Matthew Udall

I went through that airport (landed at and departed from) when I was probably around 14 years old. I was amazed at the level of security they had back then (and I was not used to seeing people standing around with automatic weapons in the airport… and on just about every street corner and on top of every other roof for that matter), and the treatment they subjected my typical US family (Grand Father, Father & Mother, Sister and myself).

I brought home a fine Persian rug that I purchased in Jerusalem (still have it and use it in my living room). It was wrapped up in brown paper wrappings. This was around the time of the release of the movie, Midnight Express. I recall the long and suspicious look the Israeli guard gave me (seemed to stare at me forever) before he said he needed me to hand over my package for him to open it up to take a look.

He seemed to be a little disappointed not to find any hash hidden inside (at least, that's the way it appeared to me). Perhaps I matched a profile in appearance.

Matthew Udall

I happen to agree with Folinskyinla's comments about the reference to conversion (to Islam) being inappropriate, but I disagree with your statement above (at least a little bit).

It is their duty, job & responsibility to conduct these inspections at the POE, and I don't think they would be nearly as effective if they instead came off as your "buddy". Face it, they are cops.

My professor who taught the immigration law class at my law school was the top ranking Immigration Judge in all of San Francisco (at that time, Judge Ledbetter). I don't know for sure, but due to his accent, my guess is that he was a naturalized U.S. citizen (Likely from Germany… I never asked him about this). Even "he", an immigration judge back in 1995, told us that going through the POE is no joking matter and that it is "very" serious business and that "he" answers with "yes sir", "no sir" when being grilled by the inspectors at the POE. Being an immigration judge did not change that in the least, and he impressed that point on us students in his class.

Matthew Udall

Hi Leslie,
We had inspectors at the POE's who conducted these inspections and turned away many people applying to enter the U.S. even before 9-11.

Immigration law did not start with 9-11 (and to be honest with you, I don't think it has changed "that" much since 9-11... in some respects yes, but in most respects, no... but that's just my opinion and I've not been practicing "that" long).

Matthew Udall

If you had 30 seconds to examine someone, do you think you would get useful information in order to make your determination by being a friendly buddy, or being a hard-ass?

These are cops charged with enforcing the laws Congress enacted. I've not done that job before, but even so I don't think they probably need to be rude either, but again, I've not done that job.

I've not been lied to over and over again (and caught people lying to me on a daily basis), and I've not been hired to carry out the immigration laws concerning entry into the U.S. I’ve not been glared at over and over again by people who mistakenly believe they have a “right� to enter the U.S. nor am I privy to the watch lists, passenger manifests and other guidelines or policies they work under.

Until you and I have stood in their shoes and done their job for a while, I don't think we can fully understand what it is like to do their job (I'll bet both you and I would have our bad days on that job too and might even be perceived as being rude from time to time... Heck, I get flamed for being rude from time to time when just posting in this group :-).

Bottom line is they examined him, and let him in.

Matthew Udall

I know this is different, but I can't help but think of my Mother who always asks me if I plan on becoming active in the church again, and this time "find a nice Mormon girl at church" (yeah, right :-).

Is it "common" for U.S. women to convert to Islam when marrying an Islamic male (I honestly don't know)? Is it "common" for Islamic males to encourage their U.S. female brides to convert to Islam sometime after marriage (again, I honestly don't know)? Are there any basic conflicts that will commonly arise in marriages between an Islamic male and a U.S. female from a different religion (or no religion)? Perhaps some of you facing this sort of marriage can answer that one for me.

I know a few people (including my dear old Mother) who seem to think marriages should be (or at least think it will be a happier marriage) between parties who share the same religious beliefs.

As an ex-Mormon who knows that religion, I also know of the conflicts that would exist between a good Mormon girl and myself, so I would not dream of looking for one (not saying that would be a bad thing, but its just not for me as I would want to be happy in the marriage too and I don’t think I’d be too happy with a good Mormon girl).

I'm not saying the officer’s question was appropriate, but since I don’t know much about Islamic/Non-Islamic marriages and the potential conflicts in such a marriage I was just wondering what those potential conflicts might be (trying to figure out why the officer might ask such a thing besides “the obvious reason�…. to see if this is a real couple who would have naturally discussed this already and had already come to a conclusion about this issue [perhaps they even asked him this question and wanted to compare the answer]).

Matthew Udall

I had always heard that Arab men were domineering… sort of a Macho type when it came to “their� women (funny to see you describing yourself as “their� woman). I know this is just a stereotype and won’t hold true for every Arab male, but that “is� what I’ve always heard.

Perhaps they had asked “him� if she intended to convert and wanted to compare her answer. I would think this would be an issue most similar couples would have at least had “some� discussion about prior to becoming engaged, and would tend to go towards the bonafide nature of their relationship (to weed out the bait and switch couples as you put it).

Matthew Udall

I hope all goes well for you and your Moroccan at the POE, however if you do get the officer from Hell, perhaps the best approach is to simply answer his or her questions instead of trying to tell him or her how to do their job. The goal is to enter the U.S., right?

Your fiancée does not have a "right" to enter the U.S., even with a K-1 visa in hand and if you come across as demanding, that might cause more harm than good (or at least make for a more tense and scary experience).

