Tootsfromscotland

So here I am again I don't know why I come and go on this forum because I enjoy reading all the threads but anyways...I'm feeling the need to touch base with my fellow expats

So here is my current tale of woe..and my god we only have ourselves to blame!
Having moved from Scotland to Florida in 2010 with my then 10 and 14 year old daughters and after sooooo many stresses and headaches , trials and tribulations of making sure the kids were okay and coping with finally settling there, all was going peachy ! Green cards finally sorted- check. Youngest settling in and doing well at school , going through the middle school years and having a good first year at high school- check. Eldest daughter successfully through high school and an early college program gaining an associate degree as well as her high school diploma, and starting her first year at university with scholarships - check. House purchased with pool ( of course! It's Florida!)- check. Good friends, great social life, promotions and successful careers making more money than we could ever dream of- check .
Husband accepts job in Colorado... What the heck???? So here we are, starting all over again !!!
We've been here 3 months now and yes it's beautiful, and yes the climate is amazing . But oh my gosh I'm so tired! My eldest ( now 19), decided she didn't want to stay in Florida on her own at Uni, and would rather move with us to CO, take a gap year and apply to the university here in CO to finish her degree. Hopefully she'll transfer in without difficulty and we haven't screwed her education and future career prospects up too much.
My youngest ( now 15) , is really struggling with this most recent move , and I can't say I blame her She's trying hard bless her, but I still get daily texts from her asking to go back to Scotland or even to Florida . She's decided to go to homecoming though , join the swimming team at her new school, and just yesterday secured her first job, so I'm keeping everything crossed that she'll be okay and that we've not screwed her up completely!
I've had to defer starting in my new job ( twice!!.. I'm just lucky my new employer is very understanding!) to help my youngest try to settle in.
We are back to renting, feel like " Billy no-mates", and I find myself this morning thinking " what the hell were we thinking to even leave Scotland in the first place??" It appears we are gluttons for punishment.

My biggest concern right now is trying to make sure my girls are okay . It's a daily struggle right now , we are feeling like bad parents who are potentially balsing everything up for them simply to fulfill our own desires, I find myself looking at Facebook , looking at my friends profiles and how well their kids are doing , how well adjusted they all seem to be, how nice, normal and stable life is back home.

I know I'm going through the " moving blues" again because we are in essence, starting yet again from scratch with moving to a different state. Straight after I post this, I'm going to go get my big girl pants on, stop wallowing , and get back into my ( Normally) positive mindset of " everything's an adventure with lots of opportunity" blah blah blah.

I'd love to hear from others who have moved state to state and survived to tell the tale !

rbackhouse

I hope the job your husband took isn't looking after this place in the winter

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Stanley_Hotel

Tootsfromscotland

Lol Actually we are only 35 miles from there it's a very beautiful place, I'm half considering staying there for Halloween weekend, just for thrills and spills

rbackhouse

I lived in Colorado Spring for a while so littler further away from Estes Park than you. I loved Colorado. Would move back in a heartbeat.

Tootsfromscotland

We are certainly enjoying the differences in the way of life here in comparison to Florida, just need to get through these first few horrible transition months, then hopefully we'll appreciate what we actually have here

Sheepdip

Potentially doing this as I've accepted a new job in Texas, although I'll be commuting for the first few months ( ). Luckily for us, our kids are older but our daughter does has a local boyfriend which is complicating things a little.

petitefrancaise

Cultural shock books recommend a trip back "home" after 6 months. Not before because it'll delay settling into new place but it's close enough that it gives you something to look forward to. Why don't you sort out flights back to Florida for your daughter's spring break so she can see her old mates?

We've moved our kids 2x now. At least they didn't have to learn a new language this time.....

scrubbedexpat097

Facebook is like reality TV....90% of it is NOT reality at all. The 10% you don't see is the everyday life and struggles everyone goes through. Don't kick yourself when you're down.

Making decisions to better your life are your decisions. Try staying positive about the move and it may rub off on your daughters.

Good luck

kodokan

Sympathies here, having just done a state-to-state move ourselves (AZ to OH), with kids of 11 and 15.

Moving has been a constant for the kids, mostly because of their parents' low boredom threshold. There were a bunch of moves in the UK that they don't really remember, so for them it started at age 4 and 8 when we went to Switzerland, and placed them in the local French-speaking schools. This went surprisingly swimmingly, and they had a great 4 years there.

