Raising boys in Quebec
Oct 22nd 2010, 2:40 am
#1
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Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Montreal
Posts: 16
Raising boys in Quebec
Hello to everyone!
Been living in Montreal for almost 2 years now. Since our arrival just about everything has gone wrong. We purchased a house which we discovered was infested with ants and damp and although we are pursuing the seller (very slow slow progress) we now have 2 mortgages.
We have 3 boys. Our eldest (15) is doing reasonably well but the other two (twins age 11) are struggling in school. They are in the English school board system as we are on a 3yr work permit but their school is bilingual so the days are divided up 50/50. The trouble is, they struggle to learn in English let alone the French language. One of the boys has been diagnosed A.D.D. and is on medication at a cost of $90 a month which we have to pay ourselves.
After editing and translating yet another school project which is due in tomorrow I find myself wondering...Have I failed my boys?? Have I made a huge mistake bringing them here and expecting them to learn a second language when they were already finding it hard in their mother tongue?
The financial situation is getting tighter and tighter and Christmas is just around the corner. It is increasingly difficult to keep up with the constant bills and taxes and fees for this and that and school just keep asking for more and more with hot lunch programmes, trumpet lessons, fundraisers etc etc.
So my question? Is it time to admit defeat, to realise that it has all been a very costly mistake? To return to the UK and give my boys the full time education in English that they can cope with?
I keep doing deals with myself, If we can just get this, if we can just pay that, wait until after the Summer, wait until the litigation on the house is settled...it goes on and on and I feel now I have to make a decision for all of us before it's too late.
Any advice would be much appreciated, especially from anyone who has children with learning difficulties, and more importantly who lives in Quebec.
I know it's my decision but would really welcome others' opinions.
Thank you!
Been living in Montreal for almost 2 years now. Since our arrival just about everything has gone wrong. We purchased a house which we discovered was infested with ants and damp and although we are pursuing the seller (very slow slow progress) we now have 2 mortgages.
We have 3 boys. Our eldest (15) is doing reasonably well but the other two (twins age 11) are struggling in school. They are in the English school board system as we are on a 3yr work permit but their school is bilingual so the days are divided up 50/50. The trouble is, they struggle to learn in English let alone the French language. One of the boys has been diagnosed A.D.D. and is on medication at a cost of $90 a month which we have to pay ourselves.
After editing and translating yet another school project which is due in tomorrow I find myself wondering...Have I failed my boys?? Have I made a huge mistake bringing them here and expecting them to learn a second language when they were already finding it hard in their mother tongue?
The financial situation is getting tighter and tighter and Christmas is just around the corner. It is increasingly difficult to keep up with the constant bills and taxes and fees for this and that and school just keep asking for more and more with hot lunch programmes, trumpet lessons, fundraisers etc etc.
So my question? Is it time to admit defeat, to realise that it has all been a very costly mistake? To return to the UK and give my boys the full time education in English that they can cope with?
I keep doing deals with myself, If we can just get this, if we can just pay that, wait until after the Summer, wait until the litigation on the house is settled...it goes on and on and I feel now I have to make a decision for all of us before it's too late.
Any advice would be much appreciated, especially from anyone who has children with learning difficulties, and more importantly who lives in Quebec.
I know it's my decision but would really welcome others' opinions.
Thank you!
Oct 22nd 2010, 4:35 pm
#2
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Upstate South Carolina
Posts: 30,768
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
Why did you go in the first place?
The majority of the rest of Canada operates in English.. maybe you should explore that option too, probably cheaper than returning to the UK, and its a huge and varied country. Either way disposing of the house is going to be a problem unless its totally fixed up and given a clean bill of health.
Did you get an inspection or survey done when you bought it (not that you have any legal recourse against a cowboy inspector I suspect)
French immersion (which is essentially what your kids are doing by Ontario standards) is not for everyone, it can be hard work, and ADD and strugling in English are not a good starting point.
No point fretting about whats done, its what you decide to do next that matters.
