emelems

*puts up hand*

Yep... me too.. am very down at the moment re my friends and family... miss just having people around me who just know me for who I am, warts n all.. does that make sense?

I talk to my friends a lot (facebook, msn, cheap calls via jajah).. that helps me..

Also, when I am down I go a bit "English stuff" ... I find I download and watch an episode of Corrie and have a marmite sarnie and it cheers me up.. I know its a bit odd, but hey ho, it works for me.. Also found that our bottle shop sells Italian Pinot Grigio.. which was always my tipple at home.. again.. another little thing to help me cope with all the new..

OH tells me to go and sit on the beach when I am feeling blue.. I also think I should make a pact with myself to paddle in the sea each and every day...

Doesnt help that I havent got a job yet.. Kids now go to school on the bus so I dont get to talk to their friends mums whilst waiting for them to finish (which was always my main way of making friends)..

Have moved counties within the UK in the past 3 times.. each time I know it takes between 1-2 years to settle for me.. I am on month 2 now here (we have been travelling so other months don't count as wasnt settled)...

Month 3 - 6 are usually the worst for me.. so am expecting it to hit hard soon..

Anyway, chin up and on with the show, as they say

Em x

Bubsblooms

I seem to cross your posts a lot and you are always cheerful and really positive to others when they are a bit pessimistic etc. I hope you are getting all those positive vibes back
It does take a while to settle, it took me probably 3 years really. I have to say you do the exact same thing - marmite sandwich, cup of tea (I couldn't get the pinot grigio and just couldn't make do with the pinot gris available...) and watched Eastenders when Sharon was married to Grant even though I knew she had already had an affair with Phil a year later....
It is hard and I won't try to tell a seasoned veteran otherwise - I hope it passes soon and that you meet just one great friend that feels like an old schoolfriend instantly - it will happen I'm sure (then you'll hate her discussing your warts...)
Go and have that paddle now x

sidneee and kinnyboy

Dear PP, Thank you so much for your words of wisdom. My partner and i really ripped into each other last weekend and said some really horrible things. All because we are both so stressed out and really really raw from the last few months. We have been here 7 weeks and it is tough at the moment.
Anyway, i showed my boyfriend your post and we both got alot of comfort from it and it has helped us so much. We are trying to be more philosophical and trying not to rush so much. Also we are now making plans to do more stuff that is fun rather than trying to make all the business stuff so high on the list! You really have helped with your very wise words.
Thanks to all and i hope that Bobbins (and anyone else who has read or reads this thread) gets as much as my partner and i have.
You are a doll. Much love and Karma to you.
Sidneee and Kinnyboy
XXXXXX

MarkMC

I've found the 24 pack of Anzacs from Wollies are nearly as good as hobnobs for soaking up tea.....

Hutch

That they are - but always transfer 'em to a tupper straight away because they turn brittle very quickly in those crappy plastic containers.

emelems

ahhhh! Is that the key??? The kids love them , but they taste ****** awful unless you eat the entire packet in the 1st night... right.. will try to remember that! LOL!

em x

pompeyblonde

I think people underestimate the emotional effects of emigrating, or even living abroad for a shorter time. Its a loss, and loss involves grief...

Ive been here 3 years and been back twice, just packed up christmas presents for UK and would happily get on a plane and go back! (xmas here sucks....even with good mates to share it IMO)

BUT it comes and goes and DOES get easier, it changes because you will change and you will eventually miss Oz when you go back to the UK..... Im looking forward to an old school friend visiting in Jan, and mum coming over in April, have things to look forward to..... this is the worst time of year, but its normal and understandable so don't be hard on yourself! HUG!

Deb62

Hi, I'm new here. I'm currently in the UK while my husband looks for work in Brisbane. We came back here from Brissie ten long years ago and have lived to regret it. We came back because I got homesick after I had my last baby. We had lived in Oz for 10 years. Homesickness is terrible. I could spend hours pouring over AA Book of the British Countryside type books with pictures of the English landscape. I made myself feel so much worse. I think it is really important to share with people how you are feeling, but not with your new Aussie mates. I made the mistake of doing that when I was first settling and Australians felt I was criticising them and putting down the country which didn't endear me to anyone. Forums like this are great to vent. I hope that if we manage to get back I'm not as homesick as before. At least everything won't be quite so strange.

bobbins

I wrote this post about 3 weeks ago, and the upshot is that I am going home. I tried to be positive, but it wouldnt come out. it is only about 9 weeks in and feels like much longer. I feel like Ive had my holiday and Im ready to go home, only, I didnt even enjoy the holiday. I am so swinging in my emotions that it is really bad for the children and my husband, who is in deep despair of me. I know that after 20 yrs, we cant recover from this. I wake up feeling ill and tearful and go to bed feeling the same. I have met lots of people and am busy with the children doing all day, but I dont know how to get over it. I keep just willing to days to go till I can return, bad even though Im not missing family and friends yet. Just my heart isnt in it. Our life could be great here with great jobs etc, it will be definately be much much harder in the Uk on lots of different levels. Even knowing all this, I can say to myself, god, how much have I got to lose, the answere is everything but the children, therefore I must stay. But then I feel bereft and at my oh for making me stay. The stress has been good as a diet if I was on one!!

My Oh still loves it, my older child is enjoying the surf and beach, my others are just getting on with it. What am I doing??