Still, they didn't mind that at 8 and 12, we came to the US. They had some US friends in Switzerland, so knew what the kids might be like, and the older one especially was keen to get into English-speaking school for his secondary education as he's not a natural linguist and his French was going to hamper his true potential.

Arizona wasn't our first choice of place - climate, political leanings, distance from Europe for family contact - but we'd built a nice life there. The kids were doing well in school and had good friends, my son and I were about 6-9 months off getting our black belts in karate, we'd taken up camping as a family activity and regularly went with a great group of other families.

And then last December, the redundancy happened. We were on GCs so no visa issues, but hubby's job is of the level that he was unlikely to find something equivalent locally, and had to look nationally. We put the house up for sale, and explained to the kids we were 'probably' moving to 'probably' thousands of miles away.

So now we find ourselves in Ohio. We managed to get here a week before school started so the kids were in from Day One, which helped. My sophomore is continuing his effortless swathe through academic life, churning out straight As and a GPA of 4.something. But he's still sitting alone at lunch, reading (in fairness, he quite likes the self-image of intellectually aloof loner, so doesn't mind nearly as much as other kids might). He matter-of-factly comments on how he's expecting this first year to be pretty much friendless, while he finds his place and his group, and my heart pangs for his stoicism.

My 6th grader discovered that she wouldn't be doing the final year of elementary, as in AZ with its 7-8 grade middle school, but would in fact be starting middle school next week for 6th grade. In a new school, getting used to a different teacher for each class, and the personal organization challenge of lockers and extensive homework. With no friends. Surprise! She's coping well and has settled in with the other kids, but hasn't yet found a best friend or a tight group. She Skypes her friends back in AZ almost daily, and somewhat wallows in self-inflicted melodrama

In the long run, I think this will be a good move. The area is fabulous - we've just bought a house in a beautifully leafy suburb that looks like England, with masses of gorgeous trees. The kids are close enough to walk to their schools and, if they want to, to shops and restaurants about 20-30 mins away, so dating is opening up for my son as a possibility without having to get the Mum Taxi to embarrassingly drive him somewhere. Hubby's new job is good, and his office is 4 miles from our house. The schools and universities are better here, where education and teachers are clearly more valued. It's a great 4-season climate, with just enough snow to be exciting but not over tedious. The people we've met seem much more like our sort of people (we showed the kids The Stepford Wives the other day, and they fell about hooting at how it was JUST like our old neighborhood!).

But at the moment... it's a bit of a slog. In previous moves, I've always enjoyed the newness of the first year. Now for some reason I want to fast forward through that, and get to the settled bit again. I want the kids to have found their place and be happy; I want to find some friends myself and be the other side of the worrying 'how am I going to meet people myself this time round, when the kids are too old for a school gate/ extracurricular activities connection?' I want my old friend in AZ back, the one I went camping with, whose kids were the right ages for mine and whose husband was great friends with mine. I don't want to spend months explaining my life story, again, and being the novelty foreign stranger, again. I want to feel like I belong.

For the first time, the task of building a new life seems a burden rather than an exciting challenge At least for today - like you, I'll snap out of it soon. I'll finish unpacking all the boxes, do the most urgent decorating tasks, find a new favorite supermarket/ hairdresser/ dentist/ doctor; join the library; cast about for a volunteering opportunity; sign up for a community college class; join an exercise class, a book group... I know from experience that in 12-18 months, I'll have a life again. But right now, it feels like a looooong 12-18 months.

Tootsfromscotland

Apparently she has a couple of her friends from Florida visiting us for thanksgiving week but that might just be teens doing the the wishful thinking thing I've promised that they can both have an extended holiday in Scotland next summer staying with grandparents and so they'll have lots of time with their Scottish chums, so that has gone down a treat .

I can't imagine moving to a country and having to learn a different language urgh!

