We've arrived!!!!!

Old Aug 20th 2012, 10:36 pm
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Default We've arrived!!!!!

Hello everyone. For those that aren't familiar with my history here's a quick snapshot....

Had originally planned to move over here at Easter when my mother had a total emotional breakdown. After a long 'how could you do this to mum' phone call from my brother I pulled the plug much to my husband and kids horror. We spent April to the end of june feeling resentful at my family and my husband was very stressed as he couldn't find work. we just reached the point of needing to do something...the bills were mounting and he didn't have an income..we had pulled out of the house sale too so no savings...we thought we would have to move elsewhere in the uk where there was work or even thinking that my husband would have to work away from home when we got a phone call. Would my husband be interested in a job in Brisbane? After a few phone calls he flew over for an interview on the 23rd June and after a few meetings was offered the role. He never came back.

I stayed in the uk and put the house back on the market immediately. It sold in 24 hours. I packed up the house and broke the news to my family. Again they were devastated and for 2-3 weeks I got all sorts of emails from my mum telling me that she would never get over it. I stayed strong and just re-iterated that as things had turned out we had no choice. My husband needed to work and this was the only job offer he had received in 8 months. We would have accepted it regardless of where it was in the world. The stress of all this emotional stuff took it's toll though. I didn't eat or sleep for about 4-5 weeks. I don't know how much weight I lost but it was scarily a lot. Myself and the kids flew over on the 1st August and I think my husband was very worried as to whether we would actually get on the plane. Well we did and have been here since.

Things got worse if that's possible with my family when I arrived. My mum wasn't coping at all and went into full grieving mode. Not sleeping or eating and my brother and sister in law posted stuff all over Facebook about my selfishness and pain that I cause other people. the guilt I felt was tremendous slowly she has started to come round a little though. Partly because I sent her an email saying I wasn't going to listen to any of it anymore. That I had just moved my family to the other side of the world, taken my kids away from everything they had ever known because I had to and not at any time did any of them ask how I was. I shut down all methods of communication after that and just encouraged the kids to stay logged on and slowly but surely she has come round a little. She will now talk to the kids and does her best to remain upbeat. I have spoken to her on Skype once or twice with the kids and it was fine.

Ok so the other stuff....my husband has now been here for 7 weeks. He sorted us a house in Monterey keys which is on the northern tip of the goldcoast. He takes the train from helensvale which takes about an hour. (his commute in his last job was 2 hours each way so this is fine for him). Our house is lovely. Big pool and we back onto a canal. No furniture yet but we have a friend who lives half an hour away and she has been great lending us the essentials and my husband bought the rest before we arrived. I cannot wait for my stuff to arrive though! God I miss my sofa. The schools all seem to very good around here. Although I have opted for rivermount which is about 20 mins up the highway. I loved this school as it is very similar to my kids school in the uk. Everyone we have met has been so helpful and friendly. A real breath of fresh air. My husband is used to being scowled at on the trains into London but over here total strangers enjoy a friendly chat on the way into the city. And is it me but people just seem to smile more? My kids love it here and the proximity to the theme parks is a real bonus for my teen. My friend who lives 30 mins away has a son the same age and that has been such a bonus for my son. Don't underestimate how much it means having someone you know over here!

Some other Observations:
Broadband is more expensive
Electricity is more expensive
Payg mobile tariffs more expensive
Cars more expensive
Food shopping...ouch..got to be a smart shopper!
Eating out...double ouch...
Private schools cheaper
Fuel cheaper
Train tickets cheaper
There is a fast food outlet on just about every street corner

So...was it the right move? Despite all the emotional issues with leaving my mum behind yes it was. Me and kids haven't been here as long as my husband but he has no intention of going back to the uk anytime soon and you'd have to drag me and kids back kicking and screaming right now. early days but a positive start.
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Old Aug 21st 2012, 12:46 am
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Glad to hear it's working out for you
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Old Aug 21st 2012, 2:06 am
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Great post, well done for staying strong.
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Old Aug 21st 2012, 1:41 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Yeah, great story. Sorry to hear YOUR relatives are being selfish, not realising you have to do what you feel is best for your family. Stay strong and make the most of it.
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Old Aug 21st 2012, 10:59 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Welcome to Australia

I hope you are getting over the stress that your mother put you through, and are putting back a bit of weight (if you need to)- but beware the coffee and slice culture as it can rapidly lead to weight gain- well the slices are very tasty, and it is rude to refuse!!!

Some of your observations are spot on. The cars are more expensive to buy second hand, but then they don't lose their value so quickly, so you can sell them on for more than in the UK. Get to know when the cheap/reduced prices of things are in the shops, and if you have room, stock up on specials. I go to a local farm market and buy trays of older veggies at $2.99 a tray, and I make soups, jams, puddings, chutneys and pickles with whatever is in the tray that I can't use immediately. I now have a pantry that is pretty well stocked. I also got a freezer and do the same with meat and bread etc.