Tiggs+Graz

yup me too ... i lost two dress sizes in the first two months i was here ... on the positive side i look much better in my beachwear

i do know just how you are feeling tho ...

personally i went in for distracting myself in a major way ... each day i made a plan for the next day, i kept going out and finding things to do ... anything to keep my mind occupied and off how i was feeling, just to keep busy and moving and not thinking ... i even bought a puzzle book (the hardest one i could find) so when i stopped for a cup of tea my mind was still busy with something ...

for me things got easier quite suddenly ... i went from being in tears all day one day to the next day realising that i actually felt pretty ok - i dont really know what changed but something did ... i still have my not so good days now but even they are becoming more rare with time

sending huge (((((((hugs))))))) hang in there it will get better

GoldCoastTitan

I know exactly how you feel! I have been here for 10 weeks and feel that my heart will never be in it, my OH loves it and doesnt understand how i feel. Everyone say's it gets easier but I cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

sidneee and kinnyboy

Dear Bobbins,

That 'cloud that wont go away' feeling is depression. I am not a doctor so obviously i can't diagnose you. I know that we all go through a mild kind of depression whenever life throws shit at us but sometimes it just wont go away on its own.

Emigrating is a huge pile of shit being thrown at us all at once. It may be that we chose to leave our friends and family as well as all our familiar places and jobs, pubs and even our favourite foods, but it is a huge pile of stuff to deal with all at the same time. Being told to 'pull yourself together' just won't cut it. Of course we all may feel sad, lonely, fed up, stressed out etc and it isnt helped by everyone at home (England or here!) thinking that we now live in Utopia, but when nothing lifts the 'cloud' then one needs a bit more help.

I feel that what you need to do now is go and speak to someone. Maybe your doctor. Even if you havent got a rapport with or have even met your doctor, just go and talk it over. Or maybe your husbands work (im assuming he is working and you aren't - i may have read that wrong!) has a family counselling service (ring his HR department yourself and ask if they do) I know alot of companies over here do have support services for their employees and their families so why not give that a go. Or there may be a local womens support group who can point you in the right direction.

Even if you are certain that you want to go back home, it may be a few weeks until you can make this happen so just talking it over will help get you through this period. Maybe you need some mild anti depressants or St Johns Wort, maybe you just need some counselling but whatever it is that you need, you need to talk to someone professional to help you through this difficult time.

Even if you go for half a dozen sessions with a therapist and find that just talking it out helps then it is worth every cent. It isnt about deciding whether to go back to the UK or not, its about being there for yourself right here, right now and seeing someone who can help you get through this tough time.

All the love, karma and best wishes in the world to you Bobbins.

Lynn (aka sidneee) XXX

Bubsblooms

Dear Bobbins,
Your honest and very open post has virtually carbon copied how I felt - Sydnee has given brilliant advice as I was depressed and did take St. Johns Wort (I'm a nurse and antidepressents on your records isn't good...) with great effect. I was on it from about 5 weeks in until about the 4th month when things started to slot into place. I missed my Mum and brother dearly and kept maudling about that really - I wasn't able to be positive in any way at all about anything. I decided that I wasn't coming straight home as I had my pride (big leaving do at work etc - would have looked daft going straight home!) and really it just started to fade a bit. It will seem an eternity but about 18 months in it felt like home.
If your kids love it, and your OH please, take Sydnee's advice and give councelling or St. Johns Wort a go. That horrid constant rising panic will subside
Lots of love, Emma xx

quoll

{{{hugs}}} I wish it had the same dietary effect on me - I do tend to resort to the Tim Tam diet when I get resentful and angry that I have to be here!
There are ways of living with the emptiness - keeping so busy that you dont notice you feel bereft is as good a way as any. Physical exercise and St Johns Wort may also help dull the pain. You can use all sorts of tricks like positive self talk & thought stopping to help you through the day and if you go to your doctor and describe what is happening to you, s/he can arrange for some sessions with a counsellor to help you develop those strategies. You dont have to go on medication if you dont want to.

I survive here by going home every year for about a month or maybe even more if I can afford it. The DH knows that I dont want to be here but I am here for him and his part of the compromise is that he needs to work to pay for my airfares home. He wont go home (he is an Aussie) to live. Counting down to 26 March for my next sanity hit!

At the end of the day, dont beat yourself up about it - there is nothing magic about Australia, it is just another place to live your life and your life is what you make of it no matter where you live it. If you had it good in UK then you can go back and have it good again with your support network and the things you know and love.

Deb62

Hi Bobbins;
The misery you're feeling really comes through your post, and I really feel for you. When I was first in Brisbane, from you say, I think I felt very like you. I would urge you to take some of the advice posted here and talk to a doctor. I wouldn't go, even though I knew I needed to and I really wish I had asked for help (something I'm never good at). But emigrating is a grieving process. It's every bit as hard as losing someone you love. However much you may stand to gain, you have also lost a great deal. It's okay to feel really bad.

If you can, try to keep in mind that feelings pass. For most of us we come through the feelings of intense loss and feeling lost and start to find ourselves on a more even keel emotionally. The all encompassing misery usually doesn't go on for too long. Everyone is different. I think women suffer from this far more than men, I'm not sure why. Everyone takes a different amount of time to get through the hard yards of emigrating. For me, any move takes about two years. Sometimes it's a case of short term pain for a long term gain, for you and your family. It's really early days for you yet. Try to give yourself a chance if you possibly can, and be gentle with yourself. What you are experiencing is a really difficult thing.

Hugs,
Deb