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Daunted (in name only now) - 12 year update!

Daunted (in name only now) - 12 year update!

Old Nov 12th 2019, 2:05 am
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Default Daunted (in name only now) - 12 year update!

Funny how I always end up back here around the anniversary of our move to Australia. I still find myself getting very emotional as each anniversary approaches, still questioning whether I did the right thing. Life sure has changed in these 12 years - the majority of which is positive but it'd be wrong to say there have been no negatives. Maybe it's a byproduct of getting old and sentimental?

Quick run down for those that don't remember me....I migrated as a single mum, with my 2 youngest children (then aged 12 & 14). My eldest was at University in UK and was to join us once he graduated. We moved to Australind, in the SW of WA and I very quickly found work as a Chef (skilled visa). The kids settled in to school. I bought a house (i'll die with a mortgage but at least it's a base!).
My eldest fell in love at Uni, decided not to come to Australia (devastated but can't stand in the way of love hey lol). 4 years later with the global financial crisis hitting in UK, he and his now fiance decided to follow us to Australia both securing good jobs. They are now married and have a 2 1/2 little boy and week old baby girl. Being a grandmother is the best feeling in the world.
Middle child graduated high school and completed her Teaching degree. She's now working as a primary school teacher and loving it. She's got the thirst for travel (bit like her mother lol), and don't think it'll be long before she's off exploring again.
Youngest child has recently discharged from the Australian Army after 5 years service. I swear I aged 10 years whilst he was in Afghanistan but he's home safe and sound now training almost complete for his new job. He now has a beautiful fiance, with wedding in January 2020.
After spending so many years living apart, I now have all my kids within a 10 minute drive. It's fantastic.
So why then do I still wonder if I made the right decision? All I have ever wanted is for my kids to be settled and happy and there is not one single doubt that they are, but there is still a part of me that wonders if I was so selfish, following my own dreams to move out here that I trampled over everyone else. The kids (and I), have maintained an excellent relationship with their dad (who stayed in the UK). He visits with his new wife, and we all get along very well. But he's missing out on the kids/grandkids.
My relationship with my mother is pretty much destroyed beyond repair. We were never really close when I was growing up, but she doted on my kids (as I now dote on my own grand kids) and she was devastated when we moved to Australia. She has been to visit a few times but she chooses not to stay with me (my druggie brother that lives in Perth has a bigger house and moved many years before me with no kids so escaped the guilt trip). I used to bend over backwards trying to rebuild bridges but finally earlier this year I decided enough is enough. There have been times I really needed to hear my Mums voice of support over these last 12 years but she is just not able to move past her hurt and for my own sanity I need to accept that and move on best I can.
I think this whole migration malarky creates so many feelings of guilt. At least it has for me. Guilty at taking the kids away from their relatives and personal guilt at not having been around when people in the UK needed me. A couple of close friends, partners have passed away in the time I have been here and I was not able to be there to provide the physical support. There's only so much you can do via Facetime, non of which replaces the good old fashioned hug. I miss my best friends. I have friends, it's just not the same. Last year I decided to get fit, joined the gym, joined the local Dragonboat club and began running. It's proving a good way to meet new people and obviously benefits the body and brain.

Overall - would I do it again? Probably not in the current economic climate but I don't regret following my dreams 12 years ago. The kids are settled, happy and tell me they are glad I made that choice. Financially I am FAR from wealthy but I've never been overdrawn in my bank account since being here, it's come down to the final couple of cents on a couple of occasions but totally different story to life in UK - maybe it's the fortnightly pay days that help. My home here is much more than I could ever have achieved in the UK and my kids are able to afford houses of their own, (something so many of their UK friends can never envisage at such a young age). Work wise, I have a good job which pays me well. I have never worked so hard in my life, but I'm lucky to be in the position I am. I do worry about my older aged years. My Super isn't going to be enough to live on, and my UK pension, if anything at all, will only cover a loaf of bread a week.

Would I recommend someone else do it? I think if you have made the decision that you want to emigrate, whether it is to Australia or any where else in the world, no one is going to change your mind. All you can do is gather as much information from as many different sources as possible then hold on really tight and try to enjoy the ride. It will be bumpy, and there will be times you question your decision, your sanity and your ability to keep going but ultimately if you want it bad enough you will make it happen!

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Old Nov 30th 2019, 12:22 am
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Smile Re: Daunted (in name only now) - 12 year update!

Originally Posted by daunted View Post
So why then do I still wonder if I made the right decision? All I have ever wanted is for my kids to be settled and happy and there is not one single doubt that they are, but there is still a part of me that wonders if I was so selfish, following my own dreams to move out here that I trampled over everyone else.
Hello

I find it interesting that you are still wondering after 12 years.

Your decision was in the past. It should stay in the past and not impact on the future.

You have done it and cannot change it now - so why spend precious time worrying or wondering about it

If you have a dream, and you follow through on it, and you (and your kids) are happy........how is that selfish?

I would actually consider others selfish for trying to hold you back from your dream.

You cannot live your life to suit others. Live your own life, and let others live theirs.

I would bet you money, that if you moved back to the UK solely to please other people, that you will eventually grow resentful of your sacrifice

It is not like you are living on the moon, it is only a 24 hour plane trip to visit the UK, and flights are pretty cheap.

Anyway they are my thoughts - do with them what you will

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