The majority of the rest of Canada operates in English.. maybe you should explore that option too, probably cheaper than returning to the UK, and its a huge and varied country. Either way disposing of the house is going to be a problem unless its totally fixed up and given a clean bill of health.
Did you get an inspection or survey done when you bought it (not that you have any legal recourse against a cowboy inspector I suspect)
French immersion (which is essentially what your kids are doing by Ontario standards) is not for everyone, it can be hard work, and ADD and strugling in English are not a good starting point.
No point fretting about whats done, its what you decide to do next that matters.
Oct 23rd 2010, 12:43 pm
#3
Just hanging around
Joined: May 2008
Location: Back in England
Posts: 1,447
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
We spent a brief time in Quebec. We got our oldest into an English-only school on the grounds of hearing problems. They were marginal, but our doctor was willing to sign the letter. Go to a doctor and see if they'll give you a letter recommending an English-only school. They will still get a bit of French, which is good, but not so much.
If you don't already have an anglophone doctor, get one as they'll likely be more cooperative.
When we were there the law was that if one child was in the English system, all the others could be, too, so as not to split families.
But I also agree with moving. Ottawa's just down the road, and Toronto not that far, plus all the small towns.
But as we came back from Canada, that seems like a good idea, too. For a lot of people it's not all it's cracked up to be and there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "Been here, done this, time to move on."
Bev
If you don't already have an anglophone doctor, get one as they'll likely be more cooperative.
When we were there the law was that if one child was in the English system, all the others could be, too, so as not to split families.
But I also agree with moving. Ottawa's just down the road, and Toronto not that far, plus all the small towns.
But as we came back from Canada, that seems like a good idea, too. For a lot of people it's not all it's cracked up to be and there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying, "Been here, done this, time to move on."
Bev
Oct 23rd 2010, 8:10 pm
#4
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Thread Starter
Joined: Sep 2007
Location: Montreal
Posts: 16
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
Thank you for your suggestions.
Our house is now totally fixed up and we should get most of our money back if we sell. The defects were hidden by the seller who has admitted this and it is just a question of getting around the table now to settle on a figure out of Court.
Why did we come in the first place? Well at the time the boys were doing reasonably well in school in the UK. There were no serious concerns at all until we arrived here in Canada. The boys did receive a lot of help in Grade 5 with IEP's and classroom assistants but this has now ended in Grade 6.
We had one of the twins assessed by a child psychologist and lots of tests done which resulted in our doctor prescribing him the medication for ADD (which by the way has made no difference at all). We are back at the doctor's next week to discuss taking him off the medication all together.
We also considered moving over the border into Ontario but that has it's draw backs too.
My Husbands works in Montreal on a 3 yr work permit. We are in the process of extending this for a further 3 yrs to give us time to brush up on our French skills before we apply for PR. So he cannot take another job elsewhere without going through the whole process again, find a job, LMO, work permit etc etc.
Living over the border would mean a long commute each day for him and we could not afford an apartment for him in the City as well as a family home.
I am definately at a cross roads with all this. Some days I am strong and think that Canada has more to offer my family than the UK. Other days I am just so tired of it all and want to put everything back the way it was in the UK. I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place!
If I put it to the vote all my children would rather stay here and take their chances. Perhaps I should start listening to what they want
Our house is now totally fixed up and we should get most of our money back if we sell. The defects were hidden by the seller who has admitted this and it is just a question of getting around the table now to settle on a figure out of Court.
Why did we come in the first place? Well at the time the boys were doing reasonably well in school in the UK. There were no serious concerns at all until we arrived here in Canada. The boys did receive a lot of help in Grade 5 with IEP's and classroom assistants but this has now ended in Grade 6.
We had one of the twins assessed by a child psychologist and lots of tests done which resulted in our doctor prescribing him the medication for ADD (which by the way has made no difference at all). We are back at the doctor's next week to discuss taking him off the medication all together.
We also considered moving over the border into Ontario but that has it's draw backs too.
My Husbands works in Montreal on a 3 yr work permit. We are in the process of extending this for a further 3 yrs to give us time to brush up on our French skills before we apply for PR. So he cannot take another job elsewhere without going through the whole process again, find a job, LMO, work permit etc etc.