Not trying to tell you what to do... honestly, this is just a friendly suggestion as I know your relationship is important to you.

Best of luck.

Matthew Udall

I've already shared my story about my old immigration law professor's personal take on entry into the U.S. (and he's an Immigration Judge), but my most difficult entry into the U.S. was last fall when I reentered the U.S. crossing the bridge (on foot) at Matamoras, Mexico into Brownsville, TX.

I of course had a California ID, and you would think our officer at the POE had never seen one before. I had been in Mexico for a grand total of around 20 minutes, and it took longer than that to get back into the U.S. (after answering all sorts of questions asked to me by the officer… and answering, “yes sir�, “no sir� just as my old professor had advised). Eventually, he let me in.

Matthew Udall

If it was an Irish person entering with a K-1 visa to marry the U.S. citizen, and if the officer thought most couples would have discussed this issue before hand, the officer “might� be curious to see what both parties said when determining if this is really a couple in a bonafide relationship vs. one friend simply marrying another friend to help that friend get a greencard.

The officers are cops, and I would imagine that after doing their job for a while their "gut" tells them when to ask such a question (although I will agree that this seems to be an unusual situation/question… and from the fact that we don’t see this reported over and over again from people who entered with K-1’s, it appears to indeed be an unusual situation/question).

Heck, if an officer suspects a marriage of convenience during an AOS interview, they separate the couple and ask all sorts of detailed questions. How is the officer at the POE any different?

saidsgirl

Sheesh Matt! Are you bored tonight or WHAT!?!?!?

Matthew Udall

Farhan and his fiancée clearly "got away" with something they should not have gotten away with. Will we now hear protests about the officer "not" grilling them enough to catch their deceit?

Matthew Udall

No, not really. It’s just that I've been out of the office most of the day and there have been many replies in this thread since my last visit in which I want to reply.

I’ll be in the office late tonight working to catch up on the time lost earlier today. At 8:00 AM I reported to BJ’S Brewery to volunteer my services in brewing 240 gallons of a special 30th anniversary brew my brew club made to be served at a few of our functions over the upcoming year (plus, they will be selling it at BJ’s and Lucky Baldwins).

We made a clone of a Rocheford 10 (sp?) which is a Belgian strong ale.

You can read more about it here. http://www.maltosefalcons.com/

It was fun to work with the big pro brewing equipment (I usually only cook up 5 gallons at a time on my stovetop). This experience will come in handy if I ever open up that brew-pub I’ve always wanted to open (wonder if a good Mormon girl would like that ;-). No photos yet from today’s brewing session, but I’ll post one later if you want (when I get my photos back from the lab).

Well, I’d better get to work!

Khadija

Hi Matt,

I can only speak for my man and our marriage. Abdo is kind, sensitive, patient and about as far from domineering as you can get. He is respectful of all the women in his family and all the men in his family pitch in to help whenever and wherever needed. Maybe this is unusual. I don't know. It seems to be relatively common amongst his extended family from what I can see as well. I've never been made to feel inferior or that he was superior simply because he's a man.

As for conversion, yes, I converted to Islam. But I believe there are others on this NG who have no intention of converting nor did their husband/fiances expect them to. My decision came after a year of marriage and the decision was mine. He never asked but, nonetheless, was thrilled when I told him I would convert. Not being a died-in-the-wool anything (baptised Catholic but not practicing), I had no problem leaving one religion for another. After reading about Islam, seeing how close it brings my husband's side of the family together and asking friends and colleagues their opinions and then, most importantly, searching my heart, I finally let my husband know my decision. While I would not have converted soley for the purpose of pleasing my husband, nevertheless, a one-religion marriage does have its advantages - especially if we're ever blessed with a child.

Just a side note, my husband also respects my decision not to wear hijab (veil). I've always dressed modestly so that wasn't an issue. I do wear hijab when I'm in Cairo but it's out of respect for my in-laws and their culture - not because I believe it's expected of me in Islam.

Also, while my husband and I are sharing one religion, we're still going to be living with my mother (she's elderly and needs care) who's Catholic. Abdo knows this and is fine living in a two-religion household. We'll celebrate Eid as well as Christmas. It's all one God after all.

Lastly, while I know there are domineering men in Arab countries, my world travels have shown me there are domineering men in all countries! For example, the Asian men I've observed/known take the cake in terms of expecting subservience from their women.

Patty

saidsgirl

Sounds like a fun day! Feeling a little tipsy from the fumes???

A photo would be great -
you have to wait for the what? The lab?
Matt, Matt, Matt....it's the digital age! You can brew all day and share the pics at night. Join the revolution - it's GREAT!

Cheers,
~k

Hypertweeky

Hey there girlie!

I am late to this thread sorry, I have been gone all day long.
I dont know what to say really, I am speechless, mad and very angry, I am sorry your fiancee went thru all that.. I though my denied of entrance was the worst ever but that wasnt anything compared with what your fiancee went thru. I am awfully sorry girlie. Look at the bright side.. he is there with you, You guys love each other and are about to spend the rest of your lifes together!!, Be happy and forget about those a55holes..
Pm me once in a while girlie