mum2mom23

Hi all,

Is it unreasonable to be worried about the sense of humour differences between the US and UK? I’ve got a very dry sense of humour, and I am being told my friends that people in the US just won’t get it. I’m worried it will make me feel more alienated than normal. We are moving to NY/Connecticut so I wonder if the East Coast and bigger cities are a bit more similar to us here.

Does anyone have experiences they can share?

Thanks!

Nutmegger

Unreasonable? Yes. Stop worrying about nothing!

Jack_Russells4ever

You have nothing to worry about. You will be fine.

RICH

Lots of people have a dry sense of humour. I am not sure what other type there is. Phnaar!

robin1234

Years ago I went to a party with a lesbian friend, she introduced me to a woman who was the women’s rugby coach at the university where we all worked. We all had a few drinks under the belt by this time of night. With a totally straight face, I said something like, “ What? Girls play rugby in America? “ Coach lady walked away totally disgusted. I asked my friend, “didn’t she get that I was just joking?”

Err, no.

Lion in Winter

The US is huge, and contains multitudes in terms of its sense of humour. Yes, overall it is different from the UK because the culture is different, but you will also find that different parts of the US are culturally quite different one from the other. I was always pretty well understood in New York City. Small town in the mid west, not so much.

As for feeling alienated - if you are living in another country, there is always adjusting that has to be done. The biggest mistake is to take the US as a sort of "UK gone wrong", just because we all speak primarily English. You are traveling to another country and culture, and if you expect things to be different and view it in the same spirit of adventure as if you were going to France, or Japan, or Mexico, you will probably find it a lot easier.

excpomea

That sums it up very nicely.
23 years on and I'm still putting my foot in it. Mostly my friends understand. I have to watch myself around total strangers.

Lion in Winter

And as arrivals in a new culture, we have to be careful not to unintentionally give offense, or simply be ineffective, and not just in terms of sense of humour, either. Sometimes I failed to communicate effectively at work, for example, or get what I wanted/needed from my colleagues or boss due to my not having sufficiently learned how to operate in a US workplace. This isn't because anyone is doing anything wrong, but just because we are different. It's very, very easy to underestimate how different Americans are from the British.

christmasoompa

Your husband is American, so presumably he gets your sense of humour? What about his friends/family? If they're fine with it and you've not alienated half of your in-laws, I think you're worrying unnecessarily tbh.

mum2mom23

He grew up in America (from age 2) but had British parents, so he has always been able to understand both. I haven't spent much time with his American friends, but have probably been more reserved around them than I would have if we lived closer and saw them more often.

Great to hear that it's not anything to worry about, but I am prone to putting my foot in it so still a bit nervous about being the weird expat!

Lion in Winter

Don't worry about it. You will be able to get a lot of mileage out of sounding British. It all balances out

Nutmegger

Has every single British person you've come across in your life understood you perfectly? If so, you've been luckier than me! Some people "get" you, some people don't -- whatever country you are in -- whether we're talking about humor or just daily life. There's no need to stress about it. And there is so much British TV (comedy and otherwise) available over here now, that I think that has helped to broaden people's grasp of British vernacular. Over forty years ago I told a friend in NYC that I had been "really pissed" the night before. She took this to mean that I had been furious with someone, not having heard the other usage! To this day, she jokes about that language conflict.

Rete

What's ironic about that is my Canadian husband considers 'pissed' to be drunk while in the US it means to be angry. 25 years ago before we were married, we were talking on the phone and I said yesterday I was pissed and he wanted to know who I was with when I got wasted.

Pulaski

I think it has more to do with your social circle/ aquaintances/ type of work you do. What one group would find amusing, others would be shocked/ horrified by - I wouldn't need to do any more than visit several neighbours within walking distance of my home that I could amuse and shock different neighbours by saying the same thing, yet I can remain friendly with people with different perspectives. In other words if you work in social services department you probably aren't going to get the the same response to a "light-hearted quip" that would get laughs the police station. The same may be true (balance of probabilities) if you live in an urban apartment complex or in a gated community of McMansions. But that is going to be as true in California as it is in Texas, or anywhere else. Conversely I am consistently intrigued by people, especially colleagues and neighbours, who assume they know my politics, and are prepared to make partisan political statements that they clearly assume I would be enthusistically agreeing with.  Either way, know your audience! 

PetrifiedExPat

Making fun of Americans with quick wit and dry humor whilst they do not realize can be an entertaining hobby. Embrace it!