Patrick

You know you are English if….

You join a queue (line) for no reason, if there is no queue you may randomly start one

You believe a ‘tut’ is exactly the same as a written complaint to the manager.

Nothing else matters apart from beating Germany at football

You think drinking should be an Olympic event so at least we would win a bloody medal

You once had an empire so you are better than the bloody foreigners

You have a national day (St. George’s Day), you have no idea when it is (23rd April) and you don’t celebrate it. You do go to the pub to celebrate other peoples national days – St Patrick’s Day (Ireland) and 4th of July (USA).

You don’t see the irony in celebrating the 4th of July!

You don’t believe that England is a nation of Hooligans and you will beat the crap out of anyone who says we are.

Beer is the fifth food group.

Dry weather is a dangerous driving condition

Your yearly holiday consists of two weeks in Spain. You get shitfaced before getting on the plane in England and sober up the day after you arrive home with no dip in alcohol to blood level in the two weeks abroad. Your holiday activities are mainly dancing, shagging and abusing foreigners and all on 2 hours of sleep a night. You still go back to work refreshed!

Nothing else matters apart from beating Argentina at football

Dancing or shagging should are never ever, under any circumstances, be attempted sober.

You think the Queen is German and Prince Charles is 100% German even though his Father is Greek.

You believe that the French are the most hated people in Europe.

You wear shorts with no T shirt or a bikini the second the temperature rises above 15 degrees and it isn’t raining.

You think British is best but you drive a German car, watch a Japanese TV, drink Dutch beer, eat Indian food and work for and American company.

A ‘nice cup of tea’ will cure any problem whether it be physical or emotional.

Nothing else matters apart from beating Scotland at football

The combination of the temperature rising above 15 degrees and the rain stopping happens three times a year and you are in Spain for at least one of them.

You think the Daily Mails Xenophobic views are correct and that the French government should do more to keep immigrants out of Britain (not the British government?)

You have never shouted ‘Gawd bless ya’ to any member of the Royal Family

Weekends are like your holidays but shorter and with no travel

You think Will Young and Gareth Gates are talented singers and not the 2nd rate cruise ship entertainers that they obviously are.

You think Albert square would be a pleasant place to live (shut it!)

You won’t have a bad word said about the Monarchy even though you think they should go back to Germany.

And finally you know you are English if…

You mention 1966 at every opportunity

deblubnd

two world wars and one world cup! eric cantona is still the king! i rest my case e.c

sal_whit

I enjoyed the good read!!!... Sad thing is most of that is true!!! Hehehe and I'm British...

stevelisaw

OMG! Hubby is definitely British!! (I'm the American and four years married to Steve even I know what 1966 meant.)

You left out "The Hand Of God"....every Britishman knows what that refers too .....yes? (Makes hubby go into a rant any time you mention this phrase......rofl)

sal_whit

rofl....the goal...

stevelisaw

LOL ...yes! And I got to hear about it yet again when England played Argentina in the World Cup. (Yes we were up early on the mornings England played and US played to watch the matches.) Steve did mention that it wasn't the same not being in a pub having a lager while watching the matches, but instead lying in bed with a coffee.

abba48uk

Flattering huh, Lisa?

robclews

When a Brit joins a line he immediately complains about it.

We moan constantly about the Weather, and rightly so its bloody awful, damn weather, always raining , mumble mumble.

5-1, 5-1, 5-1.

Hooligans don't exist except in Milwall and Cardiff FC grounds.

The French ARE the most hated people in Europe.

The Queen IS German.

The Birdy song is our National Anthem.

If you say anything bad about the Queen, Princess Anne will set the dogs on you.


And oh yessssssssssssssss Eric Cantona certainly is king.

katesuiter1

LOL!!!!! the tea, The Birdy song, the lines, the tut, Albert Square.....LOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!!!! It's all so true!!! Thanks for making me laugh lots!!
Kate. xxxx (LOL!!)

loveabrit

Okay Patrick...help me out here...

1. why is my british fiance' so afraid to drive during any weather condition?

2. Spain? why spain for a vacation???????????

3. Really weekends are like that?

4. Yes, I must agree with you on this... I was in England to watch Pop idol and my fiance' was in the states to watch American Idol...and he said, 'what was I thinking about the british people, when the american's are all kick butt?' and he is a singer himself! hehehe

Anything you like better about America Patrick. Just curious!
Trying to prepare for when my fiance' moves here! Any ideas of what I should buy for him to feel like he is at home? I already got 'Bisto' and 'Cadbury's drinking chocolate'!
Thanks-T.

stevelisaw

Hubby tells me that for a nice, warm and inexpensive holiday Brits will go to Spain. Basically it's a cheap holiday.

Patrick

Thinks I am sending over with my furniture - HP Sauce, PG Tips tea bags, english mustard and midget gems.

Patrick

PS I must be bored, I just finished another one about conferences. I have just started one called your know you are american if...