Living over the border would mean a long commute each day for him and we could not afford an apartment for him in the City as well as a family home.
I am definately at a cross roads with all this. Some days I am strong and think that Canada has more to offer my family than the UK. Other days I am just so tired of it all and want to put everything back the way it was in the UK. I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place!
If I put it to the vote all my children would rather stay here and take their chances. Perhaps I should start listening to what they want
Oct 23rd 2010, 8:50 pm
#5
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2009
Posts: 120
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
We also considered moving over the border into Ontario but that has it's draw backs too.
My Husbands works in Montreal on a 3 yr work permit. We are in the process of extending this for a further 3 yrs to give us time to brush up on our French skills before we apply for PR. So he cannot take another job elsewhere without going through the whole process again, find a job, LMO, work permit etc etc.
Living over the border would mean a long commute each day for him and we could not afford an apartment for him in the City as well as a family home.
I am definately at a cross roads with all this. Some days I am strong and think that Canada has more to offer my family than the UK. Other days I am just so tired of it all and want to put everything back the way it was in the UK. I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place!
If I put it to the vote all my children would rather stay here and take their chances. Perhaps I should start listening to what they want
My Husbands works in Montreal on a 3 yr work permit. We are in the process of extending this for a further 3 yrs to give us time to brush up on our French skills before we apply for PR. So he cannot take another job elsewhere without going through the whole process again, find a job, LMO, work permit etc etc.
Living over the border would mean a long commute each day for him and we could not afford an apartment for him in the City as well as a family home.
I am definately at a cross roads with all this. Some days I am strong and think that Canada has more to offer my family than the UK. Other days I am just so tired of it all and want to put everything back the way it was in the UK. I am truly stuck between a rock and a hard place!
If I put it to the vote all my children would rather stay here and take their chances. Perhaps I should start listening to what they want
What aspects of Canada do you think has more to offer your family than the UK? I know that trying to remember why you came in the first place is really difficult when you're having a bad day but as Iaink says it might help you focus on what you want for your family and yourself.
We have been here nearly 4 years now and I still have days where I'd gladly get on a plane tomorrow and other days I think it's not so bad after all.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
BTW how does your husband feel about staying/moving back?
Oct 24th 2010, 1:13 am
#6
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2009
Location: Montreal
Posts: 139
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
I am in Montreal and although I don't have children of my own, I worked with an Ex-pat who has a daughter with special educational needs. From what I remember she needed to go through a neurologist who specialised in this area to get the recommendation for English only schooling. She also had various notes faxed over from the UK to support her case too I think...
Definitely go back to your Dr and if you aren't happy with their response, ask for a referral for a second opinion!
If you are interested also, I have heard good things about this clinic (I work as a Nanny for children who go there).
http://www.tinytots.ca/
http://www.examiner.com/early-childh...embership-fees
Definitely go back to your Dr and if you aren't happy with their response, ask for a referral for a second opinion!
If you are interested also, I have heard good things about this clinic (I work as a Nanny for children who go there).
http://www.tinytots.ca/
http://www.examiner.com/early-childh...embership-fees
Oct 24th 2010, 3:25 am
#7
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Oakville,Ontario,canada
Posts: 97
Re: Raising boys in Quebec
Mission impossible, Our son also struggles with the second language and is in a English core school now.We are also on work permits been here 4 yrs now.
Can I ask what school they attend? PM if you dont want to put it here, I might be able to recommend another good school.
Its very difficult to stay when you see your children struggling and not really getting the education you think they deserve.
Many times have we thought to just give up and go back, but i think we owe it to our boys to give it a real chance , plus they absolutely love it here.
Keep strong, good luck PM me if you want a chat
Can I ask what school they attend? PM if you dont want to put it here, I might be able to recommend another good school.
Its very difficult to stay when you see your children struggling and not really getting the education you think they deserve.
Many times have we thought to just give up and go back, but i think we owe it to our boys to give it a real chance , plus they absolutely love it here.
Keep strong, good luck PM me if you want a chat
