Re: Suicide !!
 

So sorry for your loss. Being a funeral director, I have come across this far too many times over the years and you would be surprised how many people decide to end their life this way, with no outwardly obvious signs. I also lost a very dear colleague the same way, and none of us saw it coming, no obvious signs he was not happy in his life, 2 small children. It is devastating to everyone concerned, and it's perfectly natural to feel angry, guilty, shocked. Sometimes we never quite know what's going on in another persons personal, financial or emotional life, so as much as the shock of it has hit you just now, please don't feel guilty or angry. Enjoy the memories of the life you had together as friends when he was alive and go through the grieving process as it is totally normal even though it can sometimes be a struggle to deal with it, it will eventually let you move on. Sorry if I'm rambling, but I hope that maybe some of the posts on here have helped you, even just a wee bit :)

Re: Suicide !!
 

I certainly was not saying those on the forum are useless, merely that many of us are not as qualified to help him deal with a suicide as, say, a therapist would be. I wasn't telling him not to post in the forum about this, I just said that finding a local support group might be able to help him even more.

Re: Suicide !!
 

:(:(I experienced the news of two suicides in 2010 one my sons fiance in the U.K and the other a friend residing in NC. My sons fiance left behind 3 boys at that time 13, 7 and 22 months old, I still have days that I wonder WHY!! and my son who has custody of the 7 and 22month old now has been thrown into loneliness without his partner, and also sole responsibility of raising the 2 boy's, its a very cruel way to leave loved ones when there are organisations in place to help with the feelings of despair. The eldest boy now lives with his father, her choices have also torn brothers apart.

Re: Suicide !!
 

Most people are reticent to disclose painful situations to groups of strangers in meeting halls. This is neither good nor bad - just true. For all that we hear about therapy, counseling, and support groups, most people simply soldier on through by themselves without any help at all. To tell him this probably isn't the best place for him to find help is basically shutting down what is most likely the only attempt he'll make at reaching out to others. This may actually be the best place for him to talk about it because it is quite likely the only place he'll ever make the attempt.

Re: Suicide !!
 

Again, I never said NOT to post here, I just made the suggestion of also going to a support group. And, unless you know the poster, I'm not sure how you know that this is the only attempt he will make to talk about it. Actually, he said that he has friends he can talk about it with as well, which is wonderful for him. So clearly this is not the only forum with which he can share his feelings. This can be a great, supportive community (usually), and I was is no way trying to discourage the poster from sharing his feelings about this on BE. Sorry for any confusion!

Re: Suicide !!
 

Thank you. The truth is, I live in quite a remote area with very few social services, so any type of counselling would involve quite a drive. However I am part of a very tight and supportive community and I will be fine, I posted at a weak moment, ( I think I need a breathalyser on my computer :) ).

Thanks for all your support, it really does make a difference !:fingerscrossed:

Re: Suicide !!
 

Suicide is generally hugely distressing for the people left behind, particularly in the case of the only suicide victim I've known personally: He did it by dousing himself in petrol, locking himself in his car, and then striking a match. Outside the family home. His teenage son needed hospital treatment for burns (and serious counselling, I'd imagine) after trying to rescue him.

Re: Suicide !!
 

That sounds like an excellent idea...invent one and I'll be first in line to buy!

Re: Suicide !!
 

I know you meant well ! Thanks....

Re: Suicide !!
 

I'm going to invent one for the telephone first....:)

Re: Suicide !!
 

I'm not attacking you. I am taking the opportunity to express how people in pain are often too embarrassed to seek help. Also, conversations with people who show compassion and empathy is curative whether found in an organized support group format or spontaneous conversations with friends and acquaintances.

Re: Suicide !!
 

Children of parents who commit suicide are at a much higher risk of committing suicide themselves. The younger the child is when it happens the higher the occurence rate. So, a teenager son is at a much higher risk than the adult child of a person who commits suicide. The suicide of a family member is difficult (if not impossible) for most people to recover from completely.

Re: Suicide !!
 

Good lord ! well that puts things in perspective.

You try to put yourself in their frame of mind, but it's just impossible......

Re: Suicide !!
 

My wife's nephew took his own life a year ago. I remember the main point that the family minister made to start and then repeated several times: "It is not your fault" followed by "There is nothing you could have done." I discussed this with a therapist friend and he said that that is one of biggest downers in his profession -- and in addition to the above, they have to say to themselves and colleagues "We did all that we could."

Also, it is normal to be angry at close friends and relatives who die -- my brother had a fatal stroke seven years ago and we are still angry with him for pulling that stunt on us. [BTW, the last sentence is not a joke].

Re: Suicide !!
 

I'm sure it was quite a shock to you. I definitely wouldn't get into the mindset of wondering if there is something you could have done to prevent it ... because there just isn't.