michmel

Hi there all,

I came to US with my husband and 2 young children 3 1/2 years ago and from the beginning wasn't impressed but as we'd gotten the green card through the diversity lottery, we didn't want to loose an opportunity to experience living in the US (husband is Turkish so we qualified for diversity lottery), tried my hardest to settle and meet people and make the most of it hoping to finally like it here. Well after all this time we finally came to the decision about 6 months ago to plan on going back to UK probably in Summer 09 (have to save some dosh first) as we just can't settle here and now believe it's not our future here.

It seems nowadays, I keep meeting fellow Brits who llive here and ove it here and think we are mad to go back to UK. It seems to be happening more and more lately and my mind is completely messed up. We went out last night to a St Patty's party and spoke with several people from England and they seem to love it and don't know what I'm going on about. Am I going nuts????

The reasoning behind our decision is because i.e. v. expensive and corrupt health care system, work ethic (all work and no play ethic), expensive education for kids, working till we are v. old, american culture etc.

We weighed up what is more important to us and we felt that UK could give us a more secure future, the only down side to UK for us is the weather for us now as we now have more appreciation of the NHS system or private system in UK compared to here (even private health in UK is cheap compare to health system here) and overly inflated college costs here etc.

When I talk with some of these fellow brits they don't seem to worry about these things and confirm that they don't even think about the future just enjoying the now. We are too, but we also want to have a good future and don't want to struggle just to be in the sunshine.

Is anybody else on here going through a similiar thing at the moment or am I going nuts and taking life too seriously.

Be nice to hear other peoples similiar experiences.

Byee, Michmel.

simongb

If you don't like it in the US, you don't like it. It's that simple. It doesn't matter what other people think or say. If you want to go back, go back and be happy. Everyone is different. Good luck with your move!

dunroving

Can you apply for USC from a diversity lottery GC? If so, you might want to trawl through all the threads on ping-pong Poms before you give up the opportunity to return to the US if you don't like it back at home. Your thread makes it sound like you are very unsure, or I wouldn't be suggesting this.

MademoiselleMtl

It truly does not matter if they like it and you don't though I can understand questioning yourself because I initially did the same.

We are all individuals, coming from different backgrounds, different circumstances etc...

You do not like living in the States for solid reasons and all the trying in the world may never change that.

It can be very disappointing when you want something to work but it doesn't, no matter how hard you try, no matter your best intentions but it is what it is and I guess that is all you have to accept. (I should accept this truth as my own and I am trying to do so)

All the best to you and your husband!

englishrose

if its not for you ,then its not for you.And dont believe all those people who say they love it where they are,sometimes they are just too scared to say otherwise at it would involve upheaval again.
Dont worry about the the weather here,its not THAT bad !! Plus it's what makes our country so lush.I agree about having a better attitude towards the NHS,thats us after being in canada for 16mths.You cant beat it.

Marmalade

It's true. A lot of people say they love where they live here in the US as they don't want to open a can of worms and have to explain themselves. I remember saying this many times to people, but really didn't mean it. Just said it to keep others' comments at bay

TruBrit

hiya, don't worry, you are not alone. i've been here six yrs with plans to return home to the uk. do remember a lot of it depends what lifestyle peeps have left behind in the uk. i remember talking to some scottish ladies here, they simply loved living in the usa because in the uk they had to work for financial reason however they were not eligible to work here and they loved being home all the time. also the size of property/weather and material things matter to some peeps over families, friends etc and so we are all different.

TruBrit

not bad, it's wonderful compared to the serious tornadoes/hurricanes/fault lines/snow/heat in this country

michmel

Thanks so much for this advice, it really helps. Yes, it's not for the want of trying, we have tried so hard but something just doesn't click for us here.

Michmel.

brits1

I have the same here in Perth W.A, we seem to be e only people this side of the river (south) who don't seem to feel like we belong here......nearly 10 years and after these last 3 years we have decided enough is enough and off home we go....I did think I must be the heading for the "looney bin" at one time as I was always being told we were mad to even think about going home but thank the gods I found this site and it has been just the best help ever.

Good luck and we have come to the conclusion its about where "you" are happiest.....not others....not easy I know when you keep hearing doom and gloom about "home" but I think we all know deep down what we need out of life....just wish it was a bit easier and not so stressful to find out...
All the best and "you are not alone"!!!!

TaraC

Nothing wrong with you. I was there for more than 20 years and the only one of my family not to fit in, no matter how I tried. I always looked to others as though I had assimilated, pretty much lost the English accent, had the good job, bought a house, married a great guy, good friends, etc etc., but I'm now back home waiting for US hubby to join me, living in a flat and loving it. My sister has never been back to the UK and has no desire to. My mum and dad loved it. Me? I'm a Brit, and that's just the way it is. Sometimes it just doesn't click. So, don't worry about anyone else (I get the "what the heck are you thinking?" all the time) and just do what you think is right.

Wish you luck.

Elvira

What you said.

It's possible to be quite sane and yet prefer the UK.

drhewitt

Michmel,

I agree with you - I've lived in New Jersey for nearly 7 years. I've had 1 weeks paid vacation. I pay $750 a month for family health care. I feel like I have to beg for a day off.

I guess it depends on your situation and what you want. The US economy is crashing badly and I have to admit I think I'd be safer in the UK.

We are moving back in a few months as soon as we get the pet passport thingy sorted out.

I love the US, but it's not for me - not longterm anyway.

Daniel

snowbunny

Yes.

Five years from date of entry to the US on the DV GC, less 90 days. With the current backlog, though, it can take a year or more to process the N-400. I'd still do it, though.

And no one has to give an excuse for liking one thing over another: it's YOU and it's YOUR LIFE.

wordfool

It took me about a year after moving to California to get over the depression associated with cultural issues (everything from crap TV and different/no humor to fat, pushy people) and to finally feel like I belonged in some way. It was probably easier for me... no kids, no partner... but I think you have to give it time.

Despite the common language, the US and UK have utterly different cultures rooted in their unique histories (different for almost every US state, as well) so assimilation is never going to be as quick and easy as expected. What helped me to cope was to revel in my uniqueness and play up my Britishness while I built and developed my "tribe" of friends and colleagues who I felt better understood who I was and where I was coming from, culturally (those people were generally better educated and better-travelled). I also traveled back to the UK about four times a year for my "fix".

Many aspects of American culture still annoy the pants off me, but then so do many aspects of British culture. I guess you just deal and find your niche.