Sometimes I go round and look at what people are chucking out on council clearance weeks- I picked up some glassware and some billy cans that way. Some of the stuff is in perfectly good condition and can be used till you can afford to get your own stuff. Also look on Freecycle and local websites, as you can get things there. And charity shops for clothing, crockery and books.

Happy shopping!
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Old Aug 23rd 2012, 12:52 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

welcome and congrats!
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Old Aug 25th 2012, 11:16 am
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Congratulation, keep moving forward
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Old Aug 26th 2012, 9:26 am
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Glad you're settling in ok, keep us posted
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Old Sep 7th 2012, 1:10 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Hiya. So glad to hear you're all doing well. I can totally sympathise with you on the mum front. I moved over to ballina nsw 3.5years ago to be with my Aussie fiancé, taking my 3 year old daughter with me. I tore my mum to pieces! She got drunk on brandy the night before our flight (had to leave their house at 5am for flight!). I had to stay up looking after her until she passed out at 3am! I had an hour or so sleep before having to leave my mum on her knees on the drive way! So painful. While in aus we tried to Skype once but it hurt her so much that she couldn't touch my daughter : ( I called most days and things seemed to ease within a couple of months. Things were going down hill for me by this point with home sickness kicking in, no job, no friends and fiancé working away. Depressed and lonely I decided to move home after 3 months, my fiancé followed 6 months later although he isn't happy in England. So here I am, 3years after coming home, visa being filled in ect, nervous, excited, terrified... Ping ponging back to oz!!!! And once again putting mum through hell! I feel twice as bad this time. I'm now married to the Aussie and we have a 15month old daughter as well as the 6year old (who is scarerly close to her nanny : ( ) My mum also has a great big stick to wack me with in the form of "you hated it last time, you'll be miserable, you had no money/help/friends ect...." While she is right about the latter few things... I did not hate Australia! I just hated our situation! And with the knowledge and experience I gained the first time I'm just so sure it can work now... Older and wiser, I hope at least!
We are moving back to the gold coast this time so hoping that may be better for our family. Also so pleased to have found this site last week. Who knows, may still be there now if I had this amazing link then!!!
Hoping to make a few friends to meet when we come over. If you wanted to meet up that would be so great. Especially as we are both facing the same family trials!
Stay strong and really hope to hear from you soon x
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 1:39 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Welcome to Australia and good for you for being so strong in dealing with your family, they'll come around in time
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Old Sep 10th 2012, 4:21 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Originally Posted by mavine1 View Post
Hello everyone. For those that aren't familiar with my history here's a quick snapshot....

Had originally planned to move over here at Easter when my mother had a total emotional breakdown. After a long 'how could you do this to mum' phone call from my brother I pulled the plug much to my husband and kids horror. We spent April to the end of june feeling resentful at my family and my husband was very stressed as he couldn't find work. we just reached the point of needing to do something...the bills were mounting and he didn't have an income..we had pulled out of the house sale too so no savings...we thought we would have to move elsewhere in the uk where there was work or even thinking that my husband would have to work away from home when we got a phone call. Would my husband be interested in a job in Brisbane? After a few phone calls he flew over for an interview on the 23rd June and after a few meetings was offered the role. He never came back.

I stayed in the uk and put the house back on the market immediately. It sold in 24 hours. I packed up the house and broke the news to my family. Again they were devastated and for 2-3 weeks I got all sorts of emails from my mum telling me that she would never get over it. I stayed strong and just re-iterated that as things had turned out we had no choice. My husband needed to work and this was the only job offer he had received in 8 months. We would have accepted it regardless of where it was in the world. The stress of all this emotional stuff took it's toll though. I didn't eat or sleep for about 4-5 weeks. I don't know how much weight I lost but it was scarily a lot. Myself and the kids flew over on the 1st August and I think my husband was very worried as to whether we would actually get on the plane. Well we did and have been here since.

Things got worse if that's possible with my family when I arrived. My mum wasn't coping at all and went into full grieving mode. Not sleeping or eating and my brother and sister in law posted stuff all over Facebook about my selfishness and pain that I cause other people. the guilt I felt was tremendous slowly she has started to come round a little though. Partly because I sent her an email saying I wasn't going to listen to any of it anymore. That I had just moved my family to the other side of the world, taken my kids away from everything they had ever known because I had to and not at any time did any of them ask how I was. I shut down all methods of communication after that and just encouraged the kids to stay logged on and slowly but surely she has come round a little. She will now talk to the kids and does her best to remain upbeat. I have spoken to her on Skype once or twice with the kids and it was fine.

