Living in the Philippines no visa needed
Jan 13th 2010, 5:30 pm
#1
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 33
Living in the Philippines no visa needed
I did the fiance visa in 2003, and my Filipino wife came over and we were married. She went her own way 2.5 years later.
I was not very happy, and went to the Phils again, and signed up another girl for the fiance visa. I knew that was a mistake, but I did it anyways.
A couple of times, I called it off, but she persuaded me to let her come over. About two weeks later, I got her a ticket back to the Phils.
In 2003, I had wanted to move to the Phils, but my wife talked me out of it, and again in 2007 the same thing happened.
This time, I did what I wanted and I moved to Cebu. I have been here since March. I may get married in a couple of months. I work online to support myself. It is a challenge because people dont want to pay when you are in the Phils. The people here are terribly exploited.
I dont say things are going to happen for sure in the future anymore, but the plan is to get married and then I will file for residency here. Its been tough as far as money goes, but hopefully I can remain here. I have about zero desire to live in the USA. My coming wife is content to remain here in the Philippines.
The purpose of my writing this is simply this. In coming here and living with my girlfriend,( or in the same town) we did not live together for a few months, she does live with me now. I came to realize how important it is to be together for a length of time in person. Email and chat does not equal being together in person. While a lot of people would say duh, nonetheless
a lot of guys want something to work out, and think that the email and phoning and chatting is okay. Traveling for 2 weeks to a month to visit and then coming back to the usa to file a fiance visa is often done. It is a recipe for much trouble.
This would not apply to all countries, but for the Philippines, the people here have un-realistic expectations of life in the USA. Both the girl and the guy have a lot to learn about each other and each others culture. There are big challenges for any relationship in this situation. The economic conditions here are severe. The poverty for many is very harsh. The girls will do and say anything to escape.
Most guys will say or think oh I know she loves me and whatever. Its very easy to not see the reality, especially if your visit is one where you stay in hotels and never really get on the ground. You are insulated from the harsh reality of life here. Until you live here and live as they do, you really can not understand the scope of what you are getting into.
The food you buy your girl and the things you do here are most likely very big to her. Small things you take for granted are luxuries to most people here. She thinks she has hit the lottery and her family is looking forward to future help from you and her.
From my experience, I believe that you are best served if you marry a girl that does not insist on living in the USA. If you decide to live in the USA, thats okay, but you will soon know if it is on her agenda. They are upfront about their desire to live in the USA. They tend not to be slick when it comes to deceit, and her wishes to live in the USA will be know soon. If she raises noise when you say you want to live in the Phils for awhile or any other options, then run from the relationship. dont walk.. run...
If you get a girl who will leave it up to you when and IF you even go to the USA, then you have something to work with. Take the USA off the table when negotiating a marriage.
It will most likely be some type of hardship to come here and live for an extended period, but it is worth it in my opinion. I know an american who went back home, but he is coming back. His girl is still here. They were together over a year here. I am coming up on a year with my future wife.
If you want this to succeed, you should really consider coming here for an extended period, and I would suggest at least 6 months. There is just a whole lot of things you will learn about life here and about her.
I made my mistakes, and I have my issues. There are a few mis-fits here.
Just use a whole lot of caution if you are in one of these relationships.
If you are involved in a long distance chat relationship you need to know the realities. There is a high possibility she has a filipino boyfriend while she is chatting with you, no matter what she tells you. There is a high chance that she is using you as a ticket to the USA. The only way you will ever know if you have a real relationship is to travel to the Phils and spend enough time to see what is going on and work it out.
The time is needed so that you will learn to respect each other as people. You will not get that done through chat and email. I do not have the stats, but just from my personal conversations with people who have done the visa, there is a high rate of divorce from the sample I have. I expect that this is the case if you had the data.
There are issues with age, culture, language and so on. Those are big challenges even in person, let alone long distance. Stop and think long and hard before you file a fiance visa.
I was not very happy, and went to the Phils again, and signed up another girl for the fiance visa. I knew that was a mistake, but I did it anyways.
A couple of times, I called it off, but she persuaded me to let her come over. About two weeks later, I got her a ticket back to the Phils.
In 2003, I had wanted to move to the Phils, but my wife talked me out of it, and again in 2007 the same thing happened.
