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Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

Old Jun 11th 2015, 1:45 pm
  #1  
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Default Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

Hi all,

I just wanted to write about our situation more as therapy than anything.

A bit of background. We moved to England when I was 13 in 1979 (I am 49 now). My older brother was here already as a student and my older sister lives in Italy. My parents had to go back because of visa issues but I stayed as a student. My parents came back at retirement age 25 years ago. Due to lack of funds they lived with me first and then my brother. 15 years ago, my brother decided he had had enough and when he met someone in Oz decided to go. We already had 2 uncles living in Oz (Still have). 8 years ago I suddenly had a thought that why am I sitting here when I could be enjoying the lifestyle and family in Oz. My OH was always against going to Oz. We visited a few years before and she didn't like it. This time to my surprise she agreed. More for the kids to have their cousins around and to grow up with family. My OH doesn't have any family apart from her mother and a nephew.
It might seem harsh on our part to want to leave our elderly parents here. Apparently my brother was living with the guilt of leaving our parents here and wanted to take them there anyway. He just needed me to go for that to be made possible. It was just my mother-in-law to worry about.
So we decided to start the ball rolling. For various reasons it took 4 years and we finally got our PR in 2011. We went to Oz again to validate our visa and were shocked at how expensive it was compared to the last time we went.

That is when all our problems started.
My mother-in-law got very ill and after spending some time in hospital, decided to sell her house and move to an assisted living accommodation. We had to do all the sorting out and once she moved out we had to sell her house. My wife has to go every week now (an hour away) because it might be called an assisted living place, there is hardly any assistance. To make matters worse her mother has developed rapid dementia and hardly recognizes us now. We are now looking for a nursing home which will be much more expensive.
Then my father's illness got worst and had to start on dialysis. The doctors didn't give him long due to his other problems and after just over a year he passed away in October.
Through all this we carried on with our plans. When the house market picked up beginning of last year, we sold our house and moved into rented with the view of going to Oz in 6 months. 14 months later and we are still there. Among other things, we decided to let our son do his GCSEs (He is in the middle of them now) as it would be a waste. We did say that after Xmas we will look at it again but then my daughter developed an eating disorder so we have had to concentrate on her to keep her out of hospital.
Another added pressure is that, my brother and mother took my dad’s ashes to Oz with the view that we would all be going. She has even got a plot next to his ready. My mother is back now and waiting for me to make the next move.

Now, with a year to go on our PR, we are in a dilemma. There are lots of factors

Minuses:-

1. Dragging the kids who are 14 and 16 from a life they are getting used to. My son would go but rather not.
2. Leave my mother-in-law here all alone.
3. Potentially leave my mother here all alone.
4. Try and take her to Oz but have to pay the $60000 plus all her living expenses etc.
5. I have a well-paid job here and risk losing everything if I can't get a job in Oz. Apparently it is becoming harder to get a job.
6. Once we buy a house, the lack of funds could hurt us.
7. I don’t really get on with my brother.

Pluses:-

1. Being near family so my kids don't grow old all alone.
2. Being away from this part of the world with all the problems here, in Europe and the Arab world.
3. The company I work for have been bought out by a much bigger company that have offices worldwide. We have an office in Melbourne. Even though I can’t transfer my job there, I might be able to work from their offices. It will probably be a short-term arrangement until I am replaced.
4. The lifestyle.

Sorry for going on. I am sure there are lots more pluses and minuses but can’t think of any at the moment.

Thanks for listening
Al
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Old Jun 11th 2015, 2:26 pm
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Default Re: Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

I feel for you, and have read all you've written.


However, the point at which you need to start is - do YOU and your wife and kids, WANT to go?

Or are you doing this for everyone else?
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Old Jun 11th 2015, 2:56 pm
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Default Re: Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

Originally Posted by Pollyana View Post
I feel for you, and have read all you've written.


However, the point at which you need to start is - do YOU and your wife and kids, WANT to go?

Or are you doing this for everyone else?
Thanks Pollyana.

My wife always says, the reasons we wanted to go for in the first place have become a bit diluted. What keeps going through my head is, people make such a big move for a better life. Will we really have a better life over there.
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Old Jun 12th 2015, 4:36 pm
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Default Re: Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

Originally Posted by alborz114 View Post
Thanks Pollyana.

My wife always says, the reasons we wanted to go for in the first place have become a bit diluted. What keeps going through my head is, people make such a big move for a better life. Will we really have a better life over there.
Better? No. Different? Yes. It's just another first world country with all the baggage that entails - same crime, social issues, mental health problems etcetc.

Leaving aged parents takes a very hard heart unless you're leaving them with a large support network which can take up your slack.

The kids could be disadvantaged educationally and once they're on the GCSE roundabout it's better to leave them to finish A levels. Aus kids start their final two years in Jan when they're 16 or about to turn 16 (depends on the state).

Unemployment is rising so unless you've got an offer on the table I'd think seriously about that.

You could take a career break, rent out the house and suck it and see for a year but that would screw up the kids' education of course.

Good luck with your decision but I am firmly in the "if it ain't broke don't fix it" camp!
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Old Jun 13th 2015, 1:03 am
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Default Re: Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

A hard decision, but, i would say this:

Teens are not interested in "growing up around their cousins" any more than we as adults are. So, i think that part is now out of the window - teens want their friends more than some distant family they dont really know.

I have masses of cousins in the UK who i never knew and even some in Oz who i have never met - i believe one might actually live close by!

I am not sure what you mean about being away from this part of the world. Oz is having its fair share of issues caused by what is going on in the middle east - the Sydney siege, the recent arrest of young men about to make an attack on police and others.

Jobs are becoming harder to find and wages are going backwards, but things like housing affordability is still very bad and bills rising. A nice house in Melbourne in a nice area is going to cost some serious money.

I am not sure what "lifestyle" you are alluding to? We work hard - Oz now has the longest working hours in the world while we get less holidays than the UK - most companies only give 20 a year. We go to work, we pay the bills and do all the mundane stuff that has to be done.

We like Oz, but we dont find it any "better" than the UK - just different. Personally, at age 49 with a good job, there is no way I would even contemplate it.
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Old Jun 19th 2015, 8:08 pm
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Smile Re: Still here despite getting visa 4 years ago

As a Ping Ponging pom who has sent his furniture around the world ......twice I would advise caution. Try to identify the Push and the Pull factors based on evidence not emotion. Define your own and the family groups happiness values. And forget the weather factor - you can have some bloody good holidays from the UK these days. Currently I commute between Oz and Europe every 6-8 weeks to meet the needs of my family, now back in Oz after a 5 year trial visit back to Europe, (not happy) and my aged mum who is home alone and lonely, (I am No 1 son after all - other family members have their own issues!). I work a job which allows me the time and money to live with one foot either side of the equator, and I see some of the best and worst of both worlds - UK and Oz - I live in Oz, work in Prague and spend most weekends away from home in a British pub -how sad is that! And given a choice I would remain in UK with my family and dog (most important) - if only I could afford more than a dog box of a house and not spend 2 hrs a day commuting. And consider that some things in a families decision making process aren't readily tangible in $ terms. e.g. teenage kids need stability and a peer group . Moving to Oz can and often does cause problems - been there - regardless of how much money Mater and Pater rake in from their new jobs. Try and enjoy what you've already got and not want what you think you wish for. There is a big difference. If Only..... is not necessarily worse than..... What If .......its all about context and your definition and appreciation of happiness and compromise.If still unsure check out the current house prices in Melbourne and Sydney. You are better off in Guildford!

Last edited by nickperkz; Jun 19th 2015 at 8:15 pm.
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