Ok so the other stuff....my husband has now been here for 7 weeks. He sorted us a house in Monterey keys which is on the northern tip of the goldcoast. He takes the train from helensvale which takes about an hour. (his commute in his last job was 2 hours each way so this is fine for him). Our house is lovely. Big pool and we back onto a canal. No furniture yet but we have a friend who lives half an hour away and she has been great lending us the essentials and my husband bought the rest before we arrived. I cannot wait for my stuff to arrive though! God I miss my sofa. The schools all seem to very good around here. Although I have opted for rivermount which is about 20 mins up the highway. I loved this school as it is very similar to my kids school in the uk. Everyone we have met has been so helpful and friendly. A real breath of fresh air. My husband is used to being scowled at on the trains into London but over here total strangers enjoy a friendly chat on the way into the city. And is it me but people just seem to smile more? My kids love it here and the proximity to the theme parks is a real bonus for my teen. My friend who lives 30 mins away has a son the same age and that has been such a bonus for my son. Don't underestimate how much it means having someone you know over here!

Some other Observations:
Broadband is more expensive
Electricity is more expensive
Payg mobile tariffs more expensive
Cars more expensive
Food shopping...ouch..got to be a smart shopper!
Eating out...double ouch...
Private schools cheaper
Fuel cheaper
Train tickets cheaper
There is a fast food outlet on just about every street corner

So...was it the right move? Despite all the emotional issues with leaving my mum behind yes it was. Me and kids haven't been here as long as my husband but he has no intention of going back to the uk anytime soon and you'd have to drag me and kids back kicking and screaming right now. early days but a positive start.
Well done and good luck.
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Old Sep 11th 2012, 11:07 am
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

congratulations on your PMA - I hope your Mum comes round.

My husband has just had a job offer in Perth and we are accepting it. We looked in to moving to Aus in 2010 but nothing ever came of it and then out of the blue this job offer lands on the table.

I am trying not to cry as I type this because I am planning on telling my mum our news later today and I know it will break her heart. I know she won't be nasty or tell me not to do it because I know she wants the best for us and wants us to be happy. It's just that I feel so guilty, I am an only child and have 2 children aged 4 and 11 who she dotes on - and we will miss her so much. I am going to cause her upset and I can't get my head around it.
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Old Sep 12th 2012, 5:28 pm
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Originally Posted by LisaMarkT View Post
congratulations on your PMA - I hope your Mum comes round.

My husband has just had a job offer in Perth and we are accepting it. We looked in to moving to Aus in 2010 but nothing ever came of it and then out of the blue this job offer lands on the table.

I am trying not to cry as I type this because I am planning on telling my mum our news later today and I know it will break her heart. I know she won't be nasty or tell me not to do it because I know she wants the best for us and wants us to be happy. It's just that I feel so guilty, I am an only child and have 2 children aged 4 and 11 who she dotes on - and we will miss her so much. I am going to cause her upset and I can't get my head around it.
Hi ya,Hope it went well we have just told our parents we are coming out to Sydney in November we have 2 girls 9 and 12 and all the family said ok we will miss the girls but ..... what the eck is but supposed to mean, I am 45 OH is 44 and after weeks trying to tell them sleepless nights etc all I got was BUT.
How can a grown man feel so childish scared to tell his mum he wants the best for his family.
Best of luck an enjoy
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Old Sep 12th 2012, 6:52 pm
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Originally Posted by YOFFSBACK View Post
Hi ya,Hope it went well we have just told our parents we are coming out to Sydney in November we have 2 girls 9 and 12 and all the family said ok we will miss the girls but ..... what the eck is but supposed to mean, I am 45 OH is 44 and after weeks trying to tell them sleepless nights etc all I got was BUT.
How can a grown man feel so childish scared to tell his mum he wants the best for his family.
Best of luck an enjoy
Hi, it went much better than expected thank you. I suppose we went through the worst 2 years ago when we initially decided that this was what we wanted to do. There were a few tears (on both sides) but she said that she completely understood and didn't blame us for wanting a better life etc. Mum and her partner (soon to be husband) were planning on visiting Oz for a month or so in 2014 anyway so now they'll have free board and lodgings when they get to Perth!

I think sometimes people don't think before they speak and are too focused on their own feelings and what they feel is being taken away from them. It's probably just initial shock and I'm sure your Mum will understand completely your decision, given time to reflect - Ask her what she would have done if she'd had an opportunity like this 30 years ago. Anyway, you've done it now and I'm sure she'll come round - she'll just miss you that's all it is.

Hope it all goes well for you and your family.
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Old Sep 12th 2012, 8:03 pm
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Default Re: We've arrived!!!!!

Wow! What an amazing story.
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