A jokey title, but seriously. I moved to aus early Oct, to a beautiful area, (Illawarra) it really was like the english countryside. but for anyone who read my posts, I was in deep despair, there was something missing desperately for me. I have travelled incidentally and lived abroad before, but I felt an overwhelming need to come home to north lancashire, which i feel is the most beautiful place.

My Oh followed me 2 weeks later with the children in Jan, once I had found a holiday rental to move into (bearing in mind we have no furniture). I slotted back into school and friends although, we have difficult personal circumstances, and some 'friends' did not like one bit. My oh is very bereft that we are here, and thinks that we have thrown the opportunity of a lifetime away for the children who are 3,5,9. Maybe it was too easy to come home, I dont actually think so, but, having said that. It was a company move, and can easily be reversed.

This is where we are at. We cannot live here successfully as a family. My oh is too depressed and is resorting, as he did in Aus to blackmail. I have come to the conclusion, I have to give in to enable us to be a family. I know we cannot survive here in the UK

This time we are going to Melbourne. We have been here before, this is where we were meant to end up, before we drove through the Illawarra, so all our research was based on being here. I am going to give it my best shot for 2 years. Then, If I havnt settled, I will come back. Dont get me wrong, I really am sociable, not backwards incoming forwards so I dont find it hard to make friends and 'get stuck in' so this is it. the plan is to come back in March. When we have been to mel - the areas we liked were, Beaumaris, Warrandyte and Mt Eliza. They are all differnt and offer a different lifestyle. I think My oh will come first and sort out a house,schools etc. Our furniture is on its way back to the UK, to stop in Malaysia, get off the boat and back to Aus. What a journey for us all as well as the furniture.

I suppose the upshot is - when one person loves it and the other doesnt - its not just that one has to give - its how much. Do I think it will be more of a success? Im not sure, but I do know that I will try not to compare so much to the life I had before and accept the one I am getting, look at it as an adventure and not a sentence. I was in the army for some time, and the other way of looking at it, is that it is a posting to a fantastic place for a period of time. Plus, the effort, stress and tears it has all caused - it has to work out better.


heres hoping

Hi
You have said all that needs to be said,and seem "more" determined to make a go of it!!!

You be alreet i tell theee
Treat it liek a adventure,ride the wave of emotions that you all might have and see how ya all fair

jase

not sure if I am more determined, just a bit more resigned to having to be determined. My heart will always be in Lancs. If I drink enough wine and eat enough hobnobs - it actually looks rosy.

I truly do think that when all said and done. If your life is great in the Uk - stay there. Ours was, then a can of worms was opened, and for my OH - the UK pales in comparison.

Oh Bobbins, sorry you get to be the one to compromise your life away - that sux. I guess if your relationship comes first then that is what has to happen. You will be able to live with it because you are a strong woman - stronger than the man obviously in this case!!! Hope it works out for you. Perhaps his commitment should be that he will pay for a holiday home for you once a year at least (that's what mine has to do!)

I quite agree with you - if you are happy where you are then stay there! Nothing breaks up marriages like emigration unfortunately.

Edited to say that "better life for the kids" thing IMHO is absolute b*ll*cks - it's his itch that is being scratched and to say it will be better for the kids is silly - it's swings and roundabouts for them and by the time they get to be adults they will likely be back in UK/Europe chasing the better opportunities like many young Aussies.

{{{hugs}}}

We arrived here in Brisbane at the beginning of October and have always maintained that we will give it our best shot for 2 years before making any judgements of the place.

I still want to go home (every day) and now it doesn't help that our friends have returned to Ireland 2 days ago. They were in the sunshine coast for just about 9 months and although she hated it, her hubby loved it but they are gone now and i miss them.

I miss Scotland more than ever and i feel disconnected and isolated here in Australia and to top it all off my 10 year old cries every day because he 'hates this country and why did it have to exist in the first place!" :curse:

If we do return it will be when our 2 year trial is over and not before as we want to get on the property market first.

I think you are very brave coming back despite your worries but i can also understand your hubby's worries about the kids growing up in the uk. You can't win can you.

Good luck

Just another thought bearing in mind what some folk on here and on other forums have found - you may give it 2 years but if, at the end of that time, he refuses to let your kids go home with you then you will be stuck here for longer. I dont know if you can get his agreement in writing now, before you leave, that if you need to go home then he will not oppose the children leaving with you. There are too many unhappy women here who are kept here because their ex wont let them take the kids out of the country.

God i know only that, i had thought of that long and hard before coming here. I can't believe a man would do that to someone, especially knowing how unhappy the wife is (probably most of them on antidepressants as a result). How can they sleep at night?

Fortunately my hubby would never do that to me. Saying that, all those other women probably thought the same thing.

We were pretty much the same when we came nearly three years ago. Eldest now 11 used to cry a lot but now wouldn't want to go back to Scotland to live just to visit. Miss my family the most but there's something that keeps us here......Always say never say never and just see what's around the corner.

Cheers

Ginny

I thought that too, after pingponging. From Oz to the U.K. and back again!! Surely after the stress, tears and emotional termoil it has to work out this time?? Well after 9 months of being back... not for me its not, trouble is do I leave a Son (20 yrs old) and husband to go back again on my own? or put up with feeling like this for life?? in the hope that one day I will settle. I have put a lot of effort into living here for the past 3 years, trouble is...its getting, harder and harder to do. So if you were to ask my opinion it would be to "stay where you are"

Good luck with it all - nothing worse than one person wanting one thing from life, when the other person wants something different... and its absolutely horrendous when it means thousands of miles difference...

Can't remember from what song it comes from but the line "no one said it would be easy.. but no one told me it'll be *this* hard" sounds like about right for you at the moment... keep strong and keep focusing forward as much as you possibly can!

Em x

Rest assured, it happens A friend of mine who has been in Perth (and hates it with a passion) has been 'trapped' by her husband as he has hid hers and her childrens passports. He knows how desperate she is to return, but he likes Perth, therefore the whole family must stay. He has also said if she does manage to take the children back to the UK he will fight her tooth and nail.

So, to the original poster, get something in writing from your partner that he will agree to return home, or that he will allow you to remove the kids from Australia, or you could live to regret this move back to Oz.

Oh, and as for Australia being a much better place for kids to grow up in, I'm sorry, I totally disagree. We've returned from 4.5 years in Perth and we now live in Devon. This place offers far more diversity, a better education, a healthy outdoor lifestyle on your doorstep (if you're prepared to rug up!) and most importantly, family that are a real active part of our childrens lives.

The above, of course, is only my opinion and not intended to offend anyone or start a punch up!

At least no one can accuse you of not giving Australia a go, i think 4.5 years is more than enough for someone to decide one way or another. We thought 2 years would be enough and i still believe it's enough time, though i'm still certain i will be going home!

If this is any help,I returned to the UK a few years back with my kids(who are aussies)Both love it here,schooled here from late primary,and now one is in uni (doing very well thankyou)the other has a great job in a city hospital.Having grown up in Oz myself and partly bringing the kids up in Oz,and mostly here,I have to say its a complete myth that "The kids will do better in Oz"?My kids had exactly the same things to do here as they did in Oz,nothing changed when we moved to the UK..In the end you have to make your own decision,and I wish you well because its a very tough one to make,all the best and whatever you decide I hope you are truly happy,you deserve to be!xx

No record I know but I went

Aus - UK 96 - AUS 96 - UK 99 - AUS 01 - UK 04 (Holiday - doesn't really count) - AUS 04 - UK 05 - AUS 09/10 (whenever we can get there by)