This time, I did what I wanted and I moved to Cebu. I have been here since March. I may get married in a couple of months. I work online to support myself. It is a challenge because people dont want to pay when you are in the Phils. The people here are terribly exploited.
I dont say things are going to happen for sure in the future anymore, but the plan is to get married and then I will file for residency here. Its been tough as far as money goes, but hopefully I can remain here. I have about zero desire to live in the USA. My coming wife is content to remain here in the Philippines.
The purpose of my writing this is simply this. In coming here and living with my girlfriend,( or in the same town) we did not live together for a few months, she does live with me now. I came to realize how important it is to be together for a length of time in person. Email and chat does not equal being together in person. While a lot of people would say duh, nonetheless
a lot of guys want something to work out, and think that the email and phoning and chatting is okay. Traveling for 2 weeks to a month to visit and then coming back to the usa to file a fiance visa is often done. It is a recipe for much trouble.
This would not apply to all countries, but for the Philippines, the people here have un-realistic expectations of life in the USA. Both the girl and the guy have a lot to learn about each other and each others culture. There are big challenges for any relationship in this situation. The economic conditions here are severe. The poverty for many is very harsh. The girls will do and say anything to escape.
Most guys will say or think oh I know she loves me and whatever. Its very easy to not see the reality, especially if your visit is one where you stay in hotels and never really get on the ground. You are insulated from the harsh reality of life here. Until you live here and live as they do, you really can not understand the scope of what you are getting into.
The food you buy your girl and the things you do here are most likely very big to her. Small things you take for granted are luxuries to most people here. She thinks she has hit the lottery and her family is looking forward to future help from you and her.
From my experience, I believe that you are best served if you marry a girl that does not insist on living in the USA. If you decide to live in the USA, thats okay, but you will soon know if it is on her agenda. They are upfront about their desire to live in the USA. They tend not to be slick when it comes to deceit, and her wishes to live in the USA will be know soon. If she raises noise when you say you want to live in the Phils for awhile or any other options, then run from the relationship. dont walk.. run...
If you get a girl who will leave it up to you when and IF you even go to the USA, then you have something to work with. Take the USA off the table when negotiating a marriage.
It will most likely be some type of hardship to come here and live for an extended period, but it is worth it in my opinion. I know an american who went back home, but he is coming back. His girl is still here. They were together over a year here. I am coming up on a year with my future wife.
If you want this to succeed, you should really consider coming here for an extended period, and I would suggest at least 6 months. There is just a whole lot of things you will learn about life here and about her.
I made my mistakes, and I have my issues. There are a few mis-fits here.
Just use a whole lot of caution if you are in one of these relationships.
If you are involved in a long distance chat relationship you need to know the realities. There is a high possibility she has a filipino boyfriend while she is chatting with you, no matter what she tells you. There is a high chance that she is using you as a ticket to the USA. The only way you will ever know if you have a real relationship is to travel to the Phils and spend enough time to see what is going on and work it out.
The time is needed so that you will learn to respect each other as people. You will not get that done through chat and email. I do not have the stats, but just from my personal conversations with people who have done the visa, there is a high rate of divorce from the sample I have. I expect that this is the case if you had the data.
There are issues with age, culture, language and so on. Those are big challenges even in person, let alone long distance. Stop and think long and hard before you file a fiance visa.
Last edited by sea_dave; Jan 13th 2010 at 5:33 pm.
Jan 13th 2010, 6:40 pm
#2
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 35,082
Re: Living in the Philippines no visa needed
Dave, this group is a lot different now than when you first participated; it no longer feeds from Usenet but is solely a part of BritishExpats.com and as such doesn't see many cases from outside the UK anymore.
I've kept up with your stories, including your current activities (hey, people send me links, what can I say) and since you don't have an immigration question, I'm going to move your post to the general chat forum.
I've kept up with your stories, including your current activities (hey, people send me links, what can I say) and since you don't have an immigration question, I'm going to move your post to the general chat forum.
Jan 13th 2010, 7:20 pm
#3
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,392
Re: Living in the Philippines no visa needed
Glad to hear that you are now taking a different approach to finding a spouse. One that will, hopefully, find you exactly what both you and she is looking for.
Jan 14th 2010, 3:41 am
#4
Account Closed
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2
Re: Living in the Philippines no visa needed
I have a very vague recollection of some slightly odd posts on VJ.
