Lincoln uk

Can anyone give advice or their thoughts on my sister she has two children 11 and 8. She has met some guy on line who has paid her air fare to go to visit him in Virginia. She is leaving the children at home with a friend and says she is coming home with the guy from Usa with the intention of selling up and moving out there. She is 46 still married although they have been apart for several years. The guy is Puerto Ricon told her he was brought up in the Bronx but know lives in Virginia. The family are worried sick about her but she is determined to go.
Any comments appreciated
thanks

Pollyana

First thing that comes to mind is what visa is she planning to get?!

Noorah101

Not sure what you'd like to know. Your sister is an adult, and although the family is worried, I doubt there's any real action you can take to prevent her from going.

Her current plan does not seem to follow any solid immigration path. If she's interested in immigrating the right way, she can come here and ask questions. She can't legally just up and move to the USA without an appropriate visa, and for that she needs to be divorced, but lots of people go to the USA willy-nilly and just stay there illegally. She also needs permission from the children's father to remove them from the UK, even if she gets divorced and gets an appropriate visa.

You could suggest that she join BE herself to ask how immigration to the USA works. Her current plan is full of holes.

Rene

mikelincs

Her first thing would be to get a divorce, then she could think of moving..

crg

If she's moving to the US without permission, you could drop a dime on her and that might work.

Since one is still married to someone, the legal options available to move are limited.

ian-mstm

I'll be happy to give you both my advice and my thoughts.


This, by itself, is not unusual. Many of us here met online and went to visit the US. Sometimes we paid, sometimes the USC friend paid.


Good... because she'd need written permission from the children's father to remove them from UK jurisdiction. Perhaps the issue here is not that she's leaving the children at home, but that she's leaving them with a friend and not a family member.


Again, this is not unusual. Many of us have done the same.


So, she's an adult. Good - that gives her the freedom to make decisions for herself without interference from anyone else.


Ah... well then, here's the first issue. If she intends to move to the US, she must be divorced... because the only way that's going to happen is if she marries the guy from Virginia. Further, as already mentioned, she can't take the children with her unless she has written permission from the children's father (or a court order giving her permission). If permission is not easily obtained, she's in for a very long process. As astonishing as it might sound, mothers have been known to simply leave their children at home and run off to the US to get married and stay. That is always her option... regardless of what you might think of that strategy.


This is irrelevant.


Quite simply, absent force, neither you nor anyone else in her family can stop her from going if she's determined to go. I suggest you don't try. Let her succeed or fail on her own.


This probably wasn't what you wanted to hear, but you did ask.

Ian

zzrmark

This just gave me a good chuckle! Either you've not got sisters or they are just pussy cats - but if I 'dropped the dime' on my sister and she found out I'd have to go into hiding!!!

Pulaski

What I did was similar, except I wasn't married, didn't have children, and Mrs P is not Puerto Rican. ...... Where in Virginia is she heading to? It is a large state with a very diverse range of communities ranging from expensive luxury suburbs near Washington DC, coastal cities and a port, large areas of rural farmland, lowland forests, and then remote and fairly sparsely populated heavily wooded mountains. Your sister could be going to a relatively familiar urban-suburban environment, or she could be going to a much more "out in the wilds" area.

ian-mstm

So then, not similar at all! What I did was similar also, then!

Ian

Pulaski

She was in Virginia, and I was an adult in the UK, so 3 out of 6, I suppose.

MarylandNed

Ask her to give you his contact info - name, address, telephone numbers, email etc. Hopefully she has also skyped him and knows he is legit. Beyond that, there isn't much else for you to do but worry.

sir_eccles

+1

Let her know you are concerned and have her best interests at heart.

Pulaski

On the contrary, if she is willing to give that information you can do a lot with it these days, even without paying any of the background search websites.

First, take a Google Maps Street View look at the address (assuming it is not way out in the sticks) and Google the name and town/ city, which might give you news reports, convictions, or other web sites with that name and location. Other web sites allow searches of name and address data such as the state sex offender registry, the secretary of state's registry of corporations and business owners, the state register of licensed professionals (there are very many occupations in the US that require state registration), the state register of political donations, among others.

Along the way doing various such free searches you will probably find if anyone else is linked to the same address. ..... A lack of information for the named person at the specified address may be as concerning as any information that you do find.

For around $50 per name some web sites may have a whole lot more information, (linked names, family members, previous addresses, employment history, current and previous vehicles owned, etc.) though personally I wouldn't bother paying for searches unless the free searches give you specific cause for concern.

ian-mstm

Mine was in Kentucky... which used to be part of Virginia.


I was an adult in Canada... which is practically the UK!

Ian

Steve_

The father can stop her taking the children, if she decides to take the children, because if they're still married then he has parental rights under the Children Act in the UK.

I'm not sure it's anything to get worried about though from the description. She can't move without an immigrant visa and she can't take the kids without the father's permission so let her figure out if she likes the guy first.