompt treatment here. We did in the UK...but always went through BUPA.