Tootsfromscotland

That is very true about Facebook , and I already know in the dark recesses of my mind that what I am viewing is glossy surface images of the lives of others . I mean friends from home looking on MY profile think I have this amazingly exciting life because of all the " look where we are now " photos I post And don't get me wrong, we do some great things and have lots of fun times, but right now , after the initial obligatory posting of pictures of " hey look at us , we're in the Rocky Mountains" , I can't bring myself to bother right now when feeling a bit fed up and out of sorts

I do keep a positive mindset around my daughters though

Tootsfromscotland

Oh my gosh you have managed to completely encapsulate my own feelings and challenges to a "T"

It sounds like your kids are doing a great job with settling in and being very matter of fact about the realities of the move. My eldest managed to get a transfer working in the local Walgreens and has just recently started to be trained in the pharmacy section. She's also just signed up to volunteer in the Animal Rescue centre nearby . She's struggling to find kids her own age to " hang out" with and she's beginning to regret taking a gap year academically as not being at University is limiting her opportunities for meeting others. I did half consider just paying the out of state tuition fee's we would need to pay ( because the one year state residency requirement in order to qualify for instate tuition rule means we would have to pay the out of state tuition rate ) , but then I found out just how much that would actually cost!! Fingers crossed her latest ventures will help her settle. She really didn't enjoy living in Florida, hated the heat, the culture, the mindset and political leanings, the beach lifestyle etc and has always maintained she would move to another State , but even she is having wobbles right now and is missing the comforting stability of routine, familiar environment and of friends that she had made in Florida.

My 15 year old sophomore's life back in Florida revolved around her friends, pool parties, the beach etc etc and she was very angry about moving again but she does say that having a circle of friends is what she's missing the most and once she has an established social circle again, she will likely enjoy living here in Colorado rather than Florida. There's a good chance though that she'll possibly end up back in Scotland when she's old enough as she feels that will always be her home. Like your daughter, she is on her iPad messaging/ face timing her friends in Florida and in Scotland daily. She's trying hard though to put herself out there again , and apparently we have a few teens all getting ready at our house next Friday for homecoming. I've " not to get too excited mum" that she's " making friends now and therefore it's all tickety boo" because "it's not"! " these people are just acquaintances that will do for now, until some good close friends come along". She's excited about managing to get a wee part time job in the nearby Chic- fil- a as she's wanted to get a job for a long time . There's a lot of youngsters working there so fingers crossed that will open up new social opportunities for her . ( the fact that she's a self inflicted Vegan seems to have slipped her mind for now !)

There is no doubt that Colorado is an amazing state and the climate is damn near close to perfection . I am loving the colour changes of Autumn and we all had a great time buying boots and cozy jackets at the weekend in preparation for the winter. We are much closer to the West Coast so we now have many more States to visit and lots more to discover and we intend to use our RV to do just that ! ( we love camping as a family , like you

I start work on Monday so that is always helpful for me . Now if only I could find a hairdresser that I am going to like and trust as much as my last one in Florida because right now I'm putting off a haircut and my hair is a disgrace!!

Roll on the day I can find my way back home again without GPS, can go into the supermarket again knowing exactly which aisle I need to go to and which brand of bread I need to buy that doesn't taste like it's been sugar coated, and I can have a conversation with someone without wondering if they'll be my new best friend! It would also be helpful if our Florida friends would stop tagging us in pictures of beach parties saying " Wish you were here !"

kodokan

Oh yes, right back at ya! Down to the over-reliance on GPS to go shopping (but I can get to the kids' schools now), and the 'isn't it fun to go shopping for winter clothes!' (get back to me when it's zero degrees... Fahrenheit...) and the trying-so-hard-not-to-be-so-elementary-playground feeling of 'ooh, will you be my new best friend? Aw, go on...' And, fortunately, down to the feeling that yes, our new area will actually suit us all better, once we're settled in.

We can be adjustment buddies and jolly each other along

Tootsfromscotland

Sounds like a plan and so with this newly re-established positivity, I've just gone and ordered a new sectional sofa for the basement. It's such a novelty having a basement! I told my youngest that we would make it into a space that she could use for sleepovers etc ...her response of course was " yeah that's great mum, for all those friends I don't have!"

Oh btw, I TOTALLY hear yah in regards " that age " where we are in part reliant on our kids helping us to find friends etc . I am unfortunately no longer of that age where that's going to be successful with my girls being 19 and 15 � ����

Onwards and upwards, battling on....

Cardienscarf

Haven't read this entire thread but wanted to let you know that there is a large expat group in Boulder - the Boulder Brits Club - who meet once a month for fish and chips and once a month for curry, as well as other activities in between. If you join the Facebook group, you'll get the invites.

I lived in Boulder for 22 years. Like anywhere it has its up and down sides but at least there's always a beautiful view and plenty of sunshine.